Anxiety and Other Uninvited Guests
Some mornings, I wake up and my heart feels like it is running a marathon.
Nothing has happened. Nobody has called with bad news. The world has not ended overnight. And yet, there it is. That familiar feeling; the tightness in my chest, the racing heart and the sense that something is wrong, even when I cannot immediately tell you what it is.
I used to spend hours trying to figure it out. I would interrogate every thought, every feeling, every conversation. What is causing this? Why it is so bad today? Is it because today marks another month since my brother passed away? Is it because I have too much to do? Is it because life is expensive, exhausting and uncertain?
Truth is, sometimes it is one of those things. Sometimes it is all of them. What I have learned though, is that anxiety loves an audience. The more attention I give it, the louder it becomes. The more I search for reasons, the more reasons I seem to find. And before I know it, I have convinced myself that every worry deserves a front row seat.
So these days, I do something different. I get up, make my morning coffee, answer emails, and I fetch my daughter from soccer practice...I do the things I was going to do anyway. Not because the anxiety has disappeared, but because I have learned that I do not have to wait for it to leave before I live my life.
And almost every time, something interesting happends. An hour later, my heart is no longer racing. A few hours later, I realise I have stopped thinking about it. By the end of the day, I find myself smiling at the simple fact that I made it through. Again.
Perhaps that is the lesson. Not that anxiety vanishes, not that we become fearless, but that we learn we are capable of carrying on even when it comes along for the ride. And if you have ever experienced anxiety, that might not sound like much. But when you have spent years negotiating with your own thoughts, the simple act of getting up, showing up, and making it through the day can feel like a victory.
And some victories deserve to be celebrated.
Source: Anxiety and Other Uninvited Guests
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