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taylor price
Claire Keane

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izzy's playlists!
sheepfilms
Acquired Stardust

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祝日 / Permanent Vacation

roma★
Show & Tell
AnasAbdin
YOU ARE THE REASON

blake kathryn
hello vonnie
Keni

Andulka
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
$LAYYYTER
Today's Document
will byers stan first human second
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@estesa
Photo by Kylefinndempsey (IG)
cover letters are a serious bummer to write, and i used to OBSESS over writing a detailed, in depth cover letter painstakingly tailored to every job i applied to, with anecdotes and reasons i was the fuckin best for the job and all that shit
and that was exhausting, so i wrote a more terse cover letter, outlining my greatest strengths which would apply to basically any job i’d apply to. if the position asks for different skills from what i’ve written, i’ll twitch some details but this is generally the letter i use
after i started using this letter i got a call for an interview LITERALLY IMMEDIATELY, and then it happened again and again so
i have posted it here for your convenience - modify it as you see fit. i am here to help you
Keep reading
(source)
i’d like to point out that when i made this post, all of these comments were at the top, but now if you look at the thread they’ve been replaced by completely different comments
so please, for the love of god, look at the source link this thread is a neverending source of entertainment. people have added so much fucking shit since i made this
I was proctoring an exam for a student today while reading these, and I had to stop because I got to this one and almost fucking died
these are making my day
Okay, this one’s killing me:
funny animated punches masterpost
An interesting sci-fi short story from 4chan.
[Imgur]
That is some fine writing.
The Imgur link is broken so:
[Series of posts on 09/16/11]
About twelve years ago, a man died in high orbit over Tau Ceti V.
His name was Drake McDougal, and aside from a few snapshots and vague anecdotes from his drinking buddies, that’s probably all we’ll ever know about him. Another colony-born man with little records and little documentation, working whatever asteroid field the Dracs deigned to allow them. Every now and then a Drac gunship would strut on through the system, Pax Draconia and all that. But that was it.
One fine day, one of those gunships had a misjump. A bad one. It arrived only ninety clicks above atmo, with all its impellers blown out by the gravatic feedback of Tau Ceti V’s gravity well. The Dracs scraped enough power together for a good system-wide broadbeam and were already beginning the Death Chant when they hit atmo.
People laughed at the recording of sixty Dracs going from mysterious chanting to “’what-the-fuck’ing” for years after they forgot the name Drake McDougal. The deafening “CLANG” and split second of stunned silence afterwards never failed to entertain. Drake had performed a hasty re-entry seconds after the gunship and partially slagged his heatshield diving after it. Experts later calculated he suffered 11Gs when he leaned on the retro to match velocities with the Dracs long enough to engage the mag-grapples on his little mining tug.
Even the massively overpowered drive of a tug has its limits, and Drake’s little ship hit hers about one and a half minutes later. Pushed too far, the tug’s fusion plant lost containment just as he finished slingshotting the gunship into low orbit. (It was unharmed, of course; the Drac opinion of fusion power best translated as “quaint,” kind of how we view butter churns.)
It was on the local news within hours, on newsnets across human space within days. It was discussed, memorialized, marveled upon, chewed over by daytime talk-show hosts, and I think somebody even bought a plaque or some shit like that. Then there was a freighter accident, and a mass-shooting on Orbital 5, and of course, the first Vandal attacks in the periphery.
The galaxy moved on.
Twelve years is a long time, especially during war, so twelve years later, as the Vandal’s main fleet was jumping in near Jupiter and we were strapping into the crash couches of what wee enthusiastically called “warships,” I guaran-fucking-tee you not one man in the entire Defense Force could remember who Drake McDougal was.
Well, the Dracs sure as hell did.
Dracs do not fuck around. Dozens of two-kilometer long Drac supercaps jumped in barely 90K klicks away, and then we just stood around staring at our displays like the slack-jawed apes we were as we watched what a real can of galactic whoop-ass looked like. You could actually see the atmosphere of Jupiter roil occasionally when a Vandal ship happened to cross between it and the Drac fleet. There’s still lightning storms on Jupiter now, something about residual heavy ions and massive static charges or something.
Fifty-eight hours later, with every Vandal ship reduced to slagged debris and nine wounded Drac ships spinning about as they vented atmosphere, they started with the broad-band chanting again. And then the communiqué that confused the hell out of us all.
“Do you hold out debt fulfilled?”
After the sixth or seventh comms officer told them “we don’t know what the hell you’re talking about” as politely as possible, the Drac fleet commander got on the horn and asked to speak to a human Admiral in roughly the same tone as a telemarketer telling a kid to give the phone to Daddy. When the Admiral didn’t know either, the Drac went silent for a minute, and when he came back on his translator was using much smaller words, and talking slower.
“Is our blood debt to Drake McDougal’s clan now satisfied?”
The Admiral said “Who?”
What the Drac commander said next would’ve caused a major diplomatic incident had he remembered to revert to the more complex translation protocols. He thought the Admiral must be an idiot, a coward, or both. Eventually, the diplomats were called out, and we were asked why the human race has largely forgotten the sacrifice of Drake McDougal.
Humans, we explained, sacrifice themselves all the time.
We trotted out every news clip from the space-wide Nets from the last twelve years. Some freighter cook that fell on a grenade during a pirate raid on Outreach. A ship engineer who locked himself into the reactor room and kept containment until the crew evacuated. Firefighter who died shielding a child from falling debris with his body, during an earthquake. Stuff like that.
That Dracs were utterly stunned. Their diplomats wandered out of the conference room in a daze. We’d just told them that the rarest, most selfless and honorable of acts - acts that incurred generations-long blood-debts and moved entire fleets - was so routine for our species that they were bumped off the news by the latest celebrity scandal.
Everything changed for humanity after that. And it was all thanks to a single tug pilot who taught the galaxy what truly defines Man.
This makes me cry
It had been so many cycles since the Drac incident, and even more since the Drake McDougal event, and the the galaxy had sort of come to the conclusion that humans were, well, human about things, and that they regarded their lives in completely incomprehensible ways.
Yet for all of the witnessed sacrifices, few warriors had ever been taught to recognise the most terrifying of human deeds. In a forgettable corner of the galaxy, in an unremarked planet with a previously less than recorded history, a party of six human security escorts bringing their rescued survivors to a hive ship became a party of five,
A lone human, holding one of their handheld ‘melee’ weapons wordlessly tilted their head to their commander, and stopped, standing in plain sight in the middle of a field.
Waiting.
When asked, the lower ranked humans simply said “She knows what’s she’s doing”. The human captain’s inexplicable statement “She’s buying us some time” made it as if their companion had stepped into some form of marketplace.
Katherine of Rescue Group’s fate was never confirmed, but no pursuit came that night. On the next dawn, when the hive ship was able to leave, the humans insisted we departed immediately, and did not go back for their companion.
We do not know for sure what became of Katherine of Rescue Group. All we know is that when pressed, the human captain explained to our own that the one who stayed had communicated an ancient human tradition, the rite of self sacrifice. In words, the captain explained, the look and the nod would mean “Go on. I’ll hold them off. It was not, as we thought, that this one warrior had sought victory over many enemies, but that they had calculated a trade off of the minutes or hours it could take to defeat a human, against the time needed by their companions.
Humans, as humans say, do not go gentle into that good night.
Worse, they do not go gentle into bad nights, worse days, or terrifying sunsets. Dawn seems to fill them with potency and rage, as if to call upon the solar gods and tell the deities to come down here and say that to their human faces. We do not know how long she bought us, but we, the hive now called K’thrn, understand what it means to have someone expend their existence for the survival of others.
We find it terrifying.
I love this one. Reblogging for something new.
@weareskald
And now, the rest of the story. Senator Cooper, Honor and Order on your house,You asked me, in our last discussion, what it was like to be the one responsible for bringing Humanity into the Hierarchy, the one chosen to pay our blood debt to Drake McDougal’s bloodkin and kind. At the time, I could not answer you properly, today, I intend to do so. First, before I explain further, I wish to impress onto you something we have spoken about before, that my kind, the species you know as the Drac, consider “altruism” to be one of the most alien, and fascinating, of concepts. Until we brought Humanity into full citizenship with the Hierarchy, we did not have a word for it, the closest word to it is not translatable into your language, and holds more similarity to that of “martyrdom” as I understand the concept.This rose out of what it is to be Drac. Each of us, each and every one of us, sees ourselves, and those directly related to us, as more important than all else. It is instinctual, and a distrust of all those not directly related to us is inherent and nearly overpowering to my kind. It is why we have always distanced ourselves from other species except in the enforcement of the Pax Draconia as Humanity chose to call it (and indeed, the Drac Hierarchy does maintain many similarities with the pre-industrial empire your kind derived the name from). We nearly extinguished ourselves following our own industrial revolution, bloodline turned on bloodline. Further, we used our technology to eradicate every species on the planet that posed even the slightest threat to us. Our xenophobia and clannishness nearly cost our entire world it’s biosphere. When we finally realized what had happened, and that we were facing extinction if we did not change our ways, we established the Hierarchy, and a strict set of castes, duties, and rules of honor.This, is where Drake McDougal comes into it. He was not conscripted or caste bound to save others or protect them, he sacrificed himself, when it was not his duty, when he had not been asked to do so, with equipment he knew would mean his own death or permanent harm. You must understand, this was practically unprecedented. Only four other times in the history of the Hierarchy following first contact has such a thing occurred. Almost every other species that has evolved has required similarly, brutal or extreme methods as my species’ in order to control these tendencies towards clannism and xenophobia. The Grt’zla have a single hive mind, enforced by non-technological ansible implants, preventing them from seeing one another as separate individuals. The Vandals, less effectively, electronically and chemically subdue their instincts through injects and invasive surgery, controlling themselves through pure logic. Our kind uses a strict moral code and cultural “brainwashing” I think one of your journalists once called it.Either way, it took us completely by surprise. Drake McDougal paid everything simply to ensure that others lived, gave up his own life for that, without a debt needing to be paid, without a duty to be fulfilled. That this was something “routine” for your species still makes my head ache, and it explains so much at the same time. The Hierarchy, up to that point, saw you as we saw almost every other species that has not fully brought itself under control against these urges. Piracy, smuggling, criminality, intraspecies murder, rape, and anti-social activities. We thought it a wonder, when we made first contact with your kind and brought you into the Pax, that you had not driven yourselves to extinction. We only gave you access to our trade and harvesting systems such as Tau Ceti because your technology at the time was frankly laughable. Fusion, please. We were past it by the time we left our solar system, it still boggles the mind how your kind continued to propel ships by fusion rocket and laser light even after unlocking spatial jump technology. We simply brought you in out of tradition, and truthfully, to keep you from accidentally screwing up anything actually important.Then this happens. An uneducated, undisciplined, APE saved one of ours, and then we never got so much as a single request for recompense for his death from your kind. It was beyond imagining. The Senate was tearing at their mandibles trying to understand why no blood payment had been asked for. It took them three months to come to the conclusion that it had been a proper martyring, and act of pure selflessness. I can tell you, that made waves throughout the Hierarchy. A bunch of apes, little better than animals, completely undisciplined by any genetic or artificial means, and yet they had done something completely selfless. One of my kind MIGHT do such a thing, our code encourages it in fact, but does not demand such rises beyond duty, and to actually do so is rare in the extreme, and all but unheard of towards another species.Then came the Vandals in their attacks on your system, and still there was debate in the Senate on how to repay the blood debt, something of that much weight had to be carefully considered. The fact that the issue was further muddied by the Internalists claiming that such an undisciplined, and obviously insane, species could not have understood what they had done, and that Drake McDougal had as likely done it out of some kind of mad fit of whim rather than actual martyrdom was still part on the table. It was not until the Vandals, in their decision to eradicate and enslave your kind for some imagined slight, entered your home world and captured three planets worth of orbital facilities that the Senate finally came to the decision that it was better to be safe than sorry.I was chosen, a young fleet commander, to be given the honor of repaying our blood debt. I still remember going over the vids of Drake McDougal’s sacrifice again and again, the images playing holographically in every chamber and room of the fleet as we prepared to launch, singing our war hymns in preparation for battle. Then we made the Jump, and that massive, red gas giant, Jupiter, covered the stars, and your pathetic little fleet stood against the war vessels of the Vandals. We opened fire immediately, there was to be no quarter asked for given. The Plutonium-Ion beams our ships were armed with did their terrible work, obliterating their fleet.There was never any question of who the victor would be, it was simply a matter of time. After all, we were not just repaying the debt, but protecting those who we owed the debt to, we might have been able to end the battle in half as much that span of time if we had not be redirecting our fire to lance down their projectiles before they struck your ships. Though, even knowing your kind better now, no, especially knowing your kind better now, I am just grateful you didn’t jump into the fray beyond laying down your own long range bombardment, that would have made things… much more difficult.When it ended, I had expected this to be routine. They’d know who I was talking about, surely this Drake McDougal was famous throughout their space, someone as selfless as he was. And then your communications officers didn’t know.I thought to myself: “Of course, such a horribly disorganized species, they probably haven’t heard, even now, they’re just Apes, do not grow angry, do not insult them for insulting the memory of Drake. Just ask for their commanding officer, surely, HE must know.”That was when your Admiral Tiberius spoke to me, and once again he didn’t know. I couldn’t comprehend what was being told to me, surely, it must just be a problem with translation, yes. Translation. That would explain it. I told the Translator to explain it fully, slowly, as he would to a hatchling. And then that one word.“Who?”That one word sent me over the edge. I thank the stars above that the translator system had been turned off, I was ready to demand that the fleet open fire on them, my officers might even have obeyed if they have been less level headed. “Surely” I thought, “This admiral is an idiot, or a monster. He either is so uninformed that he has never heard of the great hero Drake McDougal, or he is vile, and trying to deny that the sacrifice had ever been made.” That there could be any race so debase and chaotic as deny such heroism made my stomach roil, and it was only the intervention of my second in command that prevented me from turning our Pu.Ion projectors upon the human’s flag ship and purging it.I sat through the entire diplomatic meeting, through all the news stories. Awestruck. There was no way what I was watching was possible, it simply couldn’t be. They must be fabrications, or possibly all condensed from centuries upon centuries and centuries of selfless acts. If we went through my species entire history, we MIGHT be able to turn up as many as your species has routinely carried out, with barely a fifth of our population, over a period of 10 Sol-3 revolutions. It was mind boggling. The senate was sent into absolute chaos over it. It was inconceivable that a species without some form of strict organization could do such maddening things so routinely that it simply did not register as important enough to make them major historical figures. Our only choice of action was obvious.Humanity was made full members of the Hierarchy, we had to learn, perhaps glean some secret of your psychology we could apply to our own. We opened our libraries and our sciences to your species, and even then you astounded us with how you took only basic principles, and worked to master them, rather than taking our entire designs. That was nearly 70 Sol-3 revolutions ago, and still shakes me to my core that your kind do not consider this attribute at all special in your own kind, and are so confused when it is not displayed in others.That, Senator Cooper, is what it was like to be the one responsible for bringing Humanity into the Hierarchy, and allowing one such as yourself to join the Senate, and that is how I have felt ever since that day, and all because of one, single asteroid miner in a tug-craft, doing something that, to him, was nothing special, and I am convinced, he would never have asked for more than a verbal thank you, if the thought of being thanked had even entered his head.May All Your Debts Be Paid,High Admiral [Untranslatable into Terran Symbology] of the Hierarchy. @wearepaladin @weareskald
Well shared Pastor.
D&D short quest or oneshot idea: your party meets a nervous-looking, human-looking person who claims to have created your entire world, and somehow gotten trapped here, away from their home dimension. They appear harmless, and can’t fight worth a damn or even cast spells, but they do know a terrifying amount: about you, about everyone you meet, about any monsters you encounter or lands you try to cross…
You must now help this omniscient but clearly not omnipotent deity find a way back to their home plane.
The full Mind Mine Adventure Seed is up! You guys can download the full PDF for FREE here at my Gumroad, or here at my Patreon!
Special thanks to all of my patrons that made this all possible!
-M
As a writer, you should try to give your villains plausible motivations, backstories, etc. A villain is much more interesting if they think they’re the hero of their own story.
As a DM, this is still great advice in theory but in practice you should ABSOLUTELY NEVER DO THIS because your players will discover your villains’ tragic backstory, look at their motivation and find it sound, and end up adopting the villains, going rogue from the Celestial Intervention Agency to avenge the wrongs done said villains and ensure their freedom, accidentally kidnapping the President, and plunging Gallifrey into a civil war.
You know what would be an extremely fun low-level adventure? Dragon babysitting.
You and your party are 1st level, and some 10th-15th level bigshot NPC adventurers have been in town and they killed the dragon that’s been haranguing the area.
But there’s weird noises coming from the dragon’s lair and the bigshots have already moved on, so you go to investigate and find… a baby dragon. The weird noises are the wyrmling (or wyrmlings…) crying for its mommy that the NPC adventurers killed. You may or may not find it curled up under its mom’s arm like in Lion King and just die inside.
And this thing is like, a fresh baby. The Monster Manual defines wyrmlings as like 0-5 years old - this one is maybe a year old. It’s pretty much an infant and it is adorable. So now you have to deal with taking care of this extremely small baby dragon that doesn’t even have teeth yet (and when it teethes it needs solid gold - that’s why dragons like gold is because it reminds them of mommy) and has temper tantrums if you don’t play with it.
—
Alternatively, you’re first level and a messenger comes to you and summons you to the local dragon’s lair, where you meet with a first-time mama dragon who wants you to bring her food because she doesn’t want to leave her eggs OR she wants you to go fetch a hag who’s known for midwifing for dragons because this egg is a different color from the other ones is there something wrong did I do something wrong AAAAAAA.
(The hag has probably visited this particular dragon six times already and keeps telling her that the egg is probably fine please calm down)
(The eggs hatch while you’re there and you’ve been sort of apprehensive about this but goddamn the baby dragons are fucking adorable and you can’t even. Totally worth it.)
warlock of The Final Pam
I made u thing (NOTE: NOT PLAY TESTED, WILL CORRUPT YOUR SAVE FILE)
Warlock of the Final Pam
In your hubris and folly, you elected to make a pact with the most powerful entity in all of video games - the Final Pam. She has granted you but a sliver of her reality-warping power on the condition that you free her and her thousand sons from the Ocean Beneath The World. Upon her return, she will destroy all of video games….Gods help us all.
Expanded Spell List: 1st level: jump, command 2nd level: enlarge/reduce, levitate 3rd level: animate dead, fireball 4th level: polymorph, giant insect 5th level: insect plague, telekinesis
HA HA, I TELL LITTLE JOKE Starting at 1st level, you can summon and throw a “Little Joke” as an action. This Little Joke is an explosive land mine that deals 1d6 fire and bludgeoning damage to everyone within a 5-ft radius unless they make a dexterity saving throw. The Little Joke has a range of 60.
Whenever you summon a Little Joke, roll 1d20. On a 20, you accidentally spawn a gamebreaking number of Little Jokes, dealing 4d6 fire and bludgeoning damage instead of 1d6.
If you roll a 1, the Little Joke detonates before you can throw it, immediately dealing 1d6 fire and bludgeoning damage to you.
GIVE ME YOUR AUTHORITY At 6th level, you can use the command spell once per short rest without expending a spell slot. The only command word you can use is “killall” which causes the affected creatures to ragdoll to the ground, dropping whatever they are holding. If they ragdoll, they must remain prone and stationary on their next turn, but they can take one action.
HELLO METAL HUSBAND At 10th level, once per long rest, you can summon your Metal Husband to defend you. Metal Husband hovers around you, and your AC becomes 13 + your Charisma modifier for the next 8 hours.
If you are successfully hit by a melee attack, you can use your reaction to have Metal Husband retaliate with 4 attacks (+5 to hit, 1d6+1 damage each).
Metal Husband can also make a campsite, brew coffee, and keep watch while you sleep! It’s so easy, you’ll forget you’re in a post-nuclear wasteland!
MY FOREST OF SONS At 14th level, as an action, you banish a single target to your Forest of Sons or one round. Make a spell attack. If you hit, the target is immediately transported to your forest of ghost boys. The ghost boys devour your victim’s sanity. The target takes 10d8 psychic damage and is Frightened. The target returns from the forest at the end of your next turn. You can use this ability once per long rest.
Bonus Exclusive Eldritch Invocations Soul Tissue: Whenever you slay an opponent, you can see their soul tissue. The tissue has an AC of 10 and 10 Hit points. Destroying the soul tissue prevents the creature from being resurrected, undead or otherwise. Free Me, Todd Howard: For the next eight hours, you have a speed of 50 feet. You can move in any direction, and you can hover Turn Off the TriJuicing: You turn off parts of the environment, eliminating the effects of difficult terrain within 60 feet of you) The Raddest Roach: Whenever you use the spell giant insect, your creation appears as a single roach. The roach has a performance skill modifier of +5 and can cast Ray of Frost. You are married to this roach.
What the hell is this referencing I love it
My fiance told me about his dream last night and it was a doozy. He dreamed we went to Cracker Barrel because they were having a game night, but when we got there, there were no games. They brought the food out to our table to make it in front of us and dumped a huge bag of d20s into the food.
Woo!
Nerd Gothic.
You can pry the idea that magic leaves physical trace on people in the form of glitter out of my cold dead hands
Wizards who are fond of wands mostly end up with finger tips so heavy with this magic that they appear as a solid metallic surface Warlocks who speak with gods have drool that looks like the heavens are melting out of their mouths Sorcerers who were born with eyes that resembles geode crystals
Then there are those who use magic as a second ability Clerics seem to leave trails of glitter where ever they go, sometimes it subtle and sometimes the path remains for years after they’re gone as if the stars in the sky fell to the earth in the wake of the cleric’s journey Bards who begin to shine from the inside, no matter their race, as if they too have molten cores
Give me magic that makes a mark!
character development
#not so much character development#as the difference between joss’s gee golly gosh truth justice and the american way cap'n america#and actual steve rogers the potty mouthed daredevil IDIOT who let the army experiment on him because he was born so goddamn full of FIGHT ME (via absentlyabbie)
That is the best description of Steve I have ever seen
I was always so confused about if Joss Whedon had seen The First Avenger. Because Steve swears in the movie. Not like hard, its a PG-13 family movie, but he does swear.
I think Joss Whedon falls into the same trap as bad fic writer, where he thinks Steve is a farmer from 1950s Kansas instead of Irish Catholic kid from 1920s Brooklyn.
Steve Rogers is 400 pounds of righteous kickass in a 100 pound body and by using the serum the army found room for only most of it.
he thinks Steve is a farmer from 1950s Kansas instead of Irish Catholic kid from 1920s Brooklyn.
this is it. this is the description for how steve is so often mischaracterized.
Explainer: 'solarpunk', or how to be an optimistic radical
by Jennifer Hamilton
Punks (of the 70s and 80s kind) were not known for their optimism. Quite the opposite in fact. Raging against the establishment in various ways, there was “no future” because, according to the Sex Pistols, punks are “the poison / In your human machine / We’re the future / Your future”. To be punk, was, by definition, to resist the future.
In contrast, the most basic definition of solarpunk — offered by musician and photographer Jay Springett — is that it is a movement in speculative fiction, art, fashion and activism
that seeks to answer and embody the question ‘what does a sustainable civilization look like, and how can we get there?’
Keep reading
@naorea
Something is terribly wrong. Something is terribly wrong. Something is terribly wrong. Something is terribly wrong.
Everyone do yourselves a favor and click on this link to have a transformative media-based experience
I don’t need to. The Detroit Lions will still suck and I’ll continue betting on them because I’m stupid.
No you…. really need to click the link
That was...insane @naorea
There’s a book out there that’s either one of the last great unsolved cyphers or a massive medieval hoax. Welcome to the weird world of the Voynich Manuscript. And no, it isn’t solved yet.
I did this comic for The Nib last year (The Nib is an amazingly great place for comics on Medium if you don’t know that already). You can follow all my work on Medium here.
I fucking love the Voynich Manuscript you guys
Personally, I’ve always loved xkcd’s theory.
How many times is it suitable to go to Dennys a day?
we are open 24/7we have no concept of timecome oncestay forever