Where fangirls go to die

[escapepodding]

Something I haven't seen discussed in the Heated Rivalry fandom is the Actual Real ice hockey concept of a dance partner or 'tying a man up' where to prevent 2 on 1 brawls or sit out a brawl players on opposing teams will skate up and hug each other in a very damsel in distress way. The first time I saw it I genuinely thought I was watching queer Romeo and Juliet on ice. Are we all going to pretend King Chirper Ilya Rozanov would not start a fight and then go tie up his man as an excuse to cuddle? That Shane Good Boy Hollander couldn't use it as a way of pretending to be the bigger more mature person? Let them cuddle at work as dance partners under the veil of heteronormative witchcraft the league is under to pretend this isn't deeply queer coded!

[my-2nd-account]

I'm sorry THE WHAT!!!!??

[flailyfangirldeath]

Please fandom, help me find the (silly) fanfic someone wrote about this, because this is the only Real Hockey I need more of

[sick-jan]

[watermelontuesdays]

AU where Shane and Ilya don't hook up or have a decades-long secret. They don't really know each other at all, except to play each other.

Shane comes out of the closet sometime after Scott does, and in some random, lighthearted interview, they ask him what he's looking for in a man. And Shane's just, off-hand like, "Well, he'd have to have at least one Stanley Cup. Obviously." And when he gets a good reaction from that, he keeps going, like "Needs to be amazing at hockey. Definitely needs to be at least an All-Star, if not a captain. Hot too. If he can't bench-press me, I'm not interested."

And it's all in fun, except two days after the interview prints, Ilya Rozanov shows up at his door like "knock, knock. I am here to apply for boyfriend position. Do you need resume? I brought my Stanley Cup ring, just in case."

[hardlyhinged]

Op’s tags

[fujoshane]

marleau goes on prep out of solidarity #ourally

[shaneposting]

marleau posting about it like ‘i take prep bc i’m #anally’

[flailyfangirldeath]

I have been laughing about this all day, thank you tumblr for your beautiful mind 💖

[profeminist]

Happy Pride 2026!

Message to the anti-LGBTQIA+ haters -

[perlukafarinn]

At some point after they're married, Shane and Ilya are apart for like a week for ~reasons~ and when they're both home again, Shane basically jumps Ilya by the front door and drags him to the bedroom.

After they're finished fucking, Shane says something to the effect of, "I can't believe I used to go months without this."

And Ilya, as smug and satisfied as the cat who got the proverbial cream, replies, "Bet you wouldn't have held out for two years if you'd known what getting fucked felt like, huh?"

"Maybe," Shane says. He's still kind of out of it, so the next words slip out thoughtlessly, "I mean, I wanted to when we first planned it. I just kind of freaked out when it fell through and you left me on read."

Ilya's heart drops. "What do you mean?"

Shane does not pick up on his change in tone. "Just made me feel like I was alone in how much I wanted it. Obviously when you kept messaging me I realized I wasn't but it took a while to get over that feeling, y'know?"

Then he yawns, turning over to cuddle into Ilya's side, already drifting off and unaware that Ilya is now wide awake, staring up at the ceiling and wondering if wanting to go back in time and wring his nineteen year old self's neck counts as thoughts of self harm.

[nudityandnerdery]

"[Y]our Harry Potter games are Cybertrucks" is such a good way to put it.

[arahir]

so i'm in this backyard chickens group on reddit and someone just discovered their hen is transitioning and everyone is stoked

anyway in case you didn't know chickens will sometimes spontaneously f2m and it's pretty cool

[whatwrithesinside]

these absolutely cannot stay in the tags

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

This is extremely common among chickens because a) like most birds, they only have one functioning ovary and b) their ovary does a LOT of hormonal heavy lifting in the sex department. So they're one ovary malfunction away from their body going "guess we're doin' rooster now" and growing different feathers and having them start crowing.

[the-lucky-maneki-neko]

This is for anyone who doesn’t have Twitter and hasn’t seen subspaceshane’s 10 minute Hudson moan compilation

I also added a video from @thatonekimgirl ‘s “without music” series

[flailyfangirldeath]

I literally couldn't make it past the first minute before I was SWEATING and SCREAMING and FLAILING

[blacksheepcolorfulskin]

WHY IS THIS SO GOOD?!

[the-ladyrae]

They put drugs in this show, and this edit is the closest I've come to being able to snort it like cocaine. Excluding binging the entire show in 6 hours after first turning on episode one to see what all the fuss was about.

[kittyhalk]

Warding off the oncoming depressive episode by reading about very old tortoises

[kittyhalk]

Pleased to report that the 190 year old tortoise is a gay icon

[kittyhalk]

Jonathan is the oldest known land animal btw. I need everyone to know that the oldest animal alive on land is a gay tortoise

[queer-joy-detector]

Queer joy detected!

[nealashitposts]

So I've got this friend whose nervous because she's trans and dating this guy who she hasn't told yet because they've only been on a two dates. For this story let's call the friend Jane and the guy she was dating Jason. Happy ending don't worry.

So I tell Jane to bring her boy over to a bbq I'm having and she can tell him she's trans at my place surrounded by queer and trans people who love her and will support her if he ends up being awful.

She waits till the end of the bbq to tell him the news, by which point the rest of us have learned that Jason is a kind, friendly, empathetic, hard working, dummy. So we sit down, all of us a little worried about this gym bro's reaction when she tells him she's trans, and that she understands if he doesn't want to keep dating her it's no big deal.

He's baffled, so we explain what trans is, and after the disclosure that she hasn't had bottom surgery yet...

"Oh you have a dick?"

"... yeah."

He look's around at the room full of people with baited breath, his clearly a little afraid girl friend says

"Oooohhhh! I get it! You think- don't worry Babe! Watch this!"

And ya'll this man jumps up, runs into the kitchen and returns with one of the bratwurst we had for grilling and proceeds to tilt his head back, put it down his throat, hold it in his mouth for a moment, and spit it up without even a whisper of a gag and then looks around at the group absolutely beaming with pride.

My mans saw his worried girlfriend and her support network and thought to him self "Oh they don't think I can't please my girl, but I'll show them!"

[nealashitposts]

I do feel the need to add that later he excitedly tell the group that as a straight guy, he never thought that skill would be useful outside hotdog eating contests.

[hyperrbolic-orange]

"Man its too bad that im straight since I've got like no gag reflex and all."

"Honey, I must tell you, i am in fact trans and I have not had bottom surgery."

"My god... everything's coming up Jason."

[dancinbutterfly]

Pure of heart dumb of ass hetero of sexual

[finnslay]

things you DO NOT need to be a man

a dick

he/him pronouns

XY chromosomes

things you DO need to be a man

the swiftness of a coursing river

the force of a great typhoon

the strength of a raging fire

the mysteriousness of the dark side of the moon

^this post was brought to you by LGBT^

Let's

Get down to

Business

To defeat the huns

[my-2nd-account]

[yrsonpurpose]

Not like I love you.

[pseudophan]

of course dan, the man behind famous ridiculous statements such as "i love pasta but i never have it because phil doesn't like cheese" and "what's my favourite red wine? phil doesn't like red wine" and "my friends and family don't know me that well, they give me chocolates but phil can't have chocolate" would consider phil ordering him olives the ultimate sign of love

[flailyfangirldeath]

My ex fiance and I used to share food all the time. They gave up eating meat because I'm vegetarian, so I completely understand Dan giving up these foods for Phil. Sharing the meal is much more important.

[beneathsilverstars]

tomorrow i have to give my daughter’s pikachu plushie gender-affirming surgery

[intellectual-punk]