i want you out in the pouring rain

i'm dodi. here you can find some feminist rantings and many fandoms. hockey, superheroes, lots of tv, attractive people, queer issues, race politics, fashion. occasionally nsfw. my other tumblr is lavender--lady

[deathoftheaudience]

Cannot stop thinking about how the rushed ending of TLG means that romance genre conventions traps shane into being happy :) while everything he ever feared came true in the worst way possible WITHOUT DEALING WITH ANY OF IT.

You're being tarred and feathered in the media for tripping in a hockey game and your teammates who you thought of as brothers believe your did it on purpose. You're so happy to go see your partner play with your family :) Your friends of almost ten years don't come to your wedding. Ten years of long away games and deep playoff runs. Ten years of being their captain and their friend. Ten years and they don't come to your fucking wedding. You're so happy to be marrying your partner :) You're run out of the city you lived in for your entire adult life and the team you dreamed of retiring on. The team with your three stanley cup banners, the team where you should have gotten to see your number raised to the rafters. You're so happy to get to sign with your husband's team :) You're worried if any team will sign you at all (3 cups. 3 CUPS. 3 FUCKING CUPS). You cannot be paid what you're worth because there is no cap space for it. Never mind that you might be taking a hammer to every step you paved for children like you (Why would you be worth that much? Just look at what they pay Shane Hollander) You're so happy to be playing with your husband :) You are not even given an A to offset the low salary. Shane fucking Hollander, 3 times Stanley cup winner, Conne smythe winner and Olympic medalist without a letter in a team that made its first playoff the season before. You're happy you're happy you're happy-

[russianblush]

#more of this in season two lets all live

[shanepervert]

Thinking about Ilya drugging kitty!shane for his ‘vet’ appointments. He just gets too stressed and acts out if he doesn’t! (Doesn’t actually matter if Shane is good or not, he’s not passing up an opportunity to sedate him). Imagining him giving him the pills the same way you do to a stubborn animal, pinning him down and forcing his jaw open before shoving them down his throat and holding his mouth closed until he swallows. (Doesn’t matter if he would take them like a good boy Ilyas not giving him the chance). It’s also important to me that the drugs don’t do anything for the anxiety or pain at all they just make him sluggish and weak. Ilya laughs at him stumbling around the house before and after. Mockingly cooing at him for not being able to hold his head up to eat out of his bowl and getting it all over his face. :)

love love love this there are so many fun options for ilya here. maybe he even hides the medicine in shane's food just to see the panic on his face when he bites down on the pill and tastes the bitterness and knows immediately that ilya is drugging him...

and most of shane's vet appointments aren't real obviously... ilya just likes to get shane on an exam chair and examine his mouth and chest and dick and hole, test his reactivity, etc. maybe milk his prostate while he's halfway knocked out because that way he can't fully enjoy it (and if shane's been begging to cum lately then maybe he makes a video for him to watch when he's conscious again as proof that he already got to).

but also shane does need real checkups with a real doctor because ilya needs his kitty healthy. so maybe every few months shane ends up barely conscious slumped over the chair with a curved pillow holding up his hips and some strange man's gloved finger in his hole checking for damage and then stroking his prostate until his dick is leaking all over the pillow and his hips are trying to hump it and tears are dripping down his cheeks but he just can't move at all. ilya stands in the corner out of shane's field of vision and jerks off watching because he knows how degraded shane feels getting looked at like this by a stranger, let alone one who's obviously getting off on the way shane's tight hole clings to his finger. it's not like ilya will actually let him do anything that can't pass for medical in nature, but it's obvious this doctor would fuck shane if he let him, especially given that he has no problem with being involved in this whole thing anyway, and just the fact that ilya could let him fuck shane, could really let anyone fuck him, is so fucking hot. maybe shane asks nervously afterward what happened at his appointment and ilya says something that he knows will make shane think ilya did let something happen. just to toy with him

and of course shane is so much fun to fuck when he's still high. so fun to do things like piss in his mouth when he's too out of it to do anything but moan and swallow too slowly so it streams down his neck and chest. and he takes ilyas fist so much easier like that. and he tries sooo hard to kiss back when ilya licks at the inside of his mouth and feeds him his spit :)

[darlingofdots]

In the background of the video clip, posted by a fan at the hotel breakfast just before Christmas 2018, Shane Hollander is talking on the phone. He looks tired but he's smiling, pushing scrambled eggs around his plate with a fork. "I saw, baby," he says. "No, definitely, no way that was slashing, I'm with you. You'll get them next time, though. Beautiful goal you got in the first, that was so fucking sexy. I can't wait to see you tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Love you."

Which leads to a bit of an uproar because omg Shane Hollander has a girlfriend?? who plays hockey???? that's so on brand for him like. okay who was playing last night and got a goal in the first period, we need to find the woman who has Shane Hollander crooning into his phone like a lovestruck teenager. and the consensus lands on an unsuspecting and entirely unrelated CWHL forward who has never even been in the same city as Shane but the Internet is running with the story and there's journalists harassing her and Shane has to get his agent to call her agent so he can apologise for this mess and she's like, dude, I know it's not your fault, but Shane feels so fucking bad about it, you know?

And unfortunately it doesn't really let up as quickly as they thought because it's right before Christmas and isn't this a great story, fucking Hallmark movie shit, so a very unimpressed Leila (her name is Leila) has to look a reporter in the eye after her team just played a really good fucking game of hockey and everybody wants to talk to her about some fucking guy, you know? so she looks him in the eye and says, no, I am not dating Shane Hollander, I have never dated Shane Hollander, I will never date Shane Hollander, I am literally a lesbian. I have a whole-ass girlfriend. She plays for the Blades.

And Shane Hollander is so consumed by jealousy he almost chokes.

[jewelcoatfish]

zane boodram and shane were in the same timbits hockey program, and their families are friendly. zane’s mom and yuna took a photo of them together once, and once with the whole timbits team.

fast forward to shane and ilya going to bood’s house for bbq, and those two obviously forgot they ever played with the other. so when cassie boodram was chatting to the wags about how cute bood was as a kid, ilya got to see the timbits team pic. and his eyes lit up as he ran out to shane (who was having a very casual conversation with harris) and bood, yelling “WERE YOU TWO ON THE SAME TIMBITS TEAM!??!?!!” shoving the photo to their faces. he also whipped out his phone to text yuna because shane in timbits uniform???? too cute!!!!

and that’s how they got sent a photo with bood all happy and smiley hugging shane and shane staring behind the camera at yuna with the tiniest politest smile. and ilya’s heart explodes.

later, harris made shane and bood take a photo (in centaurs uniform) together and posted a tiktok/twitter post with the caption “And when I'm back in Ottawa, I feel it” (end of beginning as bgm ofc) and it blew THE FUCK up. i’m talking shane hollander/zane boodram tag got 100 fics in a day.

[caralikesgay]

hard launch this, soft launch that...has anyone written hollanov going full gaslighting with their coming out? just straight up going "we've been together for years? why are you acting like this is news?"

double points if they don't even plan to do it. they decide to soft launch via no longer actively hiding their relationship, just slowly acting more like a couple around other people. they're both at some event and ilya finds shane and just wraps his arm across his shoulders, which maybe that could just be ilya being ilya, but then shane just leans into it? like this is fine and normal? and when someone questions it shane panics and is just like "why wouldn't i? he's my boyfriend" and whoever they're talking to is like "what? since when?" and ilya is immediately onboard with this game "since 2017."

they just keep doubling down "you don't remember me sneaking out to go visit him every time we played in boston? you were all chirping me about it."

"wait, did you two drive here together?" "why would we take separate cars, we live together?" "you WHAT?"

when someone thinks they're joking they bring up the group chat with shane's parents, ilya scrolls back to a text where yuna calls him her favorite son. they bring up a video clip jackie sent of the twins saying "we love you uncle ilya!" shane brings up his thread with svetlana where she sends him russian words and phrases she thinks he should know.

they quickly enlist everyone who already knew, get them all onboard to pretend like their relationship wasn't ever top secret information. shane posts a picture of him with anya, when someone comments "that looks just like ilya rozanov's dog?" he just replies "yeah, we adopted her several months ago" and ilya replies "love our daughter ❤️"

the more people act like this is revelatory news the more they inisist that it's not. "we started a charity together!" "i moved to canada for him!" meanwhile everyone else is slowly losing their minds.

[sabotage-on-mercury]

They won't change their last names officially but Shane and Ilya very much have a "what is mine is yours, what is yours is mine" attitude to it.

They arrive at a restaurant, Ilya leading Shane inside, smoothly telling the maître d': "We he have a reservation for Hollander."  "Of course. Would you let me show you to your table, Mr. and Mr. Hollander." And Ilya looks so proud and so happy and Shane squeezes his hand tightly.

Ilya wants them to have new bespoke suits for the NHL awards, he got a rec for that hidden gem of a Québécois tailor, and makes Shane call him. Shane rolls his eyes, they have enough suits yet he indulges his husband. He stares at Ilya across the room when he calls and says. "J'ai besoin un rendez-vous pour deux personnes. Oui. Mon nom est Rozanov." Shane only notices after ending the call, blushing slightly, but Ilya comes sauntering towards him, grinning like the cat that ate the canary. "Oh, Mr. Rozanov it is, I see. Maybe we should swap."

They go on a family vacation together with David and Yuna and Ilya introduces them with "We are the Hollanders" to all the other hotel guests.

Shane introducing them as "We are Shane and Ilya Rozanov." to the new neighbours.

It's exciting and comfortable at the same time these little moments of being so openly married, of being seen a family together, and for this it really doesn't matter which name they use.

[heartofscone]

I'm an Ilya is not a service top truther because he is first and foremost a hedonist, he loves indulging his cravings, sex and clubs and fast cars and junk food and ramming his opponents into the boards and sadism and domming precisely because he derives pleasure from it.

The fact that there is someone else on this earth who also derives pleasure from Ilya's domming is a miraculous bonus, a wowwow you think this will be enough pot of gold at the end of the da, just like that rainbow. Not that Ilya isn't giving. He is curating the experience and in awe of how much Shane loves doing what Ilya wants him to do, and he's attuned to Shane's responses and pleasure because he cares and he should care, but not because his primary motivation is of service.

Ilya's flint of desire is Shane's bare-faced honesty, how open and earnest and preciously flappable he is, it makes Ilya sick with wanting to devour and debase him. And their chemistry is so explosive not because they can give each other what the other wants, but because they are each so hungry for what the other is already made of.

And I think this is why the Vegas penthouse scene is so misunderstood. Because if Ilya was a service top then his behavior seems so much more intentionally callous. He's taunting, withholding, punishing, and if his True Nature was being of service to Shane's pleasure then his motivations appear selfish and cruel.

But Ilya likes pushing Shane to the point of discomfort, for Ilya's sake. He's self-serving in his sadism, electric with how much it turns him on to make Shane beg and squirm and agree to his 'let's make a deal's and struggle in the challenge of it and then submit to the punishment if he fails ("show off for me, it's my special night." "I won't touch you, but if you get hard...")

Ilya's cruelty is part of their dynamic and it's hot, to both of them, as long as the experience ends with everyone regaining their dignity afterward. This is why so much of Ilya's responsibility to Shane is in the aftercare, a word they would probably never use because their verbal communication skills are far outpaced by their physical communication skills, but Ilya should and does know how to do it (stairwell kissing) and the fact that he didn't do it after Vegas was his mistake. A big one, but not as intentionally selfish as many people make it out to be. It follows then, that Shane and Ilya can repair this rupture far easier than they can for other ones (tuna meltdown) and that by the time they make it to the cottage they can phone call blowjob like they were made for it.

Long live service tops, but Ilya isn't one of them.

[havinganormalone]

Fanfiction is insane. You can write porn so good you make friends.

[pianta]

she says i smell like safety and home 💘

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[omgcheckplease]

AH!!! I THINK IT’S TIME FOR A GIVEAWAY!

Two Grand Prize Winners will receive:

a signed copy of CHECK, PLEASE!: STICKS AND SCONES

a Samwell University mini-pennant

a falcs keychain & falcs enamel pin

And one winner will receive a signed copy of CHECK, PLEASE!: STICKS AND SCONES!

☆ Rules ☆

✔ The giveaway ends Friday, April 3. ✔ Enter by liking or re-blogging this post. You can enter as much as you’d like. ✔ Shipping to US & Canada only! Winners must respond with a mailing address within 24 hours of notification, please!

–

Check, Please! follows Eric Bittle, a former figure skater who joins his college’s ice hockey team. It’s a queer romance, coming-of-age story, and has fun found family vibes! Read on checkpleasecomic.com or over at @omgcheckplease.

Keep reading

[valtsv]

man victorian slang was fucking lethal

[valtsv]

literally how was anyone expected to say something like this with a straight face

[valtsv]

*lying on my velvet chaise lounge in my robe and slippers* sorry old chap, but i won't be able to make it out tonight. i'm afraid i've got the morbs.

[crumplelush]

My favourite sentence is "bitch the pot, I've got the morbs" which means "pour me some tea, I'm depressed"

[lord-of-mudora-deactivated20230]

[soft-butch-cassidy]

reverse fake dating: very in love couple has to pretend theyre not actually together

[temporarily-ineffable]

[kiwimidnight]

[ottermatopoeia]

This was………………. the drag of the century

[ottermatopoeia]

Same energy

[maximum-alien]

Okay so in case y'all don’t know, this is from Pose. A series about the black trans community and ball culture in new York during the 80’s. Its got vogueing, lgbt+ culture, history, drama, romance, comedy, tragedy. Its wonderful and historically accurate and all the trans people are played by real trans actors.

[strangehorse]

harry potter books rated by number of animals-are-actually-people reveals

harry potter 1: this cat is actually a teacher at hogwarts. solid beginning, pretty good work here. 7/10.

harry potter 2: this tree is actually a monster that’ll destroy your car, and this book is actually uhhhh a teenage boy’s ghost, but no animals. disappointing. 3/10.

harry potter 3: this evil dog is actually a man and your godfather. this large wolf is your year 9 teacher. that deer is your spirit from the future/past due to a time travel loop. your best friend’s pet is a war criminal. this is where we completely and totally peaked, folks. 11/10.

harry potter 4: this cup is actually a portkey and this man is actually a completely different man. the original man is locked in a trunk. nobody is a cat BUT rita skeeter is a beetle, and now she lives in a jar. 6/10

harry potter 5: uncertain how much tonks can become an animal, but even if she did it would just make her a furry, so 0/10.

harry potter 6: harry was far too busy being obsessed with draco this book to do anything else. harry wouldn’t have noticed if hedwig was actually morrissey. unrateable.

harry potter 7: in a horrifying twist of events, we have a person revealed to actually be an animal as Bathilda Bagshot turns out to be a giant fucking snake in a human costume. Who let that happen? Who cleared that? I need names and answers. -2/10

post-books information about nagini: no. -10/10

[katrinageist]

+1 for book 4, you forgot that Malfoy was briefly a ferret

[strangehorse]

i’m a fraud and a fool. harry potter 4: both a beetle AND a ferret. 8/10

[an-angry-bear]

*Old Town Road intensifies*