@theartofmadeline
shark vs the universe
PR's Tumblrdome
Sade Olutola
Origami Around
Noah Kahan
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Jar Jar Binks Fan Club
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
cherry valley forever
Cosmic Funnies
gracie abrams
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tannertan36
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taylor price
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Game Changer & Make Some Noise
blake kathryn
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@haintsandhoes
ohhh man. apparently when you copy+paste stuff directly from claude into ao3 it includes code. which anyone can find. people have found it in big, popular fics in multiple fandoms 😬. also heated rivalry; some of which the authors fervently denied using AI. link to thread.
link to their complete findings for those without twitter
I just wanted to let all of you know I had a very serious dream last night
that Tim Gutterson was admitted to to the hospital for sucking too much dick
Not only that, it was an episode of FX's Justified complete with commercial breaks
tumblr not using profile pictures or legal names or linked to your job allows you to say things here you could not waterboard out of me in public
Harris posts a compilation of shane's 'ohhh you piss me off', whacking ilya with his stick during practice, 'no NO', his Angry Pout ™️, 'ilya so HELP me', glaring from the bench, n ofc the ever present 'fuck off rozanov'. at the end is another compilation of the camera panning to Ilya's reaction to every one with the most endearing ily eyes. its captioned nobody save him. hes right where he wants to be. the hollanov shippers send that shit triple platinum in a day.
I still think it’s so funny that shane was assigned gay by rose landry and his reaction was WHEW! thank god someone else decided that for me. anyway I’m off to get my man I can sense that he’s making bad decisions in a club somewhere
rose: do you want me to set you up with my friend?
shane distractedly: what? no I’m obviously already embroiled in a years-long situationship with a disaster bisexual who is physically incapable of expressing a feeling out loud. and I’m positive he’s off being a nightmare somewhere so now that I’m gay for sure I need to track him down and greet him with such awkward but well-meaning compassion he ends up sobbing in my arms
2.22 | All Hell Breaks Loose Part 2
hayden being exactly the kind of friend shane needs 💙 (for @rachelica9 my fellow hayden lover)
J2 | AHBL 2024 | What was your fave death on Mystery spot?
the fuckboy you all talking about….. this is his sexual fantasies
@significant-lover so real
need to see shane and ilya play wrestling in a non-sexual context because ONE they are jock bros and play wrestling should be a natural part of their dynamic TWO did you see ilya pretending to do an elbow drop on svetlana. imagine him with someone who’s actually going to wrestle him back and can match his size and strength. they’re breaking furniture for sure. THREE whenever we see them get handsy/pushy with each other it’s as a prelude to sex so shane isn’t really fighting back but that man is also a competitive freak and i want to see him genuinely trying to win. you know he’s biting ilya at least once.
I’m just accepting the fact that I have an obsession with writing a Shane who’s embracing his exhibitionist side. I have now posted three fics tagged accidental voyeurism and exhibitionism like! I just!! Shane’s biggest fear is anyone seeing him with Ilya. I feel like even after coming out, he’d initially be so reserved and terrified of PDA.
So I’m endeared by the idea of a Shane who’s able to let go of that fear and do a 180 when he’s sex drunk. A Shane who reaches a point of horniness where he’s fucking desperate for someone to bear witness because it’s too hot to only be for their eyes. It’s a waste, actually. It would be like winning a Cup for an empty stadium.
Shane getting fucked and before he loses the capacity for coherent thought, he’s just thinking, “Do you see this shit? I’m so hot and he’s so hot and isn’t it hot, the power he has over me? The way I’m Shane Fucking Hollander and he still manages to take me apart completely? Look at me. Look at us. Are you looking?”
There’s something deliciously meta about it too. Because…yeah. We’re looking.
Gen, seconds after having a PTSD panic attack about Attolia:
I like to imagine Rose’s brothers gave her shit for not sticking it out with Shane Hollander long enough for him to meet the family then when they find out it’s because Shane is gay they give her shit for not passing him along to one of them and she’s like??? you’re not gay??? to which they’re like !!!! everyone’s gay for Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov ain’t special
Getting your face cradled by hands that kill>>>>>
After Ilya gets over the remnant jealousy and bitterness towards Rose, on a random day, Ilya realizes the full implications of Rose and Shane having had sex.
Rose is Shane's best friend, bonded for life, the first person he came out to, and one of the only people he's told about Ilya. But also, Rose "Secret Freak" Landry is the only person Shane talks to about his sex life because they're best friends AND they've had sex.
Suddenly, Ilya wants to talk to Rose, cut the middle man. Rose and Ilya become dangerous together, matching their freaks at levels that terrify Shane. "We've all fucked here Hollander, it's okay." "I've seen you naked, Shane." "I know your dick biblically, you've literally been inside me." "You've fucked him and he's fucked me, it's no big deal."
They talk about EVERYTHING, sparing no details, and Shane's always there to witness it. Ilya changes Rose's contact name to "Rose Freakandry". He's giving her toy recommendations and she reciprocates with her own recs. They're debriefing Rose's hook-ups and situationships' texts. Ilya's recounting their latest kink explorations. Rose's giving hotel recommendations in various countries. Even Shane chimes in eventually, he likes being able to talk about himself freely with someone he trusts.
Once Shane and Ilya are out, their unhinged behavior just expands into the internet. Ilya tweeting without supervision and Rose liking a bunch throuple memes. One time, Ilya even tags Rose in one of those "this is my boyfriend [Shane], and this is [Shane]'s boyfriend [Ilya]." Everyone is so surprised by the Ilya and Rose friendship but it weirdly makes so much sense.
A reason I like asshole/scary Shane is I like imagining that Ilya has no fucking clue what anyone means by that. Because Ilya's one of the only people on the planet who isn't intimidated by Shane's looks and hockey skill, since he also has both. And he's not put off by Shane's insane commuication style because he's also terminally avoidant, and also an asshole, and Slavic. And he doesn't see the full brunt of Shane's dismissiveness because Ilya Rozanov exists in the warmth of Shane's gaze
Idk there's just something so funny to me about everyone else being like, "Yeah man....that guy is scary as fuck. I once watched him watch tape for 15 minutes straight without blinking. I played on the Mets for three years and he only ever called me by my number" while Ilya is twirling his hair and doodling "Mr. Hollander ✨❤️" in his notebooks in gel pen and imagining Shane as a particularly strange and cute little animal that he can poke to see how it reacts
Everyone: Shane Hollander is so scary. Just ruthless. If you fuck up during practice he pulls you aside for “helpful tips” and it’s the meanest shit you’ve ever heard in your life interspersed with “but good job buddy, you’ll get it next time!” Grown men skate off the ice crying. Once I missed a pass and he sent me a detailed analysis of everything I could have done better, annotated, to my house, via courier. My wife opened it. I invited him to grab pizza and he asked if I felt my processed carbohydrate intake was having a positive impact on our cup chances.
Ilya: Skill issue.
laughing about the idea of rose giving shane a weighted blanket as a gift and it soon becoming ilya's Number One Enemy in their house
at first it was just because it was a gift from rose, but now??? shane is cuddling up under The Mistress? ("ilya, it is a fucking blanket-") shane does not need to ask ilya to lay on top of him because he would rather be beneath The Mistress? ("ilya, for FUCK'S sake, you weren't even home-") maybe shane doesn't even need him anymore. maybe The Mistress can learn to suck his co- ("i'm going to bed. you can join me or you can keep glaring at a FUCKING BLANKET")
i feel like rose probably went for the heaviest option available, so like a 40 pounder, so it does have some good heft to it
and i'm cackling about this arrangement being referred to as a threesome as a joke, which is all well and good until someone is reading over ilya's shoulder one day and sees shane send the message, "today has fucking sucked. can we have a threesome when you get home, please?" and is just ???? hello???? what?? the fuck??? are y'all just out here casually having threesomes on a tuesday??? that hollander asks for wiTH A PLEASE??? WHO IS INVOLVED ONTHIS THREESOME FOR IT TO BE HAPPENING ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE????
not helping this is that ilya responds with, "yes of course ♥️. do you think your mistress can take care of you in the meantime? just this once she can have you to herself."
and what he's doing is just teasing shane to lighten the mood, but person at the coffee shop behind him in line is just
this escalates to the point that shane really has no other option than to post some kind of statement about it being an inside joke, and ilya of course has to be a little shit about it and post a response on twitter or whatever about, "oh, you will not tell them you are snuggling with your mistress right now, hollander? you will break my heart but not admit it to the world?" and so shane posts another picture that's just a pov from his place on the couch with the weighted blanket over his legs and ilya on the other end grinning SO WIDE because he's SO pleased with himself. and the caption is something like "pictured: my "mistress" and my soon-to-be-ex-husband." and ilya thinks it's SO fucking funny because yes! vindication! let the world pity him (even if playfully).
and this then backfires on him SO FAST.
now weighted blanket brands are sending shane pr trying to get him to mention them/show them off in a picture, and ilya is now fucking SURROUNDED by mistresses all competing for his husband's attention. BULLSHIT. HOW HAS THIS HAPPENED.
weighted blanket eleven comes in the mail and ilya goes live on instagram just FURIOUS. the frame is him in front of a PILE of weighted blankets and he is just
"enough! enough of this! are too many in our house. is like being fucking-shane, what is word? people in utah, they have many wives?"
shane in the background, not fully paying attention: "mormons?"
"those! we are not mormons! household is FULL. marriage is FULL. stop this! every single day i look and there are more enemies in this house."
"every single day i look and there are more enemies in this house" goes viral as a sound for people surrounded by clutter/pets/etc.
shane receives five more weighted blankets.
