FJB's Blurbs

sideblog for FranticJumpingBean | incorrect Naruto quotes

[viktormaru]

kishimoto might be a coward that wont show kakashi losing but im not

[thatsprettylane]

Kakashi Hatake + Assorted Text Posts (Part 19)

[i-want-obito-to-step-on-me]

Kakashi: My favourite thing is when you go to stop petting a dog and he puts a paw on you all like "we're not done here"

Team 7: we've been here for an hour... PLEASE STOP PETTING THE DOG!

[tora-the-cat]

Sakura: I'm going to be a medic Kakashi, flashbacks immediately giving him a headache: what. why. no. what. why. NO. Sakura: AND I'm going to train under. Tsunade!!! ^-^ Kakashi: ……the one that shatters mountains with her hands Sakura: YES. Kakashi, calming down faster then he ever has before: huh. Kakashi: you know what. that's a great idea actually. have fun sport

[thehatakewereop]

Sakura: sensei . . . I have something to tell you Kakashi: *already convinced someone is dying and freaking out about it* what is it? Are you hurt? Did something happen? Naruto- Sakura: I’m dating Ino. Kakashi: is that all? Kakashi: oh thank goodness. Sakura: you’re . . . Okay with it? Kakashi: Sakura. Naruto and Sasuke have been dating since they were twelve years old. Does your girlfriend have any plans to become a missing nin, break your heart and try to kill any of us or you? Sakura: . . . No? Kakashi: then I will walk you down the aisle with a grin on my face Sakura: you do know I have a dad, right? Kakashi: moot point

[fjb-blurbs]

Kushina: Do you ever see something that changes your life and you're just- huh.

Minato: I saw you.

Kushina: Honestly that's so sweet, dattebane! But it really makes this awkward because I was gonna show you this hilarious drawing Obito made of Kakashi as a scarecrow.

[loobs-ki]

headcanon that sakura mumbles gibberish, tosses and turns, and pouts her lips when she’s asleep and sasuke just stays up watching her thinking she’s the most adorable being in existence

[animereaderinsertwriter]

had some thoughts about Naruto characters and the question, "would you love me if I was a worm?", coming to you live from my roommate's text thread

Sasuke: would you love me if I was a worm

Sakura: you ARE a worm, deadbeat. come pick up your kid from school

Sasuke:

Sakura:

Sasuke: do you. love me. then?

Sakura: yes. please go get sarada.

Sai: I do not understand this. Why have you not asked me this yet?

Ino: asked you what?

Sai: if I would love you if you were a worm. Do you not want me to love you if you were a worm?

Ino: what-- no? I mean, yes! I mean--

Sai, calculating: so.... you want me to love you as a worm?

Ino: uh yeah ig?

Sai: I would not.

Ino: oh...

Sai: worms are not beautiful. or smart. they are only worms.

Ino: 🥺🥺

Temari: You would love me if I was a worm. I'd be the best worm ever, and you'd be a sucker just like you are now.

Shikamaru: Yes I would. You're already the best worm and you're not even a worm.

Temari: Good. Just making sure we're on the same page.

Shikamaru, visibly shaking: yep.

Iruka: this is a dumb question.

Kakashi: I love dumb questions. You look hot asking them.

Iruka: ..... would....would you love me if I was a worm?

Kakashi, without hesitation: of course. you'd still be you, and besides--- I've never had sex with a worm before

Iruka: Kakashi no.

Kakashi: seriously, I think it could work.

Iruka: Kakashi--

Kakashi, eyes glazed over: I'm pretty sure there's got to be a worm jutsu that would allow us to experiment....

Neji, trying and failing to be nonchalant: Hey Tenten?

Tenten, looking up from her training: Yeah?

Neji: I would love you if you were a worm.

Tenten: ?????

Neji: You know. Just in case you were wondering.

Neji *blushing*: I would.

Tenten, not understanding, but pleased nonetheless: Thanks babe ❤️

(bonus)

Sakura: Hey Naruto, earlier Sasuke asked me if I'd love him if he were a worm.

Naruto: but he IS a worm.

Sakura: That's what I said!! But... It got me thinking.

Naruto: that you would love me if I was a worm too?

Sakura: no! I mean, yes I would-- but, I was thinking more if I was a worm. Like. Would you still love me?

Naruto: uh, sure!

Sakura:..... That doesn't sound very confident.

Naruto: listen, I just --

Sakura: no I get it, you just don't love me

Naruto: THATS NOT WHAT I SAID

Sakura: no it's okay, you've always liked Sasuke more--

Naruto: SAKURA-CHAN, NOOOOOOOOO

BONUS bonus

Later:

Sasuke gets home. Naruto is in his room, sobbing. He's holding a tiny worm.

Sasuke: what the fuck are you doing?

Naruto, tears streaming down his face: ITS SAKURA-CHAN

Sasuke: what did she do????????? Is she okay?

Naruto: NO, SHES A WORM

Sasuke: WHAT

Naruto, becoming increasingly more hysterical: TODAY SHE ASKED ME IF I WOULD LOVE HER IF SHE WERE A WORM AND I CHOKED AND DIDNT ANSWER FAST ENOUGH SO NOW SHE THINKS I DONT LOVE HER SO SHE TURNED HERSELF INTO A WORM AND SHE WONT TURN BACK NO MATTER HOW MUCH I TELL HER I LOVE HER WHAT IF SHES STUCK THIS IS ALL MY FAULT--

Sasuke, visibly panicking: okay. Let's not panic. She's a sannin-level shinobi. She just wants us to feel bad. She'll change back when she's ready.

Naruto: BUT WHAT IF SHES STUCK

Sakura, who has been outside the window the whole time and watched Naruto find the worm in the kitchen: I love those morons so much-

[slapyou-intheface-blog]

Lee: What’s wrong with Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura? They’ve been unresponsive for almost an hour now.

Gai: They’re just a little overwhelmed by the thoughtful gift my Eternal Rival has given them.

Lee: What kind of youthful gift can elicit this response?!?

Gai: Kakashi showed them his face.

[fjb-blurbs]

Team 7, unsupervised: *doing something stupid*

[Meanwhile, at the Jōnin meeting]

Kakashi: *looks distantly out of the window*

Hiruzen: Something wrong, Kakashi?

Kakashi: Maa, my cute little genin are doing something reckless, I can feel it.

[fjb-blurbs]

Client: Man, they look like a real handful. How do you deal with them?

Kakashi and Client: *watching Sakura screaming, Sasuke trying to set multiple bouncing Narutos on fire, and Sai choking on air*

Kakashi: I don't know either.

[fjb-blurbs]

*Jiraiya and Tsunade are cooking*

Nawaki, walking into the kitchen: Any chance that’s for me?

Tsunade: It’s for Orochimaru.

Jiraiya: Sorry kid. We're planning on making some bad choices tonight, and we need him on our side.

Nawaki: Wow. I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.

[fjb-blurbs]

Ino: Where’s Sasuke?

Lee: Naruto locked him in the bathroom so he won't monopolize Sakura's attention.

Naruto: Bushy Brows! You weren’t supposed to tell her!

Ino, already planning to monopolize Sakura's attention: I’m cool with it.

[im-still-watching-anime]

kakashi: give me a kiss

gai: no

kakashi: oh so you’re homophobic now??

gai: no i just don’t want to kiss you right after you emerged from the sewer in the middle of the street

asuma: seriously that was horrifying why were you even down there??

kakashi: oh i was just looking for the kids that’s where they like to play haha

[im-still-watching-anime]

tsunade: i’m quitting as hokage so you have to be the next one

kakashi: what? lmao no

tsunade: you’re the only candidate who would pardon sasuke, if you don’t do it he stays in prison

kakashi: ……are you using the kids to blackmail me into becoming hokage?

tsunade: yep. have fun being in charge.

[im-still-watching-anime]

asuma: i’m trying to get kakashi a gift, what kinds of things does he like?

gai, holding up his wedding band and sobbing: me

[im-still-watching-anime]

kakashi: everything in my life is so bad…

kakashi: …..except for gai

kakashi: and the kids

kakashi: and my dogs

tsunade: that doesn’t sound like your life is so bad then

kakashi: oh my god my life is good?

tsunade: yeah

kakashi: i—huh. okay….i like that.