Freakish Lemon

Obsessive fiction absorption vessel.

[sagescribbles]

saw someone say on twitter that montreal and boston are only a 5 hour drive apart, so why didn’t shane and ilya make the drive to see each other more often?

well, that would’ve meant taking their “relationship” wayyy more seriously than it really was

because that drive is the worst fucking drive i’ve ever taken. i have driven through the carolinas when damn near the entire interstate had been destroyed by a hurricane and that was more enjoyable. it takes half an hour to get out of montreal from downtown, then you got an hour waiting at the border crossing, then three hours of nothing but trees (IF there’s no road work in vermont), then you got that stupid toll road to get into massachusetts, only to exit the interstate and spend an hour going 10 more km into boston. a five hour trip quickly becomes seven because google maps LIES. leaving boston is somehow even more stressful because nobody in that horrible city knows how to fucking merge

the only person i will ever make this drive for is my best friend whom i’ve known since grade 3. hollanov were not even close to that. let’s not forget they weren’t taking whatever they had seriously until like ten years in.

sincerely,

someone who drove this stupid route two weeks ago and lost their sanity on vermont backroads on their way home

[mojoscircus]

Ilya losing his mind seeing Shane again every season because he just keeps getting bigger and bigger. He’s built like a fucking brick shithouse. What the fuck does he be doing all summer?! How much more muscly could he possibly get? What’s he need all that muscle for anyway? Ilya could only think it’s to pickup other men and now he’s pissed off. Only Ilya should be appreciating Hollander’s sculpted body. Ilya can’t wait to fuck him and remind Shane that he’s the only one capable of satisfying him and handling all that beefiness.

[lavenderprose]

The way I'm losing it right now. Someone I know did a line drawing of Ilya against the window during the cottage blowjob and it's one of the frames where he's got his hands braced on the window looking down. And of course you cannot see Shane. And it's a nice drawing and obviously nothing visually sexual is happening but. But this girl posted it to Facebook and the comments are like. Someone's mom saying 'What a handsome man!' and grandma saying Oh you're so talented ❤️ and someone's out of touch uncle just commenting Nice!

The dramatic irony is genuinely too much for me. That man is having his cock swallowed. I know this and the person who drew this knows this and they did this anyway. And it's seven thirty AM on a Saturday.

[stealingpotatoes]

reason 1 million why i love zukka: how extra insane it makes hakoda's family tree

(links // tip jar!)

[shieldofiron]

Just CALM DOWN!

[prideling]

I keep thinking about the fact that Eridians seem so much stronger and sturdier than humans, so what humans-are-space-orcs thing could Grace even do that would freak Rocky out... and then I remembered humans are persistence predators.

So picture some years in the future when the xenonite suits are so safe that Grace's class can now take field trips into his biodome. Rocky's there because this is a big moment for everyone involved and also he just loves listening to Grace in his element. One of the more mischievous kids tries to sneak off from the group and there are plenty of chaperones but Grace is the first to notice.

His posture changes, goes focused but loose in a way Rocky's never seen before as he peels of from the crowd. Rocky just stands there, stunned, as he watches his sweet, gangly, goofy, clumsy blob of a friend turn into a hunter. Grace circles around the pebble, slightly crouched, head turned and honed in, arms loose to the sides, and maybe the little one notices and does that nervously excited giggle-squeal thing kids do when they're being chased and tries to get away, but Grace expertly corrals them. He doesn't even have to run for it, he just pens the kid in, lunges-

And takes the little pebble by the claw to lead them safely back to their peers. And just like that he's Grace again, smiling and joking and tripping over his improvised shoelaces. Rocky hasn't been scared of Grace since first contact. Have you seen the guy? ... but for a second there his instincts were telling him to run.

[knightofleo]

[oobbbear]

[lovewithagirl]

image description: a simple drawing of a tired looking person holding a sheet of paper, sparkles above their head as well as text that reads, "Despite everything I still want to create". / end description

[totearup]

Concept - sometime in the 2015-16 season Marley is traded to Ottawa. Both he and Ilya make dramatic social media posts about their husband going off to war or whatever. The Cliff/Ilya fans eat it up with a spoon. In 2018, when Ilya signs with Ottawa too, even the more serious sports media find themselves briefly considering the idea that there might be something more to this friendship, because why else would Rozanov go to a bottom ranked team like Ottawa?

Shane goes back and forth between weird pointless jealously that people think Ilya is fucking Cliff and relief that this is like a weird added security around their real relationship.

Ilya and Cliff both find the whole thing fucking hilarious.

[rachfic222]

✨ wyatt hayes ✨ my beloved ❤️❤️ may your pillow always be cold, your skin clear, your crops plentiful, etc etc etc

[hollanoveau]

i love that cliff is the first raider shane clocks in the club scene bc a) duh this is me we’re talking about and b) DUH of course he’s the first one you’re gonna see in any setting he’s ENORMOUS. he’s easily the tallest motherfucker there. there is no mistaking that obscene hairline. even over the music he is so Loud. and wherever tweedledum is tweedledee isn’t far behind - and yep, there’s ilya eating some broad’s earring. god. shane seeing cliff marleau’s skyscraper self in the club is like seeing a black dog right before you die.

[mybloodstream-caffeine]

My unrealistic proposal #myunrealisticproposal:

Yuna had a rock gal/gal punk/riot grrrl sort of look in college, as she was not surrounded by her parents anymore and she isn’t have a formal tm job yet. Like she could be on a Kera/Fruits magazine. Of course her personality was still strict and headstrong plus she was studying law or smth and David was like Wow what a woman 😍 she’s said I’m the best player on the team!!

Immediately accepted ✅✅✅ rocker chick / jock boy is an aesthetic combination that has always appealed to me.

I also have a personal headcanon that David didn't come from an affluent family, so he was actually primarily into hockey so he could study at McGill and was working his ass off to get his business/accounting major, and Yuna really respected and admired his drive and work ethic. Yes, the bad boy with a heart of gold appeal was there, but it was seeing him work so hard in the library after hours that really won her heart

[nicolegendary]

i knowwwwww in my heart ilya would love taking shanes last name and after they have kids referring to their family unit as hollanders. ilya turning around to the backseat like okey hollanders here is plan. we are going to be in and out of costco in thirty minutes. you may choose ONE item each. if we get separated we meet at optometrist. we will get ice creams on way out as long as everyone is cool and nobody tells dad. hollanders on three.

[mybloodstream-caffeine]

Okay here is the picture: https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/R7sAAOSwdAtlVBZd/s-l1200.jpg

I'm imagining Ilya seeing a picture of young David looking like this and realizing how much he resembles Shane's pre established type of Patrick Swayze Ilya Rozanov and thinking to himself "I do not know how to feel about this but once I do I'm going to tease my boyfriend mercilessly about it for the rest of his life."

(Yuna Hollander's genes are strong and travel with a predisposition for blue eyes square jaws and messy curls. Like mother like son.)

JSBAJSBSJJA OHHHH ITS SO PERFECT!!! LOOK AT HIM ARE WE KIDDING???

Unfortunately, Shane has to go through the terribly common reckoning with lil old Freud. Well, at least good taste runs in his genes! He's his mother's son all right.

[bonivers]

just remembered shows used to have 20-25 eps per season

[bonivers]

[raptorofwar]

[extra-banana]

Rose and Sveta bond over Ilya and Shane's stupidness about women

Rose told Shane she was sad she couldn't have sex with a new guy she was seeing because she was on her period. Shane suggested she just "hold it in"

Ilya thought Sveta needed a whole box of tampons every period

Their second time having sex, Shane took Rose's bra off over her head because he couldn't figure out the clasp

It took Ilya almost 10 years to realize Sveta wore wigs. He thought she was just really good at styling and manipulating hair

Shane almost screamed when he saw Rose remove her strip lashes

Ilya still cannot pronounce balayage

Shane cannot differentiate between Sandra Bullock, Anne Hathaway, and Julia Roberts

Ilya does not believe in zodiacs but is adamant that some women have an "inherent sense for the phases of the moon" and can recognize its power over people, thus being able to more strategically influence others. Sveta has no clue where he got this idea from

[shaneswetbrowneyes]

i actually think that what's being missed in the 'why does everyone love heated rivalry' conversation is just that it's good

it's well made, well shot, well directed, the music is interesting, the costumes are both thoughtful and subtly period accurate, the sex scenes are intentional and, again, accurate to what hooking up when you're like 18 actually feels like...the actors are of course attractive but they look like real people. the characters are varied and well fleshed out, the acting is really, really strong

so many shows and films shoot and then slot in whatever music kind of fits or could be licenced in the budget after time, but you can tell that the scenes in hr were shot with that specific music in mind. and the same intentional approach runs through the whole thing

it feels...so nice to watch a show that cares about itself