My humble contribution to the fandom
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YOU ARE THE REASON
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h
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@gardenofphantoms
My humble contribution to the fandom
Too bad the prophet Cassandra never met Odysseus
They say if she made a prophecy Nobody would believe her
I’ve gotta say, that is exactly the kind of stupid thing that probably would circumvent a curse.
Cassandra: YOU ARE ALL GOING TO REGRET THIS SO MUCH YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW.
Odysseus: Regret it why?
Cassandra: You won’t believe me if I tell you. If I prophecy, nobody believes me. That is my curse.
Odysseus: … I’m Nobody. Fill me in.
*A couple of months later*
Odysseus: HELLO PENELOPE, I AM HERE PRECISELY ON TIME AND NOT YEARS LATE incidentally I rescued and adopted a Trojan seer while I was away, she’s great, got me home really fast, Cassandra this is your new mother who’s not going to treat you like shit.
Penelope: … I’m going to need more details, but okay, sure.
Cassandra: *in tears* I love you, new family.
Cassandra: Penelope, I’ve had another vision.
Penelope, sighs: Go tell your father.
the original? on my dash?
i think edward elric entire military experience can be summarized as john mulaney’s “horse loose in the hospital” bit
there is a CHILD ALCHEMIST LOOSE IN THE STATE MILITARY!
NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE CHILD IS GOING TO DO, LEAST OF ALL THE CHILD!
HE’S NEVER BEEN IN THE MILITARY BEFORE!
They interviewed a man who once saw a baby in a restaurant.
WE’VE ALL SEEN A BABY IN A RESTAURANT!!!
THIS IS A CHILD. LOOSE IN THE MILITARY.
@dalethesjtoddler
And then, for a second, it seemed like maybe we could survive the child, and then, 5 miles under the capital city, an evil homunculus was like, “I have a huge transmutation circle and I’m going to kill everyone to become god!” And before we could say anything, the child was like, “If you even fucking look at Amestris, I will punch you to death with my fists. I dare you to do it. I want you to do it. I want you to do it so I can take my unresolved daddy issues out on you, I’m so fucking crazy.”
This post was written by Roy Mustang
Sometimes it’s not a bad thing, just surprising. Like, “Today the child did alchemy without a transmutation circle,” and everyone is like, “Huh, I didn’t know he could do that.”
The creepiest days are when you don’t hear from the child at all. Those are the days when everyone is like “I think the child has finally calmed down,” and then the child is like “I just uncovered a government conspiracy. I went in that secret lab and snuck in there with my tiny body. I have a tiny body, but don’t you tell me that, or I’ll fuck you up,” and you’re like “That’s what I thought you’d say, you tiny fucking child.”
And then for a second we’re like “Maybe the government will fire the child,” and the child is like “I have dismantled the government.”
“He can DO that?!?!”
I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF
This potato works. Every. Fucking. Time.
Reblogging because it’s a damn potato and I want to encourage people to assume potatoes are magical.
MAGIC POTATO GO!🥔
I wonder if it's gold all the way through or if it would make good soup?
Dear Readers,
The good news is that I've completed the full manuscript for John Rich & The Big Picture, formatted it and killed some darlings, and have sent it to my agent. What started out as a practice novel has become, truly, A Regular Novel. That practice worked—I learned so much! You guys taught me so much. With your gasps, groans, and laughter, you showed me what hit and what didn't. Thank you.
The inconvenient news—I will be closing this Tumblr in the next few days. This is, yes, for #publishing reasons. You will only be able to read John Rich & The Big Picture at the dedicated website for the foreseeable future.
Tumblr is where I got my start sharing stories. I love how I can, like, post 400 words of smut and have that up for 48 hours. I can type up a random thought on the current chapter I'm working on. I can rant. Or drop a poll about whether or not you think John is inspired by John Mulaney. (For legal reasons, he's not. Why would you even think that?) Tumblr is a great place to build community, but not the ideal place potential publishers wants certain stories to exist. (That gay hockey comic is an anomaly.)
Chapter 19 and all subsequent chapters will be up on okjohnrich.site. You'll read the ending there. That site, too, will have to be taken down at some point, but I'll let the finale breathe before putting it under lock and key. This means your friends should start reading now before they have to buy the eBook for the price of two Manhattan lattes.
Thank you for reading, Ngozi
furthest we've ever been
[ID. A digital comic of ryland grace from project hail mary. He sits on the shore of his biodome next to one of the large rock formations. Looking at the wall thoughtfully, grace then gets up and walks away, returning with a bowl he's dipped the palm of his hand into, covering it in red. The final panel shows a handprint on the wall of rock. End ID.]
They wear suits, but they don't even know basic etiquette.
inspired by @cowardsexual 's post of a very sleepy phm science team and Grace's teacher instincts
Thats the context for this meme???
I feel like I've been robbed the whole time. This is magical.
I'm dying
my humor 2016
happy 3 year anniversary of wheeze man
Finally, the original has crossed my dash.
@strangezeroz welcome to tumblr where the app decides when you can be gifted with the sight of og memes, you cannot look for these yourself via the search engine, you won’t find them, you have to wait to be gifted them
For those of you who might be new here, Tumblr has no algorithm, legendary memes are brought to your dash by mutuals like pet cats bringing you dead birds.
Happy 10th anniversary to succ wheeze
[one single bloodcurdling agonized scream] ok time to lock in
Get To Know Me • two/five female characters • Susan Pevensie (The Chronicles of Narnia)
“I’m just trying to be realistic!”
This guy plays the tune of Jason Mraz - “I’m Yours” using two Nokia Phone
this is so fucking relaxing
IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS FOR TWO FUCKING YEARS
When you’re too broke to afford a Launchpad
"are you gonna take those pills the rest of your life?" you mean my molecules? why surely you wouldn't deprive me of my molecules. they are shaped exactly just so, you see. my molecules
do you know how hard someone had to work to make my molecules into their molecule shapes??
they invented a new shape of molecule just for me and you want me to what, not absorb it???
reblog to remind somebody about their molecules
people who shape molecules at their jobs found this post and they're in the notes being happy to be appreciated. go take your fucking molecules
I am reading scholarly works about Jane Austen and having hearteyes about obscure details in the Pemberley chapters of P&P that indicate Mr. Darcy’s sustainable land management praxis.
Okay, let’s talk about Pemberley!
Austen, as a rule, doesn’t spend many paragraphs describing locations. There’s often information to be gleaned from their names (Sense and Sensibility is full of lurking references to sexual scandals and Mansfield Park to slavery), but Longbourn just means “long stream” or “long boundary,” Netherfield means “lower field,” and Rosings’ original owner was a redhead. Meryton, a pun on “merry town,” is kind of fascinating, given the installment of the militia and the threat to stability and serenity they represent. Partying and shenanigans. Possibly a Shakespeare ref.
Longbourn barely gets any description at all. From the get-go, everyone who lives there is obsessed with other places, with getting out (except Mr. Bennet, who never wants to leave his library, never mind the house). Lady Catherine deems it small and mildly uncomfortable, which is in keeping with the theme of confinement, but also it’s Lady Catherine talking. Netherfield can’t tell us much about Bingley, who is only a tenant. Rosings is expensively, ostentatiously modern and gaudily furnished, though it has a handsome park that Lady Catherine and her stifled daughter never set foot in but Elizabeth and Darcy both frequently escape to during their stays.
So it’s notable and wonderful that Austen goes out of her way to describe Pemberley as an old-fashioned, highly successful, working estate. Its practical old Anglo-Saxon name means “Pember’s clearing.” A pember is a man who grows barley. Darcy most likely still does. As Elizabeth and the Gardiners approach and tour the house, they notice and admire its beautiful surrounding woods, and then when they wander outside, the specific word Austen uses is coppice woods. A coppice is a woodland filled with tree species that grow new shoots from their stumps when you chop them down. Darcy probably has oaks on a fifty-year cycle as well as faster-growing species such as hawthorn and hornbeam for firewood, timber and cattle fodder. Coppice forestry is functional and sustainable, and provides habitat for beasts and birds.
Darcy is the anti-John Dashwood (Dashwood, srsly), the brother in Sense and Sensibility who inherits Elinor and Marianne’s childhood estate of Norland, whose wife immediately starts making plans to hack down trees (not even coppice trees, but big, gorgeous, venerable hardwoods) to make way for a folly. Jane Austen hated follies. Also, it ought to be noted that timber was so valuable in Britain at the time that estates often had inheritance clauses that detailed who was and wasn’t allowed to chop down what.
Darcy’s a food producer and land conservator, prefers nature over fussy, ornamental landscape design, his servants and tenants like him, he gives money to the poor… and… he’s a trout fisherman! He shoots, too, as do Bingley and Hurst and Mr. Bennet, but it’s a particular mark in his favour that Austen singles him and Mr. Gardiner out as anglers. It’s a pastime that signifies a taste for contemplation and quietness and appreciation of nature, as blissfully described in The Compleat Angler; or, The Contemplative Man’s Recreation, a hugely popular travel book first published in the 1600s and reprinted often for 18th C libraries. The plot of The Compleat Angler is about the conversion of a hunter (pastime of the ultra-rich) to a fisherman who learns to love the peaceful sport. We receive ample evidence elsewhere that Darcy is a man capable of swift, decisive action and formidable effectiveness. But at Pemberley, Austen takes care to show us how he’s balanced.
Most of the information in this post comes from Margaret Doody’s Jane Austen’s Names.
I didn’t know any of this! I always thought it was a bit odd how her viewing the estate changed her views of the man himself, as if it was about how big the place was. Instead it was how he cared for the land / people. Fascinating! Completely missed that.
It’s literally his character reference! Most women at the time had to marry for financial security, yet marriage was horribly risky, because divorce was almost impossible. If you married someone you didn’t know well, and he turned out to be lazy, irresponsible, or abusive, you were stuck.
This is why so many Austen heroes are mature, almost frumpy men the heroines have known for years. Local fellows with family ties. They don’t offer breathless romances; the happy endings they offer are happy because they are safe.
Darcy is not a local boy. Darcy is not a fully formed, baggable Austen hero when he proposes at Hunsford, not just because he’s rude af, but because Lizzy doesn’t know him well enough yet. She has no real way of knowing how he would treat her. Austen sends Lizzy to Pemberley not to dazzle her with Darcy’s wealth, but to provide her with good, hard evidence of his treatment of the people under his protection, including his tenants, his sister, and the intelligent, dignified housekeeper who has known him since he was a toddler.
Character references established, we may proceed with the romance.
(n.b. He doesn’t know her either, until she’s rejected him. He proposes, despite his giant pile of reservations, because he’s so horny for her he can’t stand it (at least, to his credit, he’s turned on by her brains as much as her hot little bod), but only after her refusal does he realize how completely he has failed to understand this woman or make himself worthy of her. He falls in love for real only after she has demanded that he live up to his own high standards. Refreshing, ain’t it?)
the reason Phineas and Ferb is one of my favorite shows of all time is because adult jokes in other family shows are usually about sex. in Phineas and Ferb they are referencing classic literature and bureaucracy.
What month were you born in?
January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
November
December
Doing a final project in my stats class, we have to pick a subject and collect data on it. We need at least 100 data points, and I figured this blog is big enough that a poll on here could get to that pretty easily!
Doing my project on if it’s more likely to be born in certain months :]
I have gotten the OK from my teacher to collect data using a Tumblr poll, btw. I’m also going to have to send her this post as proof of where I got the data from / proof I didn’t just make up the numbers. So. Behave
KICK THE CAN!
Let’s play the biggest game of kick the can on the internet.
To kick the can, reblog it. I wanna see how long this can go on for.
the oldest reblogs for this post that i can find are from january 2nd of 2013. this can has been getting kicked around tumblr for almost 13½ years now
And yet somehow this is my first time kicking it!