Living My Life

Coffee, Concerts and Hockey.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

What to do when you just feel blah

1. Accept it; don’t fight it. Trying to understand and fight those heavy painful feelings, will usually weigh you down and drain away your energy.

2. Be nice to yourself. Don’t make things worse by beating yourself

3. Do that one thing that’s nagging on your mind the most. It will help to boost your feelings and release some energy.

4. Think about the little things that help to bring you pleasure – like walking in the sunshine or smelling fresh spring flowers.

5. Remind yourself that this will pass, and something will get better. You just need to hang in there, and wait it out for now.

[coffee-alien]

“Imagine having a child that refuses to hug you or even look you in the eyes”

Imagine being shamed, as a child, for not showing affection in a way that is unnatural or even painful for you. Imagine being forced, as a child, to show affection in a way that is unnatural or even painful for you. Imagine being told, as a child, that your ways of expressing affection weren’t good enough. Imagine being taught, as a child, to associate physical affection with pain and coercion.

[samayla]

As a preschool special ed para, this is very important to me. All my kids have their own ways of showing affection that are just as meaningful to them as a hug or eye contact is to you or me. 

One gently squeezes my hand between both of his palms as he says “squish.” I reciprocate. When he looks like he’s feeling sad or lost, I ask if I can squish him, and he will show me where I can squish him. Sometimes it’s almost like a hug, but most of the time, it’s just a hand or an arm I press between my palms. Then he squishes my hand in return, says “squish,” and moves on. He will come ask for squishes now, when he recognizes that he needs them.

Another boy smiles and sticks his chin out at me, and if he’s really excited, he’ll lean his whole body toward me. The first time he finally won a game at circle time, he got so excited he even ran over and bumped chins with me. He now does it when he sees me outside of school too. I stick out my chin to acknowledge him, and he grins and runs over and I lean down for a chin bump.

Yet another child swings my hand really fast. At a time when another child would be seeking a hug, she stands beside me and holds my hand, and swings it back and forth, with a smile if I’m lucky. The look on her face when I initiate the hand swinging is priceless.

Another one bumps his hip against mine when he walks by in the hallway or on the playground, or when he gets up after I’m done working with him. No eye contact, no words, but he goes out of his way to “crash” into me, and I tell him that it’s good to see him. He now loves to crash into me when I’m least expecting it. He doesn’t want anything, really. Just a bump to say “Hi, I appreciate you’re here.” And when he’s upset and we have to take a break, I’ll bump him, ask if he needs to take a walk, and we just go wander for a bit and discuss whatever’s wrong, and he’s practically glued to my side. Then one more bump before we go back into the room to face the problem.

Moral of the story is, alternative affection is just as valid and vitally important as traditional affection. Reciprocating alternative affection is just as valid and vitally important as returning a hug. That is how you build connections with these children. 

[brighteyedbadwolf]

This is so goddamn important.

I verbally express affection. A LOT.

My husband… doesn’t. I don’t know why. For the longest time part of me wondered if it meant he loved me less.

At some point I told him about a thing I had done as a kid. Holding hands, three squeezes means ‘I Love You’.

Suddenly he’s telling me I Love You all the time.

Holding my hand, obviously, but also randomly.

taptaptap

on my hand, my shoulder, my butt, my knee, whatever body part is closest to him, with whatever part of him is closest to me

All the time.

More often than I ever verbally said it.

It’s an ingrained signal now, I can tap three times on whatever part of him, and get three taps back in his sleep. Apparently I do the same.

It’s made a huge difference for us.

People say things differently.

[lavendersucculents]

When you guys have visited potential apartments, what kind of questions did you ask besides the basics like what rent and utilities include?

[dynastylnoire]

Here are questions I didn’t ask but should have: what does the basement look like?

What measures are taken to secure the building ?

Are the walls thin? Brief info of who lives in the building. Are they college kids? People that work through the day? Elderly? Is it a mix? Where does the garbage go?

Can I pay rent bi-weekly? What kind of fuses does the apartment use? (My fuse box is in the basement. If I blow a fuse I have to replace it myself. They screw until the box. All of which I didn’t know until it happend and I was sitting in the dark suddenly)

[audreynical2]

Who do I call for repairs? (If it’s a private rental) Am I allowed to paint the walls? Is there any additional storage? Do you do regular pest control?

[werewolfau-deactivated20180321]

count the outlets, ask about recycling policies, ask if there’s a noise restriction (nothing loud after midnight, everything goes on the weekend, etc)

LAUNDRY FACILITIES Definitely ask about security Whether subletting is allowed (esp if you’re in college and might want to sublet for the summer) If you have a car, whether there’s parking/how much it costs What kind of heating/AC there is Procedure/response time for any maintenance How mail/packages are received/protected from theft (seriously people stealing your packages can be a huge problem) What kind of verification of your salary will they want, and in what circumstances will they accept a guarantor instead? Whether the apartment is furnished

Assuming you are in the middle of looking at/choosing between places: When does the lease start? Are you going to give preference to people based on when they can move in? Whether groups of a certain number of people get preference Really anything about who they prioritize for applications, it can save you a lot of trouble in trying to apply to places you’ll never get into

[gizkasparadise]

not something for asking the realtors, necessarily, but important rights you should be aware of as a tenant:

when and for what reasons are your landlords allowed to enter your home? how much of a notice should they give you before entering?

can the landlord make modifications to your home or apartment without your approval? to what extent?

what are the options and conditions for breaking your lease early if there’s an emergency? (this is ESPECIALLY important for anyone moving to a new state/considerable distance where you are not able to visit the apartment/home before you rent – students get taken advantage of ALL THE TIME with this shit)

if your first or last month at the property is a partial stay (i.e. you move in on july 15th, and rent is typically due on the first) make sure you don’t pay the full first month’s rent before you know the area laws! in many states, you are only legally required to pay for the time you are occupying the property

is renter’s insurance necessary? many apartments want at least 30k coverage, which can run a couple hundred dollars extra per year

are the landlords/property management liable for crimes on the property? for example, if your car was broken into. if not GET RENTER’S INSURANCE

[lmaodies]

-ask if there’s any property upkeep you can do to get a bit off the rent (aka, can they take 100$ off the monthly rent if you maintain the lawns/garden, etc.) 

-ask if there’s been any consistent/frequent trouble with electricity/internet connectivity/cable if you have it

-what KIND of electricity? 

-what kind of heating (hot water/electric)

-how secure is the neighborhood (if you don’t know) 

-ANY PLUMBING ISSUES? check ALL the fucking taps, the showers, EVERYTHING WITH WATER to make sure it all works right. 

[seagodofmagic]

-ANY PLUMBING ISSUES? check ALL the fucking taps, the showers, EVERYTHING WITH WATER to make sure it all works right. 

I CANNOT SECOND THIS ENOUGH.

[remisstoreality]

ALSO

- who last lived here? why did they leave?

[jenniferrpovey]

- Do they charge an “amenities fee” (Around here you can’t avoid them at all now, but some places you might still be able to)

- Do they have a policy on rent increases? (Also check if there’s a legal limit to rent increases in the area).

- Are utilities paid in a separate check or with the rent?

- Are utilities metered or pro-rated (in older buildings it’s common to be charged by square footage and/or number of occupants, which can leave you subsidizing the people who turn the a/c down to 60 in the summer or the heat up to 80 in the winter - you may not be able to avoid this but it’s worth trying).

- Are there any switched circuits in the apartment. Buildings built in the late sixties through the early eighties often have switched circuits. If they do, then with the number of devices used these days you will probably have to have something important on the switched circuit - tape the switch in the on position! (Trust me).

- What are the rules on hanging pictures?

- Who is responsible for paying for and replacing bulbs in permanent fixtures? If it’s you and there’s a fixture with weird/unusual bulbs (globe style, chandelier style, etc) ask where you can buy the bulbs.

- What are the rules about pets? Do they have breed specific restrictions on dogs? Size restrictions on fish tanks? (Believe it or not that’s not uncommon).

[crimeshetyped]

This will be so useful once my lease is up thanks tumblr ☺️🙏🏾

[kittleimp]

If you have roommates, even if they’re your friends, ask what happens if one person moves out. Who is responsible for their rent? What about security deposit, how much is it and what do you have to do to document existing damages before you move in?

[cappurrccino]

- It’s boring as hell, but read the lease before you sign it! Ask questions and clarify anything you notice that seems weird or that you don’t understand. I had a landlord that required I get the carpets professionally steam cleaned (which I didn’t realize until we were moving out because I didn’t read the entire lease) and another that tried to keep part of my security deposit because I didn’t pay for professional cleaning, but we got the money back because it wasn’t part of their lease that we’d signed.

- Take pictures/make detailed notes about damages already present on move-in. Add additional sheets to what they give you if needed because chances are they’re going to be just as nitpicky when you move out to try and keep part of your security deposit.

- An addition to the hanging pictures - ask what they allow you to use (nails/screws or tape only) and whether they want you to repair the holes to keep part of your deposit. If you’re planning to wall mount your TV, ask specifically about using molly bolts because they’re going to leave a much larger hole than a picture nail.

[honeyfaun]

How to Feign Your Life is Together

Have a signature accessory, clothing article, make up look, or hair style.

Have a fragrance. Make your hair scents and lotions match your perfume.

It’s okay to dine alone. Bring a book or people watch.

Love your hair. Research the best brands for your hair type and use masks weekly.

Your nails don’t need to be fancy, but keep them maintained.

Stay worldly. Know works of art, artists, designers, films, books, politicians. Spend your lunch break reading the paper or a magazine.

Crying is not a weapon. It’s okay to feel your emotions, but never use them as an excuse to avoid your problems.

Jealousy is boring. Love and appreciate others. If you can’t love them, forget them.

Boost others. Flatter others, but don’t deprecate yourself in the process.

Don’t sulk. Don’t let the whole world know your problems. If you don’t want someone to give their opinion, don’t share your situation.

Your life is between you and the universe. Don’t post your personal matters for others to see.

Don’t emotionally blackmail others. They hurt you? Let them know and then move on. It’s between the two of you and not the world.

Cook dinner. Cook dinner and listen to music, the radio, or a podcast.

Treat yourself to candles and flowers. Be your own cheerleader.

Take naps. Take a cat nap on a Sunday afternoon with the blinds open and the fan on high.

Drink your water, eat your vegetables. Take care of your body.

Never have time to take off your jewelry before bed, but always have time to take off your makeup. Your nighttime skin regime is important.

Mystery is beautiful. You don’t need to reveal much of or about yourself.

Never appear other than as you are. Don’t lie about yourself. Embrace who you are at your core.

[oversteers-deactivated20200909]

cody glass previously being referred to as a ‘c grade prospect’ but working his ass off after he got cut from canada’s roster and then proceeding to get drafted 6th overall is a prime example of how pettiness and spite are the best motivation. i love him

[ughhgghg]

St. Louis’ ray of sunshine Colton Parayko

[2002hondacivicwithac]

play this at my wedding or funeral I don’t care where but just plAY IT

[birdyally-deactivated20151029]

Oh my god

[bigbootytazer]

if someone ever sang this to me, i’d probably cry 

[wingkink]

Therapists are just…. Common sense filters

[wingkink]

Me: yeah so I just don’t have the energy to get up and make myself a sandwich or wait for something to cook so I just. Don’t

Her: why don’t you just eat the sandwich components without putting them together

Me:

Her: you can just eat a handful of cheese and some sandwich meat. You don’t have to make a sandwich.

Me:

Me: what

[cyanoticfallacy-deactivated2018]

Therapists finding loopholes for mental illness things is one of my favorite things about dealing with mental illness because it really helps me understand that just because a reaction is Common doesn’t mean it’s Right. Does doing dishes stress you out a lot? Buy paper plates. Do your obsessive thoughts make you worry about leaving your curling iron on so you drive home from work to check? Just put the curling iron in your purse and bring it to work with you while we work on tackling where this worry comes from. Symptom management doesn’t have to look like drudgery.

[imawitchywitch]

:) this makes me smile

[openshowers]

[mexicanjesuschrist-deactivated2]

This is the gay and sexier version of that “wow” vine

[alexander]

im ?

[theronlorthemar]

Chris Pine refuses to answer the question “Would you swipe left or right for Anna Kendrick on Tinder?” and instead gives this response

[withsugarandlime]

the clip in the link took me from having kind of a standard, pretty-celebrity crush on Chris Pine to being like “holy shit, I think I would genuinely and in a non-horny fashion like this guy if I knew him in person.“ I mean, he takes a super fucking inappropriate question, gives it the complete lack of acknowledgement it deserves, and says something so intelligent and thoughtful instead of whatever weird answer he was expected to give that nobody even remembers what the original terrible question was by the time he’s done talking.

If Chris Pine ever stops being a class act, please nobody tell me, my heart can’t handle it.

[flashinqlights]

ok so there’s a game me and my friends play called “don’t get me started” and basically someone gives another person a random topic and they have to go on an angry rant about it and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to us at parties and car rides so I highly recommend playing sometimes with your friends

[blueandbluer]

I love this idea. We used to do things like this in Improv.

[whatyouwanted-whatyougot]

Related game: “THINK ABOUT IT.” You’re given a random topic, and your job is to build it into an epic conspiracy theory, the crazier the better. You end your rant with a serious face and the command that your listeners “Think about it.” 

[astrojukebox]

Another related game: Illuninati. Similar to Think About It except you are given 2 completely different topics and you have to connect them to each other in a wild conspiracy rant

[a-simpler-life]

Rb to safe an awkward hang out

[savefrog]

I played Dont Get Me Started with my friends in a parking lot and my one friend went on such a enraged and emotional rant about gravel, one that quite literally echoed through the building, that it legitimately scared me and possibly passerby

10/10

[goodbyeeveryonee-deactivated202]

The law of attraction is so real. I swear, once you establish yourself as powerful, or strong, or independent, or business minded, people like you will flock your way out of nowhere. And it’s just the universe reminding you that when you can see something beautiful in yourself, others can see it and admire it as well.

[la-plus-heureuse]

say what you want, but this shit was better than the scene in legally blonde when elle wins her case

[raincityruckus]

elle and jake wouldn’t make it a competition, they’d want us to appreciate the other for doing a darn good job.

[sheisrecovering]

[jimmybrodin]

Colton Parayko postgame ⎮ CAN vs KOR ⎮ Worlds 2018

bonus:

[australiansanta]

you know what’s so fucking hot… being able to have open healthy communication and feeling understood, validated and appreciated. ughhhh fuck yeah

[mcroce]

if i see anyone saying anything negative about andre burakovsky bravely saying, (despite the toxic masculine bullshit that permeates sports and the stigma surrounding mental health that fucking permeates society,) that he was going to see a sports psychologist this summer to work through some shit and take care of his mental health & emotional well-being, i will hunt u the fuck down with a  hockey stick, where i will then proceed to shove it so far up your ass you’ll be choking up splinters.