dead men tell no tales

HECTOR SMEE. "THE GONGOOZLER." 21 years old. Son of Mr. Smee. Loyal member of the Walt pirate crew. Can't be bothered to fuck with school organized activities. Likes rum, swords, and being left the fuck alone. Hates mermaids Gwen Shell.

[hectorsmee]

TEXT ⚔️ RECTOR

Rafe: ?????

Rafe: wow I was expecting you to freak out about your sisters working with the girl who MURDERED YOUR MOM but go off about my wandering eye I guess!

Hector: WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

Hector: WHY WOULD I HAVE KNOWN THAT SHE WORKS THERE TOO? IF I FOLLOWED HER LIFE AT ALL I'D JUST BE PLOTTING HER MURDER AND THAT'S FROWNED UPON SO I HAVE TO IGNORE HER EXISTENCE!

[hectorsmee]

TEXT ⚔️ RECTOR

Rafe: Nope. Double D's. She seems like she's having fun there. I see her when I visit Gwen.

Hector: YOU ALREADY DEFILED ONE SISTER, KEEP YOUR EYES OFF THE OTHER ONE.

[hectorsmee]

TEXT ⚔️ RECTOR

Rafe: Okay but at least we internalize it. They're running around prostituting themselves for Christmas and getting employed at tit bars. Which, by the way, did you know about that???

Hector: WHAT? I knew Posey got a job but I thought it was at a library or something else that's as wholesome as she's supposed to be!

[hectorsmee]

TEXT ⚔️ RECTOR

Rafe: Very very very true. They got all the fun and the crazy.

Hector: Because we're the pinnacle of mental stability. Of course.

[hectorsmee]

truth: has your parrot ever watched you jerking off? dare: hook up with gwen shell

I throw things at the parrot first to make it leave. Or go in a different bloody room. 

I Need Entertainment

[hectorsmee]

TEXT ⚔️ RECTOR

Rafe: How did I become the fun-loving jokester of the two of us.

Rafe: Yeah, me neither! It's a miracle I guess.

Hector: Beats the hell out of me. I think our sisters got most of the fun in our families, though.

[hectorsmee]

TEXT || SMIBS

Elodie: I don't know what you guys talk about. I'm not there for EVERY conversation. And he'd be so sad if he found out I was going to be the only uneducated Smee.

Hector: Usually I just kind of grunt and pretend to listen to whatever he's talking about! In case you haven't noticed our father can be a little bit of a boring man!

[hectorsmee]

I think you need therapy.

ANONYMOUSLY MESSAGE ME ANYTHING YOU WANT TO TELL ME BEFORE 2018 ENDS.

[hectorsmee]

TEXT ⚔️ RECTOR

Rafe: 😘

Rafe: Gwen loves Tallulah, weirdly. And I even got rid of the harpoon, too.

Hector: Welcome to target practice, then. Guess you're the target.

Hector: Didn't know she was capable of that.

[hectorsmee]

TEXT 💤 HECTERLY

Everly: Boring, not hard. I like hard things. (Bahdumtss!) I SAY WHAT I MEAN AND I MEAN WHAT I SAY! But also, that's fair! Lmao!

Everly: :O :O :O I CAN'T TELL YOU THAT! IF I TOLD YOU, I'D HAVE TO KILL YOU AND THEN WHO WOULD I TORMENT AND LOVE FOREVER?! Rafe and the others are fun in their own ways, but not as fun as yooou! Lol.

Hector: Be sure to mention that on your Tinderella profile, I'm sure the people swiping would love to know that.

Hector: Rafe would probably write poems about your love. You should make a big ceremony about burning them if I'm ever gone and you decide he's the most fun to irritate.

[hectorsmee]

TEXT 💤 HECTERLY

Everly: Officially, lol. You know I'm more okay with Honorary, silly duck. DO NOT FOR ONE SECOND PRETEND THAT I DON'T TELL YOU HOW STUPID YOU LOOK NEARLY EVERY DAY, HECTOR SMEE! Just because you think you know better when we both know you don't, does not mean you get to blame the person who called you out on your grave mistakes, lol.

Everly: You wound me, sir! Of course I didn't get caught! I am the Hide & Seek champion!

Hector: Because you like to be able to quit things as soon as they get hard or boring, which is why you'd never actually have what it takes to be one of us :-p YOU HAVE TO LET ME KNOW YOU MEAN IT SOMETIMES! I usually think you're just being spiteful and annoying on purpose.

Hector: Where the hell did you sleep that no one found a non-moving target?

[hectorsmee]

TEXT ⚔️ RECTOR

Rafe: Oh. Let's unpack that. Were you angrily flailing a sword around and that's how it accidentally fell in the ocean?

Rafe: Also: I'm not the one to ask. I sent my sword back to the Sea Devil months ago while we were baby proofing the cottage.

Hector: Do you want me to go steal another sword from somewhere on campus and throw it at you next time?

Hector: Shame. Seems like you'd need a sword more than ever, to protect your baby from that thing you live with.

[hectorsmee]

TEXT || SMIBS

Elodie: My grades haven't come in so PLEASE don't tell dad I might be dropping out of school!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hector: Oh yeah, because dad and I have so many casual chats about academics.

[hectorsmee]

TEXT 💤 HECTERLY

Everly: Oooh, she hot! I'm bias and wouldn't say hotter, but oooh, she hot! And I swear there was something in the water or something on the Sea Devil, because all of ya turned out hot somehow, lol. And I saw you in your awkward years, so don't you dare question that "somehow"! XD

Everly: Class? Work (previously)? Ooh! I fell asleep during Hide and Seek once!

Hector: You'll catch her when you're officially a pirate somehow. And you should have bloody told me how stupid my hair looked sooner, thanks.

Hector: Did you get left sleeping in your hiding spot or did you get caught?

[hectorsmee]

TEXT 💤 HECTERLY

Everly: Sleep is for the weak and I'm hot regardless.

Hector: Not as hot as Ocean. Who I actually meant to send this to.

Hector: What have you been bloddy falling asleep during?

[hectorsmee]

TEXT ⚔️ RECTOR

Rafe: Thank you? Are you feeling particularly full of the Christmas spirit? Is that why you're telling me this?

Hector: No. I've never had Christmas spirit a single day in my whole entire life. I wanted to borrow a sword. I got mad and threw mine in the ocean by accident.

[hectorsmee]

♔ an admiring text.

admiring text for @rafehook !!

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