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back to this mundane world.

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Call of Death

The thought of dying never budged me even once. In fact, I am not afraid to die. I often wonder what it feels like to die, to leave this chaotic world behind. But what I also wonder, is that how death could free me from all these weary feelings.

I seldom encounter people who are “ready to die” and I honestly think that I am in fact ready to leave, anytime. Traumatic childhood, unresolved family conflict and even unsure future ahead of me. I always wanted to die.

Multiple attempts have failed and now, I came across to two deaths of someone close to my loved ones. The father of my friend and the brother of my girlfriend. These two men are husbands, fathers and even sons to their parents. But then again, death is inevitable. If it’s your time, then it’s your time per se.

I believe that there is a supreme being over us but at times like this, I often wonder, why would he be taking back lives of those who want to live more and spare those who desperately wants to die. Like me.

If there is one thing I could do, I’d give my life to anyone else who wants more of this. Ah, it’s getting blurry now. Maybe it’s time to fall asleep.

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UNTITLED X23

an empty mind is all i got

your beautiful smile keeps on replaying

all i think are the what nots

and it might actually be ending

i don't know how to deal with this

when this is all i have and all i can give

isn't it enough to suffice?

am i not making you believe?

give me clarity and nothing else

feed my mind with your words

and let it be at ease

i might be gone too soon from this world

retrieved from Archives circa 2018

#random ramblings #random #poetry #lgbtpride #my poems #poems #poetic #poems on tumblr #i love you #love wins #lgbt writers #writes #free write #thoughts

what to do?

UNTITLED X23

mali ako sa nagawa ko sayo

nagkaroon ng pagkakataon para ikay inisin

pero di na naman ako nagisip ng maayos,

ngayon, ako'y di mo na pinapansin

nakakainis din pala talaga ang sarili

akala mo lahat ng bagay nadadaan sa tawa

na para bang ito sayo'y magpapawili

mali ako sa nagawa ko sayo

at wala akong ibang ninanais ngayon

mali ako sa nagawa ko sayo

pagbigyan mo sana muli ng pagkakataon

mali ako sa nagawa ko sayo

pero hindi ibig sabihin non, hindi na seryoso.

Unang piyesa, para sayo. Sana, mabasa mo.

#random ramblings #random #poetry #my poems #poems #poems on tumblr #poetic #tagalog #maikling tula #tula #malayang tula #late night #sorry for this #sorry

UNTITLED X22

I often wonder what it's like

To have an unending inner peace,

I often wonder what it's like

To have your mind and heart at ease.

Is this what it feels like?

To be battling countless strikes?

Is this what it feels like?

To be going on in an endless hike?

Maybe it's just me.

MAYBE. IT. IS. JUST. ME.

Serene and calmness is what I found

And maybe this is where I am bound.

#random ramblings #random #poetry #my poems #poems #poetic #poems on tumblr #sad boi hours #sad notes #sad poetry #fucked up #dissociation

Gentle Reminder

So, yesterday I had a rough day. It's one of the tough ones which others barely see. But still, I'm thankful for the fact that I was able to get up and go to work as usual.

You see, whenever you have mental health concerns, what others perceive is not the same as what you perceive. You may look fine, jolly and you may even appear happy to others. What they don't know is what you're really dealing inside. I know for a fact that we all have problems to deal with. But let me remind you to be mindful of how you deal with people.

I miss my old self, and please, bear with me as I'm trying my best. I don't want to give up yet. I've done it many times and clearly, I did not succeed. My thoughts and prayers are with those who are struggling.

Stay safe.