[jasontoddiefor]

I need minors to learn how to lie online again. Your name is Derek, you’re 25 and work in accounting now. Please for your own safety learn how to fucking lie. And if you don’t want to lie, then don’t put your age anywhere. Don’t even say whether you’re a minor or not. It is perfectly easy to avoid adult spaces without signposting that you are doing so because you’re a child.

Stating your age doesn’t protect you this only makes you a target.

[catchymemes]

[debellatis]

This is.... Absurdly cute. What the fuck.

[gallusrostromegalus]

It's worth noting that the reason the beaver wants the water to be deeper in the first place is that the Beaver is using the deep water as a pantry:

All summer and fall, beavers gather up branches with the leaves they actually eat, and store it in the deep end of the Pond, where the cold water and limited oxygen keep the leaves fresh all winter, so when it's negative 20 outside, a beaver can take a dip out of it's lodge, grab some refrigerated leaves in the (relatively) warmer water and go back to it's cozy little nap hole while everything else is out there suffering and eating bark or the like.

So it's less "there's a leak in my house" and more "OH SHIT THE FRIDGE!!"

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#i loveeee beavers so much. little beasts in the river in their little homes#slapping everything. moving sticks around#what other mammal does this. just builds a little hut and sits in it. can you imagine if deer could do that

Humans do that

[purpleisnotacolor]

"oh you have an allergy? sorry I harassed you for being a picky eater, I didn't realize you had a valid reason. it's good to know you're not actually a picky eater, I still get to harass those people"

"oh you have chronic pain? sorry I harassed you for being lazy, I didn't realize you had a valid reason. it's good to know you're not actually a lazy person, I still get to harass those people"

"oh you're autistic? sorry I harassed you for being weird, I didn't realize you had a valid reason. it's good to know you're not actually a weird person, I still get to harass those people"

"oh you're deaf? sorry I harassed you for ignoring me, I didn't realize you had a valid reason. you're just not actually a rude person, I still get to harass those people"

"man why does everything have to be a disorder now? I miss the old days when people would TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for being failures and it was socially exceptable for me to harass them, now I look like a jerk when I bully people for annoying me."

[rotsuko]

is this even funny i dont think its funny im not putting it in the tags

[fembutchboygirl]

How has this comic made such a groundbreaking cultural impact without getting over 40k notes

[baphonnicula]

nowhere else

[johnnycrass]

[fairycosmos]

[fursonas]

an erotic poem:

leg so hot

hot hot leg

leg so hot u fry an eg

[mothgirlballs]

A relic…

*touches ground*

I haven’t seen you in years,,,

[theygender]

[parakeet]

your bed is probably as happy to see you as you are to see it. ‘here comes the warmth slab’ it thinks

[targent]

wrong it thinks “god hope this dipshit doesnt spill beans all over me again who tf eats beans in bed”

[targent]

stop reblogging this new year new me i havent spilled beans in bed ONCE this year

[targent]

uh oh

[zoethrowingnightshade]

It gets funnier the earlier in the year you reblog it

[jamesroach]

4:35 Blaze it sorry traffic was crazy

[jamesroach]

oh we missed the ten year anniversary of the worst post i’ve ever made

[professionalchaoticdumbass]

traffic again?

[gin-juice-tonic]

[gin-juice-tonic]

[gin-juice-tonic]

It wont come to that, thankfully

[gin-juice-tonic]

next

[powerburial]

Its crazy how jack blacks kid just looks like if jack black had a son

[cary-elwes]

[guidancerune]

imagine you're frolicking in a field, prancing through long grass, singing "falalalala~", occasionally picking a flower. etc, etc. but a guy in the same field is watching you, about 20 paces away. he lowers his opera glasses (which he was using to watch you) and starts clutching his head and screaming with blind rage because of how much you're pissing him off. that's what it's like to be on the internet.

[the-meme-monarch]

girls night

[engulfes]

Growing up is actually all about realizing people don’t inherently dislike you and it’s a bit odd to assume they do

[existentialdruid]

This

[jelliebeanbitch]

there are more tweets in this thread

fucking SLAY

[grymm]

oh. shit.

[lobotomyscars]

do you ever laugh with your friends and think oh this is the point. this is the point of everything

[footlongdingledong]

had a dream that there was this new tiktok trend called "scrubbing" where people would take images of fictional characters and put them in images of bathtubs and drag around transparent pngs of soap and brushes with their tiktok art tablets and like liquify tool their hair down to mimic giving them a shower. and people would get into flamewars in the comments of every single video over the types of soap they picked and if the images had decently removed backgrounds and if they got soap in their eyes. and it got onto the news because it turned out everyone doing the trend was doing it compulsively like they physically couldn't stop and each video was a solid few minutes long because they were just collectively obsessively recording themselves fake-showering these fictional characters and arguing about it online

[footlongdingledong]

for the record I have never used tiktok and like explicitly in the dream I learned about it secondhand from a discord server so there's that also which is funny I think

[1234567865432345342343464-deact]

[fatefulfindings]

for 2 years this post has appeared in my head every time I interacted with a customer service live chat. that great you can go ahead and order it.

[foxy-mulder-deactivated20190929]

Bill: Listen, dude, I’ll always take care of you through this most unparalleled journey that is our lives

Ted: But babe, it’s a most totally non-triumphant task

Bill: Not to me, dude. Not if it’s you