FerithTolkien-esque @ferithtolkienesque - Tumblr Blog

Timeline of the First Age – The Silmarillion to the tune of 'We Didn't Start the Fire' by Tim DeMarco (bardofarda)

@an-eldritch-peredhel

#i mean they did also light the fire. that was a pretty significant thing that happened. #like i understand where you’re coming from here but they very much did light the fire.

#not only is this delightful #but it's also like genuinely an excellent concise summary of the entire first age #like if you want to know what happens in the silmarillion in under five minutes #here it is

thetiredprometheus

headcanon that in the early days of their captivity Elrond and Elros tried to kill maedhros and maglor multiple times (even if half-heartedly. They are still good kids) and like, expected to be either punished, killed or thrown out and instead they got constructive criticism back

balrogballs

maedhros, half awake at 4am: elrond, whichever imbecile taught you knife skills should be beaten to death because why the fuck are you and your safety scissors trying to stab the left side of a guy who has no right arm? why are you crawling through the sewer when the door is right there? looney tunes ass mf. please go stand in the naughty corner until breakfast and write out ‘i will not be completely incompetent next time i try to kill people’ 100 times, thank you.

#It's not until he's more awake that Maedhros remembers that he/his soldiers probably killed the guy who taught Elrond knife skills #elrond #elros #maedhros

pollkien

Is Fëanor an AI bro

Yes he trusts chatGPT

No he would never bow to the machines

Voting ended onJan 21

ferithtolkienesque

See, I feel like this depends entirely on whether or not he was the one who invented AI in the first place.

#Perfectly possible: Feanor invents large language models and won't shut up about how they're the solution to every problem real and imagined #Also perfected possible: Feanor did not invent large language models and won't shut up about how they are the ultimate evil #destroyers of art and invention and also the soul #(he's right but the way says it is So Annoying you want to disagree with him on principle)

tobiasdrake

Can you imagine being Gandalf? Getting shit from other wizards because you have a thing for hobbits and you're just like, okay. Okay, maybe I'll temper my fascination with hobbits.

This Ring quest will have two hobbits. Maximum.

Then they all get to Rivendell and have somehow multiplied into four hobbits. And it's like. Okay. Maybe the others are right.

Maybe this is too many hobbits.

We have as many hobbits as we have not-hobbits.

But damn it, you just don't want to get rid of any of these hobbits. Screw it! Everyone can deal. Four hobbits. This is a four hobbits problem.

So away you go.

And things go bad in the worst possible way.

Over and over.

You've lost your hobbits. You've lost yourself. The fellowship has been separated.

It takes everything in your power to help the humans defend themselves, bringing them together to save Rohan. Finally, as things begin to look upright, you're ready to face the war with everything the Rohirrim have left.

You're ready to face him. This may be the hardest battle you've ever fought. But you ride.

Then you get there and two of your fucking hobbits are sitting there like "Yeah, while you were gone, we raised a tree army and beat Saruman's ass. Wanna help us loot his tower?"

....

There were not, in fact, too many hobbits.

This was a four hobbits problem.

elodieunderglass

A wizard neither underestimates nor overestimates the number of hobbits needed for an equation. He, er, always has precisely as many as he needs to.

#Listen #I don’t like believe in unfinished tales #but the Gandalf and Saruman part is soooo funny

autism-freaks

I would like to remind people that masculinity and gentleness are not opposites. They are not mutually exclusive. You can be very masculine and gentle at the same time. No one is more or less masculine for exhibiting kind, gentle behavior.

thetiredprometheus

Tolkien only has two kind of elves: Enderenwen the fair, who's eyes hold centuries of pain and yet his gaze is as kind as the first sun in spring, his mother was a nightingale and his father a seabreeze, flowers grow wherever he walks;

And Finwendulenfinfedë, who has killed half of his entire family and is here to fuck shit up

#but also sometimes these are the exact same guy #either at different points in his life #or simultaneously

freenarnian

You know what would make a GREAT plot twist? Fidelity.

freenarnian

And yes I mean in the context of romantic relationships, but not only in the context of romantic relationships. Or did AND ROHAN WILL ANSWER mean nothing to you?

cart-a-hearts

Saruman tuning into Merry and Pippin show

asneakyfox

one of my favorite bits in lord of the rings is something the movies didn't really try to do because it's entirely internal, but sam's carrying the ring and it starts trying to do its work on him, so he's having these intrusive visions of himself marching at the head of a vast and terrible army, and he just starts laughing because, me? samwise gamgee? sam gamgee the general sam gamgee the dark lord are you for real? man i just want to go home and do some gardening. and the ring gets frustrated and it starts trying to figure out other stuff that would actually tempt sam and it's finally like, okay, but hear me out: imagine if you could have...A REALLY REALLY BIG GARDEN

asneakyfox

and then he's like, i don't know that sounds like a lot more work than a regular garden actually. why don't we just get on with finding mister frodo

Also, Boromir is the one who doesn't understand tax policy!

bretwalda-lamnguin

I love how Gondor is compared to Ancient Egypt by Tolkien, it makes me wonder about its animals. I love the idea of the Anduin having crocodiles and hippos, all the more so if the Gondorians value them, not as gods but maybe as animals sacred to Araw.

bretwalda-lamnguin

The real reason Tarannon Falastur had a palace built in the Anduin: he wanted to be closer to his pet crocodiles and hippos.

anghraine

Contemplating Gondorian hippos as a) the Gondorian sequel to the bears doing interpretive dance on Númenor and b) sometimes encompassed when they talk about "horses."

Iconography of Araw/Oromë on his noble steed (a hippo) accompanied by distinctly crocodilian Maiar. Gondorian Dúnedain with the ancient gifts summoning horse friends at need (sometimes horses, sometimes hippos and terrifying). Early culture clashes with the Northmen involving some tragic miscommunications...