How did you get in my house?

A collection of fandoms and my slightly warped sense of humor. This place is a mess.

[crtter]

Sometimes I hyperfocus so hard on something, I forget I’m a person until someone interacts with me. I feel like some wild animal seeing a human being for the first time. I’m like “oh yeah I’m supposed to speak and stuff”

[crtter]

Me: *doing something for hours on end without stopping*

Someone: Hey, are you there? I was just wondering if you’d like to-

Me:

[gay-for-fingerless-gloves]

For every single person in the notes going “yeah” or “same” or something like that…

[elysiumcalled]

boyy am I in the mood to feel someone’s body weight on top of me

[insaneostyle]

Shocking how many people don’t know that hens lay non-fertilized eggs and think the yolk they’re eating is a baby chicken

[countess-of-edessa]

once tried desperately to make my friend understand that yolks were not, like, a liquified potentiality of chicken, and she looked at me for a while and then said, "but they’re both yellow."

[woolandflax]

Behold

A chicken

[alexseanchai]

[image: a lemon.]

[brawltogethernow]

Image descriptions that incidentally make the joke infinitely funnier.

[sithzuko]

zuko and sokka: *accidentally sets the kitchen on fire*

sokka: we need an adult!

zuko: we are adults!

sokka: we need adultier adults! quick, go get katara!

zuko: she’s literally younger than us!

[cantabilechaos]

Being a kid was so fucking funny we’d just go around lying to each other’s faces constantly to impress each other one of my classmates told me he was the first person to visit the sun and when I asked him what it was like to prove he was lying he said he didn’t remember because they sent him there when he was just a baby and to this day the mental image of NASA launching an unsupervised baby into the sun still makes me crack up

[reh-hateshumans]

i wholeheartedly believe i deserve fangs

[whitepeopletwitter]

Good morning

[valtsv]

met a guy who'd do numbers on here at work today. he was wearing a sweater that said "SOUP THERAPY" and when i asked where he got it he just said "don't worry about it"

[valtsv]

[acreaturecalledgreed]

theres like a guarantee that if someone’s url ends in “course” or “discourse” theyre an asshole

[horse-is-a-horse-of-course]

: (

[acreaturecalledgreed]

oh my god, oh my god im so sorry im so sorry please

please have these

[horse-is-a-horse-of-course]

: )

[funnytwittertweets]

[sindri42]

Bees choose to live in the box where they know damn well that a large fraction of the honey will periodically be removed, instead of simply leaving that place like they are perfectly able to do, because the human box comes with an invulnerable titan to guard them against all threats. The bees consider the payment offered to this colossal mercenary to be a pretty good deal.

[intjint]

Bees know about supply and demand

[urbanfantasyinspiration]

Protection money

[stitch-n-time]

Protection honey

[tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva]

TIRED: sang-woo's immoral actions in squid game were a result of a ruthless economic system and life-or-death situation in which selfishness is the best path to success

WIRED: business majors are just like that

[woodrider]

i've been practicing my gaslighting but my gatekeeping honestly needs work. my girlbossing can wait

[evilscientist3]

if your gatekeeping isnt naturally good you clearly arent supposed to be part of this community :/

[woodrider]

what "community?" there isn't a community you're just making things up again

[violaslayvis]

the first post has the same energy as this post i made and we need more of them

[bey]

Don’t invite me anywhere last minute I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed

[bana05]

This is legit and people don’t realize it.

[noahwyles]

“hey what are you doing?” “nothing”  “oh great! so you are avaliab-” “no you don’t understand. I’m doing nothing.” 

[embyrr922]

I’m doing nothing. Actively. It’s important.

[gamecubist]

obsessed with this interaction

[eufonius]

[funnytwittertweets]

[autisticmiqote]

Yall are really gonna run your mom jokes into the ground at this rate

[smarties-03]

I ran your mom into the ground last night

[autisticmiqote]