jay, the goblin king

they/them | EDS & AuDHD | US american, for my sins | child of 1984 (seriously) | grumpy millennial but also enthusiastic fan | come for the fan screaming, stay for the politics | critical role | dimension 20 | anything queer | pfp ID: a photo of Jareth from 'Labyrinth' holding a glass orb

[hrnydropoutconfessions]

I have been writing Dropout smut since it was Collegehumor, not as much recently and mostly d20 but it's SO lovely seeing the community still going strong

☕

[sugaldean]

Why can't you accept that she might be living a good, honest life? That she's an attentive partner and a good mom?

Because I wanted that mom. I wanted the mom who made me afternoon snacks instead of telling me to look for loose fries in the third kitchen freezer. Why does [baby name] get that mom? If Hallariel Seacaster has truly changed then that means she was always capable of change but I just wasn't worth changing for.

Fabian Seacaster, going home from college a few years from now to find a warm and attentive home he never had

[unclejawbone]

Hey kiddo. Uncle Jawbone here. Just wanted to interrupt your self-hatred and remind you that there are variables you're forgetting in this scenario, those being everything else your mom was going through in that phase of her life.

I know that it feels like people who choose to be parents should always make their children their first priority, especially when you're the child in question. And certainly in your case, it seems like what was your mom even struggling with, when she had so much handed to her on a golden platter?

Now that you're a man, Fabian, I have to tell you some hard truths, and one of them is: that could be exactly why your mother struggled. She grew up in a place where everything was handed to her, everything was this perfect shiny utopia -- and she couldn't really appreciate it because she'd always lived there and didn't know anything different, right? You've heard some variation of the phrase "you can't know the good if you don't know the bad", right? She probably took everything in Fallinel for granted and thought it was super uncool and was desperate to get out.

And then she got whisked off her feet by your dad, the great Bill Seacaster, and he gave her excitement and adventure and danger. I've heard your mom was pretty impressive with the sword back in the day, huh? They probably really tore it up on the open seas. Has she ever talked about that time of her life with you, or did she put those memories away like a box on a shelf and has never revisited them again?

Eventually your mom and dad decided to get pregnant, and Hallariel had to give up the life of piracy I assume because it wouldn't be safe for you. I know kids don't like hearing this, but the hard truth is that when people become parents they have to make sacrifices and give up some of the things they want to do. And even though being a parent can be amazing and fulfilling, it's also a thankless job and boring as shit. And most of the time people don't tell you that before you become a parent, they just act like it's the best job ever and talk about the miracle of childbirth and blah blah blah... They don't talk about how boring it is and the endless dirty diapers and messes to clean up, and the little piss and shit machine you created doesn't say thank you, it just screams at you and makes more messes.

Now, maybe your mom didn't do all the changing of diapers and cleaning up of messes -- she had Cathilda to help her, right? She had help, but presumably your dad left and went off gallivanting again on the high seas. And she probably missed him a lot, don't you think? And she probably worried about him a lot and was never 100% sure he was coming home.

This is the really big hard truth, kiddo: your mom was probably really, really depressed. When you're just floating through life drinking all the time like a... I dunno, like a drunk ghost... that's depression behavior, dude.

Unfortunately the reality is that you can have everything and still be depressed. You can have a rich husband and a big house and a maid to help with all the boring housework -- but pretty soon you realize that all of that just gives you more time to be alone with your Big Depressed Thoughts. And maybe being a parent wasn't what Hallariel thought it would be, so she just handed you off to Cathilda and chose a path of self-medication through intoxication.

Let me be clear, Fabian: none of that is your fault. You weren't the reason for your mom's depression, you didn't ruin her life or take her away from some imaginary alternate future where she was happy. Your parents chose to have you.

Here's the last hard truth. As much as Mr. Aguefort likes to talk up the power of chronomancy, no one is going to turn back the clock and give you the childhood you wanted. And it's not gonna do you any good to go to your mom and throw this all in her face and demand some kind of reparations. In many ways, she did give you a good life, right? You, too, grew up with safety and riches and almost anything you could want at your fingertips. Not all of your friends had that kind of childhood, right? The most mature and manly thing you can do, I think, is open your heart to compassion and empathy. Have some forgiveness for your mom -- accept that she was flawed and made mistakes, and forgive her for all those million little heartaches you felt when she wasn't the mother you wanted her to be. Accept that you can't change the past, but you can have a better relationship with her now. And now that your mom's in a better place, maybe you can talk about these things with her someday, huh? Improving and strengthening your relationship with her in the present day will help smooth over some of those painful memories and feelings.

And if I'm wrong and your relationship with Hallariel doesn't get better, you can always come and talk to me again, okay kiddo?

[goblin-king-jay]

I wrote this 2 years ago on an alt account I never came back to, but I just read it again and it's pretty solid, damn. Sometimes I write decent things I guess😅

Unfortunately I think my own relationship with my irl mom might have deteriorated to the point where it's not salvageable, sigh... My therapist says they haven't earned back the right to be my parents, and I guess that's true.

When is it hopeful dream of a possible future, and when is is a black hole fantasy of something that will never happen?

When is it a useful goal, and when is it just delusion?

[hrnydropoutconfessions]

anna garcia on her knees in a dog cone... i'm not into pet play but i may have to dabble

☕️

[wizardarchetypes]

learning a new instrument from a single teacher is so funny bc that's your point of reference for a while until you start branching out a little. was talking to a specialist in irish music history about my early irish harp lessons and i was like "it's a good thing i have strong fingernails so i don't have to get acrylics to play" and he was like "you're playing with your fingernails?" and i was like "yeah my teacher said that's how you play" and he was like "that's how irish harp players used to play like 1,000 years ago. i don't know anyone who plays with their fingernails now. even in the 1700s at a harp festival we have record of just one guy playing with his fingernails."

i guess he can't say no one is playing like this anymore bc at least my teacher is but this is why when ur new to something u can't walk around assuming you have all the facts. thought i was learning harp like usual meanwhile my teacher is an extremely dedicated medieval reenactor.

[jackhawksmoor]

Most 'out of left field' way to discover someone is a vampire

[animentality]

[goblin-king-jay]

[ID: a screenshot of a post attributed to @\TomColetti

"*Slaps buzzer*

""What is the Nuremberg Defense""

This is in response to a headline quoted below

@/Newsweek

"ICE agents complain about Nazi comparisons, say they're only enforcing the laws"

End ID]

[no-more-dead-dogs]

okay so i work in the deli of a grocery store, yeah? and today i got this guy who came up with his two twin children, around five years old. he walks up to the counter, carrying one kid in each arm, and loudly goes "oh, no, i forgot what i wanted!" and turns to the boy in his left arm and, in a perfect blues clues style voice, goes "caleb, do you remember what i wanted?" and the boy goes "half pound of yellow cheese!"

i, obviously, say "you've got it little sir!" and slice up half a pound of yellow american cheese, handing it to the little boy, who looks it over, nods, and tucks it in his lap.

then the man goes "well, we can't just have cheese on our sandwiches. but what else can we put on there?" and the little gurl in his other arm goes "half pound of ham!" so i nod and say "yes ma'am! what kind?" and she points at a random cut of turkey, so her father nods and says "like she said, honey ham!" i cut half a pound of honey ham, hand it to the little lady, she looks it over, nods and puts it in her lap.

then the man goes "now, what should we have for the side?" and the kids both simultaneously start cheering "macking cheese!!!" and the man spins on his heel and marches off, presumably to find the macking cheese.

later, the little boy comes wandering back to the counter while his father looks on and loudly and proudly proclaims that he wants to know where the mustard is. i point him to the correct aisle, he nods, says "thank you mister deli woman" and walks away.

[no-more-dead-dogs]

okay so i work in the deli of a grocery store, yeah? and today i got this guy who came up with his two twin children, around five years old. he walks up to the counter, carrying one kid in each arm, and loudly goes "oh, no, i forgot what i wanted!" and turns to the boy in his left arm and, in a perfect blues clues style voice, goes "caleb, do you remember what i wanted?" and the boy goes "half pound of yellow cheese!"

i, obviously, say "you've got it little sir!" and slice up half a pound of yellow american cheese, handing it to the little boy, who looks it over, nods, and tucks it in his lap.

then the man goes "well, we can't just have cheese on our sandwiches. but what else can we put on there?" and the little gurl in his other arm goes "half pound of ham!" so i nod and say "yes ma'am! what kind?" and she points at a random cut of turkey, so her father nods and says "like she said, honey ham!" i cut half a pound of honey ham, hand it to the little lady, she looks it over, nods and puts it in her lap.

then the man goes "now, what should we have for the side?" and the kids both simultaneously start cheering "macking cheese!!!" and the man spins on his heel and marches off, presumably to find the macking cheese.

later, the little boy comes wandering back to the counter while his father looks on and loudly and proudly proclaims that he wants to know where the mustard is. i point him to the correct aisle, he nods, says "thank you mister deli woman" and walks away.

[perequiste]

i think that whenever you sleep you should wake up with a full health bar

[dontworryaboutitm8]

An apocalyptic world where cooperation becomes a necessity of survival and the majority population is now super nice and caring, rather than a bunch of survival of the fittest assholes is peak Brennan Lee Mulligan worldbuilding.

[queer-wrath]

genuinely, Brennan's constant reinforcement of how the world is only as good as the hard work and love we put into it? is so fucking helpful for keeping perspective in these horrifying times.

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

[goblin-king-jay]

[ID: a screenshot of author's notes from an AO3 fic. The notes read "Fuck AI, you can pry em-dashes and semicolons from my cold, dead hands." End ID]

[theunfortunate-author]

my daily affirmation as an author

[goblin-king-jay]

[ID: a screenshot of author's notes from an AO3 fic. The notes read "this may be shit, but at least i didn't use ai". End ID]

[panulyx]

Too much movement makes your joints hurt and too little movement also makes your joints hurt. This would imply that there's an optimal amount of movement that allows your joints to not hurt. This is a lie.

[argumate]

love the genre of discourse that’s like “the world used to be [thing it never was] but now society is [I’m over thirty]”

[inphront]

evergreen post

[goblin-king-jay]

[ID: an image of a tweet attributed to Onoki @/both_scales

"Young people are too young nowadays. Back in the good old days, young people were my age."

End ID]

[tepkunset]

*Floats traitorously on your dash*

[platonicritrole]

Image description: a gif of Essek floating up and down against a white background. End image description.

[dragongirlteeth]

I am shocked at how many people don't have an actively hostile relationship with advertising

[dragongirlteeth]

I am skipping your ads as fast as I can. I'm skipping past your sponsor read. I'm muting the tv. I'm muting the tab. If they get too annoying I will simply stop trying to watch.

If advertisers can use every manipulative trick in the book to get me to buy their product, I am fully within my rights to do everything I can on my end to make their job impossible

[inwardhardar]

[dragongirlteeth]

I am shocked at how many people don't have an actively hostile relationship with advertising

[dragongirlteeth]

I am skipping your ads as fast as I can. I'm skipping past your sponsor read. I'm muting the tv. I'm muting the tab. If they get too annoying I will simply stop trying to watch.

If advertisers can use every manipulative trick in the book to get me to buy their product, I am fully within my rights to do everything I can on my end to make their job impossible