*incoherent screaming* @great-eagle-owl - Tumblr Blog

doloneia

late bronze age dashboard simulator

🔁 lukka-this-boat

🚣 lukka-this-boat

running low on bronze, which city should i sack 🤔?

ugarit

Remaining time: 2 days 13 hours

👤 ugarits-finest-merchant-deactivated11770102

man, fuck you guys

#y'all hear anything? #...must've been the wind

🔁 wenamun-of-waset

☀️ wenamun-of-waset

cities these days just don’t respect the will of Amun like they used to… back in the days of Pharaoh people used to ACTUALLY pay the gods some respect!!

🌲 byblosiophile

for the last time, we are not giving you free lumber

☀️ wenamun-of-waset

but i hauveb no money 🥺

#i only wish to carry out the will of amun :( #its not my fault i was robbed in a tjeker town :(

kneatle

I got the game and now I get to feed my miis cigarettes too. >:)

enjoloras-deactivated20220821

Okay so Victorian erotica is literally the most heinous, morally bankrupt, horrific shit I've ever read - but I've read a fair bit, partly from historical interest but also because a while back I helped a friend with a university project she was doing about censorship and pornography in 19th century England.

Anyway I need to share with you all the most hilarious line that has ever been written, circa 1887:

prokopetz

I feel like this excerpt is significantly enhanced by knowing that the novel in question is a first-person narrative written from the perspective of an inexplicably sapient flea who lives on Bella's body, and that's why the third priest's penis is described in this way: from the narrator's perspective it literally blots out the sky.

kingarniestar-deactivated202509

me when im a flea

superhell

i just don't think 16 minutes is going to cover it

mist-the-wannabe-linguist

Did a brand new kind of bowling shot today

we called it the "trust the Force Luke" shot or the "through God all things are possible" shot

takethistoyourstardust

the only thing i miss about g1 monster high that i wish they kept in g3 monster high is that in g1 lagoona called someone a cunt and got in trouble for it.

takethistoyourstardust

like i kinda get why they removed it but also it’s hysterical to imagine all the monster high-ified words and then lagoona is like Alright cunt!

yviisxo

rest in peace to this diva

kabber

dogtoks

latchofficial

coldpapernightmare

hey, that dogs whole job is to point at birds, and it is indeed pointing at a bird

What more do you want?

serenagold

That German shorthair pointer is sure pointing.

boomer-mythology-destroyer

2well2water

no one cares that you shave your legs because of sensory issues shut the fuck up forever

2well2water

really galling amount of people misinterpreting this post so i'd like to clarify. i'm saying that when discussions about patriarchal beauty standards and the way women are heavily shamed and coerced into eschewing their own natural state of being (hairy) are occurring, it is unhelpful (AT BEST) to interrupt and say that the reason YOU remove the hair from your body is because of sensory issues. that's not what we're talking about. stop asking for validation for doing something that society at large wants you to do. stop derailing the conversation because you feel uncomfortable about being made aware that you, for whatever reason it is, adhere to harmful, unfair and ridiculous beauty standards. you're stepping into the middle of an important conversation that needs to be had and making it all about you. shut the fuck up forever.

2well2water

also quite frankly i think a lot less people would experience sensory issues if they let their hair grow out so that it isn't bristly and rough and irritating. and i cannot help but wonder why these sensory issues aren't as predominant in men. maybe you're uncomfortable with the hair on your body because you've been taught to be uncomfortable with it. just a thought.

hotvampireadjacent

elodieunderglass

Today the kids wanted to play Takeaway. I don’t mind playing Takeaway, because I can usually do something else with my hands. My role is to place an order on my pretend phone, and receive it from the delivery driver. I’m quite good at Takeaway.

Bear, aged 8, was the leader of this particularly chaotic takeaway. I overheard them pretending to phone another customer - customer order 125 - and explaining that their delivery would be delayed by approximately fifteen minutes due to a “rockslide.”

“Hey, wait a minute, what was that?” I asked.

“Are you order number 125?”

“No, I’m order number 165.”

Bear said severely, “we don’t give information about other people’s orders.”

“That’s very professional,” I said, “but what was that about a rockslide?”

Bear said, “that’s not your order.”

“Sorry,” i said, justly chastened. “Was it a big rockslide? Is it on the news?”

“If you need information about your order, you will get it.”

My pretend phone then pretend rang, so I had to answer it. It was the takeaway.

“Number 165? Your order will be delayed by five minutes.”

“Oh,” I said, “why?”

“Because that’s the time it takes us answering all your stupid questions.”