Dusklorn

She/Her 46 🖤Trying to navigate and survive this life 🖤

[emberuzumaki]

Hey there. Welcome to my blog- my little corner of the universe. I’m Ember, here to serve up a blend of existential dread, mental illness chronicles, and dark humor that somehow makes sense of the chaos.

If you’re looking for a ‘how-to’ on inner peace or any version of “good vibes only,” you might want to hit that back button. Here, I am all about raw honesty and laughing at life’s absurdities, like navigating a long list of diagnoses, trying to trick my brain into caring, and figuring out if I even exist outside my home. Basically, it’s all the stuff no one really wants to talk about… but probably should.

So grab a snack, settle in, and let’s take this weird journey together. I’m not here to be fixed; just here to feel a little less alone in the mess.

You can ask me anything 🖤

Side blog for my daily life and struggles- a bit more personal: https://www.tumblr.com/obsidianwhipsers/769545712780345344/welcome-to-the-mess-my-name-is-ember-this-is

Welcome to the mess. My name is Ember. This is where I lay it all out- the raw, unfiltered chaos of being mentally and chronically ill. I

Chronically ill and permanently disabled

Professionally diagnosed with:

~Borderline Personality Disorder

~CPTSD

~GAD

~Panic disorder

~Agoraphobia

~OCD with Contamination and magical thinking

~Bipolar 2

I also have many chronic physical health conditions/diseases *actually diagnosed*- Fibromyalgia, Sjogrens, Systemic Scleroderma, POTs, inappropriate sinus tachycardia, degenerative disc disease, arthritis, narrow angle glaucoma, migraines, ocular migraines, endometriosis, chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS), adult onset asthma.

*in process of getting diagnosed with or ruling out MS- a lot of brain lesions (T2 Flairs)- could also be Neuro Sjogrens (NSS)

[emberuzumaki]

I fucking hate being me. Just thought you’d like to know

[emberuzumaki]

I’m not okay. I just know how to make it look like I am

[emberuzumaki]

I’ve spent my life trying to be loved, and all I’ve ever found is proof of why I’m unlovable

[emberuzumaki]

Still feel the same

[emberuzumaki]

Still alive. just vanished for a bit.

mental illness has been gnawing at me,

autoimmune shit flaring like hellfire.

existing feels like a full-time job with no breaks and no pay.

i’m tired. not in a poetic way. in a please let me rest without consequence kind of way.

but i’m still here. barely. quietly.

just thought that deserved to be said

[emberuzumaki]

I didn’t just disappear. I was abandoned by the very idea of mattering

[emberuzumaki]

Where I’ve been:

Somewhere between “crippling anxiety,” “soul-crushing depression,” and “why bother?”- basically, a fun little mental hell loop.

Every task feels impossible, every thought feels too loud, and my give-a-shit meter is officially out of order. apathy’s driving, anxiety’s screaming directions, and depression’s in the backseat telling me to just crash already.

So yeah, that’s why I’ve been quiet. Still here, just malfunctioning. Hope y’all are alive or whatever.

[emberuzumaki]

I Am So Tired of Myself: The Exhaustion of Living in This Brain

Existing with mental illness isn’t just suffering- it’s fucking exhausting. It’s a never-ending mental marathon where the finish line keeps

[emberuzumaki]

It returns without warning, without mercy. A familiar ghost slipping through the cracks of my mind, whispering lullabies of despair in a voice I know too well

[emberuzumaki]

There is no worse feeling than realizing you are nothing more than an afterthought in the lives of those you’d die for

[emberuzumaki]

I could vanish tomorrow, and the world wouldn’t even trip over the space I left behind

[emberuzumaki]

Tightrope

I wake with the weight of the worldpressing down on my chest,every breath a struggle,like air is somethingI have to fight to find.I could ru

[emberuzumaki]

I feel everything. Too much. All at once. Until I feel nothing at all

[emberuzumaki]

My existence is an apology I never stop making

[emberuzumaki]

Mental Illness Didn’t Make Me Wise

There’s this idea that suffering makes you wise. That struggling with mental illness gives you some deep, poetic insight into life. People l

[emberuzumaki]

If pain is proof of life, then I must be immortal

[emberuzumaki]

The Dark Corners of My Mind Are Where I Go to Die in Silence

There are places in my mind where even the light can’t survive. They’re too suffocating, too thick with my own self-loathing to let anything