I love that, since I'm the only person that reads in my house, I convinced my grandma to buy me "Icebreaker" for Christmas and she has no idea what she actually bought for me
I highly suggest edibles, favorite caffeine drink, and a ROUSING playlist of your choosing turned up to unbearable levels on headphones... preferably in the dead of night.
Despised how it amplified every incessant thought, bringing them alive to torment you.
Everyone was asleep.
Batcher snored lightly beside Crosshair in the corner of the hold. Omega was sleeping on Wrecker’s back as he lay face down on the floor. Hunter was asleep, arms crossed over his chest as he rested upright against the hull.
Echo and Tech were in the cockpit.
The ship was hurtling through hyperspace, finally leaving Barton IV behind. You looked at the datapad in your hand and wiped a stray tear off your cheek. The image was frozen on you about to disappear into the Marauder.
It is just the excessive release of dopamine and norepinephrine, hormones that have a somewhat desirable effect on a person’s perception. It creates feelings of euphoria that can, quite frankly, be a hindrance.
Tech hadn’t been wrong. You were a hindrance for him. You felt how it confused his thoughts, clouding his logical decisions whenever he was around you. The screen went dark from lack of use but you kept the headphones on. Enclosing yourself in the silent bubble, inflicting a quiet torture you couldn’t escape. The beat of your heart was your only company, slowly driving you to distraction. So much so, your hands clenched into fists until pain filled your palms like a physical object.
Your body reacted violently when a long fingered hand tried to prise open your fists. Rocking back into a crate, the noise making you jump again.
“Sssh!” Crosshair hissed after he pushed one of the headphones aside. He waited, looking around but it seemed no one had woken up. A breath slowly eased out from between your trembling lips. He jerked his head back to where he’d been lying, tugging on your wrist.
Batcher let out a small whine, her tail thumping on the floor and she shifted to make room for you. Crosshair went back to his position, not letting go of your wrist so both your hands were draped over Batcher’s side. The hound sighed happily, her glow of warmth chasing away the melancholy that had been haunting you.
Cross let go of your hand but you weren’t ready for that yet, placing your hand over his. You heard his huff and felt the twitch of his fingers but he didn’t pull away. Maybe…in this moment, he needed the company as much as you did.
Burying your face into Batcher, breathing in her musky scent and bathing in her presence was just what you needed to finally sleep.
For the first time in a while, you felt refreshed. The dark of your dreams had been nightmare free. Batcher shifted under your hand and you absently rubbed her side, snuggling into her warmth to mumble, “That was a good sleep.”
“Stop rubbing my chest like I’m that stinking hound.” You recoiled quickly, snatching your hand away as your eyes flew open.
Batcher wasn’t laying between you and Crosshair anymore, she had moved and somehow your hand had been resting on his chest. The clone lay on his back, staring at the ceiling with an expression that told you he wished it would cave in and kill him immediately.
“I’m sorry!”
“You smell like a hound,” Wrecker snickered from across the hold. Dread seeped into your body and you lurched upright, looking for a certain someone.
“He’s in the cockpit,” Crosshair answered your unspoken question. “He insisted you shouldn’t be moved.” Everything inside you was collapsing, tugging down to the forbidden depths where you hid the emotions you weren’t ready to face. Tech had seen you sleeping next to Crosshair. With a groan you shoved the heel of your hands straight into your eyes.
This whole situation was an excruciating mess. Maybe Echo could take you when he went back to the underground. Leave the Batch in peace to live out their lives and forget you ever existed.
“Guys,” Hunter’s voice rumbled from the cockpit. “Rex is sending a transmission.”
“About time!” Wrecker smiled wildly. “Hopefully he’s got something good for us.” Echo had pulled the ship from hyperspace, hanging motionless in the darkness of space. Stars filled the canopy, studding it like diamonds, glittering and glinting with their own inner fire.
The holo was already on, an imagine of a clone with closely cropped light hair was looking around at all the faces surrounding him. Reminding you very much of Echo’s first greeting, Rex gave you a subtle nod before turning to Omega.
“It’s good to see you, kid.”
Omega beamed. “You too, Rex.”
“Is everything alright?” Echo asked.
“Ah. Yes and no.”
“What is it, Captain?” Hunter crossed his arms, looking wary as he eyed the blue flickering figure.
“You need to come back to base.”
“I’ll drop this lot off and I’ll be on my way,” Echo responded quickly.
“No. You still need to rendezvous with Gregor. But the rest of you, I need here.” Rex’s eyes sought you out, pouring with apologies you didn’t think you deserved.
“Hemlock is looking for me.” Rex rubbed his stubbled jawline, giving you a curt nod.
“Yeah and not just you either. Trust me, you’re gonna want to see this.”
The cockpit was mostly quiet considering everyone was sat in it. Echo was answering Hunter’s questions about the newest clone base, Tech was on his datapad, occasionally adding a comment he deemed relevant. Wrecker sat on the floor, making a fuss of Batcher. Omega and Cross were in the spare seats, the kid mimicking Crosshair’s brooding pose. You were sat behind them, in the corner being mesmerised by the rush of hyperspace.
You enjoyed the shine of it in everyone’s eyes. No matter what they were feeling, the reflection of space remained unchanged. Vast and unyielding against even the flow of time, space yawned all around. It scared you, sensing the emptiness beyond the ship, but it was better to be there than inside your own head.
Since the transmission with Rex…no.
Since Tech had seen you asleep beside his brother, you noticed his emotions were muted.
Maybe you were trying not to reach out to him, lessening the connection that tethered you together.
Quite possibly, he wasn’t reaching out either. Unwittingly putting up those barriers around himself.
You felt the light of this force in all living things, but none of them burned as brightly as you did. What would it be like? To come across another being that had the same awareness of the force you did? You doubted you would ever find out.
The reverie you found yourself in was broken by the jarring sensation of the ship coming out of light speed. Echo guided the ship through the atmosphere, landing it easily in a landing space cleared near a B’omarr Order Monastery that served as the new base. On closer inspection, the building was actually sat on top of some natural rock that had been hewn out to disguise how deep the structure really went.
Your hands needed to fidget. The idea of being away from the relative safety of Pabu, longer than planned, made you feel off kilter. To be here — once Echo left — without a ship, made you anxious.
Plates of armour clacked together when you shifted the helmet in the crook of your arm, drawing the attentions of Crosshair and Tech who had taken a spot either side as you all waited for the ramp to open.
“What’s the matter?” Crosshair gave you a sidelong judgemental stare, his fingers tugged on the toothpick he never seemed to be without.
“Just feels wrong,” you muttered, trying to shift the plates into a comfortable position, effectively making yourself more uncomfortable.
Cross regarded you for a moment. “You look like a 5 year old natborn dressed you.” Wrecker snorted at the disdainful jibe, even Hunter looked amused when he glanced back to check on you. Seemed their episode on Barton had smoothed some feelings out between them.
“Haha,” was the only sarcastic response you could think of, scrunching up your face in annoyance.
“Would you allow me to alleviate your discomfort?”
Instantly you stilled. “Yes, yes please.”
Tech nodded to acknowledge your breathy response and began to adjust the armour plates. Your gaze seared through him but your heart betrayed you with every brush of his fingers. Your scalp tingled with awareness due to his proximity, lashes fluttering slightly when his breath ghosted across the side of your face.
Crosshair shook his head as a reddish, purple light filled the hold. No doubt he thought Tech was pandering to you again. He shouldn’t have said that to his brother, and you shouldn’t have reacted the way you did. But you felt there was no other way, you had to push Tech away in the same moment you pushed Cross. The sniper was still trying to find his footing in the squad, you didn’t want to make him feel like you had taken your support of him away.
When Tech stepped aside, you saw a pair of clones waiting at the bottom of the ramp.
“They don’t look happy to see us,” Wrecker whispered loudly before breaking out into a smile and laugh, jamming his hand into Crosshair’s shoulder. “Just like old times, huh?”
The clone from the transmission, Rex, walked forward to meet you, another behind him in a set of white and teal armour. He had a scar up his left cheek and a hard scowl on his face, which was directed at Crosshair. You didn’t need to focus your awareness, to feel the waves of anger and suspicion that radiated off this clone. Not even Rex’s eternal inner calm could counter the harshness you felt.
“Thanks for coming,” Rex met the gaze of everyone in the squad briefly, giving a small smile to Omega.
“Good to see you, Rex,” Hunter said.
“Wish I felt the same,” the other clone started, casting a vicious look up and down Crosshair. You tensed. “I have unfinished business with this one. Remember me?” He stepped forward, a move you mirrored to stand a step in front of Crosshair. It took the clone a few moments to see through his anger, recognition dawned, but it wasn’t enough to make him back down. “Surprised I’m alive?! Most of my squad from Ryloth is dead because of you.”
He raised a finger at Crosshair, to jab him over your shoulder, except you knocked it away. Mustering a competitive glare of your own.
“Easy, Howzer,” Rex put a hand on the clone’s shoulder.
Howzer. Formally a Captain…you were sure of that. Some essence of truth welled up from the forgotten recesses of your mind.
“I know you two have history. But we’re all on the same side now.” Howzer scoffed at Rex’s words, his scathing glance flickered to you before he took a small step back.
A collective breath was released from everyone at your back and it made you lower your eyes to fixate on the ground. They had been worried about your reaction, expecting you to fly off the handle no doubt and show your true colours.
Hunter moved the moment along like it had never happened. “Why’d you call us here, Captain?”
“We have something to show you. Follow me.”
“Omega!” Echo called from the ship and she turned to run back. Wrecker and Batcher stayed with her, so you continued on into the base with the others following Rex.
You paused at the door. There was a pressure in the air around you, a warning. It tugged at your gut, making you scan the sky for anything out of the ordinary.
“Are you sensing something?” Tech was waiting a few paces away, head tilted as he registered your behaviour. For a moment you wondered why he had noticed the quick change in you, but then with Hunter as brother, he would be astute at recognising these types of mannerisms.
“It’s just a feeling,” you told him as you began to follow the others once more.
“Positive or negative?” He inquired.
“I’m not sure.”
Rex lead you all into the main area of the base. In the centre was a round command post, surrounded by control panels, storage crates, an eating area and a handful of clones that all had matching glares when they saw Crosshair had walked in.
The animosity was cloying, stoking that forever burning rage within you, born from the injustice of the situation. If they were unhappy to see Crosshair, you felt they should be unhappy to see you as well.
“Your numbers are growing,” Hunter observed, noticing the scowl off a clone in camouflage coloured armour and another in white and yellow.
“Well, we need all the help we can get,” Rex informed him. “Once we find the exact coordinates of the Tantiss Base, we have to hit it hard if we’re gonna pull our brothers out of there.”
Everything inside you tightened at the mention of Tantiss. Crosshair simmered with the same level of hesitancy beside you.
“I have questions about the facility, but that’s not the only reason why I sent for you.” Rex grabbed a puck off the console. “We recovered a target list from an Imperial operative.” He pressed a button to reveal a holo of you. “That’s not all.” The image changed to one of Omega.
“Not a surprise,” Crosshair’s voice was verging on icy sharpness. “They escaped Imperial custody.”
“So did you,” Howzer instantly pointed out. “But you’re not on the list.”
“Guess I’m not as valuable to them,” Cross answered, his mouth set in a firm line.
“Or you’re feeding them information!”
“Back off!” You blurted out, stunning the entire room to silence. Howzer looked shocked but it didn’t last long, his ire now directed at you. “You have no idea what you’re saying.”
“Oh, I do,” Howzer countered angrily. “You expect us to believe he was held on Tantiss for months, but he doesn’t know how to get back there?!”
Rage. It was so fierce, rising to meet Howzer’s own, it burned under your skin. “And what about me?” Your head cocked to the side, listening to the shuffle of feet behind you. “I was there for six months.” You stepped forward again, enjoying the little thrill when Howzer bumped into the console behind him. Your voice became quieter. “Locked in a room with no window. Isolated, with only my own nightmares for company. Do you really think I would be able to find my way back to that?”
“Easy,” Hunter placed a hand on your shoulder, taking the edge off the red haze and you forced your body to unclench.
“You weren’t loyal to the Empire before you were, relocated to Tantiss,” Howzer responded diplomatically. “He was.”
“Whether you believe me or not,” Crosshair said. “It’s the truth. But I’m not loyal to the Empire any longer.”
Howzer scoffed. “Your squad may trust you. But I don’t.”
“What’s going on?” Everyone shifted at Omega’s voice, trying to cover the lingering impression of averted confrontation.
“The Empire is targeting you and Stitch. Again.” Crosshair explained dryly.
“No surprise there,” Wrecker said with a dark chuckle.
“Why were they after you before?” Your brain whited out at Rex’s question, thankful when Omega answered first.
“To force Nala Se to cooperate and conduct certain experiments.”
“Which, were what?”
Your hands balled up into fists, the image of the lab tried to drift over your vision, wanting to drag you back there, to trap you once more. You fought the urge to close your eyes, because if you gave in, then the base would be erased from sight and all that would be left, would be the white walls.
Still the darkness came, forcing that pain between your eyes to bloom again. It sucked colour and sound from the room, leaving behind a void of nothing that made your breath quicken. There was something here. Something…unnatural.
A touch on your lower back, feather light and unnoticeable to anyone else, attempted to ease some tension from you. Tech was calm. Worried for you, but overall, his calm prevailed. There was nothing you could do to stop his presence melding with yours, it fascinated you how easily it happened with him and no one else. As though your souls wanted nothing more than to be entwined all the time. He was a balm, soothing colour back into your world.
“Nala Se was working on something involving M-Count? I don’t know what that means, but they were taking blood samples from everyone…even me,” Omega was saying.
“M-Count?” Rex repeated.
M-Count. The pitch of your heart elevated, because you had heard those words before…but you couldn’t recall the details.
“Stitch?” Everyone was looking at you, waiting for you to respond to Rex. “What about you?”
“I would advise caution when questioning Stitch about her time on Tantiss,” Tech spoke up.
“Why?” Howzer prompted when it didn’t look like Tech was going to elaborate for once.
Tech swung his helmet round to face the reg. “Given the highly traumatic nature of the event, do you require an additional rationale?" His expression didn’t change, but his tone of voice became waspish.
“Well we don’t know what happened. Do we?” Taunted Howzer.
“Don’t, push it,” snarled Crosshair.
“You might want to back off,” Hunter warned the reg, throwing an arm out to stop Crosshair launching himself across the few paces to Howzer.
“I can tell you everything I know,” Omega spoke up.
Tech’s hand wandered up your back while Omega talked more. You couldn’t feel his touches through the backplate, but you felt every tiny vibration of movement with your other senses. He easily brushed aside the dark thoughts, sending them back into the void they spawned from.
“Chow time!” Fireball called out from the doorway as Omega’s story wrapped up. “Gregor’s recipe, with a few of my own spicy modifications.”
“Oh! Now you’re talking,” Wrecker followed the smell of food, Batcher and Omega right by his side.
“Wait.” Everyone else hesitated and looked at the sniper. “There’s more you should know.” Crosshair sucked in a breath, unable to shift the dark weight in his chest he fought to speak over. “Not all of the clones on Tantiss are prisoners. Some are loyal to the Empire.” He stopped, taking a second to collect himself before he continued. “There is a division of clones trained as specialised operatives and initiated into a secret deep cover program run by Hemlock.” You felt his struggle, saw the pain that flickered in the depth of his clear gaze. “Their identities are erased. They undergo, conditioning. The few that make it through come out…different.”
There was an ache in your chest, the band wrapped around you like the bindings that had strapped you into the machine. This had been done to you but also…you looked up, shivering under the dread of realisation.
“If the program’s so secretive, how do you know about it?” Howzer accused, his arms crossed defensively.
“Because they tried to make me into one of them.” Hunter and Tech shared a passing glance at Crosshair’s candid admission.
“Tried?”
“It didn’t work. Being defective is in my nature.” The urge to reach for Crosshair was overwhelming. He had admitted this, here and now, in an effort to prove he was telling the truth. Laying himself out for all to see. But you didn’t want him to look weak when he was under such scrutiny.
“You’ve encountered one before. The assassin on Coruscant.” You squinted against the pressure in your mind at Hunter’s words. The memory unfurled like a barbed flower, clawing its way free to blossom completely.
It looked like a stasis chamber but all it did was remind you of your confinement. Rex opened the panel on the top and you came face to face with another clone.
There was a void in the box, a silence that nothing could break and it screamed at you.
“He’s an assassin,” Rex clarified to the group. “His identifying numbers been wiped.”
“We’ve known they existed,” you heard Rex say. “But never knew exactly what they were.”
The unnatural silence you felt oozed from behind a closed door, drawing the air out of your lungs in a rush. You stumbled back into Tech who instantly reacted to stop you falling.
“You have one, here!” Rex’s expression contorted, looking almost apologetic in the face of your fear.
“We, uh, captured one. I’ve tried questioning him but he hasn’t been very cooperative.”
“You have one here? Alive?!” Crosshair rushed out in one breath. You turned to zero in on him. Sensing the blooming agitation and fear that blotted the space around him. “Impossible. The Empire would be on top of us already. They have ways of tracking their operatives.”
Howzer smirked. “We scanned him. He’s clear.”
“It’s not the kind of tracker your scans would pick up. Hemlock’s smarter than that,” Crosshair stressed desperately.
“I concur,” Tech backed him up. “I would not underestimate Hemlock.”
Hunter huffed, his brow dragging down. He looked at you, his intent right there for you to sense. Your fingers flexed and you gave him a nod.
“Where’s the operative?” He asked. “Show us.”
Having Tech behind, kept you going forward. You would do this. Even when it felt like you might not be able to summon the strength, you knew there was no choice.
Rex opened the door and instantly the scrawling mass that surrounded the operative, assaulted your senses.
You heard Crosshair say, “We need to leave. Now.” But you were already sinking. The assassin’s eyes devoured you. His presence screamed of chaos and agony, crawling into your presence with sharp teeth, the monster inside raging.
You cried out, unable to tear yourself away from his invisible hold. You had to try, you had to do this.
“Stitch! Let go, you must let go!” Crosshair sounded so far away…
Concentrate. This clone didn’t have the strength you did. He played on your fear, his suffering drawing out your own, like blood from a wound. Your fingers stretched outwards, feeling for the press of his throat until he choked two meters away.
The chaos lessened. Bowing under the pressure you were inflicting and giving you enough room to delve deeply into his psyche.
The strain of it brought you to your knees. Tech had his arms under yours, sinking with you. “He…he has orders to assassinate a senator.” It was difficult, so difficult trying to sort through the erratic thoughts. Many didn’t make sense, fragments of them drifted, splintered images cracked like mirrors making it impossible to make them out.
“Where is Tantiss?” Rex whispered, crouching beside you. “Can you find it?”
“I —.” Your expression contorted from the pain that speared into your mind, a soft gasp of shock spilled until you pushed through it.
“Hunter, if she continues…”
“I know, Tech. I know.”
You blocked them out. The operative struggled, looking as though he was in pain from you rummaging around in his mind. Until he strangled out a laugh.
And you knew why.
The assassin didn’t have the one answer they wanted.
It was a drain, extracting yourself from the sucking blackness. You had never felt anything so blank and so turbulent at the same time. The operative gasped, his eyes widening when you finally pulled yourself free, falling back into Tech’s chest, reaching to touch the blood dripping from your nose.
“If you want answers so badly,” the assassin sneered. His gaze now fixed on Crosshair. “Why aren’t you asking him? Right, brother?” Rage surged through your system, your vision blurred with the force of it and you pitched forward, both hands out stretched.
Good. Good.
The clone choked silently this time, his eyes bulging as your fingers closed into a fist. Pressure pushed on your mind until it felt like your head was going to crack in half.
You are more powerful than I imagined.
The desire to kill this creature was heightened by the darkening of your mind. Even as your arm shook, even as each knock of your pulse could be felt round your entire body, even as it went against who you were.
The darkness was clouding everything, exuding a sense of satisfaction as this clone’s life began to thread through your severing hold.
“Vod’ika.” Crosshair’s use of Mando’a stirred something long dormant as he kneeled beside you. “He is not worth it. He’s a liar.” He didn’t touch you, just watched as you made the operative choke for a few seconds longer until Hunter stepped in.
“Let him go, Stitch. Now.” The command in his voice could not go ignored. So you let him go. Heaving a breath in, watching the clone fall forward in his chair, gasping and coughing.
“He doesn’t know the coordinates,” you rasped, exhausted now the darkness was retreating with an air of disappointment.
“They are coming,” the assassin wheezed. Bloodshot eyes rose to fix on you and Crosshair. “They are coming for all of you.”
Your eyes grew wide. Turning to Rex with your mouth open to tell him something was about to happen when an explosion rocked the ground floor.
“What was that?” Rex shouted.
“They’re here.”
“Get up, vod’ika,” Crosshair urged you. As two more blasts thundered through the base.
“Comms are down. We move out. Now!” Rex bellowed.
“Don’t open it!” You shoved Crosshair away with one hand, reaching in the opposite direction with the other. But you were too slow. The blaster bolt ripped through your hold in the force, killing the assassin immediately. The mental chaos ceased. Leaving behind an emptiness that was almost worse.
“We got a shooter out here!” Wrecker bellowed.
Strong arms grabbed you. Pulling you from the room to hunker down behind some crates. The flash of Wrecker’s blaster tattooed the back of your eyes.
“Tech, we need to get comms online,” Rex shouted.
“Put this on.” Crosshair was forcing your helmet over your head. “Pull a weapon if you can’t use the other.” He’d seen the blood on your face that had now congealed under your nose and over your lips.
“Help Nemec. We’ll cover you!” Tech nodded at Rex, a blaster and his datapad already in his hands. Nemec moved swiftly to the command post, pulling the panel off the access the wires. A high pitched whine screeched in your ears and your stomach dropped into the floor.
You grabbed onto Tech just as he was about to break cover, when the command post exploded on one side, throwing Nemec across the room. The clone was alive and Tech was unharmed.
“Backup plan! Into the bunker. I’ll cover you! Go!” The squad leapt into action. Rex took point, while the rest of you moved. Howzer retrieved Nemec. Your armour knocked against Tech’s and banged into Crosshair’s as you all tried to make your way across.
Red, blistering heat had you throwing up a hand before your visor could adjust to the brightness. You watched another clone charge towards the shooter with the flame thrower, taking a blaster shot in the shoulder at close range. “Fireball!” Your scream filled the second of silence before the detonator exploded, heaving you all backwards with the force of the blast.
Your ears were ringing. There was a disorientating pressure in your face from where your helmet had crushed into you with the blast. Every movement made your entire body scream as you tried to get up.
Rock and dust fell from the building foundations with a hiss. The world rocked alarmingly, circuits sparked and screens shattered but it was the silent void where Fireball had been that made you crawl forward.
Tears slipped free at the agonising loss of life you sensed. “Fireball!” You screamed again, ignoring the chunks of stone that came loose from the ceiling, slamming into the ground to create a webbing of cracks under your feet.
“Move!” Hunter barrelled out of nowhere, almost tackling you back into the room with the dead assassin. The pair of you fell to the floor, covering your heads as more of the ceiling came down, breaking the floor apart and sealing you all in the bunker.
The room filled with dust and smoke. Fire crackled alarming, the stench of burnt circuits made you gag. Age old panic wove around your throat.
This was familiar, too familiar.
You couldn’t see anyone, unable to focus enough to search your feelings for them either. So you cried out instead. “Tech! Tech!”
“I am here.” His helmet materialised through the fog of your tears, your hands reached out to him. You needed to touch him, to feel he was alive and breathing. "I am uninjured,” he told you when he realised what you were doing. “However, if you persist with such a thorough examination, I may become vulnerable to injury,” Tech’s voice was strained and you eased the grip on his arm, a sob shuddering through your body.
“Crosshair!”
“My ears are still ringing,” he moaned from somewhere to the right. “Don’t start screaming my name.”
Everyone else began to appear. Batcher sniffed out the others, Hunter and Nemec helped Crosshair, Omega helped Rex up and Howzer stumbled into the ring of torchlight shaking his head. Wrecker pressed a hand on the rock, testing how well sealed it was. Hunter shone his torch around the room, inspecting the damage and looking for a way out.
“We need to get moving before their reinforcements get here,” Rex said.
“Is there another way off this spire?” Rex gave a brief chuckle at Hunter’s question.
“There’s always another way.” With a swift kick, he moved some crates to reveal a hole in the floor that showed the entrance to a tunnel. “This leads to the lower levels.”
“Are you injured?” You glanced at Tech while Rex and Hunter helped Omega into the tunnel.
“I don’t think so.” You were numb. Unsure if you could cope with anything else in this very moment.
“Would you say if you were?” Crosshair asked.
“Probably not,” You muttered.
“Hmm.” He clearly didn’t like your response but chose not to push it. Wrecker was next to disappear as Tech crouched beside the entrance.
Your breath caught loudly through the vocoder.“Crosshair…”
“Don’t ask me.”
“If I get taken…” you whispered.
“I—we won’t let that happen.” He nudged you forward, putting an end to the conversation.
The tunnels were rough, slightly smaller in some places and you winced at the sound of Wrecker’s armour scraping along the stone. The space eventually opened out to a wide stair case that clearly spiralled around the core of the monastery.
Rex looked down into the hollow centre to work out how far up you all were. “Our leech vessel is docked about ten levels down.”
“Doesn’t have a hyperdrive though,” Howzer announced. “We won’t get far.”
“No, but we can use it to contact Echo.”
“Stay alert,” Hunter needlessly reminded everyone. Your fingers felt rubbery as you gripped the blaster and pulled your vibroblade free, following the others down the many steps. There was a rumble through the thick walls and Tech inspected the ceiling as though he could see through it.
“The reinforcements are here,” he stated.
Another explosion rocked the base, dust scattered down the steps with a raining hiss.
“No going back now,” Rex told you all heavily. “The ship’s docked just down this corridor.”
Your feet stopped moving. Something was coming with pounding footsteps that thundered rhythmically in your mind.
“Stitch? We have to keep moving,” Tech encouraged you quietly.
“Stop,” Crosshair loudly ordered and the group ground to a halt.
“What is it?” Nemec asked. You gestured to Crosshair and he nodded, looking out into the darkness through an opening beside you.
“They’re coming.” He looked up, his visor reflected the bright red blaster bolt that missed him by inches. You wrenched him away from the opening, pushing him against the wall.
“I’ll handle it,” Crosshair announced, giving you a shove with his elbow. “Go.”
You didn’t want to leave him. You nearly resisted Tech and his urgent grasp as he pulled you away from Crosshair. The only reason you went, was because of the determination you felt in Crosshair. This was his battle to face.
Rex led everyone into the tunnels, torch light bobbing with each step, throwing shadows along the walls. The group was breathing heavily, their resolve hardening the closer you all moved to the ship. The ramp opened and Rex dove in to power it up. You hovered by the hatch with Wrecker and Tech, blaster cocked and ready incase Crosshair wasn’t the one coming down the tunnel.
But he was, relief cascading over you as he ran into the ship. “We need to go.”
“We’re waiting on you,” Wrecker told him.
“You didn’t kill him,” you whispered to Crosshair.
“I missed,” he seethed angrily. Disappointed with himself but resigned at the same time.
The vessel was tiny, the space made smaller by the amount of bodies crushed into it. Batcher was hassling Nemec with Omega talking to him. Tech was standing next to Rex at the controls, Howzer and Hunter moved aside to make room for Wrecker. You were crushed in, forced to stand before Crosshair.
“Let me see.”
“No…”
“Crosshair.” Your voice was sharp, ending all protests. Still he sighed, offering his hand to you and looking away. He was trembling, the shivers consumed his hand and you worked on smoothing them out. Using repetitive motions with your thumbs, drawing them heavily along his palm and between his fingers, working your way to his wrist.
“Prepare to launch.” Your feet spread to account for the movement of the ship, lost in calming Crosshair which ultimately calmed you as well.
But then you felt the disturbance too late. The blaster shots exploded the engines, jolting you all in midair. Alarms beeped loudly, power flickered through the ship and you saw the ground growing increasingly closer through the canopy.
“Remora-one, we’ve been compromised. Heading to marker 025 for an extraction,” Rex relayed in his transmission to Echo. “Repeat. Marker 025.”
The hull quaked as metal creaked and groaned under the pressure. Air rushed past in a scream, the cockpit began to fill with smoke.
“Impact is imminent,” Tech commented from somewhere behind you.
“We’re going down! Strap in!” Rex yelled.
“Hold on, vod’ika.” Crosshair tugged you forward, switching your places so you were in the corner and he was standing in front of you. Hunter was strapping Omega into a chair, Wrecker was holding Batcher, Howzer and Nemec braced themselves. Rex fought the ships controls, levelling it out as best he could before him and Tech abandoned them to take refuge further back in the ship. Your hand grabbed Tech’s arm, grateful when Crosshair moved over so they could both stand before you.
There was nothing you could do as the ship hit the ground. Omega cried out when the ship flipped so hard you thought your stomach was in your feet and head at the same time. The guys grunted with the effort of holding their positions, armour rattled in the twisting space as the ship lost momentum and slid across the ground instead. The lurch made everyone lose their footing, ending up in a heap on the ceiling of the cockpit.
“Well, that was awful,” Wrecker groaned loudly in the sudden stillness. Hands helped you stand. Wrecker managed to open the hatch, Batcher burst out giving herself a shake. Nemec crawled free, removing his helmet to empty the contents of his stomach in some tree roots.
Your head was swimming. Still reeling from exhausting yourself earlier, then the explosion and now this. It was a wonder any of you could stand at all.
“Is everyone all right?” Hunter checked on Omega who gave him a quick nod.
“I’ve experienced better landings,” Howzer commented over the sound of Nemec still retching.
“Grab what supplies you can,” Rex ordered, passing out a couple of bags. Omega shouldered one and Crosshair drifted over to her.
“You good?” He asked.
“Uh-huh.” You could tell she was shaken, but it didn’t overpower her.
“Got your crossbow?”
“Yep.”
Crosshair continued to interrogate her, ignoring the others as they watched curiously. “Sure you can carry those supplies?”
“Yes.” She turned to face him.
“Stay close. It’s easy to get lost in this terrain.”
There was a moment that lifted the heaviness of the situation when Omega subtly rolled her eyes. “You’re as bad as Hunter.”
“Oh.” Crosshair loomed over her. “I’m much worse.”
Tech’s datapad screen was reflected in his goggles when you turned to look for him. He registered your movement, glancing up at your approach. “I remain uninjured,” he informed you.
“Do you mind if I don’t take your word for it?” The datapad lowered slightly, his fingers still.
“I assure you, I would never purposely deceive you.” Tech sounded almost pained at the idea, what you could see of his expression was lined with concern.
“I’m just worried,” you admitted softly.
“Understandable. This entire situation has been less than ideal.”
“Echo should meet us at the extraction point. We have to continue on foot,” Rex informed the group once Nemec had his helmet back on.
“How far?” Hunter was frowning, his eyes tracking over the terrain as well as his exhausted and battered squad. Once he was happy with everyone he put his helmet back on.
“Five klicks north,” Nemec stated. You all looked up at the sound of the Imperial ships approaching your current position.
It was Tantiss all over again. The jungle was thick, tree roots covered the ground making it uneven. The pace was as fast as you could all make it, stumbling through the dark, not wanting to use the torches and give away your position.
Oya’karir. The hunt had started, you can sense it with each pound of your pulse. Someone had their sights set on you and Omega, and they were right behind you.
The path evened out so Rex slowed the group to a walk as cover became more scarce. A roar created a disturbance deeper in the jungle, shocking some animals to take flight in the distance.
“What the heck was that?” Wrecker demanded gruffly.
“That would be a jungle rancor.” Tech answered without hesitation.
“A what?” You noticed Crosshair take a step closer to Omega, his rifle poised and ready to shoot.
“The creature is approximately six klicks to the west,” Tech gestured vaguely in that direction. “It should not intersect with our route.”
“Are you sure?” Hunter turned round to address his brother.
Tech glanced at him with an exasperated sigh. “I said ‘should’, not ‘would’. Despite my extensive knowledge of Teth’s fauna, even I cannot predict with absolute certainty the movements of a rancor.”
“Comforting,” Howzer muttered.
“What do they look like?”
Crosshair made a noise through his vocoder, picking up his pace to escape the inevitable information splurge that was about to occur from your question.
Tech almost missed a step at your request, stumbling slightly and then clearing his throat. “I can explain later if…?”
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know. I think we could all do with a minor distraction,” you swept your arm out to encompass the group.
“I fought a baby rancor once,” Wrecker told Howzer, clapping the clone on the back.
“It was an adolescent,” Tech corrected him with a pointed finger
“I would have paid good credits to witness that fight,” Crosshair retorted.
“I recorded it,” Tech hastily told him.
Crosshair looked back, shaking his head a little. “Of course you did.”
“I miss Muchi,” Omega sighed from beside the sniper.
“Come on,” Hunter encouraged Tech. “What do they look like?”
"If you insist. Jungle rancors are actually quite fascinating and exhibit a very different appearance compared to their Dathomirian counterparts. There are several distinctions between the species. Most notably, their skin color is much more vibrant than that of the common rancor. Additionally, they possess sharp spines that run along much of their body, including their tongue. Jungle rancors have webbing between their fingers and toes, which common rancors lack, and their jaws differ significantly in shape and size, with the jungle rancor having the larger of the two.”
You noticed Howzer and Nemec exchange a look through their helmets while Rex shook his with a half chuckle. “Nothing ever changes,” he murmured. “The first time I met Tech, he gave me a lecture on male yalbecs.”
“Aw yeah. Now that was a good time,” Wrecker said dreamily.
“Not something I personally, would like to repeat,” Crosshair pointed out.
“Why not?” Omega inquired and Hunter groaned.
“Ah, let’s focus on that when we get back home,” he suggested.
“I have the video available on the Marauder if you would like to view it,” Tech told the kid and she grinned up at Crosshair with a mischievous glint in her eye.
“Oh, definitely,” she told Tech over her shoulder.
The group fell into a comfortable silence, taking constant stock of their surroundings and now, looking out for jungle rancors.
Omega and Batcher drifted to the front with Hunter and Rex, Wrecker brought up the rear. Tech stayed beside you, his visor occasionally coming down to observe the flora in passing. Howzer and Nemec were ahead, gaining on Crosshair, you noticed with interest.
The sniper sighed when they drew level, casting quick glances in his direction. “What?”
“I’ve seen how you are with the kid and Stitch,” Howzer said quietly. Hearing your name, you zeroed in on the conversation.
“Hmm. Your point?”
“Well…” Howzer shrugged under his armour. “You’re different than you were on Ryloth. So…what changed?” You pulled Tech to a halt when Crosshair stopped to face the two regs.
“Loyalty meant something to me. But with the Empire, it didn’t go both ways.” Tech kept his gaze trained on Cross, listening closely. “I realised how disposable I was.”
“You’re not the only one,” Howzer replied kindly. You let out a breath when they all carried on walking, you and Tech following.
“I realise, we have not taken the time to talk to Crosshair about what transpired on Tantiss,” Tech murmured to you. “We do not know the full extent of what happened to him.”
“He wasn’t ready to open up then,” you reassured him. “Cross is talking now because he feels he has to prove himself. If we return to Pabu, he needs a break from it all.”
“When.”
“Huh?”
Tech gave you an earnest glance. “You said ‘if we return.’ I corrected it to ‘when we return.’”
“Were you always this much of an optimist?”
Tech took a while to respond and you wondered if you had upset him somehow. You weren’t prepared for his answer.
"I am convinced the worst ordeal is behind me. Even if the remainder of my life unfolds as a worst-case scenario, I find solace in knowing you are safe." His words made your heart ache. It was excruciating, knowing that you being taken, was the worst thing that had ever happened to him. "Therefore, I surmise I now tend to perceive the positive aspects in every situation."
“Do you have the memory of when I was taken?” Tech’s shoulders dropped a little at the request.
“I do not have the recording of what transpired within the medbay,” he hesitated long enough for you to notice. “I do, however, have the message you recorded onto Beetoo before she was destroyed.”
The medbay, the droid…you’d seen them in the videos of your memories. Unease unfurled all around you, stealing what you were going to say as the air shimmered and vibrated.
“Can you feel that?”
“No. But I am reading an Imperial ship less than a klick south.” The pair of you jogged to catch up with the others as the ship sailed overhead, drowning out Batcher’s bark. Bright lights flooded the jungle, forcing you all to find cover behind a rock and some trees. Soldiers descended from the open base of the ship, just as they had on Tantiss.
“We have to knock through their line to reach the extraction point,” Rex shouted over the sound of the engines.
“We’ve got these.” Omega produced some smoke grenades from her pack and handed them to Wrecker. He armed them and tossed them high into the air. To your surprise, the troopers fired upon your squad with stun blasts. A tremor of fear snaked down your spine. Of course they used stuns, they wanted to drag you back to Tantiss. To Hemlock. Alive.
Crosshair fired some shots and then dropped into the smoke bank next to Omega. “Stick by my side, and stay down,” he ordered.
Tech was beside you, his footsteps matched yours in the retreat, backing away from the advancing troopers. Wrecker and Batcher circled round the back of them, jumping into the fray bashing heads together and pouncing on confused soldiers.
Nemec and Howzer were like ghosts in the smoke. Dragging unsuspecting troopers back into the thick of the smoke. Tech and you were back to back, trying to make sense of the noises and shadows.
You focused, feeling a presence approaching through the dark. The blue glow of a commando visor materialised, lifting his blaster to shoot you.
You wouldn’t go back.
You refused to let Hemlock lay his hands on you ever again.
With a strangled cry you leapt forward, dodging the blast with ease and launching yourself at the commando. He went down under the weight of your body slam, his blaster knocking loose from his grip.
“Stitch!” There were bolts lighting up the smoke in flashes, live fire and stuns alike. Bodies dropped, armour crashed, Batcher’s snarls rolled through the fog like thunder.
Angling your knuckle plate, you slammed a fist into the commando’s helmet, hearing the satisfying grunt of pain. You straddled his chest, pinning one of his arms down with a knee. Your other foot planted on the ground. Holding the top of his chestplate, you raised him up to hit him in the temple again. Not caring on the jarring impact it caused your arm, to slam into his katarn with such force.
The commando’s arm was searching for his blaster, fingers touching the edge of it as he reeled from your blows. Digging your fingers under the lip of the helmet, you wrenched it off. The clone was dazed, but he instantly focused on you with pure anger and disgust. Blood oozed from his nose, smearing across his cheeks and chin.
“You’re my message to Hemlock,” you told him.
He grinned to reveal blood straining his teeth. The clone’s gaze looked at something over your shoulder. “Tell him yourself.”
A shot rang out.
Loud and close.
You could feel the heat of it, smell the scorch of flesh that permeated your helmet.
Then the clone’s eyes rolled into the back of his head and he sagged heavily in your grip. You wanted to scream at the intense numbness of death rolling over you, but you were frozen, barely able to breathe.
“Just kill them. It’s much easier.” Crosshair’s voice snaked towards you, his tall form becoming more defined. The noise of fighting reached you, breaking the spell of quiet that had unknowingly descended. He walked past you, lifting his rifle to shoot at the ship.
Standing up, you watched his shots find their mark, killing the pilot and then shooting out the engines at the back. He lowered the rifle to watch the ship almost float to ground, ending in an orange fireball that swept through the jungle on a silent wind, only to be followed by the deep boom of destruction.
“Aw, yeah!” You heard Wrecker shout from somewhere.
“Let’s move!” Rex ordered.
You jumped when a hand grabbed your elbow, tight and firm you thought it was Hunter or Crosshair.
It was neither.
Tech’s eyes were wide, tension rolled off him as he marched you along.
“I can walk,” you protested weakly.
“I cannot afford to lose you again,” Tech snapped. He sighed, easing his hold on your arm when he realised he was over reacting slightly, but he didn’t let go completely. “Or, at least warn me next time you decide to engage in hand to hand combat.” You felt ashamed. He had only just admitted, losing you was the worst event in his life and you decided to be reckless in the very next battle.
A battle to possess you or Omega. Or both.
You wanted to apologise, except you weren’t really sorry. The need for Hemlock to know he’d never own you again was all consuming. If only Crosshair hadn’t killed the trooper, you would have carved out your message onto his blood spattered armour.
“How much further to the landing zone?” Hunter asked Rex.
“Just ahead. Almost there.”
You went to look behind you when Tech’s grip tightened on reflex. “No, there’s something there!” Crosshair heard your cry and stopped to look.
“What is it?” Howzer demanded, reacting to Cross aiming his rifle behind them.
The blue bolt left his rifle the same time as a red bolt shot out of the dark and straight into Nemec.
“No!” You screamed, wrenching free of Tech.
“Nemec!” Howzer moved towards his fallen brother but Crosshair shouldered him out of the way to cover.
“Get down!” The sniper demanded roughly.
Tech wrapped his arms around your waist, hauling you out of sight before the shooter could target you. “No! Nemec!” You sobbed softly, leaning back into Tech, not able to take your eyes off the body sprawled on the floor. Hairs rose all over your body at the silence of death stalking among you. Rex, Hunter and Wrecker added their fire to Crosshair’s as he made his way down the slope a little.
“Omega, smoke grenade.”
“We’re out,” she told Hunter.
“I’ll draw his fire. Get to the rendezvous.” Your face contorted at Crosshair’s voice over the internal com.
“I don’t like that idea,” Omega’s voice wavered lightly.
“Too bad.”
“No! Crosshair!” Your voice cracked over his name. You couldn’t lose anyone else today.
“Tech. Get her out of here.”
“I’m not leaving! I’m not leaving him!”
“Don’t make me stun you,” threatened Hunter as he helped Tech get you up.
“Go! Now!” Rex shouted. They forced you in the opposite direction to Crosshair. Even as you cried and begged, reaching blindly with your hands and senses until your vision was a shattered image you couldn’t make sense of.
Echoes of the rifles, ricocheting off the surrounding rocks made you flinch. You couldn’t pinpoint where it was coming from, or which rifle was shooting.
Fear had reared its ugly head. Burying into your chest, lacerating your insides. Each rip and tear grew wider, bleeding the blackness you had so desperately tried to hold back.
When the flash of blaster bolts hit a rock above your head, you acted. With a twist of your body, you blasted Tech and Hunter away, slamming them backwards to the ground.
“Stitch! No!” Wrecker came with the intent of grabbing you, but he was too slow when you ducked under his outstretched arms. There was a river below, the rush it over the waterfall drowned out the beat of running footsteps coming from behind.
You didn’t care. Your focus was on the two figures as they teetered over the edge. With a shout, you watched them fall. The world pulled inwards as you demanded so much of the force around you, it flexed and bent but still you couldn’t get it to reach and save Crosshair.
He disappeared beneath the dark churning water.
“He’s down there!” Howzer shouted. You were already in pursuit, not daring to take your eyes off Crosshair as he fought to keep his head above water. There was another waterfall, steeper than the last. The drop was sheer, but you didn’t care.
“Don’t do it!” Wrecker snatched you successfully this time, just before you stepped off the edge.
“It’s too steep,” Hunter told you, peering over the edge.
“Let me go! I can make it, I have to make it.”
“Not with a broken leg you won’t.” Sagging in Wrecker’s arms you glared at Hunter through the visor. “We’ll find another way down,” he said, softer this time. “I won’t leave without him either.”
“Ok. Ok!” Hunter stepped away and nodded at Wrecker who instantly released you.
“There’s a path here,” Howzer noticed, gesturing with his blaster. They let you charge ahead, Batcher beside you as she too, looked for Crosshair. Your hands were shaking, a chill began to seep from the top of your head, easing down your spine like a slow steady drip. No words could explain it, you just knew time was running out.
The path levelled, bringing you to the river bank. A shadow stood in the water, leaning over with their hands holding something under the water.
Time stopped.
Blistering rage flooded down your arms in a wave of cascading fire. Not even the cold river water could break you from the laser like focus you had. Instinct drove you. Crosshair was in the water, the rage had given you clarity enough to untangle everything your senses picked up.
Crosshair’s life was flickering, desperate to hold on. It had felt just the same as Tech’s life tried to pour through your fingers. You didn’t let it happen then, you certainly weren’t going to let it happen now.
Your awareness struck, wrapping around the operative, dragging him up a fee feet into the air where he struggled, digging at his throat with desperate fingers. You felt the same empty chaos as the other assassin, his presence literally vibrated with it.
Do it. A voice whispered in your mind, the intent nudging your thoughts along. Kill him.
No…
You didn’t want that emptiness on your hands. Each void that came after death was like an inky stain you couldn’t scrub off.
Do it. Give yourself to the dark.
You couldn’t deny, it felt good. Incredibly good to have someone at the whim of your mercy.
I can’t.
The whip of rage wasn’t your own and you tossed the operative over the edge of the waterfall to try and free yourself. The darkness that had taken up residence in your mind melted away as the enemy disappeared from sight.
Running forward, you climbed the wet rock Crosshair was barely holding onto, his fingers slipping with the strong current. “Hold on Cross!” Throwing yourself down, you grabbed his wrist with both hands, barely aware of Howzer kneeling next to you, helping to drag Crosshair free of the water.
The sniper coughed. His lungs trying to expel every drop of water that had been breathed in. You rubbed the back of his neck, supporting him through the body wracking tremors as the others made their way across the river. Tech carried his helmet.
“Can you walk?” Rex asked gently.
“I’ll be fine.” Crosshair’s voice was rough as he moved to stand, taking his helmet from Tech. “Thanks,” he directed at you, giving Howzer a nod.
“Extraction marker is just over here,” Rex pointed to an outcropping the other side of the path.
Omega waited on the bank with Batcher, rushing to Crosshair’s side. “Are you ok?”
“I’ll be fine,” he said again.
He wasn’t. The confrontation with the operative had shaken Crosshair far harder than he’d anticipated. But this wasn’t the time for you to try and figure out why.
A ship was approaching.
“That’s not Echo,” Wrecker announced.
Sure enough an Imperial ship came down to land, kicking up dirt, the air whipping it to pebble against your armour. The group closed around Omega, pulling blasters and blades, ready to fight until Echo arrived.
Clones stepped free of the ship, weapons pointed at the squad as they fanned out over the rocky outcropping. “Drop your blasters! Now!” The clone at the front had decorated armour, an image of days long gone.
Rex stepped forward, lowering his blasters slightly. “Wolffe?”
“Rex?”
There was nothing you could do as Rex holstered his weapons, the rest of the squad relaxing. Even Tech rested a hand over your blaster so it pointed to the ground.
The Captain removed his helmet, revealing himself to the Commander opposite.
“I—I thought you were dead,” Wolffe admitted. He followed Rex’s lead, holstering his own blasters and removing his helmet. “Reports said you were killed in action. That you went down aboard an attack cruiser.”
“Oh, I did,” Rex told him. “I lost a lot of good men that day. And today,” he added heavily.
“What are you doing here, Rex? Don’t tell me you’re fighting against us.” The Batch tensed at Wolffe’s angry tone.
“No. Not against you. Against the Empire. They’re imprisoning and experimenting on our brothers, killed others.”
“The Empire wouldn’t do that to us,” Wolffe countered.
“They have seen it.” Rex shifted, giving Wolffe an unhindered view of you and Omega. You pulled the helmet off, aware of how awful you looked with a face no doubt bruised and still covered in dried blood.
“It’s true,” Omega faultlessly backed up Rex. “That’s what’s happening on Tantiss.”
“We have to stop them. You can help us.” Rex approached Wolffe slowly. “You can stand with us.”
“I am a soldier of the Empire. I have my orders,” Wolffe said in a hard tone, dismissing everything he’d heard. “Hand the girl and the woman over and I’ll make sure you’re given a fair trial.” Tech side stepped in front of you with his blasters raised as Wrecker and Hunter moved to stand before Omega. Batcher gave a vicious snarl that left everyone in no doubt of her position.
Rex raised a hand, staying the Batch. “Think about what you are doing, Wolffe. I know you have been trained not to question orders. But open your eyes. You’re hunting a child. And, I bet they didn’t even tell you the reason for hunting down a medic.” He sighed at the hardening look on his brother’s face. “I know that’s not who you are. As your brother, I’m asking you to do the right thing.”
A light on Rex’s vambrace started to intermittently glow, accompanied by a beep as Echo’s ship approached from behind.
“Sir, there’s an unmarked vessel inbound,” a commando reported to Wolffe. “Commander?”
Echo landed in a cloud of dust and air, opening the ramp ready for you all to board. Rex didn’t move, staring at the opposing clone until he finally made a decision.
“Stand down,” Wolffe ordered.
Tech holstered his weapons and turned, nodding in the direction of the ship as a clear instruction for you to board. So you did. Giving Wolffe one last look before turning your back on them all and heading into the safety of the Remora.
Omega came, Batcher had her tongue lolling out, clearly happy to be back in the ship. Crosshair entered the hold and immediately slumped onto the floor, removing his helmet and letting it roll away from him. Howzer, Hunter and Wrecker came next, greeting the clone that stood by the entrance. Rex was last, giving Wolffe a lingering look of regret before the ramp sealed and enclosed you all inside.
“Let’s get out of range,” Rex told Gregor.
This wasn’t like the other times. Standing in the middle of the ship all you could feel was despair and loss. All those lives, snuffed out because Hemlock was that desperate to get his hands on you and Omega.
You should have walked away on Lau and never looked back.
“You have extensive bruising across your face,” Tech murmured. “Echo has given me the medkit to administer treatment.” You didn’t even notice he’d left your side. You watched the others all file into the cockpit after Rex, even Omega and Batcher until you were left alone with Tech.
“Why do you bother with me? I’m a hindrance.” Tech frowned at your mumbled question, pushing his goggles up the bridge of his nose.
“Why…am I treating you?”
“You’re angry with me.” He was. It still persisted within Tech. Frustration at your disregard for your own life, mostly. For not seeing how important you were to him, regardless of what you had suffered.
“My anger is…multifaceted,” Tech stated with a quick huff. "I do not intend to direct my frustration towards you. If it has appeared that way, please accept my sincere apologies." His eyes tracked over your dirty face, softening slightly. "I cannot deny that the past few days have been incredibly challenging for all of us. While I cannot fully comprehend what you must be feeling, I am striving to provide everything you might need."
You deflated. Folding in on yourself as the crushing weight of anguish collapsed the last shreds of restraint you had left.
It hurt to cry. The ache stretched across your cheek bones and up the bridge of your nose. The feelings became too much, the heaviness you always carried on your chest became a hindrance. Each breath was a monumental effort. Tech tried to talk to you, to keep you with him.
It still felt as though you were suffocating alone.
Each sob felt like it was physically torn from your soul. You were made of agonising pain, held together by threads that constantly slipped from your grasp. You had been unravelling for a while, partially unaware of how deep your scars really went.
The only constant you had, was your anger. It came when you needed it the most, honing your mind and body to peak efficiency. Whispering encouragement to go that step further into the unknown.
When you used your anger, it felt right, it felt good.
Darkness came for you, listening to your whimpered pleas for relief, bringing with it words from the one that held you.
fun fact: these are actual vocal warm ups he would do, and used this as a way to interact with the audience while being able to stretch while performing .
also he was a witch and he used it as a spell like look at that power
please please please please reblog if you’re a writer and have at some point felt like your writing is getting worse. I need to know if I’m the only one who’s struggling with these thoughts
Warnings: 18+, angst, emotions, mentions of trauma and torture, cracking bones 😏 iykyk.
Word Count: 6.1k+
Chapter 16 - Chapter 17 - Chapter 18
Masterlist
Tagging: @subbing-for-clones
“Oh! Wrecker.” You had put on the armour, letting some hidden memory guide your hands. Every piece fitted like it was made for you, the markings on the vambraces were clearly inspired by your name. You had seen that holo, the one where Tech offered you this name because you had no idea who you were back then.
“Ah, hey Stitch.” The big clone was kneeling on the floor, dragging out a large crate from under the bottom bunk. He exuded a brightness, an almost child like restless energy as he searched. He found wonder in the world around him at all times and it was a feeling you wanted to tap into. But it was dampened by a niggling discomfort you couldn’t ignore anymore.
Wrecker turned to see you still standing by the hatch, staring at him. “You need somethin’?”
“I don’t.”
“Um…ok.” It took five strides to reach him, your hand reaching out to touch his scarred cheek. “Wha’…what you doin’?” His gaze darted around, his energy turned anxious which did nothing to dim the heat of his discomfort.
“Does your neck ache?” Instantly he sagged into your touch with a relieved sigh.
“All the time,” he admitted. “Can…can you fix it? Like you used to? My back too?” You smiled warmly, patting his cheek gently.
“Sit down.” Wrecker almost bowled you over he was so excited. Straddling the chair before the console so you could have access to his back.
“Just like old times,” he breathed happily when your hands explored the wide expanse of his shoulders, slowly walking up the side of his neck. You could feel the tension, the misalignment, it all created an angry hot spot in his presence.
“Relax, Wrecker.” He hummed in acknowledgement and you fell deeper into his body. He was putty in your hands, relaxed enough for you to begin. You manipulated his head back, feeling where your hands needed to be. With a swift but precise movement, came a loud crack and a moan from Wrecker at the same time.
“What are you doing?” You didn’t need to turn to know which look was on Crosshair’s face.
“Oh!” Omega came up beside him, grabbing the sniper’s arm in excitement. “Stitch does this thing where she cracks Wrecker’s bones.”
Another sickening crack filled the hold and you heard Crosshair inhale sharply. “Absolute bliss,” Wrecker mumbled.
“Why?” Crosshair sounded disgusted and intrigued at the same time.
“Wrecker is larger than the rest of you, almost unnaturally so,” you stretched Wrecker’s arm out. “His body is under immense pressure all the time, his tendons strain, and his spine is prone to misalignment.” You lifted the heavy arm, a hand on his shoulder feeling the resistance in the movement. “With a few precise moves, I can realign the discs, releasing the pressure on his nerves and cartilage.” With a quick motion, you felt the brief jolt in his joint, lowering the arm and moving to Wrecker’s other side. “It’s been a while since he had this done so his muscles may try and make his body to misalign again.”
“It’s a good job you’re back.” Hunter was standing behind Omega, a softened expression on his face as he watched you. “Wrecker has done nothing but moan all these months.”
Wrecker tried to muster a few words of protest but he was too relaxed under your hands.
“Things are always so much fun when Stitch is on board,” Omega happily told Crosshair.
“Something to look forward to, I’m sure,” he drawled sarcastically.
After adjusting his left arm, you asked Wrecker to cross them over his chest, laying his hands over the tops of his shoulders. It was awkward to get into position, he was so wide and you were worried your arms might not reach.
“Udesiir,” you soothed. “Relax.” Your hand ran down the length of Wrecker’s spine, coming back to just under his shoulder blades, completely lost in the motions you didn’t realise everyone was watching now. With a surge of strength, you tightened your arm to hold Wrecker steady, pressing into his spine, feeling the discs slide to where they should be with a popping sound.
“I’m not even back a full rotation,” Echo grumbled from the ramp, retreating outside.
“I still find it mildly disturbing,” Tech exclaimed, over the sound of another large pop and a muffled grunt from Wrecker.
“I didn’t know Stitch was so strong,” Omega whispered.
“I had a conversation with General Skywalker after Anaxes,” Tech answered. “He informed me, that force users can possess an ability, using the force to augment their physical parameters, enabling them to jump extraordinary distances and significantly enhance their agility. Stitch could very well be stronger than Wrecker, if she so wished.” He finished with a shrug as though it was the most obvious thing in the galaxy.
Hardly listening to the chatter, you pulled slightly harder, pushing with your other hand until Wrecker’s spine finally all slipped back into place with a collection of pops and you released him.
“There.”
“Oh man,” Wrecker had a big grin on his face, gingerly testing out how his body felt now. “Thanks Stitch. I have missed you.”
“Just don’t ruin my hard work,” you joked, laughing a little when he grabbed you from behind in a warm bear hug.
“Now the show’s over, can we get the supplies on the Remora?” Echo called from outside, he sounded disgruntled but you knew it wasn’t real.
This all felt so normal. A warmth blossomed within your chest as you watched the activity all around. Omega was asking Tech more questions about General Skywalker and his abilities while Crosshair feinted a bored look on his face as he listened. You could hear Echo talking to Hunter outside about the supplies while Wrecker was muttering about his lost crate behind you.
Every little moment felt so right as you stood in the midst of it all, soaking in the familiar feel. Then something shifted, a thread of discord trembled through the peace. It wasn’t hard to pinpoint.
Crosshair went to go out and help when Hunter came up the ramp. They glared at each other, the rising hostility from Hunter was surprising, while Crosshair just remained apprehensive. You followed Crosshair outside, glancing back at the ship.
“Did I cause that?”
“No. He just needs to get it out of his system,” he told you. “Whatever happens, would have happened anyway.”
“Crosshair!” Wrecker was holding a case of some kind, pushing it in Crosshair’s direction. “I don’t know if this’ll fit still, but, uh, here.” Wrecker passed it over, eagerly watching his brother open the lid.
“My old armour.” To anyone else, it sounded like Crosshair was just announcing what was inside. But you felt the rising feelings in him. The swell of surprise at seeing his armour, coupled with the realisation they never completely erased him.
“Yeah, it never felt right to get rid of it,” Wrecker was saying. Crosshair pursed his lips, clearly not going to say anything else.
“I got my old armour too,” you suddenly said, trying to take the focus off Crosshair. Spreading your arms to look down at yourself and Wrecker chuckled.
“You got pieces of all of us, even Crosshair,” Wrecker gave you a wink, then he shouldered a crate in one easy movement to load onto Echo’s ship.
“Mmm.” Cross reached for one of your spaulders, his fingers tracing the edge. “That one was mine.”
“Want it back?” For a crazy second you thought he was going to say yes.
“No. Tech has already modified it for you. What would I look like with…these.” He prodded the stitch like markings, his eyes glittering when you giggled. Sometimes it felt like he actually enjoyed your banter.
“We’re taking my ship,” Echo announced from your right. “You can gear up in there.” Crosshair gave him a curt nod. Echo watched the tall clone walk up the ramp, his golden eyes softening when he looked back at you. “Hi, Stitch.”
Echo was holding back, his posture rigid. He was concerned about doing anything wrong around you…and he missed you. Where Tech’s feelings were a vortex that drew you in to trap you, Echo’s were much more tentative. He was hopeful, but realistically so. Crosshair knew exactly the torment you’d been through, and so did Echo. You could see it written all over him as he stepped towards you.
“Hi.” Your brow furrowed. “Are you ok, Echo?”
“What a loaded question.” He tried to smile but it just turned into a grimace as he anxiously rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m glad to see you back with the boys,” he muttered. You stood patiently as his gaze flicked over the crates left on the ground. “I’m sorry,” he finally blurted out. “We looked for you. We really looked.”
“Echo…”
“We hoped something would finally turn into a lead as we kept rescuing clones. We even have people on the inside and they still can’t find a whisper of Hemlock’s base.” He gestured wildly with his scomp. “It’s like his base doesn’t even exist!”
“Echo!” You grabbed his hand. Moving closer to him as he sighed roughly with frustration. “I understand.” He looked away from you, his shame at not being able to help when you needed it the most, filled the space between you. “It’s no one’s fault.”
You gently spread his fingers, threading yours through them, feeling the way he automatically squeezed them in response. He sighed again, deflating a little.
“That’s how I felt when I was rescued.” He paused, clearly debating if he should say something else, his face was like an open book while he stared at your joined hands. “I’ll get Tech to rig up a long range com, like he did for you on Ord Mantell, so you can send me messages. You can talk to me whenever…about any of this.”
“I’d like that,” you told him. Echo’s emotions were raw and real, he mourned for you and what you’d been through because it reminded him of his captivity. How his captors had changed him to suit their needs, not very different to how you had been changed to suit Hemlock’s. He had lost a year, you had lost an entire lifetime.
“You look like your old self in that armour. How do you feel?” You released his hand, tucking yours into the crook of his elbow and he started to lead you to his ship.
“I feel surprisingly…at ease,” you confessed. “It’s home. All of this feels like home, even if I don’t remember most of it. You, Tech, even Crosshair.” He gave a gentle snort of amusement.
“Yeah. The Batch has a knack for making you feel like that. Let’s hope Crosshair stops being so standoffish soon.”
“Crosshair has demons he needs to overcome,” you murmured in the sniper’s defence.
“Mm,” Echo agreed with a nod. “This mission should tell us where we all stand.” You glanced up at the ship now looming over you both. He needed a distraction.
“Shall we?” You asked, happy to see a smile gracing his face.
“After you, ma’am.”
“Oh thank you, Trooper, sir.”
“That’s ARC Trooper, sir to you,” he teased, nudging your shoulder with a soft knock from his armour.
“What even is an ARC?” You asked.
“I can answer that,” Tech spoke up from the bottom of the ramp, carrying a heavy crate onto the ship.
“I, uh, need to ready for ship for take off. I will leave you in Tech’s capable hands.” You didn’t miss the knowing look Echo gave you in passing or the slight rise of colour in Tech’s cheeks, though he could have exerted himself carrying the crate. It sounded heavy when he thumped it down on the floor of the hold.
"ARCs undergo more specialized, advanced training compared to the regs. They are taught to think independently and are typically assigned to high-risk missions that require a higher skill level. Their armor surpasses standard GAR regulation armor, offering better protection, featuring enhanced communications and more sophisticated targeting systems." He spilled all this in one go, barely breaking for a breath, even taking a crate from Hunter without stumbling over his words.
“You’re all ARCs?” You queried.
“No, we are Commandos. The fundamental difference between us and Echo is, we were trained and kept together as a squad whereas Echo was pulled from the regs and given additional training.”
“So I can call you Commando Tech, sir?” His eyes magnetised to yours at the hint of playfulness in your voice.
“I do prefer just Tech, from you,” he revealed softly, swallowing noticeably when you stepped yourself closer to him.
“I like Tech, too. It suits you.” He was geared up ready for the mission but the knuckle plates did nothing to hide his fingers flexing. “Cross said you modified my armour for me.”
“He is correct. I can give you a run down of what I have improved once we are in hyperspace, if you require.” Tech’s expression changed, clearly running over something in his mind. “You refer to Crosshair as…Cross?” Reaching out, you gently tapped on his chest plate with your own knuckle plate.
“Don’t tell him. He’d never speak to me again,” you joked, delighting in the way Tech’s expression brightened.
“I do not think we have ever dared refer to him as anything but Crosshair.”
“Are you two gonna flirt all night, or can we load this ship up?” The pair of you jumped at Wrecker’s booming voice, drawing the attention of Omega and Hunter who were outside.
“Do you even know what flirting is, Wrecker?” Omega chimed in, coming up the ramp carrying her own bag.
“Well…do you?” He retaliated quickly and she grinned innocently.
“I read.”
“I have checked through your holobook collection,” Tech pointed out from beside you. "I found no evidence to suggest that you are engaging in any material related to flirting."
“Nor should she be,” Hunter added with a soft scowl, putting another crate down.
“Hard to believe I am the oldest one,” Omega said to you with a smirk. “Come on Stitch. I might have a book that would interest you.”
“Do I like books?” You whispered to Tech before the kid could tear you away from him.
“You do have a partiality for knowledge.”
“I do?”
"You consistently listen to me when I speak, and I am an extensive source of knowledge,” Tech answered, a slight smile gracing his lips.
“I want to hear more of that knowledge later!” You grinned openly at him over your shoulder, not wanting to take your eyes off him as Omega dragged you deeper into the ship.
“I knew it wouldn’t ruin anything.”
“Hmm?” Your heart was doing somersaults, your stomach felt like it was full of butterflies. Had you been flirting? You didn’t intentionally flirt, you just wanted to hear him speak, to be close to him, to see his eyes when they sparked with amusement or interest.
“Whatever Hemlock did to you,” Omega explained. “I knew it wouldn’t ruin what you and Tech feel for each other.”
“I like being around him,” you breathed wistfully.
“Tech has only ever had eyes for you.”
“How do you know?”
Omega shrugged and activated the door panel. “You’re the only person he acts stupid around. And sometimes, the very mention of you makes him blush, he doesn’t even realise. It’s soooo romantic,” she gushed.
You followed her into the cockpit where Echo and Crosshair were sitting in silence, both turning with matching looks of relief on their faces at being interrupted. Omega rushed to Echo, immediately asking questions about the ship and its systems. The book she apparently promised you, all forgotten. So you sat next to Crosshair leaning forward to look him over quickly.
“Nice armour. What’s that for?” A long red fin protruded from his left spaulder.
“Do you ever stop asking inane questions? You sound like Omega,” he said, nodding in the kid’s direction.
“If that was meant to be an insult, you missed the mark.”
“Funny,” he sneered, clenching the toothpick between his teeth.
“Oh look, you have padding.” He tutted when you poked on the extra plate over his chest, flicking your fingers away. “I could have done with that when we were practising.”
“Don’t worry about it. You won’t be shooting my rifle again.”
“All loaded up,” Wrecker announced when the rest of the squad filed into the larger cockpit.
“All we need are the coordinates,” Echo mentioned suggestively. You felt Crosshair stiffen, his chest expanding under the armour he now wore. This planet held a deep rooted cord of tension within him. You wanted to find out why but you knew he’d never open up here.
A tap on your shoulder made you turn around. Hunter smirked, beckoning you silently with his hand back into the hold. When you felt his intention, you smiled in return.
This was going to be fun.
“Within this vambrace is a shield projector. Twist your wrist like this, and it will be activated.” You watched Tech’s wrist movement and copied, flinching when the blue glowing shield shot from your left vambrace and spread into a circle. “It can repel blaster fire and withstand blows from a lightsaber.” It hummed dimly with every movement, strangely weighing nothing when your mind was telling you there should be some resistance from it. “I have observed you are ambidextrous. If you would prefer the shield on the opposite wrist, it is easily changed.”
“No, this great.” You told Tech with a grin.
“I have modified the brace to contain the vibroblade Fi gave you on Coruscant,” Tech continued. “And enhanced the magnetic pull on the glove with the ability to callback the blade to your hand from within a 10 metre radius.”
You pulled the blade out to inspect it as he spoke, gently running a thumb over the engraving in the hilt. RC-8015.
Tech continued. “I have reshaped the katarn to fit you better than it did before.”
“I can barely feel it,” you agreed.
“Exactly as it should be,” Tech’s chest puffed up proudly.
“She’s had the lecture,” Hunter came over, making Tech sigh at being interrupted. “Let’s put it all to the test.”
“I would advise you wear a helmet,” Tech told Hunter.
“I think I’ll be fine,” Hunter assured his brother, rolling his shoulders under the armour he also wore. “Are you ready?”
You smirked in the face of Hunter’s confidence. “I don’t think you realise what a beating you’re letting yourself in for.”
“Give him what for!” Wrecker shouted from where he was sitting.
“This should be fun,” Crosshair added, taking no effort to hide his sarcasm.
“Whatever you do, Stitch. Don’t hold back.” You knocked your vambrace twice against Hunter’s raised arm.
“I don’t intend to.”
The pair of you separated. A space had been cleared in the hold wide enough for you to train. Hunter crouched, balancing on his feet with his arms spread. He looked ready for anything and you desperately wanted to test that.
You moved first. Getting a feel for the speed of his reflexes. Armour clashed, both of you moving in a dance that you’d walked before. He grabbed your wrist, looking to throw you off balance; so you pressed an attack with the heel of your hand to his nose.
Weak spots…eyes, nose, throat, solar plexus, groin, knee. An inner voice you hadn’t heard for a long time ghosted across your mind.
Hunter bent back to avoid your hand, pulling you down him. In the move, he wrapped his legs around your waist, keeping the momentum going until he managed to pin you to floor. Before he could immobilise both hands, your fingers were curling round his throat.
Hunter’s pride was distracting, even as he choked in your grip. Not letting his emotions break your concentration, you heaved your body to dislodge him. He ended up losing balance, using his hands to stop him falling face first to the floor. Lunging to the side you grabbed Hunter’s legs, using your entire body to collapse his arms and wrench one round his back.
After a few moments of struggling he muttered, “I yield.”
You let go of his arm, blowing out a breath as you sat back. “That was fast. Out of practise?” You teased.
“Why do you think I wanted to do this in the first place?” He rolled over and sat up, grinning that lop sided smile as he took your outstretched hand to help him up.
You turned away to go back to your staring place, when his intent shifted. You had time to smirk, feeling his arms enclose round your middle. There was no hesitation. Your arm jerked back, Hunter took the elbow to his face like a true soldier but his grip lessened enough for you to twist, bringing your other hand in a sweeping motion and slamming the heel of your hand into his nose and connecting this time.
“I told you to wear a helmet,” came Tech’s smug voice as his brother stumbled back, clutching at his face.
“It’s not broken,” you quickly stated. “I held back. Wouldn’t want to hurt that handsome face,” you explained with a grin. Crosshair snorted from his corner while Wrecker laughed loudly.
“Impressive,” was all Hunter could muster. Gingerly exploring his face for tenderness.
Lifting your chin defiantly, you readied yourself for another attack. “I had plenty of time to practise in my cell.” On the days where you were left isolated and the restless energy became too much, you had moved through familiar motions. At first, you had been surprised with how natural it felt to move in such a way, but you embraced it nonetheless. You enjoyed how they felt, imagining Hemlock with every move.
You had no idea how long the bouts went on for. Sometimes Hunter bested you with a quick move you didn’t have time to sense. But you were grateful for the bodysuit under your armour. It kept your skin cool and dry from the sweat of exertion.
Hunter’s arm came dangerously close to your face, forcing you to twist and avoid the blow. Your muscles hummed, bunching as you moved to grab his arm. Spinning on your heel, you yanked him over your shoulder, bringing Hunter over your head to slam into the floor. He coughed and gasped when air fled his lungs from the blow, Wrecker shouted, clearly enjoying watching Hunter get tossed around like a ragdoll.
Omega glanced over, a smile in her eyes. She lay on her back on a crate, holding a datapad up so she could read. Crosshair was nearby, his rifle spread over another crate he treated like a table so he could clean all the parts. Batcher lay at his feet sleeping.
Tech and Echo stood by the cockpit door, both watching with amusement in their expressions at Hunter flat on the floor once more. Tech was doing something with his datapads and a set of headphones.
“Unfair,” Hunter grunted. Taking your offered hand of help once more.
“You told me not to hold back,” you reminded Hunter.
“Mmm.” You couldn’t contain the smile beginning to grow at his mild hum of acknowledgement. You weren’t sure how you’d been before your time on Tantiss, from the memories you had watched so far, you came across as an untrained, nervous wreck.
You did want your memories returned, but after seeing what you past had done to you…the certainty wasn’t there anymore.
“Weapons.”
Your eyes lit up. “Kandosii!”
Tech looked up in alarm. “Is that a good idea?” He questioned Hunter. But neither of you paid attention. Something shifted in the man circling you. With the drawing of his blade, his stance changed, his eyes became darker and you felt his intention to best you again. He tossed the blade, catching it in a reverse grip.
Cocking an eyebrow, you pulled your own, mirroring his stance. You circled one another. Another dance you knew intimately, it echoed through you, lining every muscle.
Hunter swiped first, his impatience getting the best of him. You stepped back from his reach, throwing your arms wide to avoid the sting of his blade. He advanced, forcing you to quickly defend yourself. Crossing your vambraces, locking his arm with the blade in place, you could see determination darkening the golden glint in his eyes. Bringing your leg up, you kicked him in the chest, pushing him back with more force than you’d intended and he fell to his knee.
He went to stand but you were already on top of him. Driving your own weapon down, the muscles in your arm straining just as much as Hunter’s were. With a grunt, he lurched upright, tipping your balance.
Hunter finally made his move. You attempted to side step but he’d accounted for that, catching you in the chest with his other arm. He was so fast, you wondered if he had lured you into a false sense of security. His empty hand closed around your throat, his blade coming down to pierce your breastplate.
Hypothetically, you hoped.
Right now, you had three options. Block with your own blade, make the sacrifice and stab Hunter in the side as he stabbed you…or…
Your body reacted on instinct. Lifting an open hand you halted his arm in midair. Using this mysterious force that pressed in around you. Your concentration strained as you brought it into your control, feeling the way it encircled his arm and pushed the blade from your body. The pressure increased, the image of him being flung away entered your mind and you exhaled abruptly, unable to keep the pent up energy contained.
A blast rocked the hold, sharply flinging Hunter away from you. Omega squeaked when she was toppled from her crate, Crosshair made a noise of aggravation as his rifle pieces were blown into him and across the hold. Wrecker’s drink was spilled down his front when Hunter crashed into him, leaving them both as a heap.
“Osik!” You exclaimed, covering your mouth. “Is everyone ok?”
“I’m fine!” Omega stuck a hand up from behind her crate. Crosshair looked like he wanted to murder someone, his deep golden eyes giving you a lethal glare. Hunter and Wrecker both groaned, neither one attempting to get up yet.
“Well, I was expecting that,” Tech announced.
“You were?” Hunter groaned, finally sitting up and checking on Wrecker behind him.
“Stitch has consistently demonstrated, when under pressure, her instincts activate. Resulting in her attunement to the force becoming evident.”
“I’m in one piece,” Wrecker mumbled, still on the floor.
“Let’s not put a hole in the hull while we’re travelling at lightspeed,” Echo added with a frown. His arms were crossed but you could sense the tickle of amusement coming off him.
“I didn’t mean to do that.” Not to that extent anyway.
“Yeah, we know.” You caught Hunter’s faint sense of satisfaction when he grinned at you from the floor. “It’s good to see your skills haven’t disappeared.”
“Another round?” You asked eagerly, jumping on the balls of your feet, shaking out your arms. It felt like you could train for hours this way. Strength rushed through your body, banishing weariness to leave you refreshed.
“I need a break,” Hunter muttered, so your attention automatically turned to Crosshair, intrigued to see his rifle had so many different components. You wanted to know how it worked, what they all did, how to clean them…
“I have something that may interest you,” Tech said, gathering his items and walking towards you. Immediately, Cross’ rifle was forgotten. "I have established a wireless connection between these two devices, allowing you to view the remainder of the holos in private. May I?” He held up the headphones with the clear intent of putting them over your ears.
You eyed them warily, giving him a nod after a brief inspection. His touch gently brushed behind your ears, adjusting the padding until it was comfortable. You gazed at him with wide eyes, enjoying the way his brow creased with concentration, how his eyes darted from side to side as he watched what he was doing. He glanced at you with a smile, the telltale faint dusting of colour on his cheeks.
He grabbed the datapad, explaining how he had downloaded everything you needed to see as well as some other things he said you used to like. You took it from him, mouthing your thanks just as sound filled your ears. You sank to the floor, eyes fixed on the screen, unable to hear anything outside of your little bubble. It made these memories more believable, as though you were right in the middle of them. You were barely aware of Tech finding a space to sit beside you, leaning on the hull with his own datapad in his hands.
Each recording, stirred a swirl of emotion in your chest. But when you got to the one that showed you saving Tech’s life, the chains broke. This recording had been pulled from the Marauder’s internal systems, showing you working on him from a couple of angles. You could hear the rush of blood, the panic in everyone’s voices, the exhaustion in your own. You watched when Hunter grabbed your sagging form, to hold you upright so you could keep saving his brother’s life.
All this happened to someone else, a person you felt you didn’t know, except you did. She wore your face, used your voice, cried your tears, felt your emotions.
A sense of detachment was there, leaving you watching from the outside, yet you felt everything on the inside. The thud of your heart was real, the shake in your breath was real, the tension in your shoulders was…yours.
Tears dripped down your cheeks at seeing Tech in that state, to see Omega looking so worried. To witness Wrecker hold you in such a caring way as you nearly passed out in his arms.
A hand carefully rested on your thigh, causing your attention to momentarily break. Tech was watching with a grave expression, his gaze flicking from the screen to your face. Your breath grew harsh.
He was alive and here, right now, because of you. It didn’t seem real. If it happened again, you weren’t sure you had the skills to save him.
The idea of being without Tech caused a severe ache that punched you in the gut. You couldn’t look away from him, torn at the seams with the need to bury into him countered by the overwhelming feeling of keeping him at arms length.
Even after you’d been gone so long and come back someone else entirely, he still looked at you as though the stars hung in your eyes.
Your lashes fluttered when Tech moved to wipe the lingering tears off your cheeks, his thumb trailed so delicately over your skin. You could feel his fingers rest in the curve of your neck, his eyes following the motion of his hand. Your breath hitched when he leaned forward slightly.
Emotions were storming without any control. Having shed the chains that kept them contained all this time, every single one was magnified. Feelings ripped through your body, flushing you with a concoction so intoxicating you nearly swooned.
Tech’s presence was warm, trembling with concern and worry. You nuzzled into his palm, never taking your eyes off his face so you could watch his own emotions play out.
You wanted him closer.
Nothing else mattered.
Nothing else existed.
There was a moment of hesitation, a flicker of doubt that he would pull away when you leaned forward. But then he leaned closer, pressing his forehead to yours. Tech’s sigh of satisfaction and relief ghosted across your face. His fingers tensed against your neck.
He was a blur in your vision, closing your eyes fully, every little touch was heightened. Your presence merged with his, revelling in how safe you felt with him. You breathed Tech in, unable to get enough of him to feed the desire growing. He lined your very soul and filled all of those cracks you had been unable to heal. Tech encompassed your senses completely, causing your heart to flutter erratically and your chest to tighten.
You became aware of his hand moving. The touch of his thumb slipped gently to your lips, brushing over them as they parted.
The heat under your skin became unbearable, sweeping away the lingering sadness to leave you feeling hot and reckless. You could feel his emotions resonate with yours. Except for a rise in agitation, scratching down the warmth of the moment and it made you pause.
Tech still had doubts you were ready, something was holding him back from allowing these feelings between you to move forward.
Then he retreated, the touch of his hand fell away, taking with it all your desire. Dowsing you in the bleakness of his avoidance. He was nervous. It showed in his eyes so you smiled, trying to hide the sting of his silent rejection.
Tech gently took the datapad from your lap, coming out of the recording so he could find another. You watched him flick through them, casting a quick look around the hold to find you were both completely alone. Everyone else has drifted into the cockpit at some point.
Tech gave the datapad back and you were pulled into another memory.
You recognised Tech’s hands as they expertly worked on the headphones that now sat over your ears.
“So where are we actually heading?” That was your voice, probably from the copilots seat. Occasionally you caught a glimpse of yourself when he looked over, the pair of you talking about a planet called Maridun and the fauna you were likely to encounter.
Then he faced you fully, holding the headset out with a, “Can you try this on for me?”
You saw yourself stand before him, skin tingling with memory as you watched his hands place the headset over your ears. You were scrutinising Tech so intently, your eyes tracking over his features as though you were dying of thirst and he was a well of water. He pressed some buttons and your whole expression shifted to one of wonder.
“Is it too loud?” Tech asked. You clearly couldn’t hear him, your gaze drawn inwards as you listened to the headset. He moved to take them off but you grabbed his wrist, smiling widely.
Your breath caught when he tapped your wrist on the holo. Moving his hand free of your grasp, so your fingers could be entwined together with a teasing agony you could almost feel in your palm. Absently you rubbed a thumb into your hand, watching you both bathed in the flashing lights of hyperspace to watch the Purrgils that surrounded the Marauder.
It was strange to watch everything from Tech’s point of view, to see the emotions that crossed over your face. You had no idea you were so expressive, or that your eyes held so many words you couldn’t say.
“I have created this to help you with your meditation. I am assuming it helps you relax?”
You slipped one of the ear pieces off, looking up at him. “What was I listening to?” His brown eyes flashed with a glint of triumph.
“I recorded the song from the first purrgil pod we encountered. Would you like to listen to it?”
“It helps me relax?”
“As far as I am aware.” Once more he took the datapad from you to find what you wanted. “It remains my preferred recording of fauna that I have encountered.”
“Why?”
“Because I got to experience it with you. This song always reminds me of that moment.” You let him adjust the headset back, the haunting song of the purrgil swelling in your ears.
It really was beautiful, the melodic noises echoed in soothing waves, bringing the memory to the forefront of your mind. It was the moment you accidentally woke Tech by bumping into him, letting him tell you everything he knew about purrgils.
You leaned against him, not wanting to give up the contact he was allowing. Tech might not be accepting of obvious acts of intimacy, but it came in many forms.
A sense of contentment settled over you both, a blossoming happiness that made you want to smile uncontrollably. You guided his arm over your shoulder so you could settle into his side, inattentively toying with his fingers. Your eyes closed at the feel of him leaning his head atop yours.
If you could take this moment to relive time and time again, you would.
I'm trying to prove a point to my brain: Reblog if you think fanfiction does not need sex to be good.
There is a trend I’ve noticed that smut fics tend to be much more popular than anything else and honestly I just want to have something to look at to remind myself and that writing doesn’t have to have sex to be worth putting out into the community.
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