Doorknobs For A New World

Your over-calcified face INJURED A BABY.

[depsidase]

[supernini235]

[mandrillkills]

please peep him

[brainbubblegum]

[anonymoustypewriter]

You know i just reblogged this but im reblogging again to say i keep looking at baby jesus with the lighter and cackling madly because i love this so much

[radioactivepeasant]

this makes me laugh every year

[moonsofavalon]

i’m always too busy losing my shit at baby jesus with the lighter that i never registered “HEY-SUS” oh my goddd

[shihlun]

Mr. Cohen, Cigarette and his Casio PT-30 keyboard.

[best-of-memes]

[afrocentricheavymetalgoddess]

The end where they’re two people fucked me up the most

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

hmmm

[toastyhat-deactivated20180203]

[adhdalistair]

[sufferingthunderbirdsfan]

HE SEES YOU WHEN YOU’RE SLEEPING

HE KNOWS WHEN YOU’RE AWAKE

HE KNOWS IF YOU’VE BEEN BAD OR GOOD

SO BE GOOD FOR GOODNESS SAKE

[laughterkey]

You better watch out

You better watch out

You better watch out

You better watch out

YOU BETTER WATCH OUT

[purplemoonfox]

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

I’ve been taking the antidepressant Lexapro and it has helped a lot with my general fatigue level, although the most visible effect is that I am constantly in a haze, it seems

[birdsquidd]

Guys, we fucked up a perfectly good AI. Look at him, he has depression.

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

[sic-semper-hominibus]

absolutely critical to this is that this is the alt text on the picture:

[Description] Frog with text I fucked. [Text] I’VE [newline] FUCKED

[hydro-homies]

_____________ |\                       \ \|\       \||||||||||/  \|\       \    \|\       \______      \|\                \        \|\       \|||||/          \|\       \            \|\       \              \|\____\                \/////// ucking drink water.

[videogamewomen]

RESIDENT EVIL VILLAGE | Alcina Dimitrescu 

[mossman-making-stars]

So apparently Tumblr ate my original post about this but:

A couple weeks ago I’m going to get lunch and as I open the fridge, my mother attempts to communicate to me that any chicken currently in the fridge is ok for people to eat, because the chicken that was intended for the dog to eat has been used up.

What she actually says is, “That’s human chicken.”

After taking a minute to process all horrible implications of the phrase “human chicken”, I decide to go a different route and hold the tupperware of chicken out to my sister, saying, “Behold, a man!”

This was evidently the wrong choice, as it meant I had to explain to my parents who Diogenes was, thereby cementing the incident in their minds and leading to me, just now, opening the fridge to see the following incredibly cursed image:

[simonalkenmayer]

This is the funniest post I have ever read on Tumblr for so many…many reasons.

[jewishpangolin]

literally the first thing that came to mind

[cat-boy-tits]

me differentiating between chicken broth i made for human consumption and chicken broth i made for the cats: “that’s human soup and this is cat soup.”

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

[ask-eugene-h-krabs]

This here is me homunculus flesh puppet that me soul will transfer to in the event of me death. It’s got no soul insider it right now, so we keep it in a constant state a euphoria ter keep it from massacrin’ me customers.

[serial-kissing]

[slayer-barbie]

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER  

1.12 | “Prophecy Girl” 

[paracausalwraith]

[captastra]

Looking good while showing off how strong he is 😏