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Welcome to the shitshow

[polarity-disturbed]

"We know it looks like a butt plug, just drink the water, it's hot outside"

Seriously though he's right, stay hydrated

[cryoverkiltmilk]

"Fill up," he says.

[chryza]

You know what yeah sure ill give it a shot.

[fleysh]

[bluesardine]

Some great additions from the comments.

[dreamlogic]

asked one of my coworkers how she's doing today and she goes "could be better, could be worse," and another coworker nearby who was eavesdropping chimes in with "could be a lil bit o' alligator curse!" i have no idea what he meant by that but i do know that it has been immediately added to the lexicon.

[our-queer-experience]

ive been repeating this in my head all week. auntie likes wearing the strap…….

[tranthony]

grout white shark

[amygdalae]

we're having sex and you pull out at the end to discover your cock is entirely gone, dissolved (ive digested it like a pitcher plant). bye!

[amygdalae]

You'd unfollow me for my pitcher plant pussy post? After the beautiful night we shared???

[toonlink1210]

WASNT A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT. PESIS IS GONE.

[linguisticparadox]

One time when my dad was in the hospital they were testing his orientation to time and place and said "Okay and what year is it?" and he said "1995" (he had dementia). And the doctor and I unconsciously exchanged a Look because it was in fact uhhh 2024 😐 and dad saw that and so when the next doctor did the test a few hours later he said "uhhhh...nineteen...nintetyyyy.......seven...???" and I was like okay, well, that IS closer, you do have to give him that

[whyenn-reader]

''what if you regret it'' then you will expirience regret - a normal and unavoidable part of the human expirience.

[jumese]

i step out onto stage clad in full corpse paint and death metal regalia and start playing the most middle-of-the-road soft rock you've heard since 1974

[jumese]

[deirdreskye]

[fella-lovin-fella]

i hate it when people mistake "etymology" with "entomology." like, i know where they coming from but it still bugs me

[andhetakesandhetakesandhetakes]

#cottagecore

[shoestoreslore]

this and a blunt

[wingsfromwhere]

[sarcoptid]

FITTED TO WHOM

[sparkytheandroid]

MEEEEEEEEEEEE BABYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

[sarcoptid]

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[queer-cosette]

this post makes me snort every single time

[ymawgat]

your car: *bounces back and forth, defeated, its hood swinging by a mere thread*

my car: *triumphantly leaps six feet in the air, spraying hubcaps in victorious fervor*

[mousenemy]

What?

[chromatic-king]

[inber]

sad they give tissue boxes plastic labia folds but no clitoris

[cipheramnesia]

I'm begging everyone to get their flu shots

[cats-and-confusion]

Hey can anyone tell me what the FUCK this behavior means

[davidspadecocacola]

He is basically chilling

[redstonedust]

sticks my finger in the barrel of your gun so it backfires on you looney toons style but the gun moaned and now none of us know what genre we're in.