Heated Rivalry Ă Reductress/The Onion headlines
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@haunted-phantom-student
Heated Rivalry Ă Reductress/The Onion headlines
shane and hayden's pregame head bonks
Thinking about the time on a Vegas rooftop really early on in their situationship when Ilya tried to actually open up to Shane about why he was upset because it actually wasn't their stupid rivalry this time, but due to a combination of drunkenness/autism/unfamiliarity with abusive family dynamics Shane just full-on missed it happening so now you have to think about it too
Ilya your dacryphilia is showing
Imagine how insufferable Ilya and Shane will be as a couple once Shane gets good enough at Russian that they can use it to have little private side conversations when everyone is just hanging out and they're always making little comments and then snickering at each other and refusing to explain what the joke is
Heated Rivalry ll S01EP05
Unsure if Ilya "You Still Want? Is OK? Still OK?" Rozanov is giving me unrealistically high standards for sexual consent check-ins or if I've just been operating under too low standards for sexual consent check-ins for my entire sexual history đŹ
Me whenever a song that's had a sudden surge in popularity because it was on the Heated Rivalry soundtrack comes on
I'm not normally one to weigh in on celebrity relationships and this is more social commentary than a an actual hypothesis on what's going on with Hudcon, of which I can speak with zero authority... but maybe, just maybe, this is just the kind of close friendship two males (of any two respective sexualities) can have if they're not terrified of looking gay together because they've already looked about as gay together as they possibly could?
âExplain yourselfâ followed by âstop making excusesâ has always baffled me because the fuck you think explaining myself is????
jokes to make after failure that arenât self-deprecating:
Iâm the best to ever do it
Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)
No oneâs ever done it like me
I could be President/they should make me President
Behold, a mere fraction of my power!
The public wants to be me soooooo bad
Iâm an expert in (thing you just failed at)
How could this have happened to godâs favorite princess?
Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix
Iâm being sabotaged
yeah the reason ilyaâs depression gets worse in ottawa is not because he hates ottawa and hates the centaurs. like donât get me wrong it doesnât help that heâs suddenly in a new place and on a shit team. but thatâs not the problem. the problem is that heâs spent almost a decade playing the game of âwell if i had what i wanted then iâd be fixedâ and then he got what he wanted - his dad is gone and he doesnât have to go back to russia or have contact with his horrible brother and shane loves him and he loves shane and theyâre going to be together now - and unfortunately it didnât fix a damn thing
Additionally (and I don't know if RR did this on purpose, props if she did) it's actually A Statistical Thing for mental illness to start showing first signs or getting more severe in a person's mid-to-late twenties, and can be triggered by big life changes (even ones that aren't on their own negative, like a move to a new country). It makes sense for him to be low-key depressed due to a combination of trauma and genetics until right around age 26 when he officially enters a relationship unlike any he's been in before and changes his whole life and moves to Ottawa.
[Taylor Swift voice, to the tune of ICDIWABH] I can do it with a hangover
[hockey bro voice] does he. you know. play for ottawa?
So what do we think Lily texted Jane the day the hockey video game came out and Ilya was the one on the cover
Too tired/lazy to edit this further but yeah Shane posted this
incredibly funny of shane hollander, notorious for ALWAYS deferring to a professional about decisions, to keep it going even with his sexuality.
rose went "oh yeah, i've dated tons of gay guys. you definitely are one." and shane went "oh thank god, an educated opinion about the matter."
man truly just needed a subject matter expert to sign off on things to be gtg.
alternate universe in which he meets kip early on in his and scott's relationship, who goes, "see, i TOLD scott he wasn't the only gay hockey player in the nhl :)"
and shane is just oh??? who's the other one?????
y-you?
OH?????