I can't believe Candles of Vienna caved to commercial pressure and added the Goku expansion.
Types of Board Game [Explained]
Transcript Under the Cut
Types of Board Game
[Under this header text, the comic contains 8 panels. Each of them is labeled at the top with a short description of the board game being played and features (from left to right) Cueball, Ponytail, Megan, and White Hat sitting on chairs around a table trying to play it.]
Boring
Megan: Each turn, roll a die and move your token. Turns proceed clockwise around the table until we get bored and go home.
Abstract
Cueball: Each turn, you can place any number of red triangles or blue squares on a hexagon, or move any hexagon to a...
Hyperspecific Theme
Ponytail: It's October 2, 1814. The Congress of Vienna convenes. You are each in charge of distributing and lighting candles for the opening ball, which was held at these three locations...
Overcomplicated
White Hat: It's a cross between *Twilight Imperium* and *Cones of Dunshire,* but implemented entirely in category theory. Every cone is a monad, and...
Cooperative
Megan: We're working together to sort these decks of cards using only hand gestures. After that, we'll silently organize my junk drawer.
Branded
Cueball: You can play as Phoebe, Chandler, Monica, Rachel, Ross, Joey, or, due to an ill-advised tie-in, Goku.
Party
Ponytail: Each of the cards in your hand has a bad word on it. On the count of three, yell the...
Social Deduction
Megan: Remember, per our *Find the Secret Murderer* house rules from last week, discovering that a player had committed a real-life murder does *not* count.
#I am reminded of the war games following specific battles that can be argued to be real time strategy board games #not because all the pieces move at once; but because the game takes roughly as long to play as the actual battle took (via @faolonfiendrender)
It's practically cliché for tabletop RPGs with detailed mechanics for tactical positioning in combat to shoehorn every other condition that could befall a character into that framework, so you end up with stuff like an infected wound being modelled as a very complicated edge case of falling down. I want to see a game do it the other way 'round. I want to play a game where detailed mechanics for modelling infectious diseases are the starting point, then combat is built atop that, so getting knocked prone is modelled in the rules as a disease with a very rapid progression. I want to play a game where you can get infected with "being on fire".
when u plug a phone into a computer the comupter always charges the phone even if she has less charge than the phone bc the computer thinks that due to her size she always needs to provide for those smaller than her even when it hurts her more than it helps others. btw
Fortuneteller, turning over the Death card: Don't worry. It isn't literal. It simply refers to some form of change.
Me: Phew
Fortuneteller; turning over the Gets Eaten by the Fortuneteller While Trying to Leave card: That can also mean many things
so, dogs are good, right? its practically a truism that dogs are good. and then dogshit is bad. so there's a connection there.
horseshit is false, unreliable, and horses are very reliable. bullshit is also false, but carries an additional implication of trickery, while bulls are extremely straightforward and guileless.
so, with the pattern established... what's up with bats? are they particularly sane? is a bat's view of the world more accurate than ours? much to consider.
It kind of fucks with me that somebody killed ötzi the iceman because ötzi himself is like whatever but the silent presence of human hands that drew back the string of the bow that shot the arrow that killed him is crazy. the idea that there were various people involved in that situation and while one of them has had his last hours painstakingly reconstructed and studied to no end, the others now only exist insofar that an arrowhead had to get into his shoulder somehow. imagine killing someone and then suddenly your entire existence is only a vague shadow implied by the fact that you killed them. much to consider
Testing the mummified bone marrow of ötzi to figure out his ancestry whole time there’s definitely another person, maybe more than one, standing in the room with us but I can never see or speak to them because I only know them through the assurance that they were there too in the form of one single arrowhead. I hate prehistory so much it’s unreal
if your necromancer is digging that is NOT cute. they only exhume bodies when they're extremely stressed. a proper well-enriched necromancer is provided with enemies to kill and reanimate on a regular basis and will make their enemies claw out their own graves as a play behavior.
alternatively you might have a mad scientist that was sold as a necromancer. this is sadly very common but the two breeds actually have very different habitat requirements
Vampire: the Masquerade Clan Haiku (I am so sorry)
Camarilla Clans:
Brujah
Near Dark was so good
like when they bar-fight bikers?
that was my sire
Gangrel
we are not just beasts!
we are men! we are - shit! cat!
bark! bark! BARKBARKBARK!!!
Malkavian
if i spoke prose they
would all find out I don’t know
what I talk about
Nosferatu
hey there count orlok
oh fuck, i am so sorry
that was pretty rude
Toreador
i really enjoyed
interview with a vampire
not so much these days
Tremere
hey is that your clan’s
deep-sleeping progenitor?
asking for a friend
Ventrue
i can tell you to
eat all of this old cat food
and I bet you would
Sabbat Clans:
Tzimisce
i made you a gift
out of you and me and him
and this horse. you like?
Lasombra
could you tell me if
i put my lipstick on straight?
you better not lie
Independant Clans:
Assamite
our clan is run by
a baby wizard demon
not even kidding
Giovanni
no bad has ever
come from killing your sire
the master of death
Ravnos
our founder was slain
by a big crossover event
you’re surprised we freaked?
Followers of Set
i promise this time
it is not snakes and evil
haha, no, it is.
Bloodlines:
True Brujah
some serious-ass
doctor who shit in this clan
but no amy pond :(
Samedi
have you heard the one
about the gawker I made
into a raisin? :|
Nagaraja
that’s some fine-lookin’
skin you are wearing like a
hot people gyro
Kiasyd
I can assure you
we know how weird our shit is
we have to live this
Daughters of Cacophony
it’s not how you sing
but how you kill all men with
song. also how you sing.
Baali
did you think Setites
were the authority on
making players squick?
Children of Osiris
no one has ever
actually played this clan
except that one guy
Blood Brothers
playing a single
blood brother is like eating
just one dorito
Harbingers of Skulls
we forgive you for
diablerizing our liege
but not the incest
Caitiff
don’t hate me because
i picked all the physical
disciplines. #YOLO
Old Clan Tzimisce
we don’t even want
the best discipline ever.
BECAUSE REASONS, MAN.
Gargoyle
guess how few players
named their dude goliath and
got away with it? >:|
ellievsbear
romaincrisis
tangentwithtanner
origamiaround
