girlboss in retirement

fenya | 19 | he/him/it | fuk man ow

[sadwetcatman]

listen enemies to lovers is OUT fuckass coworkers who cant stand each other to lovers is IN.

[grynwood]

Your honor, I love them, they're so horrible

[forkmeetkitchen]

dream job: eclectic elderly gender ambiguous owner of smoke shop selling supplies and safely prosessed smokable herbs by day, unethical 1920's lesbian larping as a ships boy and stealing money from the capitan to keep food on the table for her solemn lover by night

[lakevida]

it doesnt make sense that a penis would get bigger if yoiu jerk it off youre literally compressing it. go crumple a can rn and tell me its bigger im not buying this narrative

[pinene]

Okay So .. This is What Casual Misandry Looks Like Everybody

[lakevida]

im trying to go pro if anyone has any tips

[owlapprentice]

How does Gideon’s quasi-immortality work? She survives the ninth’s genocide, all of Harrow’s punishments (getting frostbitten and poisoned), and the avulsion trial. The only two ways I can think of is that she’s either super durable and very difficult to kill, or she does die each time but always comes back.

Thoughts?

Maximum durability

Comes back every time

Secret third thing?

Voting ended onJul 22

[forkmeetkitchen]

my reading was always that she could only die by her own hands, like if harrow tried to become a lyctor the traditional way (she would never, but in theory), it wouldn't even work. lacking autonomy is such a big part of her charachter so her and only her getting to decide whether she lives or dies would go kinda hard

[hershandbear]

Thinking about Harrow genuinely gets me like this tweet:

Except it’s anything she does across the series.

[only-alter-idem]

oh gideon nav is the lesbian of ALL TIME. she’ll explain how hot every woman she meets is and how their eyes seem to pin her down and how a blush runs up to her cheeks whenever they look at her and she can’t say no to them

and then at the end of the paragraph she’ll be like “oh and some sort of man was also present. he was a little bitch.”

[zsh-official]

[destructionfanq]

we all know that beinq introduced as "???" with a black silhouette as sprite feels qood as fuck BUT. you must imaqine beinq introduced as "!?"

[only-alter-idem]

all the other guests: omg don’t turn around but that creepy Ninth nun who took a vow of silence is right behind you! she beat magnus in a sword fight in five seconds. i made eye contact with her yesterday eeek she’s got so much wisdom hidden in those eyes

gideon, wandering around in circles: what the fuck is going on what the fuck is going on where is harrow where is haRROW WHERE IS HARROW

[faildyke]

Thinking really hard about Ianthe. She convinced her one-sided lesbian situationship to give her a new arm after she got dismembered by a saint. She and her twin sister love to dip their toes into incest sometimes but not in ways you’d expect. She also uses her magic to make herself look sickly so her sister can breast boobily. She and Jesus might be fucking but neither of them probably enjoys it. She voluntarily wore a maid dress in a game show inside her own mind. I hate her. She’s awesome. What is wrong with her.

[faildyke]

Oh yeah and there’s also the cannibalism. I guess.

[darwinsleastfavourite]

She’s the character ever. She routinely dresses for and inserts herself into scenes as the sex appeal, knowing she looks like a drowned albino rat. She’s smart enough to know going mad with power has consequences and she’s okay with it because she’s also smarter than most of the consequences. She’s canonically cannibalized people and it’s the least interesting thing about her. She’s even gay.

[forkmeetkitchen]

wait when did she eat people

[fairycosmos]

my dead wife. the ad free internet

[light-camera-bitch-smile]

the thing about John referencing tumblr memes is like. They don’t have the internet post resurrection. Which means John has been making the same handful of jokes for like ten thousand years. I too would become mercymorn if I had to hear the same ten jokes for TEN THOUSAND YEARS PLUS

[forkmeetkitchen]

if papa doesnt stop upsetting my older sister, i will explain my queerplatonic (occasionally sexual) polycule to him and get that heart attack

[forkmeetkitchen]

no i am not affected by mosquitoes or poison oak. why? pure of heart

[lavenderprose]

I know we joke about it all the time but hotel room walls are...GENUINELY very thin. The bit in the HR novel where Shane and Ilya fuck in the shower so that the water drowns out the sounds actually rang as extremely accurate to me. Like, the lack of boundaries that must exist not just for the Centaurs but for ANYBODY who spends a significant amount of time sharing hotel room walls with their teammates is just unbelievable.

Like, on any given roadie the people sharing walls with the Hollanovs can expect to overhear:

- One side of phone calls between Shane and his mother where every third word is FUCK and Shane's voice gets higher the more he works himself up about whatever league drama is pissing him off that week

- Ilya yelling in Russian (Non sex reasons) (He and Svetlana are talking about Matheson in Colorado. Again.)

- Ilya gets hay fever real bad in Seattle and spends an entire night sneezing at EAR SPLITTING volume, each sneeze followed by a, "AHH!" from Shane as he is startled awake. Again.

- The Christmas wish lists of every Pike child and how they're going to be divvy'd up for the year. This conversation takes place in September.

- "I'm telling you, the penalty kill could be a work of fucking art if Haas--oh fuck, right there, don't stop--"

- As stated before, an objectively obnoxious amount of showering is happening. At one point LaPointe turns to Bood and says something to the effect of, "Crazy that Hollander takes TWO showers after every game, I guess he really is superstitious," and Bood just. Chooses not to engage.

- A thunderous and almighty BANG. This is the sound of Ilya's suitcase hitting the floor after it inevitably slides off the bed.

- "Shaaaaane, look at the livestream from the dog hotel--look at how cute! She is so sleepy, she's holding her banana like a baaaaby--"

- Vin Diesel's voice, unimaginably loud, at one AM

- Russian Yelling (Non sex reasons) (Sasha did something stupid)

- "Unh unh unh UNH UNH UNH--" (Squeak. Squeak.)

- Celtics game. Twenty minutes beforehand: "Fuck, Shane, how do I get ESPN on the stupid--Roku stick thing--"

- "Okay, look, your dad played the word veer--is not real word, right? Like, deer with a V? It's real? Shane, we can't let your dad win--no, it's not cheating, he gets Yuna's help--"

- Stuff about Rose Landry's upcoming film that they should probably all sign NDAs for even thinking about.

- Russian Yelling (Sex reasons. Probably. It sounds...ardent.)

- One time, for an entire night, silence. The day immediately preceeding this night and the morning immediately after are best left unspoken about.

- The sound of Shane's fuckass electric toothbrush for WAY too long. Seriously man it cannot be healthy to brush your teeth for that lo--oh. Got it. Okay. Where are my earbuds.

- "I mean, it's not like I'm sixteen anymore, right? It's just that sometimes I think she looks at me and sees a fucking kid still, and I get it, I get it--and fuck, babe, I know it's not fair to feel this way, she's the only mom I'll ever have, and you don't even--ugh--"

- "I'm so terribly sorry the hotel misplaced your bags, Mister Rozanov. If there's any way that we can...make it up to you..." [Giggle. Kissing sound. Kissing sound. Moan.]

- Banging on the wall and, "KEEP IT DOWN, ROOK," the one. Singular. Time. That Holmberg manages to pull on their West Coast roadie. Which may or may not be the beginning of his villain origin story.

[forkmeetkitchen]

i dont think ive ever related as much to a character like i relate to nona. i also fully feel like i was born a couple months ago, dont understand war and love my family. i also have a heart that barely fits inside me, trippy horrible dreams and a mind thats always 5 deep breaths away from a tantrum. nona i love you i am you