Batman And Associates

New to the batfam and loving it but I don’t know what to do with it! I periodically and inconsistently rant abt them tho 🤷‍♀️

[everwistfully]

Red Hood’s all about keeping his secret identity from almost everyone, right?

He’s going to all his meetings with the hood on and never lets any of his ‘business partners’ or goons or allies unrelated to the bats see his face, right???

He either gains enough trust or completely forgets to put it on as he walks in on his goons, his gang, if you will.

They all just kinda side eye this kid who just walked in and started ordering around until one of them finally speak up questioning this kids existence and whatnot. Hood whips around to yell at them for their insubordination but goes to run his hands through his hair or something and is genuinely surprised when his fingers DO go through his hair. So he just walks out of the room in a huff until he walks back in and says the exact thing. All the goons immediately burst into action and don’t question the kid who walked in and said the exact same thing moments ago…

In another instance he forgets his hood under his arm and starts addressing everyone but this time they react a bit more aggressively. This time he just sighs and puts the hood on his head. It’s an instant reaction but Doofenshmertz style, “a kid with a hood giving us orders?” To, “Red Hood giving us orders!”

Tim sees it this time and never lets him live it down, periodically calling him Perry the Platypus.

[vulcanchinchilla-deactivated201]

I’m LAUGHING BECAUSE JUST THESE PANELS ON THEIR OWN SEEM LIKE BRUCE REALLY CAN’T COMPREHEND OR BELIEVE WHAT THE FUCK DICK IS WEARING. LIKE HE NEEDS TO TAKE OFF THE COWL BECAUSE WHAT IF IT’S MESSING WITH HIS EYESIGHT IT HAS TO BE THEN HE TAKES IT OFF AND IT’S LIKE

OH GOD. 

[papayafromtv]

wildest thing about Jason becoming a part of the batfamily again in Jason and Damian LOA AUs has to be the fact that Damian and Jason get to hang out together again in front of them. like the shit the rest of the family must hear in passing just... during an average conversation between the two has gotta be. the most insane shit ever.

Dick, walking into the kitchen to get a glass of water: Jason, at the table with Damian: -eight of them, which was the best heist i ever pulled off. Damian: i still don't understand how grandfather didn't realise it was you. like, who else in the league was going to be brave enough to sneak eight dildos into his private chambers? Dick: *chokes on his water* ~ Tim: *swinging past Red Hood and Robin on patrol* Jason: the guy in that poster looks exactly like my poison tutor. Damian: oh yeah; hey did you know that guy had a massive crush on you? he admitted it to mother after you left. Jason: Jason: but he was massively homophobic??? Damian: yeah and in denial about it all too, apparently. Jason: ...huh. Jason: you know he tried to fuck a donkey and got kicked into a tree once, right? Tim: *almost swings into a billboard* ~ Bruce: -and Nightwing i want you down by the docks. everybody understand? Everyone else: *murmurs of agreement* Jason and Damian: *furiously whispering in the corner* Bruce: ...Red Hood. Robin. Jason and Damian: *not noticing him, getting louder* Damian: no, no that's BULLSHIT. it was purple. Jason: it was fucking green, Damian. you're colourblind. Damian: I'M NOT COLOURBLIND, YOU'RE JUST AN IDIOT. YOU WERE STRAIGHT OUT OF THE LAZARUS PIT, EVERYTHING WAS GREEN TO YOU. Jason: Damian, you were a ten year old on psychedelic mushrooms. it was GRASS and it was GREEN. Everyone else: Bruce: Bruce: sorry he was a ten year old on what now?

like the league of assassins lore must be WILD to hear out of context and i think the bats hearing just little snippets of it must be so insane for them.

[everwistfully]

Can you imagine that, in an AU or whatever, where somehow Bruce didn’t become Batman that he would be borderline physically unrecognizable?

I can only imagine the amount of plastic surgeries or just surgeries in general that he’s essentially been forced to have because of all his injuries while being Batman? So can it not be inferred that he would end up changing his appearance over time because of these surgeries?

So just imagine the available angst potential for an AU where the kids travel to this differing world where Bruce never became Batman. Not only are they watching the upheaval of their own lives without the influence of Bruce and what they became without him but also what Bruce is without them.

Ofc the differences would be evident in the way the two Bruce’s act but for that also to reflect in his appearance because of the lack of surgeries he’s undergone that have slowly transformed him to look much different (better) than the Bruce without Batman. Because, say what you will, but the purpose of most plastic surgeries is to change what is already there. Whether that be for the better of appearance or life saving measures but these doctors are used to literally doctoring their patients appearance, I can’t imagine they didn’t take a FEW liberties.

It may not be ALL that obvious but to his kids that have seen everything Bruce has to offer, it would be a critical hit!

His nose would be slightly crooked because of a bad fall he took as a kid that he let heal over time, his skin wouldn’t be as taunt or perfect as they’re used to seeing, he actually has wrinkles and can visibly emote. Despite all of that there’s something in his eyes that isn’t perpetually dim; and worst of all, he looks at them and his face doesn’t visibly brighten like they’re used to.

[ultraviolettefan]

Scene #1

JL: Discussing important things for the next mission

Batman: Pulls out a bag of blueberries out of nowhere.

JL: ???

Green Lantern, whispering to Flash:

"Did he just pull that out of his ass?"

Flash, shrugging: "Dunno, but those berries look good."

Batman: Gives Barry some of his berries.

Flash, shocked: Stumbles on a "thank you"

Green gloves reaching out of Batman's cape to grab a handful of blueberries

JL: !!??

Batman: continues discussing contingency plans.

Scene #2

JL: Debriefing on the last mission

Batman: Pulls out a shawarma wrap

Green Lantern, again whispering to Flash: "Seriously, where the fuck is he pulling that stuff out from???"

Flash, scared to comment: Shrugs

Gremlin munching noises coming from the Bat's cape.

JL:

Scene #3

Exclusive interview with Bruce Wayne

Clark Kent: trying not to struggle writing the sheer stupidity that just came out of this billionaire's mouth.

Bruce: Pulls out a pack of oreos from out of nowhere.

Clark:

[ultraviolettefan]

Blah blah blah Batman on truth serum blablanla they take advantage of the situation to find out what the mysterious Bat actually thinks of them

Turns out he's the most neutral guy on the team. Someone will ask "But don't you hate Green Lantern?" Cuz the dude keeps trying to ragebait him but the dude just shrugs and goes "Eh. He's alright. Does his job decent enough." Gets asked "Is Clark the person you like to work with the most?" And all they get is "His skills are useful, much like everyone else's." (They asked "work with" not fuck—if he got asked that, it'd be a very different answer)

When asked why he's so damn lukewarm, Batman just says "We hang out sometimes, save the world most of the time, there are billions of people on earth I can't expect every single one to be just like me." Turns out he's just the most chill and open-minded dude and doesn't really take any of the offensive shit to heart cuz like, hello? He's got kids to raise and a city to save 24/7—who the hell has time for all that drama?

When one of the Batkids (Tim) asks who his favourite is, he says "depends on who's not actively trying to kill themselves at the moment." Then when asked who his least favourite is he says no one and then goes on a 20 minute tangent about how much he loves them, how much he adores them—it gets sappy and embarrassing real fast. He'd have gone on for much longer if the kids didn't beg him to stop talking.

Then when he's asked who he hates the most in general, the chill attitude drops real fast and he starts genuinely tweaking out about how much he fucking hates Lex Luthor—but not for the reasons they think.

Instead they learn that when they were 5 Lex, the little shit that he is, fucking pushed his head into his cake on his birthday and Bruce never forgot about it. Oliver's laughing his ass off cuz he specifically remembers this exact incident and at one point his 5-year old ass fell off his chair laughing.

Now Dick understands why during galas Lex would stay as far away as he could when Bruce is attending because whenever there's a cake nearby, Bruce would give him that look.

[papayafromtv]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 39 (masterpost here)

Dick: -uhh, yeah i think Robin's with Red Robin tonight, over in Bristol. There's some kinda takedown RR wanted his help with, so if anything happens in the alley i'll be closest to come help.

Jason, whispering: he actually asked for Robin's presence? i thought they were fighting right now. hasn't Red been in a real bad mood since B started overseeing his operations at work?

Dick: dude- you don't even know. those two are weird. they only ever hang out when they're mad at each other.

Jason, still whispering: *slight scrape against concrete* it's like they have some sort of weird agreement to be pissed off at each other as much as possible. *quieter* awww, shit.

Dick: Agent- *laughs* Agent A told me he found the two fist-fighting in the garden. like- not sparring; brutal bloody fighting. he was about to rush out and tear them apart when they just... stopped. did some kinda handshake and went out for milkshakes together.

Jason: *quiet grunt* *smack against concrete* *light computer key tapping* ahhhhh i get it. they've found their little autistic fight buddy system.

Dick: *confused wheeze* their what?

Jason: you might wanna come over to that factory by that Thai place we went to a few weeks ago by the way. i estimate i have like, a couple minutes to download the info on these systems before they figure out i knocked out their guy and launch defence.

Dick: ...aw come on i just sat down, Hood-,

Jason, indignant: you offered-

Dick, sighing: yeah yeah fuck off, i'm coming, i'm coming. *distant pop of muscles* whaddya mean autistic fighting buddies?

Jason: *snorts* oh, back when i was on the streets a couple of kids i used to look out for did it. weren't good at regulating emotions for social situations, so whenever they got overwhelmed they'd just call their fighting buddy over and these guys would beat the shit out of each other in one of the parks in town. they were like, best friends; never held hard feelings or nothin'. i watched em' a couple times, they used to go all out. i had to set this little fucker's nose, like, three times. he was nine.

Dick: that's a thing people do?!

Jason, casual: i dunno. seemed to work though. cheaper than therapy; plus some of us used to watch on the side-lines like at a Roman colosseum. Robin definitely used to use the league fighting grounds as a way to blow off steam whenever Ra's had him in too many diplomat meetings, so i wouldn't be surprised if he kept that little coping mechanism up after being forced into the civilian school-child role.

Jason: and Red's just weird. so i buy it from him too.

Dick: *snort* wait, did you just say Ra's had diplomat meetings? in what universe was that man being diplomatic towards anything.

Jason: *light snickers* dude- Wing. you don't understand. it was a big. desert. lotta' us in there trying to hold down shady associations.

Dick: *disbelief audible* fuck off.

Jason: *wheeze* i joined like, three different opposing cults during my time there. all because Ra's or Talia pissed me off and i wanted to be rebellious for a while. diplomacy in that desert was no joke, we had to find a way to get along.

Dick: what fucking desert was this,

Jason: there was a- *wheeze* there was this shaman in this little village, right? and Ra's was terrified of her. she fuckin-, she was just a woman. literally just- like i checked. i checked her for magic. i was using the All-Blades like airport security wands on her, just checking for anything.

Dick: what do you mean; Ra's was scared of her?

Jason: HE FUCKIN' HATED HER! to this day i don't know why, she was literally just a woman; the shaman thing was bullshit. but Ra's was like. dead set on the idea that peace must be kept between us and her tribe. i'm telling you, he was terrified of her. Ra's Al Ghul's weakness is a fake shaman that lives about 5 miles out from him in a tent.

*beat of silence*

Dick: how has that not been used against him yet?

Jason: oh i did. i married her.

*two more seconds of silence*

Dick: ...sorry?

*distant bang* *unintelligible yelling*

Jason: *computer tapping stops* oh shit- ok yeah, ok so i- i did fully just yell out while undergoing a sleuth mission a few seconds ago, my bad. they found me. i gotta bounce. what's your ETA Nightwing?

Dick, indignant: NO NO- NO NO, WE ARE NOT MOVING PAST THAT LAST COMMENT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU MARRIED HER.

*gunshots*

Jason: it's really not that big a deal- motherfucker-

Dick: HEY- hey, Hood? that's a matter of opinion.

*thud*

Jason: OW. you piece of- *gunshots* yEAH, ain't so fuckin tough now, are we??? sorry- what were you sayin, Nightwing?

Dick: WHAT THE FUCK.

Jason: oh, dude- these guys have a- wait. wait wait wait- THESE GUYS HAVE A ROBOT OH MY G- *rapid loud gunfire*

*sudden static*

Dick: WHAT- Hood? HOOD?

*static*

Dick: YOU CAN'T DIE HOOD YOU HAVE A WIFE. FUCK- shit, fuck fuck fuck- HOLD ON. ORACLE???

*ping*

Barbara: his communicators are down. Red Robin and Robin have rerouted, is Batman still off-world?

Dick: yeah, all weekend, can you get eyes on the area?

Barbara: i'm looking, but you know Hood and his henchmen make a game out of finding and shooting all security cameras in the alley. there's a half-broken one still kind of functioning a few blocks out but all i can see is- oh fuck.

Dick: what?!

Barbara: Hood neglected to mention the size of this robot. this is some Attack on Titan level bullshit. how were they even hiding that thing- what fucking case has Hood been working?!

Dick: I DIDN'T ASK?! YOU HEARD WHAT HE- YOU HEARD HIM TELL ME HE WAS MARRIED, RIGHT? I WAS DISTRACTED.

Barbara: yeah, well you aren't gonna find out more unless you get in there and save him. i'm warning Red about the robot so he can try an EMP when he arrives. stay safe Nightwing.

*disconnecting ping*

*silence*

Dick: if i have to go to Nanda Parbat to tell a fake witch that she's been widowed i'm going to kill myself.

*silence*

Dick: and i am not telling B about the funeral.

(continued in pt 40)

[robs-your-robins]

I love the idea of Tim clocking Bruce was Batman as a small child but the problem is that he is a small child. Tim at a charity event with his parents and they're passing Bruce and Tim just tugs at Janet's hand snf he's like "Dad, that's Batman" and the Drakes are all, "Oh don't be silly, Timmy."

Then a few years later, Bruce is at a gala and Jack and he are bonding over their kids and Jack has to tell him that his Tim, his silly little boy, thinks that Bruce is Batman. And Bruce is chuckling, like "yo that's crazy" until he looks around and... is that? There's Tim pressed up against a window.

[namura018]

I just had to draw them

[sweethotspot]

Sometimes, we're just low quality Batfam

[lesbianjasontod]

dam more connie kent because you guys rlly liked her

[thebat-musicman]

*on a double date*

Jon: Damian and I are apartment hunting!

Kon: Oh I think there’s an empty apartment in my building, y’all could move in!

Damian: We dont want to live near you

Jon: He means that in a nice way

Tim: No he doesn’t

Damian: No I don’t

[finnoky]

He’s a great influence (Tim broke into his flat)

[batman-katflap]

Clark: "Hey, B, are you okay, you look a little--"

Bruce: "What ever you are about to say, don't say it."

Clark: "Why?"

Bruce, in a whisper: "Because Dick has taken it upon himself to impress me with backflips should I appear upset."

Clark: "And this is a problem because?"

Bruce, still whispering: "Because whilst in all other ways he is a gifted acrobat, every time he does a backflip, without fail, he falls on his face and fighting back the urge to laugh everytime is starting to wear on me."

Clark: "Aww, Bruce. Sounds like he messes up on purpose to try and make you laugh, 'cause I've seen him do backflips lots of times."

Bruce: "Oh..."

---

Bruce, later as he tucks Dick into bed: "If you really want to make me laugh, you should do that thing where you jump onto Clark..."

---

Dick, the next morning leaping from the chandelier: "SKY ATTACK."

Clark, scrambling to catch him: "Jesus, Dick!"

[mossing-around]

You know those posts about one of Bruce’s kids getting kidnapped and him having no idea which kid they have based on the vague descriptions he’s given? Well now I can’t only imagine Bruce getting the dreaded call and immediately pulling out a guess who board filled entirely with his kids. Like

kidnapper: we have one of your children

Bruce: I have so many of those you need to be more specific

kidnapper: the loud and annoying one

Bruce, flipping down Cass and Duke: that does not help as much as you think it does

kidnapper: well he has black hair?

Bruce, flips down Steph: keep going

kidnapper: uhhhh? He’s short?

Bruce, flips down Dick and Jason leaving Tim and Damian: more specific

kidnapper: he’s been condescending and judgmental since we got him

Bruce: yeah they both tend to do that

kidnapper: he keeps throwing around words I don’t understand

Bruce, realizing that Damian and Tim are significantly more similar than he thought: uhh more specific?

kidnapper: more?? look just wore us the mon— WHERE’D HE HIDE A KATANA???

Bruce: ah you have Damian

[kentodreaming]

characters have to be a little bit awful in ways that you cant defend. its good for the ecosystem. your honor he did do that. He did in fact do that

[atomikats]

mfw i come back from the dead and end up with 1 million new brothers that can bully me

(tiktok with the original audio)

[teatimetaker]

Instagram (social media in general tbh) is really starting to piss me off but I still want to share my art cause I love drawing and its fun and don't want my art to stay sitting in my art folder

Anyway here's Dick and Bruce (shockingly enough this one of his better parenting moves)