Batfam Shitposts

I love the Batfam and making crappy jokes about them.

[gotham-memes]

More memes, in which gothamites rightfully love and appreciate robin

[delicateinnocentrottenporcelain]

Okay so because of this

I HAVE to post this

[delicateinnocentrottenporcelain]

Please SPREAD IMMEDIATELY

[scienceninjaturtle]

Dick Grayson- Superman Team Up yellowcape grayson-army

[mollykittykat]

[roachpatrol]

HE THREW THE NOTHING AWAY JUST TO MAKE A FUCKING POINT

[whetstonefires]

Drama Emperor Alfred Pennyworth

[hellabatfam]

[texting]

Tim: Can someone get Damian to stop? I'm kinda sick of this

Damian: Stop being a weakling, Drake. I'm only saying what we all know is true. And no one can stop me.

Bruce: I can

[Damian goes offline]

Jason: oh damn, the little tyrant is gone, what'd you do B

Bruce: I had Alfred put his phone on a high shelf

[hellabatfam]

Damian: Will everyone shut up?!

Dick: Hey!

Damian: Sorry. Dick, will you please be quiet? And can everyone else shut up

[starcrossedsoulmate]

whos gonna draw bruce in this please im begging

[doc-anders]

Sorry for making you regret your post.

[hellabatfam]

Amazing

[batbrosbeforehoes]

Steph: What situation is not instantly improved by the addition of fishnets?!

Damian: Being a fish.

Steph: Hey, fuck you.

[incorrectbatfamquotes]

Dick Grayson: I think we should get married.

Barbara Gordon: But- Uh, but...

Dick Grayson: Soon.

Barbara Gordon: Are you pregnant?

[hellabatfam]

Dick: Jason... brother, please don't do this. I love you.

Jason: I'm sorry, Dick, I have to.

Dick: No. Please. After all we've gone through?

Jason: I'm so sorry.

Jason: *places +4 card* Uno.

[hellabatfam]

*Dick and Stephanie first meeting*

Dick: I'm not a thug, I'm police!

Stephanie:. Okay, then name one law.

Dick: Don't kill people.

Stephanie: That's on me. I set the bar too low.

[hellabatfam]

Damian: Why does Mother wear makeup?

Dick: To look pretty, I guess.

Damian: She's already pretty.

Dick: Aww-

Damian, turning to Bruce: Father, you should wear makeup.

[hellabatfam]

Damian: People can go on living for several hours without their heads.

Duke: You're thinking of chickens.

Damian:

Damian: What did I say?

[hellabatfam]

Tim: Well neither Dick nor Babs are here, so I think I'm going to cut off all my hair, drink 12 red bulls, and light something on fire.

Duke: Wait- what? Why?

Tim: They're basically 90% of my impulse control.

[business-as-usual-bats]

Everyone: Happy birthday, Tim!!

Tim: what?? Holy shit i forgot it was my birthday!

Jason: yup and you’re 18 so you know what that means

Dick: jason no

Jason: i got you a pack of cigarettes for your birthday gift!

Tim: uhh, thanks but… i don’t really plan on taking up that habit

Jason: wow golly gee. That’s a real shame right there. Huh guess i have no choice but to enjoy these myself. Welp it’s the thought that counts right timbo

Tim: yeahh, thanks Jason…

Steph: anyyyway, i got a cake, your favorite!

Dick: no, gifts first!

Damian: indeed. Opening presents should be top priority.

Duke: I’m hungry and there are a lot of presents so I vote cake!

Cass: …cake would be… nice

Alfred: might we let master Tim decide? It is his special day after all

Bruce: Tim, cake or gifts first?

Tim: cake!!!

[Rolls out cake]

Tim: wow Alfred it looks great! But… and I’m not complaining it’s just… it says I’m 17

Alfred: ? Indeed you are master Tim

Tim: uhh, this is my 18th birthday. We already established that

Damian: -tt- what are you on about, Drake? Just blow out the candles

Tim: but… [sees the banner above that now reads happy “17th birthday” instead of “18th” birthday]

Tim: but… but…

Dick: r u feeling okay, Tim?

Tim: jason u know I’m 18 now right? You literally just tried to give me cigarettes for my birthday?

Dick: jason you did what??

Jason: i didn’t I swear! I got him a pair of socks, white and plain like him. Although thanks, Replacement, now i know what you want for next year i guess

Steph: tim… you’re 17…

Tim: no I’m not! Here I’ll get my drivers license… [looks at license]

Tim: but this says I was born in… no i was born a year earlier than this! Guys something is really wrong!

Duke: dude ur really starting to freak us out

Bruce: tim… i assure you that today is your 17th birthday

Tim: … today is my 17th birthday? Is… that can’t be… is today really my 17th?

Dick: yeah and congrats on turning 17, Tim! You’re finally a dancing queen!!

Duke: just think next year you’ll be an adult!

Tim: ha… yeah… next year… it’s just… i feel like I’ve heard that before

Tim: ha, must be tired. Oh well! [Blows out candles] happy 17th birthday for me, I guess

[business-as-usual-bats]

Kon: hey, so how does it feel to be an adult?

Tim: what? Conner, I’m 17

Kon: no… you were 17 last year

Tim: haha, how could I be 17 last year if I’m 17 this year?

Tim [grabs conner by his collar, whispering]: please Kon help me i don’t know what’s happening

Conner: w-what

Tim [smiling with normal voice]: so are we gonna just stand here or are we going for coffee?

Kon: wait- help you with what?? What’s wrong??

Tim: help me? Conner what are you talking about? Nothing’s wrong.

Kon:

Kon: nothing… I… yeah lets just go get some coffee…

[business-as-usual-bats]

Kon: I’m telling you he was acting super weird

Bart: what you mean?

Kon: he kept insisting that he was still 17

Bart: that’s because he is 17?

Kon: ugh not you, too! He can’t stay 17 forever!!

Bart: conner you can’t say things like that. They’ll hear you. just let this go, please

Kon: who’s “they”?????

Bart: pfft, ever consider the possibility that you might be wrong? It’s not a big deal you got your dates mixed up, you’re totally overreacting

Kon:

Kon: I’m gonna get to the bottom of this if it’s the last thing I do

[business-as-usual-bats]

Tim: hey, has anyone heard from Conner? He won’t pick up his phone.

Dick: conner?

Tim: yeah… my… y'know, Superboy? Conner Kent. Superboy.

Dick: you mean Jon?

Damian: -tt- Jonathon Kent is Superboy, Drake. Who is this “conner?”

Tim: oh, well, he’s… he’s..

Tim: huh. Nevermind I guess. Weird.

[business-as-usual-bats]

Tim [staring at Superman merchandise]: hey ever try to convince Clark to change his suit to red and black?

Bruce: hnn, i doubt the boyscout would ever go for that idea

Tim: i guess not… Bruce do u ever feel like… something’s missing… and there’s this empty hole in your chest. Like someone you loved with all your heart is just… gone

Bruce: whenever i look at this Superman garbage i too feel a sense of emptiness and pity for the world

Tim:

Tim: ha, well, maybe we should sue them for not having enough Batman merchandise! The nerve. the audacity. I don’t know about you but I’m traumatized

Bruce: hmm…

Tim: no dear god Bruce i was kidding do not sue these nice people

[business-as-usual-bats]

Dick: Tim? Tim, what’s wrong?

Tim [crying]: i don’t know.. i feel like everyone I cared about has died before? even though I know they’re alive? Steph… Bart… Conner.

Dick: conner? You keep mentioning him but

Tim: i know you say he doesn’t exist! But if that’s true then why do i feel so bad? Why do i miss him so much?

Dick: i- i don’t know, Tim. But… maybe you should get some help

Tim: this isn’t about me! Something is wrong with the universe! Something is missing! This isn’t how the world is supposed to be. Conner is out there somewhere and I’m going to find him

Dick: tim… i don’t want them to erase you, too

Tim: what? Who’s “them”? Dick, please, tell me what you know

Dick: I’m sorry but I’m calling Bruce. You’re not making any sense, you, well, you sound crazy

Tim: i… maybe i…

Tim: no! I’m not going to let you convince me, to trick me into thinking everything’s okay again!

Dick: wait- Tim, come back!!

[business-as-usual-bats]

Bruce: Tim, please you don’t want to do this

Tim: you’re right. I don’t. But I have to

Dick: tell us what’s wrong. We can help you, okay? Talk to us

Tim: no! You won’t believe me

Cass: try us…

Tim:

Tim: I’ve - I’ve figured it out. This world, this universe, it’s not real! We’re all characters in the story and *he’s* the main character. He’s Batman. If I kill the protagonist, go off-script, then the universe will have to reboot.

Tim: that’s the only way they’ll bring back Conner

Damian: this “conner” doesn’t exist, Drake! You’ve gone insane!

Duke: is Conner really worth killing your own father? Worth destroying a family who loves you?

Jason: yeah if anyone is gonna shoot Bruce’s brains out it should be me! Rude

Stephanie: and what are you gonna do after Bruce is dead and you realize you’re wrong? When you’ve realized you’ve killed a man in cold blood

Tim: then drag me to Arkham or kill me! I don’t care. I can’t… i can’t keep living like this. I can’t. I… it hurts too much. It’s all wrong

Dick: then let us help you. Put down the gun and we’ll figure this out together okay?

Cass: yes… we believe you but… please don’t kill

Tim: i wouldn’t do this if there was any other way

Bruce: there’s always another way. Tim i love you, but you’re sick right now. Please let us help you. I know you’re in a lot of pain but we’ll figure it out. You’ve always come through in the end, and I’ve always been so proud of you

Tim: I’m… I’m sorry

Bruce: tim… don’t…

Tim [whispering]: I’m sorry

[Tim shoots and kills Bruce]

[:::Ti*m]:::

[T//]

[(P)KILL(p)]

[%&^#]]///B///R●●///U¤¤///C//ww/]]E~~

****[@@@@@]]]]]]******* ******* * * **

[business-as-usual-bats]

Batman is a fictional superhero appearing in American comic books 

published by DC Comics. The character was created by artist Bob Kane and writer Bill Finger,[1][2] and first

appeared in Detective Comics #27, in 1939. Originally named the “Bat-Man”,

the character is also referred to by such

epithets as the Caped Crusader, the Dark Knight, and

the World’s Greatest Detective.[5]

[business-as-usual-bats]

Dick: Hey Little, D, pass the salt

Duke and Damian: sure

Damian: he was referring to *me* Thomas

Duke: hey, I was Little D wayyy before you showed up and stole my spot as Robin!

Damian: -tt- it was my birthright. And I stole nothing. You were “Red Robin” because you were too much of a coward to take Jason’s place even though he was dead!

Jason: pfft, i wasn’t *that* dead

Dick: guys please not this again

Jason: yeah i don’t have any popcorn to enjoy this

Dick: i… Damian, could you pass the salt?

Damian: told you he was talking to me

Duke: Dick, seriously?

Dick: well, you’re not exactly “little” anymore. Damian on the other hand…

Damian: hey!

Bruce [not bothering to look up from his newspaper]: Damian, please pass the salt to Dick. Don’t worry, i was that size when i was your age. You’ll grow. Duke, no one replaced you. I love all my children equally

Steph: but Cass is his favorite

Cass: it’s true… but you shouldn’t say it

Dick: hmm. you look troubled, Bruce

Bruce: hnn, that family that went missing all those years ago…

Dick: our neighbors? The Drakes? What happened?

Bruce: …

Dick [sad]: oh so they’re… oh

Bruce: all three found at the bottom of Gotham Harbor

Steph: do they know who did it?

Bruce: …no work talk at breakfast

Bruce:

Bruce:

Bruce [sad]: their son was only nine years old

Dick: i remember seeing him at the Christmas galas… i never even said hi…

[Moment of silence]

Damian [determined]: don’t worry, father. It’s our job to make sure that doesn’t happen again, not in our city

Jason: damn straight

Steph: hell yeah!

Cass: agreed

Duke: we’re all with you, Bruce

Bruce [smiling at his family]: i know

THE END

[nitghowl1600]

Everyone pls reblog this

[hellabatfam]

Holy FUCK holyfuckingshitwhat

pls write a movie or something

[hellabatfam]

Jason: I see something beautiful whenever I look into your eyes.

Kyle: Aw, babe-

Jason: It's me.

[hellabatfam]

Just wanted to remind y'all that BOTH dickkory and dickbabs are valid ships

[stefanotis-deactivated20240813]

Or babskory

[hellabatfam]

Most Valid