EmrysOfStorybrooke

Your resident mathemagician

[holyshitheckhounds]

Source: https://www.deviantart.com/otakufrustratio-on/art/Wanna-a-ride-283713889

[drewhayesalyzer]

Me walking up to a random person holding a suspiciously heavy and giant bag: hi have you heard of the good works of Drew Hayes.

[redstonedust]

tragic: plot point that got you interested in a piece of media is not nearly as prominent as the fandom led you to believe

[p0ll]

Will you reblog this and say in the tags what book you're currently reading, or which book you most recently read?

Yes

No

Not reading anything currently & don't remember the last book I read

Voting ended onAug 20, 2025

[sorryimnotditto]

I wish a dragon that respects me as a person because i saved them money on taxes would officiate my wedding ☹

[sorryimnotditto]

Fred the vampire accountant memes to convince more people to read this series. It's so good my dudes

[sorryimnotditto]

Stuff that happens in Fred the Vampire Accountant that I'll never get over (in no particular order, with little context)

Fred meets a 'child' and has to be dragged out of the room after collapsing in instinctual terror

He gets chased by acid spitting sentient mushrooms

He meets a devil and falls in love

He listens to a forest conduct a Pink Floyd song

A werepony gets Fred involved with his gambling debts

Everyone is constantly surprised by his genuine accounting nature

A sentient house offers lovely service with a side of attempted murder

His loved ones would refrain from murder for him

Fred has a very nice ass and everyone knows it but him

"Crimes against the commonly agreed upon reality"

Fred regularly meets, and endears himself, to incredibly powerful beings

He's considered and exceptional accountant, but a sub-par vampire by everyone

He considers himself a scaredy-cat. He is the only one that thinks that

He gets thrown off a mountain

He gains the respect and admiration of an ancient and powerful vampire

He gets a zombie roommate/assistant

He gains the respect of a very powerful dragon

He later becomes a malewife to the devil

I love this book series it's weird and fun, and i havent even scratched the surface of what it has to offer

[steelblaidd]

My brother has introduced me to The Utterly Uninteresting & Unadventurous Tales of Fred, The Vampire Accountant.

I almost certainly do not know you; however, I shall assume you are a lovely person, and it is my loss for not having the opportunity to meet you. Still, I must assume you and I are connected in some way, for the works you are about to read are selections from a journal of my memoirs. I compiled these not in the belief that the stories within are so compelling they must be told, but rather because I found my unexpected life transition to be so shockingly uneventful—at least initially. I place the blame for my aggrandized expectations squarely on contemporary media, filling my head with the belief that a ticket to the supernatural also put one on an express train toward coolness and suave charm. This is simply not the case. Or, at least, it was not my case. I recorded my journeys in the hopes that, should another being find themselves utterly depressed at the humdrum personality still saddling their supernatural frame, they might find solace in knowing they are not the only one to have felt that way. Given the lengthy lifespan of many of the people with whom I associate, there is no guarantee they will have passed on by the time this is read. Therefore, names have been changed as I deemed necessary. So, dear reader, whom I suspect is a wonderful person merely in need of a bit of reassurance, take comfort in my tales of uneventful blundering. One’s nature is hard to change; sometimes even death is insufficient to accomplish such a task. But be assured that, while you might find yourself still more human than anticipated, you are far from the only one. You will eventually discover that under the movie stereotypes, imposed mystique, and overall inflated expectations, each and every one of us is at least a touch more boring than our images would indicate. And that is not a bad thing. —

Fredrick Frankford Fletcher

He sounds like my kind of people.

[emrysofstorybrooke]

Ok but imagine being a parahuman picking up Fred's memoirs after hearing all these completely unhinged stories about this vampire who has repeatedly come out on top against powerful and frankly terrifying opponents and is on friendly terms with the freaking King of the West, among other crazy powerful allies, and THIS is the first thing you read.

They're all probably flipping back to the cover to make sure they're actually reading the book they thought they were reading.

[libriamore]

I’m re-listening to the Fred the Vampire Accountant series before listening to the newest audiobook. I just finished Deadly Assessments and forgot that my favorite part in the entire series was during the last story where he tells Debra that all his friends are absolutely insane and that’s why he loves them. It’s so good. Cause it’s true. They’re all unhinged, including Fred, in the most mundane ways.

[violetqueenofwands]

Lillian’s entire situation is just so fucking funny to me because she, the several hundred year old vampire, saves some dork [affectionate] from being harpooned and the next thing she knows she’s and accountant in training.

[lyss-overcomplicates-everything]

pov book edition

so, I don't really know how this website works and I ain't gonna try to find out, but here's a funny POV for you!

So you decided to visit a little local business fair in your area for whatever reason. You're having fun, going through cool goods stands, and then you find yourself in a section of the con where all the accounting people and lawyers are. Most of them look completely normal, but one draws your eye. It's this modest accounting stand for a place you've heard some pretty good things about, and there are 2 men and a woman in the booth. The first one is this pretty forgettable guy, brown hair, kinda pale, glasses with a sweater vest and khakis, and the woman is also kinda pale, but she looks kinda statley with her carefully braided black hair and pants suit. But the other dude? He's this MASSIVE guy, like you would not be surprised if you looked up bodybuilding bulk and this dude's pic came up. He has this lion's mane of golden hair, and this dude who has absolutely NO business in an accounting stand is, well, not shouting, more like speaking loudly, saying stuff like: "Fear not, small people! Come forth and listen to the great works of Fred and his accounting firm!"

Eh, that's probably bad but 🤷‍♀️

[mothman-vincent]

So I mentioned to my GF that printer ink is more expensive than human blood. And somehow she made the connection that bougie vampires drink printer ink. So here, have Fred, drinking a pack of Ink Type HP (Cyan is his favourite)

[lyss-overcomplicates-everything]

I love Fred because he's. Just a guy. His entire shtick is that he's. Literally just a dude. How he got where he is? Just a decent person with an accounting degree.

Truly the most character ever. Become a vampire? Quit your day job and do the same job but freelance. Need blood to survive? Nicely ask a hospital for blood in exchange for doing their taxes. Get super rare and low key insanely op powers? Keep doing your job because you enjoy it. A sentient mansion traps you and a bunch of other people in it with intent to kill but let's you go free? Don't go free, work out the paperwork so no one is killed.

His wife is a literal devil. He's friends with an Eldredge magic God (who's also his kinda father in law???) One of his best friends is widely considered the best alchemist/ mage in the country, if not world. One of his (not) children is one of the most powerful necromancers of the new generation. One of his other (not) children is a zombie who weilds a sword of destiny. Was married by one of the most infamous and powerful dragons ever (who's also kinda his friend?) Got married in spite of one of the most powerful beings in existence. The most infamous vampires ever is his rival and also sired him. He's a pacifist. He gets sad at the idea he won't personally know all his clients.

I love him.

[emrysofstorybrooke]

It's been several months since I read Spellslinger, but I still giggle every time I encounter the phrase 'business partner.' Every business partner becomes a squirrel cat in my head.

[emrysofstorybrooke]

Update: It's been a couple years now, and it still always makes me giggle. So I'm not convinced it's going to stop anytime soon.

[jeon-jungkook-ruined-me]

Gwen: I'm in love with another man

Arthur: Thank God, so am I

[squidorama]

What do you mean the iconic witch hat was born from Glinda's spite and cruelty but became a symbol of her willingness to stand by Elphaba even if it ostracized her from her friends and peers? What do you mean the witch's broom is an item enchanted in a moment of panic and innovation as Elphaba refuses to be cowed and grounded? WHAT DO YOU MEAN the spooky black cloak is a representation of Glinda's selflessness as she wraps it lovingly around Elphaba's shoulders, a threadbare cloak that will maybe, hopefully, keep her best friend (lover) warm? WHAT DO YOU MEAN all these symbols of evil actually represent a deep bond of friendship and love? What do you mean????

[mythmerth]

it’s clips like this that remind you that being annoying and insulting each other is their love language. look how goddamn fond Merlin is. Jesus Christ someone give me what they have

[moghedien]

Glinda to Dorothy: Yup, if you want to travel to the Emerald City you have to follow this road and only this road for like 70 miles in heels. Everyone does it like that don’t worry about it

Glinda traveling to the Emerald City: