Wait, do you not?

Mostly reblogging stuff. Complete dogshit at tagging things, but i do try when it comes to the more triggery shit. Anyway, hi.

[the-most-humble-blog]

THE MOST INSANE SHIT IN THE UNIVERSE IS THE STUFF YOU DON'T NOTICE

Here's something that fucked with me today:

Everybody looks different.

That's it.

That's how this started.

I was looking at people and realized...

how the hell are there this many faces?

Same basic equipment.

Eyes.

Nose.

Mouth.

Ears.

Forehead.

Nature has been working with approximately six fucking Legos for hundreds of thousands of years...

and somehow you can still walk through an airport containing 4,000 human beings and immediately spot:

MOM.

One face.

Among thousands.

No scanner.

No name tag.

No conscious measurements.

Your brain just goes:

HER.

And you keep walking like nothing supernatural just happened.

THEN I STARTED THINKING ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE WE DON'T FIND STRANGE ANYMORE.

YOU BREATHE RAW AIR

RAW.

Think about that.

You leave your house and just...

inhale the outdoors.

No helmet.

No filtration system.

No atmospheric seal.

No little green indicator saying:

EXTERNAL ENVIRONMENT COMPATIBLE WITH HUMAN RESPIRATORY SYSTEM.

You don't even think about it.

Open door.

Walk outside.

Planet goes directly into lungs.

Meanwhile, put your ass on Mars and breathing becomes a NASA budget.

Here?

Some dude is standing outside a Dollar General smoking a Newport while complaining about the humidity.

That's how compatible he is with the fucking planet.

He's intentionally making the air WORSE before breathing it.

YOUR EYEBALLS ARE REMOTE SENSORS

This might be the one we've disrespected the most.

You can know what's happening somewhere...

without going there.

Something happens 300 feet away.

You don't touch it.

You don't hear it.

You don't smell it.

Light bounces off the event...

flies across space...

hits your eyeball...

and your brain goes:

“Oh shit.”

That's fucking surveillance.

Built into your skull.

You can drive a car because two squishy organs filled with fluid continuously intercept photons and construct a moving model of reality quickly enough that you don't plow into a mailbox.

Most days.

And distance barely ruins the trick.

Tree across the street?

See it.

Mountain twenty miles away?

See it.

Moon?

See it.

Fucking STAR?

Yep.

Your eyeball will accept information that crossed the universe before your ancestors had surnames.

Then you'll use that same eyeball to stare into the refrigerator for nine minutes because apparently mustard might turn into food if you check again.

AND THEN THERE'S LANGUAGE

This one is borderline witchcraft.

I can put something in your head.

Watch.

PURPLE GIRAFFE WEARING ORTHOPEDIC SHOES.

There.

You saw that stupid bastard.

I never showed you a picture.

There is no giraffe.

There are no shoes.

I moved my fingers around...

created symbols...

you recognized the symbols...

and now something that existed in MY imagination exists in YOURS.

Tell me that isn't fucking telepathy.

We just gave it grammar and stopped being impressed.

Talking is even more primitive.

I have a thought.

My lungs push air through my throat.

Meat vibrates.

My tongue flops around.

Invisible pressure waves leave my face.

They enter holes in the side of your skull.

Tiny bones shake.

Your brain decodes the shaking.

And suddenly you know:

“This motherfucker wants tacos.”

We call this:

conversation.

Aliens would call it:

WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY DOING?

EVEN PEOPLE ARE WEIRD

You know other minds exist.

Really think about that.

You're trapped inside your own skull.

You've never experienced consciousness from anywhere else.

You cannot climb inside another person and verify that somebody is home.

Yet you look into two eyes...

watch a mouth twitch...

hear three words...

and somehow know:

She's embarrassed.

He's lying.

She's trying not to laugh.

That dude wants to leave.

We spend our entire lives communicating with consciousnesses we can never directly access...

and become so good at it that somebody can text:

“I'm fine.”

and you immediately know:

Oh fuck.

MAYBE NOTHING BECOMES ORDINARY

Maybe we just become anesthetized by repetition.

That's the thought that got me.

Because almost everything becomes miraculous again the moment it stops working.

Air?

Boring.

Until you can't breathe.

Eyes?

Whatever.

Until you can't see.

Walking?

Who cares?

Until your legs won't cooperate.

Someone's voice?

Background noise.

Until they're gone.

Then you'd trade damn near anything to hear them say something completely insignificant again.

“Did you take the trash out?”

“Yeah.”

That's it.

That's the miracle you didn't know you were standing inside.

And suddenly I wonder whether this is what human beings actually mean when we call something normal.

Not:

“Unremarkable.”

Maybe normal means:

A MIRACLE WITH PERFECT ATTENDANCE.

It showed up yesterday.

It showed up today.

So you stopped thanking it for coming.

That's fucking dangerous.

Because your life is absolutely crawling with impossible-looking shit.

Self-repairing flesh.

Dreams.

Memory.

Music.

Orgasm.

Faces.

Language.

Laughter.

The ability to close your eyes in one location and wake up eight hours later having experienced an entire world that never existed.

We haven't even gotten to LOVE.

Two temporary biological organisms somehow become so important to each other that one would willingly die so the other temporary biological organism gets a few more years.

WHAT?

And we write Valentine's cards about it like that explains anything.

Maybe aliens don't need to arrive.

Maybe God doesn't need to rip open the sky.

Maybe reality doesn't owe us another miracle.

Maybe we've already been given so fucking many that the human nervous system did the only thing it could do to remain functional:

It stopped noticing.

Tomorrow morning you'll wake up.

Light will enter your eyes.

A world will appear.

You'll recognize faces.

You'll inhale a planet.

You'll exchange invisible thoughts with other minds.

You'll remember people who aren't currently there.

You'll manipulate objects using five little articulated branches attached to each arm.

You'll walk around on a spinning rock without feeling it move.

And you'll probably spend part of the morning thinking:

“Nothing interesting ever happens to me.”

HAHAHAHA.

Look at us.

Standing knee-deep in fucking sorcery...

waiting for something weird to happen.

More inappropriate primate anthropology:

https://linktr.ee/ObeyMyCadence

Support Mr. Humble's continuing investigation into why humanity can catch starlight with wet eyeballs but still needs three trips to the refrigerator to confirm there's nothing to eat:

https://patreon.com/TheMostHumble

```0

[one-time-i-dreamt]

Werewolves had invaded my house and the only cure to stop them from turning was pickle juice. Pouring it on them, not making them drink it

[furry-fey]

Okay but why are we curing them?

[venatico]

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

friend of mine recommended a video essay that's like 5 hours long about why it's currently a whole Thing for fascists to claim they only eat meat and demonize vegetables etc etc, and it's genuinely quite well researched in many places and contains some fascinating history and has made me feel very weird about my status as an adult who enjoys drinking milk. but I've not finished it and I genuinely don't know if I will because at one point the ol' "you can't say you care about animals and also eat animals" chestnut got dropped by the white vegan essayist and it put such a bad taste in my mouth that I had to leave instantly

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

like idk man it just feels genuinely parodic to dedicate hours to analyzing how foodways have frequently been used as white supremacist propaganda and then casually toss out an argument that pretty invariably demonizes indigenous hunting practices with 0 regard for traditional knowledge and land stewardship guiding those practices

[deramin2]

Every time I hear a white vegan say that I want to throw the rubble of the Klamath Dams at them.

The largest dam removal in U.S. history. So successful that the salmon that haven’t run freely in the river for literally over a century came back the next year. Not steady progress over a decade as expected, the very next salmon run they came home. No one alive saw salmon in that river outside the hatcheries kept by native’s tribes and the Department of Fish And Wildlife scientists desperately trying to save them. One of the activists who helped bring the suit spoke of their dying grandmother making them promise to bring the fish home, and they didn’t know how that was possible, but they spent decades doing it.

The legal basis for successfully suing the power company who owned the dams was Indigenous treaty rights to eat the fish. Eating the fish was the one thing in a century that succeeded in being a clear and legally binding right that superseded the desires of white capital and industry. I have been going to the public interest environmental law conference off and on for 20 years where a lot of organizing for Undam The Klamath happened. I’ve heard updates about every legal tact they tried as they happened, and they tried everything.

There are healthy, thriving salmon, trout, and lamprey in a rewilding and recovering Klamath River right now as a direct result of Indigenous people eating them. Of their legally binding right to eat them. They sure as fuck care more about those fish than any white vegan ever could. They are salmon people that the Creator sent Salmon to feed, while charging the People with protecting and stewarding them. It’s not possible to learn about salmon and trout in the Pacific Northwest without learning this, and it’s unambiguously racist to dismiss this symbiotic relationship.

The white vegans are trying to get all hunting and fishing banned in Oregon, and that’s quite possibly the single most catastrophic thing that could be done to the animals here because we killed off all the major predators of creatures like deer and without anything hunting them their numbers will explode, eat all the vegetation, destroy the ecosystem, and then die along with everything else in that failing ecosystem. Controlled hunting of deer is vitally necessary for the deer to survive. This is something Native people know, but patronizing racist savior-complex white people refuse to listen to.

I have a whole collection of Oregon’s Public Broadcasting’s documentaries about Klamath River or the larger story of fish and people in the region. If you watch nothing else, watch Klamath Dams Are Coming Out, First Salmon Ceremony, After The Dams, and First Decent (Native made). It could not be clearer that the salmon are being protected and nourished by the people who eat them, and that stewardship is a massive part of their creation myths. But it contradicts political vegan dogma so they don’t listen.

The Klamath River Runs Free

The Klamath River Runs Free

[supreme-leader-stoat]

#also do you have any idea how much conservation is funded by people who want to eat those animals#at least in the us anytime someone buys ammo or hunting equipment or hunting licenses that money goes directly to state wildlife agencies

[wizardarchetypes]

disturbed by how little ppl acknowledge the secondary health risks of vampire bites. if your vampire lover is drinking your blood you MUST be up to date on your tetanus shot. puncture wounds are at especially high risk for tetanus infections. just because your partner was born in 1312 doesn’t mean you have to die like it.

moreover they should be prepping the bite point with an alcohol wipe.

and while I’m at it, I’ve noticed a blithe disregard for health & safety when it comes to blood pacts. can’t believe I have to say this but you should absolutely NOT be cutting your palm open with the pocket knife from your belt holster (??????)

if you’re expecting to be in a blood pact/oath situation please just pick up some sterile finger lancets from the pharmacy. cannot stress this all enough.

[wizardarchetypes]

Please y’all!! tetanus is NOT caused by rusty metal. It’s a bacteria found damn near everywhere, and wounds infected with saliva are especially high risk for tetanus infections.

it’s also a common misconception that vampire saliva is antiseptic. Vampires spread that myth on purpose. They also CAN cross running water. Make them bathe and brush their teeth!!!!

[wizardarchetypes]

all the vampires in the tags saying they won’t do this bc the alcohol will make the skin taste bad are just telling on themselves. talk about a red flag.

[wizardarchetypes]

comparing your human lover’s body to an inanimate utensil & misreading this as a PSA for the vampire’s safety rather than the human’s. smh vampires continue to be so toxic 🤦🏼‍♀️

[thatdamnokie]

[kosmogrl]

[fucking-relax]

this is helpful to getting started on anything regardless of what you call it (from this post)

problem solving steps

IMPROVE distress tolerance skill

[orcarriagesthatwork]

I think about this cake every day

[tizzymcwizzy]

sorry for exposing your tags but this is hilarious

[microsuedemouse]

OP, I hope you don’t mind me making an addition:

When I turned 17, we ordered a cake at the grocery store for my party, as we’d done many times before. If you wanted something written on the cake you’d write it into a section of the order form. We requested, very simply, “Happy Birthday Courtney”. When we went to pick it up the day of the party, this is what we got.

The bakery employees had absolutely no explanation for this. The order form, attached to the box, very clearly did not contain any of those extra names. Whomever had done the writing was no longer in, so there was no one to ask how this had happened. The fact that the name ‘Juan’ is misspelled bewilders me to this day. (I’ve never seen ‘Miley’ without the E, either, but it’s believable that someone might spell it that way.) Did this cake slip in from an alternate universe where I’m one quarter of a set of Hispanic quadruplets? Dyslexic Hispanic quadruplets, maybe?

This cake became the focal point of my party. At least two of my friends regularly called me ‘Courtney Mily Jaun Pablo’ for years to come. My siblings and I still reference it sometimes, eleven years later. It is probably the funniest thing ever to occur at any birthday celebration of my life, and may well remain so for the rest of my days.

I love a botched cake.

[helenarth]

one time me and some pals spotted one of those big cookie cakes in a store. it was done up with red icing and little X's for kisses and in the middle it said

No One Like You

now, it took us a while to realise it meant "(there is) no one like you". at first, we all parsed it as a botched "no one like(s) you"

for ages after when we'd wind each other up we'd declare "NO ONE LIKE YOU ☹️👎"

[itseasytoremember]

I just feel like it's important to post the Sacred Texts

[shofarsogood]

[ekjohnston]

The Cake Wrecks blog is one that I miss.

[drneverland]

Cake Wrecks

Jen started this blog in May of 2008 one night when she was bored. She honestly never thought anyone would read it. She's also not very good

It's still alive!

[lostinhistory]

Solid life advice from Sue the T. Rex.

[segamascott]

[lost-carcosa]

[thelastsongimwastingonyou]

no way

[thelastsongimwastingonyou]

[everydayimslothin]

Far be it of me to comment on the politics of another nation, but the Binface thing is so fucking funny. I just saw an attempted smear article against Binface in the Telegraph. It was basically just like THIS JOKE IS NOT FUNNY IT IS STUPID ALSO A DIFFERENT GOOFY POLITICIAN WHO DID A SIMILAR BIT KILLED THEMSELVES (stay classy Telegraph) AND ALSO DID YOU KNOW BINFACE IS LIBERAL!?!?!?!?!?

I'm reminded of a time in high school during student body elections, when some of my friends began posting signs around the school to encourage students to write in a vote for the pokemon blastoise. And no one really took it seriously until the school did a psa over the morning intercom not to vote for blastoise and to take the election seriously.

After that everyone in the school, now realizing they had the ability to actually mildly disrupt the proceedings of those in power, agressively and obsessively began campaigning for blastoise. 'A vote for blastoise is a vote for blastoise. Vote Blastoise.' Became the most common thing to hear in the hallway. Some people even made tshirts with a tshirt press. Eventually a human was elected but only because the school didnt count the blastoise votes. Real voter fraud happening here. I bet the boring human class president only got like 3 votes in total but I'll never know how much my hero Blastoise was cheated.

Anyway a vote for Binface is a vote for Binface. Vote binface.

[theconcealedweapon]

"I won't be killed by ICE because I'm not here illegally and because I won't try to run them over with my car."

But what if they claim that you are here illegally? What if they claim that you did try to run them over with your car? Who's going to stop them?

[homunculus-argument]

I've been fed, walked and watered and I've slept enough and been out of the internet and I'm doing crafts.

Why am I still angry.

[homunculus-argument]

I walked right into this one like a blind horse into a revolving door.

[a-random-fruity-sky]

Ok on a different note though why would a blind horse be anywhere near a revolving door?

[homunculus-argument]

Horses that can see are freaked out by revolving doors and won't go near one. A blind one won't know that it's there.

[a-random-fruity-sky]

That does make sense...although the horses are right to be scared that's fucking sketchy! Why is someone trying get them to go through a revolving door!? The door itself isn't the issue but the weirdness of the situation!

[homunculus-argument]

Revolving doors were specifically invented and designed to keep horses out of places where they shouldn't just comfortably walk in.

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

christopher nolan great gatsby where jay sits down by the pool before he’s shot and says “our roaring twenties are collapsing”

[byjove]

Maybe it’s the autism in me but I can’t wrap my head around people who say “I just don’t understand gay/trans people.” in a derogatory way. I don’t GET anyone. I don’t have to understand why someone is the way they are to accept that they are that way. Why are you trying to make a woman explain what it feels like to be a woman to defend her womanhood? You can’t understand it anyway. I truly do not give a fuck if you don’t get it. There are many beautiful works of art I do not get that I accept are important and meaningful in ways I cannot understand.

[shadow-generations]

If you think misogyny doesnt exist within the queer community, you are probably benefiting from misogyny

[shadow-generations]

If you think racism doesnt exist within the queer community, you are probably benefiting from racism

[bisexualjeans]

if you think ableism doesn’t exist within the queer community, you are probably benefitting from ableism

[astra-the-dragon]

if you think antisemitism doesn't exist within the queer community, you are probably benefitting from antisemitism.