i don’t know how this became such a twilight blog

but i regret absolutely nothing

[thememedaddy]

[neosatsuma]

[neosatsuma]

[rain-droplet]

who turned them german mid tag ?

[dastardlywlw]

how do you know they were transformed midday?

[silly-detector]

"WHY IS IT SO SISYPHEAN"

"#where do you think the greeks got the idea of sisyphus #das right. da vaguume cleamer."

who turned them german mid tag ?

how do you know they were transformed midday?

this post contains:

1 mime!

[ithelpstodream]

[theotheryongbok]

My man Jesus

[funnysowhatever2-deactivated201]

What story is that?

[ffermented-salmonella-deactivat]

Matthew 18:9

[livebloggingmydescentintomadness]

“And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away.”

[beachfox-deactivated20181218]

“Jesus, how can I avoid sin when all these hussies keep revealing the fact that they have bodies?!”

“Hmmm, tough call bro. Have you tried gouging out your eyes so you don’t have to see all those bodies anymore?”

“wut”

“What?”

“Shouldn’t you tell them to… stop dressing like that or something?”

“Don’t see why. It’s not their fault that the fact that they have bodies makes you a fucking sinful horndog. Gotta fix that problem yourself, buddy. Go on, blind yourself.”

“Uh….”

“Or learn to keep it in your g’damn pants no matter what they’re wearing.”

[dinosaurrainbowstarfish]

He goes on for like several examples too.

“How can I avoid like, an accidental slip of the hand when…they’re dressin like that?”

“Cut it off.”

“wut”

“Cut it off. Your hand. If it’s a problem, stop having a hand.”

“wut”

“What”

[corporationsarepeople]

“Did I fucking stutter?”

[fadeintoyou1993]

[ozempicofficial]

[3000s]

you should be able to plug cables and shit into a basketball for no reason

[3000s]

changing my mind since nobody likes my idea my new idea is nobody should be able to do anything on earth at all

[howlonghaveyoubeenseventeen]

me opening tumblr to make a post that should be a diary entry: alice. things are bad again.

[boyhood]

Did a school visit today and asked a group of 8th graders if they could define the term "contemporary art" for me [for context, I work at a contemporary art museum], and one of them said "Is it art that's made with contempt?"

And unfortunately that's the funniest thing a student has ever said to me in 10 years of teaching

[gain-of-function]

I wasn’t born to work, I was born to cuddle cute boys

[daily-spooky]

[hometoursandotherstuff]

[dduane]

There's the beginning of a fairy tale here somewhere...

[gvaine]

2.04 — Lancelot and Guinevere

[kleefkruid]

My cats have this meow that means "please come with me to fix this" after which they'll lead me to the problem in question, usually a empty (or 'empty') food bowl or a closed door they want open. They look at the 'problem', they look back at me, clear message.

What fascinates me is how this illustrates what they percieve as being in the realm of my 'power.' I control the food, I control the door, sure, but my cats love to sit on the balcony in the sun, and it has happened plenty of times that on a rainy day they come get me, go to the balcony and show me... the rain. "Please fix this" they say. "Please get rid of the wet"

"Silly kitty," I say, "I can't control the rain." I then walk into the shower and turn on the rain.

[headspace-hotel]

tumblr is full of phrases that we are all so desensitized to that they're just normal, but if you say it to a person in real life its so funny to them its a one-hit insta kill

[pineappleofprosperity]

[stantler]

Black Friday is such a joke nowadays. “Don’t miss out on 30% off” don’t piss me the fuck off. People used to hit each other over the head for a microwave that’s how low the prices were. People literally died. We used to be a country

[elainiisms]

[catchymemes]