**Pterodactyl screeching**

[normal-horoscopes]

There once was a doctor named Freud

[happy-hudson-deactivated2023083]

who woman preferred to a-void

[whilommm]

bitch loved his cocaine

[normal-horoscopes]

But he couldn't explain

[triggerjolly]

Hatsune Miku vocaloid

[sandersstudies]

My husband’s job primarily employs adult men but there is one (1) teenage girl and my husband said originally he worried she might be a bit of an outcast but instead every man on the crew was like “huh guess I am a dad/older brother now.”

[sandersstudies]

She was in a car crash on the way to work one morning and called my husband to let him know she’d be late and he was like wtf guess I’m gonna be late too because I’m coming to pick you up and then he told his team and they were like I think you mean WE are coming.

[hoonkus-deactivated20230701]

Imagine you are a teenage girl probably rushing to get to work and you crash your probably new car and feel absolutely miserable and now you’ll be late to work but then suddenly in the distance a car full of all the adult men you work with just pulls up and is like “we came all the way here to pick you up” the mental image right now is fr.

[sandersstudies]

Apparently she tried to call her dad but it was 3am and he was obviously sleeping so she called my husband and he not only came to find her but fished her glasses out of the hood of the car (she’d dropped them while looking inside), drove her to the hospital, and told her to take the day off. She insisted on coming back to work so he used his lunch break to watch TV with her to make sure she didn’t doze off (concussion risk).

You’ve heard of the Mom friend but my husband is very much the Dad friend. He said when he answered the phone she said “hey please don’t be mad” and he’s never felt such powerful Fatherhood energy in his life.

[deliciouspaintthinner]

Girl: *calls for aid*

Every single dad packed into the car:

[sandersstudies]

This is possibly my favorite response to this post

[i-like-to-think-that-im-cool]

This girls father: Thanks for helping my daughter out guys

Your husband and all his coworkers:

[socialmaya]

[but-dude-why]

[queer-world-666]

Me and my mutuals rebloging the same post

[dailydestieldose]

Quick, everyone reblog this

[radiofreederry]

Reblog with your animal. It’s toucans for me

[memewhore]

[decellie03]

nothing will ever be funnier to me than the 30-50 feral hogs joke phase, I think about it at least once a week

[dripped-in-my-pearls]

Happy 30-50 feral hogs day

[halistree]

Happy 30-50 feral hogs day.

[teratocrat]

i think that, in retrospect, the nsfw ban in fact increased the baseline amount of horny on this website

[teratocrat]

an inspiring tale of human triumph over adversity

[graceofgosh]

[bluesmomsadclub]

[mikkeneko]

does twitter user chaddington know that i have thought about "mine supply of cheese whales" sporadically for the last TWO YEARS

[prissnukem]

[sonicheritageposts]

sonic heritage post

[joleneghoul]

i just watched a professional cat judge call a cat a “sack of oats” in a positive way

Edit here is the video.

“It’s a female, I love the length of her body. Pick her up here she hangs like a sack of oats. Nice, round, open expression.”

[caspercryptid]

New sleep style: hitting the snooze button so many times that you sleep two additional hours in ten minute intervals. I call this Horse Sleep

[caspercryptid]

Worse sleep. That was meant to say worse sleep

[caspercryptid]

I Am So Fucking Tired

[caspercryptid]

Literally immediately after reblogging this to correct it I went "wow, it has a reblog already?" And got all the way to checking my notifs before I realized. That it was me.

[caspercryptid]

I actually wasn't that far off you guys

[caspercryptid]

HOLY SHIT THE POST IS SAVED

[caspercryptid]

Anyway horse sleep: sleep, but horse. Worse. Sleep but worse. Definitely one of the two.

[caspercryptid]

We shall have a summer wedding

[ultrareconsquad-deactivated2022]

^_^ OMG HI BESTIE HIIIIIHIIII *glomps u*

[battlships]

Seeing the word "glomp" in 2022 has done untold psychic damage

[saywhat-politics]

[mini-wrants]

[maswartz]

[crinosg]

Red Ranger be like

[thea-nymo]

“oh no someone with common sense”

[nudityandnerdery]

The rarest superpower.

[sexhaver]

if i had to watch this bottle of water get cuckolded then so do you

[neo-soulless]

😧😧😧😧

[shrump-scampi]

thottled water

[adulthoodisokay]

it’s been fun, but i think it’s time to delete the internet forever

[ruinedchildhood]

[onedirectionforever]

“you support gay rights so you must be gay”

i support animal rights do i look like a fucking alpaca to you

[onedirectionforever]

turns out i am gay

[monsieurenjlolras]

holy shit how’d this alpaca learn how to type

[mywitchcultblr]

Diversity win! The alpaca is gay!

[adreamthatsworthkeeping]

[forfawkssake]

I hate it when you’re reading smut and you can’t figure out what position they’re in.

[jonmoxleys]

sometimes it just ends up being something like

[onlyhereforthedrama]

ITS BACK

[dontleavemydreams-deactivated20]

lord 

[uhmgilinsky]

Y’ALL NEED JESUS

[forfawkssake]

Please stop reblogging this post

[myterribletwenties]

This post made my water break

[myterribletwenties]

In honor of my daughter’s first birthday next week, I’m sharing the post that made me laugh so hard that it broke my water.

[forfawkssake]

WHAT

[hotchstuff]

God, I love this accursed website.

[myterribletwenties]

Hey internet, the girl that was born from this post is 4 years old today (July 2 2021) also, the gif still makes me laugh. Happy Birthday, Marceline!!