πGodlyDevastationπ

22 | He/They #Ace of Spades ♠️

[jayrockin]

What football will look like in the future

Something is terribly wrong. Something is terribly wrong. Something is terribly wrong. Something is terribly wrong.

Everyone do yourselves a favor and click on this link to have a transformative media-based experience

[misdrunk]

I don’t need to. The Detroit Lions will still suck and I’ll continue betting on them because I’m stupid.

[jayrockin]

No you…. really need to click the link

[chrispineofficial]

it’s 2028. trump is dead. elon is dead. zuckerberg is dead bezos is dead they’re all dead

[radiation-detector-official]

Like to charge reblog to cast

[chercuterie-bored]

[thesteamhunk]

One or two years ago I got a spam email with these two sentences in them and they’ve been a part of my vocabulary ever since

[morganaspendragonss]

will you guys cancel me if i say that queer tragedy has a place in the creative arts and shouldn’t immediately be dismissed as bury your gays

[rubynye]

adding @glorious-spoon 's astute tags:

#bury your gays and women in refrigerators and the black guy dies first are all about treating marginalized people like props#to further the story of the (white straight male) protagonist#that's not the same thing as a tragedy! some stories are tragedies! whose story has weight and meaning - that's the question

[abbiistabbii]

The Germans really cooked making "Hobbyless behaviour" an insult. It is both devastating, applicable to a wide range of people and behaviours, and doesn't resort to swearing.

Man ranting on the internet about the Superbowl halftime show or complaining that something is "woke"? Hobbyless Behaviour. Girls mocking another girl for not looking right? Hobbyless Behaviour. Mindless vandalism? Hobbyless Behaviour.

It is more powerful than "get a life" or the English "You're Sad" because it gets to the central point of the matter, and that is wonderful. Danke, Deutsch.

[romanceyourdemons]

when you’re mean to me this is literally who you’re being mean to *image of me perched atop a throne of human skulls on a cliff above the ocean, howling wind and shrieking seagulls, and the dream goes on forever, one single static frame*

[nina-s0]

8 year old dick who 100% knew Bruce was Batman but pretended not to for shits and gigles:

Dick: look! It's Superman!

Bruce, trying to form a bond with the kid he just adopted: I like Batman better.

Dick, side eyeing bruce: Batman's boring

Bruce, dying inside: rIgHt.

--

Jason, who met Batman before Bruce: fuck you, asshole.

Batman: I literally haven't even done anything yet.

Jason, being a little shit: I know, I've just always wanted to say that.

Bruce, who's already signing mental adoption papers: right.

__

Bruce, at a gala in his Brucie Wayne persona: aw what a cute kid! what's his name!?

Janet: This is my son. Tim.

Slightly autistic Tim who's special interest is 100% Batman rn: °_°

Bruce: um

Janet: give him a minute he's just struggling to express himself

Tim: BATMAN 🦇 🤓

Janet: oh

Janet: I think that means he likes you-

Tim, aggressively pointing: BATMAN. BATMAN. BATMAN-

Janet, dragging Tim away: okay time to go

Bruce: oh my god I love him

Jack, knowing Bruce's history with adoption: back off my kid man

__

Damian who wants to uphold the tradition, some how convinced bruce that Damian thought that bruce was Catwoman.

__

Damian, nodding at a stray cat: you can have this.

Bruce: oh yes son very cute- sorry wdym I can have it?

Damian: you can have it to add to your collection.

Bruce, fearing the worse: what collection???

Damian, straight faced: your cat collection.

Bruce: my cat collection?

Damian: because you are cat woman.

Bruce:

Bruce: I'm cat woman???

[tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva]

me normally: i'm not personally a huge fan of modern art

me around right wingers: I love modern art sooooo much and I think there should be litter boxes in schools also

[theonlycabbage]

fucking obliterated lmao

[angstbotfic]

[soup-mother]

This thing sounds weird to you because you are used to something else. It sounding weird is not an innate quality of the thing, it's literally a you issue. I genuinely do not understand why this is such a difficult concept to get through to people.

[soup-mother]

"It sounds weird to say 17 o'clock" this is because you are used to something else! hope this helps ^-^

[soup-mother]

People keep saying this and I don't want to turn this post into only being about time when there's much more significant stuff it also applies to, but it's only 17 hundred to you because that's what you use. it's actually a very good example of this. not everyone calls it that, it's not universally said "military time" style as "x hundred hours". it sounds weird and wrong to you to say o'clock because you're used to calling it something else. you know....like the thing the post is about?

[trainbrain27]

I have never heard 17 o'clock, but it makes perfect sense in casual conversation. If you haven't worked in or with the military, 17 hundred hours (over two months?) makes less sense than 17 o'clock (12 o'clock + 5).

[dash-n-step]

the english language is truly a wonder

[scribeofpnakotis]

all hail william the werewolf, proto-enby

[wretchedly]

Diversity win! The werewolf in your village goes by þei

[robs-your-robins]

Tim: You keep secrets from us. Bruce. Don’t deny it, there are like seventy contingencies and plans on the system that I don’t have access to. What are they? Like this one? Operation Sexy Bat?

Bruce: No, wait, Tim!

Tim: *types in the code*

*Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake plays, the lights lower, stripper pole lowers from the ceiling and strobe lights are turned on*

Tim:

Bruce:

Tim: I don’t know what I expected but it was both this and not this.

[stephforl1fe]

I like to imagine the batfam coming back to the manor after not visiting for a long time and just being utterly confused about Damian because they’re not used to freshly 15 Damian who is different from when he was ten and has since been assimilated.

————————

*Damian leaving to hang out with Nika, respawn, and Colin.*

Tim: where are you going?

Damian: um to visit my friends?

Jason:….excuse me.

Tim: you have friends?

Damian: of course I have friends idiots! Now if you’ll excuse me I’m supposed to be at the mall in thirty minutes.

Jason: and how exactly do you plan on getting there?

Damian: I’m driving duh.

Jason and Tim: YOU HAVE A LICENSE???!!?

———

*the whole family eating dinner together*

Dick: ….Damian..what’s that?

Damian: what’s what?

Dick: THAT on your lip.

Damian: oh my snake bites? What about them?

Dick: SINCE WHEN DO YOU HAVE THOSE???

Damian: I’ve had them for like the past month.

Steph: AND WE NEVER KNEW???

*Damian shrugging*: you never asked.

———

Damian: FUCK!

Jason: woah some strong language there, who shit in your cereal?

Damian: my history teacher lowkey hates me im gonna crash tf out, the gave me a 84 on my last grade.

Tim: okay first off 84 is totally passing, second off “crash out?” “Lowkey?” Who the hell is teaching you slang?

Damian: I locked in.

Tim: ….nevermind- I just. *sigh* don’t even tell me.

[mylifeingotham]

I like to think that Bruce sometimes gets interviewed on the news and every now and then Jason (who is supposed to be dead) walks into frame and Bruce gets really upset if they point it out

Bruce *sitting in the living room of Wayne Manor*: -yeah that’s why I think we should-

*Jason in the background passing by reading a book*

Interviewer: So sorry to interrupt is that Jason Todd?

Bruce: Jason? Why would that be Jason- *starts hysterically crying (he can’t think of an excuse)*

—

Bonus- it happens with Dick too

Dick *doing a cooking show in the kitchen (he can’t cook)*: Of course you know-

*Jason in the background holding a sandwich bigger than his head*

Camera guy: Is that your dead brother?

Dick: You mean Jason? No obviously not, that’s probably Tim or something, but I know they do look alike *sniffle* sometimes I see him and think he’s Jason *sobs* I just miss him so much *just starts absolutely sobbing* MY BABY BROTHER

[papayafromtv]

conversations overhead through the batkid com lines pt. 25 (masterpost here)

Jason: -that does NOT look like a dog, man.

Damian: as opposed to what? what do you think it is, Hood?

Jason: dunno but you probably shouldn't be holding it-

*ping*

Tim: JASON PETER FUCKING TODD.

*a beat*

Damian, casually: is that your full name?

Jason: no i think he's just rewriting the bible into a gay love affair. Jesus's new disciple is getting tag-teamed by Peter and Jason. Saul is filming.

Tim: JASON.

Jason: yes, darling?

Damian: *snickers*

Tim: WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ACTIVELY WORKING WITH THE LEAGUE?

Jason, confused: uhhh... i mean i had to be called in to a generals meeting on zoom literally last week...?

Tim: no- no, i don't mean when was the last time you did work for them-

*ping*

Tim: -i mean when was the last time you were living with the league and actively working alongside Ra's on a continuous basis?

Dick: Tim, calm down, there's no need to-

Tim: NO FUCK OFF DICK, HE WAS MAD AT ME ABOUT THE RESSURECTION THING FOR TWO WEEKS, AND NOW I FIND OUT THIS?

*a faint animalistic snarl*

Damian: *quiet* shhhh, *louder* uh, found out what?

Jason: wait, wait hold on. found out- with the league?

*four seconds of silence*

Jason, resigned: aw man, wing you snitch.

Dick: -I DIDN'T MEAN TO! WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT TIMELINES AND I FORGOT HOW IT ALL MATCHED UP AND HE FIGURED IT OUT!

Damian: found out what?

Jason: i'm not talking to you while you're holding one of the mutts from the hunger games in your arms, Robin.

Dick, voice dropping three octaves: while he's holding what now-?

Damian, exasperated: it's a DOG, you moron.

Jason: that thing is not a fucking dog i saw it lick it's own eyeball-

Tim: JASON.

Jason: OH MY GOD WHAT.

Tim: did you. or did you not. work with the league of assassins during the year Bruce was lost in the timestream?

Damian: *snort* no, he didn't.

Jason, even more confused: yes i- yes i did? Robin genuinely where did you think i was, i was gone for like nine months?

Damian: i dunno, i guess i just assumed that father's death finally made you snap and you'd gone off to follow in your deceased mother's footsteps by going on a massive bender.

Jason: what the fuck-

Tim: you were there for nine fucking months?! THAT'S LONGER THAN I WAS THERE!

Jason: Red, honestly, it was years ago. grow up.

Tim: GROW UP- WE WERE BOTH THERE AT THE SAME TIME. YOU KNEW I WAS WORKING ON GETTING BRUCE BACK. WHY DIDN'T YOU FUCKING HELP?! YOU DIDN'T EVEN TELL ME YOU WERE THERE.

Damian: wait, so you were also at the compound when Drake was there and you just hid from him?

Jason, amused: oh no kid i made his life hell, he just didn't know it was me,

Dick: *slight laughter* *cough* it's not- it's not funny i promise-

Tim, dangerously calm: what. do. you. mean. by. that.

Dick: *starts laughing again*

Tim: why is everything funny to you?!

Jason: i mean he grew up in the circus so i don't know what you expe- ok listen, Tim, i will level with you,

Tim: *expecting hum*

Jason: i was the assassin in the black motorcycle helmet-

Tim: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

Jason: -but honestly all of that was so long ago it's really not relevant anymore so i don't know why you care so much.

Tim: *indescribable noises of rage*

Damian: what did you even do?

Dick: *keeps laughing* apparently there was- apparently when Tim was working with Ra's Jason was there but in like, a different outfit for some kind of undercover mission he'd just gotten back from, so he was there and Tim didn't realise it was him, and it's just- *wheeze* it's my favourite story...

Tim: fuck you Grayson. and he had the gall to get mad at me for being there when he was resurrected and not saying shit. unbelievable.

Damian: what- so were you there the whole time?

Tim: he was one of the fucking squad leaders assigned to work with me. he said his name was fucking Alphonso.

Dick: *broken wheeze*

Jason: -yeah you would not believe the favours i had to call in with Ra's to get him to call me Alphonso in front of you.

Damian: and you never thought to tell me this?!

Jason: i dunno, you seemed busy with the whole Robin thing. it was fun though, 'Alphonso' was a right prick, i really used to get on his nerves.

Tim, dryly: you pretended to trip during a mission and shoved me into a pen of manure. and you kept calling me 'Prim'.

Jason: i was- *snicker* i was bored?

Tim: YOU KNEW WHY I WAS THERE, WHY DIDN'T YOU HELP ME?

Jason: well look- it's not like i didn't believe you about B being alive, i just figured you had it under control. and Pru's one of my best mates from league training, i knew she'd have your back.

*a beat*

Tim: are you fucking kidding- man i am going to kill her next time i see her-

Jason: -anyway then a bunch of your workers died and you got injured and shit and i honestly thought revealing who i was then would just be really awkward so i left,

Tim: i hate you.

Jason: -and then it turned out to be a good thing i was there because if i wasn't, you would be a mass murderer. who do you think figured out your plan to blow everything up and evacuated everybody? honestly if anything this makes us even so i don't know why you're complaining.

Tim: SO WHY DID YOU GET SO FUCKING MAD AT ME?!

Jason: i dunno. felt funnier.

Tim: IT FELT- i'm going to go fucking insane.

Damian, snorting: wanna play a game of league days to calm down?

Tim: -SHUT THE FUCK UP DAMIAN.

Dick: *cackles*

Jason: let me buy you a waffle, Timmers. free waffle and you'll feel better. big brother's treat.

*a beat*

Tim: with caramel.

Jason: with caramel. meet me and Robin at the place on sixth. Day, come on, i'll race you.

Damian: i can't swing anywhere right now.

Jason: why n- oh for fucks sake just PUT. the mutant. DOWN.

Damian: RUDOLPH NEEDS A HOME.

Dick: what the fuck are you-

Jason, annoyed: -oh he's got a stupid fucking rabid-mutant-wolf-thing he picked out of the docks and he won't let it go.

Dick: ...HE'S HAD A MUTANT THIS WHOLE TIME?!

Damian: *seething* for the last time, it is a puppy.

Dick: WHAT IF IT BITES HIM? DAMIAN!

Tim, petulantly: make it bite Jason.

Jason, instantly: oi. you want that fuckin' waffle or not, Replacement?

*faint shifting*

Tim: yes.

Jason: exactly, watch your fuckin mouth. Dick, i'm sending you our location. you bring a sedative and an animal cage and deal with Damian's new pet and i'll go with Tim to get him his sugar fix.

Damian: you are not sedating Rudolph.

Jason: sedative's for you kiddo. Dick?

Dick: on it.

Damian: NO-

[aflamboyanceofflamingos-deact]

Clark: I really don’t get why you avoid B’s kids so much, I know they can be a little… strange, but they’re nice kids

Oliver:

(Flashback to Robin!Dick era)

Oliver, left alone with Robin before a mission: You sure you’re ready for this kid?

Dick: You became a superhero two years ago, right? I’ve been one for 5. That means I outrank you mothertrucker!

Oliver:

Bruce, walking back in: What’s going on here?

Dick, with the widest grin ever: Nothing B!

Oliver:

(Flashback to Robin!Jason era)

Bruce: Robin wanted to spar with some of the older heroes, I thought you’d be a good starting place

Oliver, a little wary, but aware enough about how Dick did things that he thinks he’s ready: Bring it on kid

Jason: *kicks him in the nuts*

(Flashback to Robin!Tim era)

Oliver, walking into his room at the Watchtower: *sees Tim sitting crisscrossed on the bed* JESus Christ kid- why are you here?

Tim: B found out about the Batmobile I secretly brought and took it away, so I need another one

Oliver: …Okay??

Tim: I have access to your search history

Oliver:

Oliver: So what color would you like again?

(Flashback to Robin!Steph era)

Oliver staring at his costume covered in purple glitter:

(Back to the present)

Oliver: *looks over at Robin*

Damian: *slides his thumb across his throat*

Oliver:

Oliver: …yeah …nice

[ruinedchildhood]

[charliebrownsr]

[snakeredbirdbatkatana]

Bruce Wayne, who predominantly raised teenage boys and is still actively raising teenage boys.

Taught Dick how to shave.

Spent years dragging half asleep and begrudging children out of bed every morning for school.

Gave sex talks, feigned oblivion when sheets needed to be washed or when five minute showers become thirty.

Morning found his coffee being chugged by his third son. Jason eating bacon and eggs from his plate. Dick's head buried in the fridge.

Alfred's judgmental gaze when not a single boy found a shirt or pants as a requirement before coming downstairs. Content to lounge around in boxers.

"What the fuck is a bathrobe?"

"An article of clothing, on your floor Master Timothy."

"I didn't see it....?"

"No, that would require moving trash, and being able to see said floor."

"God this house is a nightmare-"

Bruce Wayne learned early, gremlins come late.

Between the hours of 12:00-3:00 am.

Will tell you everything, how school was, who they love, the worse things to happen to them.

What they need.

You can't be asleep.

Sometimes it's stupid, a Christmas present an annoying teacher.

Or it's the last step before making a decision.

Bruce after a long day pretending to relax in bed, waits.

Dick clad in Superman boxers appears.

"I think I'm depressed-"

He's wiped tears, changed plans.

"Bruce- can I tell you something?"

Accepted confessions with open arms.

Picked up drunk children.

Picked up the phone.

"Bruce-Dad...I fucked up."

Hunted his second oldest down, finding his baby bleeding out.

Patched up wounds, staying as long as Jason wanted.

Broken windows, crashed cars, blood and broken bones.

Tears, vomit.

He hasn't eaten hot food in years, hasn't slept through the night in even longer.

Bruce Wayne stares at three heads of black hair taken up his entire bed and knows he wouldn't change a single thing.

Well one thing.

"Damian, why are you on the floor?"

"Todd kicked me Baba!! I was asleep!"

"Jay- let your brother in the bed."

"Noooooooo."

"Father make-"

"Dad he-"

He's the luckiest man in the world.

Teenagers though definitely suck...