Gorentaya: My real name is Maya but I go by Gore and Aya online. I am, as of currently, a 22 year old artist from Sweden. I’m an illustrator, story writer and sometimes animator when my ADHD and lack of patience allows me to be. Right now, I am working on a solo, passion project, indie comic by the name of Patient Zero which is still in development. The story tackles heavy and triggering subjects such as abuse, self harm, mental illness, eating disorders, addiction and other themes alike. With the end goal being healing and recovery. My work is very personal, as my illustrations, characters and story are all based on my life. Lived experiences and experiences lived by others that I’ve witnessed up close. I’m incredibly excited to share my work to the world and am hoping to finally publish my comic in the near upcoming years, once I’ve finished the script.
The aesthetics of yamikawaii and menhera are prevalent in your work. How do these styles have an impact on your portrayal of mental health and trauma, and what draws you to these particular aesthetics?
Gorentaya: Being someone who has been ill since I was 10 years old, I am very drawn to hospital-core and other darker themes since that has been the majority of my life. I first learned about the terms “menhera” and “yamikawaii” back in 2022, during a time where my mental health was at its worst. The main character of Patient Zero and my most precious creation, Yamimiki Mimi was created to explore my new found love of the aesthetic. Mimi is the perfect example of why I love the aesthetic, why I find such comfort and relate to the symbolism so much.
Mimi is sweet, bubbly, and happy presenting. Who could’ve known someone as cute and innocent looking, would be in so much pain. She hides behind cute aesthetics both as a coping mechanism but also as a way to hide the true pain she is going through. She doesn't want you to know what she is going through.
To quote Faith Maries song “NVM”- “People don’t seem to notice when you're down. Not unless you’re bleeding”
A lot of the time you don’t know what someone is going through- unless it is visible on their body. That is why scars, bruises and injuries are included, to showcase to the viewer that this character- despite their happy front, is in fact suffering.The very first artwork I drew of Mimi, had her naked chest, ribs and guts exposed, symbolizing vulnerability. Her most sensitive organs are left out in the open, making her an easy target. Her left hand is nothing but bones, while her right is covered in bandages. Pills are scattered in her hair like sprinkles, while syringes and eyeballs float around her which are meant to represent illness. All drawn with pastel colors, cute sparkles and a bright smile. Her last effort of trying to convince the viewer that she is fine. “See, I’m smiling! I’m happy! Just look at how cute I am, don't focus on my guts spilling out, it’s not a big deal, I promise!”
As an ending to this question, perhaps a bit off topic… But Mimi’s full name in kanji, which is spelled 闇美希光 is translated to “Darkness 闇”, “Hope 美希” and “Light 光”. Which originally wasn't intentional. Since she was based on the yamikawaii aesthetic, I knew I wanted “Yami” to be part of her name. And without much thought “Yamimiki Mimi” came to mind. It just rolled off the tongue really nicely. As I googled the meaning, I was shocked at how perfectly it fit. The way I translated the name was-
“In pitch black darkness, there is still hope that light will one day return”
That's what she represents to me. The hope of a brighter future. She might have gone through- and still is going through a lot, but there is a future where she will overcome it.
Your work includes detailed content warnings and a focus on sensitive subjects. How do you approach the challenge of depicting trauma authentically while ensuring the well-being of your audience? And in your creative process, how do you differentiate between cathartic expression and potential retraumatization when drawing from personal experiences?
Gorentaya: My goal is to bring comfort and validate the experiences of those who have gone through the things I am depicting in my art. I want to give people characters to relate to, to make them feel heard and understood. I want to be sure anyone who is viewing my work is safe, because if my art were to have a negative impact on someone, I would have failed in my goal. Of course, there is only so much I can do to prevent triggering people who come across my work, but I do my best to censor and put warnings when I feel it necessary. Since my story is so heavily focused on healing and recovery, it would be a disservice for me to not take my audience's well being into consideration.
As for my own mental state while creating my art, it is currently stable. There have been times- more so in the past- where I created art in the midst of severely bad mental health episodes. I would illustrate what I was feeling at that very moment, so the art itself wouldn’t be the trigger. Drawing these sensitive subjects helped me ground myself in those feelings. Not letting them eat away at me, but to explore and understand the trauma. To analyze it. To befriend it. Which eventually leads to acceptance.
For most of the artworks that I currently make, it is of trauma I’ve had time to process. Trauma I have gotten tools to better take care of, where I’m avoiding triggering myself. While not fully healed, I am able to tackle the subjects with a clear and stable head. I do still have triggers that I choose not to illustrate for my own stability, of course.
Writing for my comic script is a little bit different from my illustrations, however. My art is an artistic interpretation of my past trauma, but writing them down for the comic in greater and more specific detail, does make me get a bit emotional at times. When I notice it gets too much for me at that moment, I will step away for a while. It is good to challenge your trauma, but it’s also extremely important to allow yourself to take a break. There is a healthy balance that should be practiced.
You've stated that Patient Zero is meant to "disturb the comforted and comfort the disturbed." Can you discuss how this philosophy forms your storytelling and artistic choices?
Gorentaya: For this one, I’d like to bring up another creator as a way for me to better explain my thoughts- Babuchan. A small, indie, japanese musician who uses Hatsune Miku for most of his work.
His music has had a huge impact on my life and art, and has been one of my biggest comforts since I was 14. His music is loud, uses a lot of distortion and uncomfortable noises which can be hurtful to the ears if you listen to it on a high volume. It is accompanied by melancholic melodies and haunting vocals. The reason I take such comfort in his music however, is because he is able to so perfectly personify mental illness and trauma through sound. There are feelings words cannot describe, that's why we turn to art and music as a way of expression. It felt like Babuchan understood the pain I was experiencing.
But when showing his music to friends and family, they look at me with discomfort. I get asked ”Do you really listen to this? You don't get stressed or anxious listening to this chaos?”
It isn't loud and chaotic just because. It is used with intention. And I strive to achieve the same thing. It is comforting to those who relate to the darkness, because it is what they are used to. While it is uncomfortable to those who can't relate, because it is foreign to them. Those who haven’t lived through it, don't have the ability to relate to it the same way as someone who has.
I highly recommend Babuchan’s work. His album ”iLL oF eVEryoNE” is also very fitting into the menhera and hospital-core aesthetic. I specifically recommend ”Star’s tears星の涙”, ”Twins結合性少女”, ”Frozen kid低体温少年” and ”Balloon Syndrome風船病” from that album.
Some of my all time favorites also includes “Sin”, “Sin_Bloom/Chi to Niku”, “0 people’s waltz”, “1335-2300”, “R.I.P”, “In Side”, “In Cave”, “In The End”, “Under the deep sea”, “Snowdrop” and “I dreamed a nightmare”
(Some songs are louder than others, so please be careful and listen to a low volume if you decide to check his work out)
Gorentaya: I’ve had this repeating quote in my head ever since AI became such a huge issue.
“Art is human expression. If you remove the human, it is no longer considered art”
We tell stories, make music and create art, not only as a way to express and process our lives, but also as a way to connect with others. As tough and depressing as my life has been, I am incredibly thankful to be alive today. How beautiful and fulfilling it is to know that I am able to make art that resonates with so many. The fact Mimi is able to bring others comfort in the same way she does for me, makes everything feel so much more worth it.
Official IG page of Gorentaya, tap gorentaya
