Why exactly is Phantom Planet so bad? (Haven’t watched it.)
Oh man, it's been years now since I watched it. But I'm waiting for a flight so I've got time.
To hook you up, the first half, at least, focuses on Vlad replacing Danny with a crew of trendy ghost-hunting teens. This is accomplished with a montage of Danny failing at ghost fighting in embarrassing ways while Vlad's crew swoops in to claim victory. And setting an episode up with a lengthy, time-consuming, drawn-out sequence of second-hand-embarrassment is a hard sell for even the best of plot pay-offs.
Luckily! We get no plot pay off! We get rookie fanfic levels of out-of-character decision making as Danny decides to not only quit ghost-fighting, but revert his ghost half? (Which. He can do? Apparently?) because people aren't appreciating him.
Mother Fucker this is the boy who stuck to his ghost fighting duties even when Vlad framed him as Public Enemy Number 1. People were hunting his pelt for sport and government agencies were trying to lock him in The Torture Facility, and Danny stuck to his guns because his morals are above that all.
But in Phantom Planet, he feels snubbed and just walks his ass backwards through the portal to unkill himself. HELLO?
Luckily, Danny is never alone! He always has Sam and Tucker. By which I mean he has Sam and Tucker joining him on his Out-Of-Character Escapades because they just. Turn on him. Because his powers made him cool and unique and now he's un-cool and un-unique for unkilling himself. The absolute Audacity they had to act like Sam Manson would just turn on her friend for being uncool now, like these three did not start off as the Three Uncoolest Kids in school (which Sam did intentionally and proudly.)
Also then a giant asteroid comes and is gonna crash into Earth and obliterate it.
Well the reason is Vlad sort of caused it but that doesn't excuse anything.
But also Vlad is a genius schemer and sure he loses to a 14-year-old often but he's still a capable villain.
So with all his cunning and wiles he decides to--
(Oh the Out Of Character Express is picking up another passenger!!!)
--he decides to launch himself from a podium, transform into his evil ghost alter-ego, and demand a million-billion dollars and to be elected ruler of the world. In exchange for going and blowing up the asteroid.
Vlad fails at this and gets left in space. Which arguably is the only good thing in the episode. I will admit it's very deeply funny to just leave his ass in space. Like bye fucker.
Anyway Danny decides they need to turn the earth intangible. This totally makes sense don't worry.
So he hauls his human ass into the ghost zone to go ask Every Ghost Ever to help turn the Earth intangible. This doesn't work and instead they gang up to kill him. Except getting blasted with 18 million tons of I-Kill-You ectoblast actually just.... gives him his powers back.
Look if you ask me they killed him and that's why he's a ghost (again?) but this episode is not smart enough for anything interesting.
Anyway now Danny's a ghost again I guess and he does convince Every Ghost Ever to turn the Earth intangible and they fly out of the portal to do that but not before Danny's ship flies out first and crashes into a mountain and blows up, leading to Jazz thinking Danny's dead so she tells her parents and everyone that Danny was Phantom.
Danny and every ghost ever turns the Earth intangible and the asteroid passes through it and everyone goes "woohoo!"
His parents show up and clap like it's the End of Evangelion. Everyone actually does this. Including Valerie Fucking Gray who has a death-vendetta against Phantom and now that his identity is revealed she's just.... happy and clapping in the background I guess. Maybe they couldn't get her voice actress back on contract.
They build a statue for Danny and Tucker becomes mayor.
Vlad gets fucked up by an asteroid in space. Marking the second good thing to happen.
There's nothing to even rehabilitate here. We gotta throw the whole baby out.
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