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Today's Document
oozey mess
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Love Begins
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if i look back, i am lost
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Still cackling whenever I think about that part when Ming Yi and Shi Qingxuan go to visit Puqi Shrine, and the moment they enter, they see Hua Cheng casually washing and drying the dishes while Qi Rong is just tied outside, screaming his lungs out. Seriously, from an outsiders perspective, Xie Lian and Hua Cheng are so freaking odd, and that's just hilarious to me
Hualian having a baby except she turns out to be the darling of heavenly realm and ghost realm
Xie Lian holding the baby proudly: I've decided on a nickname.
Hua Cheng: Gege… pause.
Xie Lian smiling gently: Little Sticky Bun.
Dead silence.
Feng Xin: …What.
Mu Qing: Absolutely not.
Pei Ming laughing: That is the least intimidating thing I've ever heard.
Qi Rong wheezing: STICKY BUN? HA—
Hua Cheng very calm: Anyone who laughs dies.
Ghost City instantly silent.
Baby grabs Hua Cheng's hair.
Hua Cheng, snuggles into the baby: Except you. You can mock me forever.
Heavenly realm
Pei Ming holding the baby like he's presenting a war trophy.
Pei Ming: This child clearly prefers me. Look at that grip strength. Future general.
Feng Xin: She's pulling your hair.
Pei Ming: Affection.
Mu Qing from the corner: She's trying to escape.
Ghost City
Random Ghost: We prepared a tiny black robe with silver butterflies.
Yin Yu: And matching boots.
Ghost 2 whispering emotionally: For Little Sticky Bun's future.
Hua Cheng: Don't call her that outside the house.
Ghost 2: Understood. Young Madam Sticky Bun.
Hua Cheng: …
He Xuan silently hands the baby a gold coin the size of their head.
Xie Lian: That's too much.
He Xuan: It's pocket change.
Hua Cheng in the background, smug: See? Financially responsible community.
Qi Rong bursts in.
Qi Rong: MOVE. I brought fireworks.
Everyone: NO.
Qi Rong: She needs stimulation!
Baby starts laughing at the chaos.
Qi Rong: See? She loves uncle Qi Rong the most.
Hua Cheng: Touch one hair wrong and I will bury you under Ghost City.
Qi Rong: I said love, not custody.
Heavenly Realm shift.
Pei Ming holding the baby up: General Sticky Bun.
Feng Xin: Stop encouraging this.
Mu Qing: It sounds like a dessert.
Baby throws up on Mu Qing.
Pei Ming: she has chosen her enemy.
Feng Xin holding the baby like it's an explosive device.
Feng Xin: Why is she staring at me?
Mu Qing: Because you're tense.
Feng Xin: I am not tense.
Baby starts crying.
Feng Xin: WHAT DID I DO.
Pei Ming: You breathed wrong.
Competition escalating.
Pei Ming arrives with a golden cradle.
Ghost City responds with an entire wing renovated.
Pei Ming: That's excessive.
Yin Yu: We are reasonable people.
He Xuan drops another box of jewels.
Ghost 3 whispering: Heaven is financially unstable compared to us.
Mu Qing trying to teach baby manners.
Mu Qing: Say thank you.
Baby throws a pearl.
Mu Qing: …Close enough.
Feng Xin determined.
Feng Xin: Today I will make her laugh.
He makes a face.
Baby stares.
Qi Rong trips over nothing in the background and crashes into a table.
Baby laughs hysterically.
Feng Xin: I hate this family.
Back in Ghost City.
Ghost Residents gathered like cult members.
Ghost 1: We bought her a miniature throne.
Ghost 2: And a private treasury.
Ghost 3 whispering emotionally: We've already set aside inheritance.
They look at each other.
Silent nod.
Collective thought: Heaven can't compete.
Xie Lian: San Lang… are we… raising a tyrant?
Hua Cheng watching the baby grab a ruby and refuse to let go: Our child has standards.
Later
Heaven officials show up with silk robes.
Ghost City presents an entire palace wing.
Pei Ming: We gave her blessings of prosperity.
Yin Yu: We gave her actual prosperity.
He Xuan places another chest of gold down without a word.
Ghost City residents collectively tear up.
Ghost 1 whispering: We won.
Baby toddles toward Hua Cheng.
Trips.
Before they hit the floor—
Ten heavenly officials dive
Fifteen ghosts summon instantly
He Xuan appears from nowhere
Qi Rong tackles a pillar
Feng Xin crashes into Pei Ming
Mu Qing yells at everyone
Hua Cheng calmly catches the baby with one hand.
Xie Lian: …
Hua Cheng: See? Perfectly safe environment.
Later that night.
Ghost City residents quietly celebrating.
Ghost 2: She wore the black silk today.
Ghost 3 crying: She drooled on it. It's an honor.
Yin Yu wiping nonexistent tears: We have achieved something greater than revenge.
Heavenly officials meeting.
Pei Ming: Tomorrow I'm bringing a phoenix.
Feng Xin: That's excessive.
Mu Qing: Get two.
Meanwhile hualian
Baby asleep between Xie Lian and Hua Cheng.
Surrounded by gold, silk, weapons, spiritual charms, and a suspicious amount of jewels.
Xie Lian softly: We should teach her humility.
Hua Cheng: Of course, gege.
Baby in sleep gripping a diamond.
Hua Cheng: Starting next week.
MXTX characters who would make incredible drag queens
1. Hua Cheng- An infamous burlesque queen with a costume budget that rivals the GDP of small countries. Classic Chinese opera costuming meets contemporary goth sluttitude. Rumoured to have mafia ties, confirmed simp for the handsome bouncer in white.
2. Tianlang-jun - Shameless. Controversial. Uncancelable. A bi icon who's been in the business for decades, known for her standup routines and debriefing her son's love life on stage no matter how many times the man asks her to stop. She is also no stranger to reviewing illicit webtoons for her sizeable social media following.
3. Qi Rong - The great Divine once said "Kill everyone now! Condone first degree murder! Advocate cannibalism! Eat shit!" and Qi Rong lives to represent those values every day. If you're into chaos, camp, fistfights, this is the queen for you.
4. Mei Nianqing - A SEASONED queen originally from the ballroom scene. As the mother of the legendary house of Mei she is renowned for her elevated fashion game and scathing critiques. Rumoured to be psychic due to her uncanny ability to look you up and down and just know everything wrong with you.
5. Shen Jiu - She may have beef with half the industry and banned from several clubs but the talent is undeniable. Incredible singing voice, plays more instruments than anyone in the nightlife scene, and her handmade outfits put high end designers to SHAME. If you behave, tip well, and aren't that one guy who keeps getting thrown out like a limp rag despite his mountainous build you'll have the time of your life at her shows.
xianle crew
BILIBILI GACHA TGCF CHARACTER CARD PULLS!!!
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tgcf as shitposts vol. 11
Imagining Hua Cheng getting hit with a truth serum mid-canon (between the Black Water and Mount Tonglu arcs, let's say). He is panicking, because we all know this man's mind is a non-stop loop of "gege's so beautiful, gege's so kind, gege's so clever" and so on and so forth. And it is being forced out of his mouth in an endless stream, much to his horror.
Xie Lian's getting more and more flustered, because he's fairly certain one doesn't normally compliment their bros like that? But then, he has been alone for like 800 years, so maybe he's just not as in-tune with how guy friends interact nowadays? Strange that he's not mentioned his beloved at all though. What's up with that?
And then it takes a turn for the freaky when Xie Lian smacks Qi Rong around a bit (for being an annoying little shit as per usual), and Hua Cheng blurts out: "Sometimes I wish you'd hit me like that. Choke me out like you did at Lang-er Bay. Just fuck me up, Your Highness."
Fucking. Chaos.
Qi Rong is screaming in disgust. Hua Cheng's just muttering to himself like, "Shit, I fucked up, shit, I fucked up," and wondering if there's a way to disperse himself without his ashes. Xie Lian's making noises like a dial-up modem as his brain tries to process all of that, before catching on the detail of, "Wait... what was that about Lang-er Bay‽"
The Four Famous Tales ×The Four Great Calamities 四名景 × 四大害
Tian Guan Ci Fu
Truly nothing is funnier than Xie Lian just losing his goody two shoes facade when Qi Rong is involved like when everyone else is an asshole or doing evil things Xie Lian just smiles patiently and thinks it’s none of his business but the second Qi Rong is around he is being force fed Xie Lians food and made fun of for being a wrath and getting served straight hands the second he says anything about Hua Cheng like truly some things are just for the family.
Ah, father and son
funniest mxtx ships:
gongyi xiao (ew a snake kill it) x zhuzhi lang (ew a huan hua palace disciple kill it)
lang qianqiu (wants to be an anime protagonist so fucking bad) x qi rong (wants to be an anime antagonist so fucking bad)
nie huisang ("oopsie dasies" to a terrible incident) x jiang cheng (FUCK [minor inconvenience])
you ever think about how Qi Rong was given a name that basically meant he was someone that was just tolerated. like no love, no affection. just tolerated. imagine being told 'aight motherfucker we dont actually like you. in fact, we can barely stand your nasty ass and you are going to be reminded of that fact every time we call your name' and it's your fucking FAMILY of all people telling you when you're like 8 years old or some shit god DAMN
EDIT: I went back and looked, and apparently! hell of a lot younger than 8 when he came to live in the palace!! He was fucking five. Five years old and already being told he's only there out of gratitude towards his mother, and not, you know, because of him being family and also five or because of any affection towards him at all. and despite all the examples of bad parenting around him, he's somehow managed to make it as #1 Dad (counting among the ones who are actually acknowledged as being a dad) in all of mxtx's novels.
okay apparently it's "face of sorrow" instead of just "tolerating" and that is also awful. why would you name a child that. xie lian's mom and dad, what the actual fuck. there is only one person in this fucking family who ACTUALLY knows what the fuck they're doing when it comes to parenting and it is qi rong's mama (love that woman she did not deserve any of what happened to her)
the comments on this banana bread recipe go crazy
for everyone in the notes asking for the recipe, i found it, it's this one:
Put those ripe bananas to use in the best banana bread recipe ever. Moist and delicious, it's easy to make—one bowl, no need for a mixer!
strapjobs r awesome bc u can lowkey chew it a little if u want
Chew on it Chewsday
