her smile wavered while her heart was washed over with dark waves of disappointment. clouds covered her focus as she continued with her perfected forced grin --- although, for some reason, it didn’t seem as convincing today. perhaps she was in too deep. at least, that’s what she thought in the recent year. her youth wasted on blindly liking, and maybe... loving, a man whom could or would never return her feelings.
staying away was the right decision, she always assumed, but never the decision she ever took. she felt an overpowering, drowning feeling when she’s around junmyeon, but an even worst feeling if she tried keeping her distance away. but what turned her into some sort of love sick puppy? was it the way he talked to her, blessed her with kindness, or graciously always keep her in his thoughts? if anything, it’s probably all of it.
he was perfect to her.
before she was able to run off and comfort this rushing feeling, baekhyun offered up his company. halfway opening up her mouth just to reject him, she had a counter feeling -- something opposing her to ease her desperate and search for junmyeon, yelling at her to fight such desires.
and sucking in a deep breath, she nodded slowly with her cheeks all heated in a rose color. “i--i’m not upset, but um, sure!” she exclaimed with a hoaxed glowed face that wasn’t fooling anyone, “a walk sounds nice. we can walk around the plaza or head over the beach.”
anywhere that didn’t make her want to search for him.
nostalgia ( @hyejinhm )
starter ( @hmnara )
starter ( @hmxjihoon )
i can show you the world ( @hmhyemi )
untitled ( @hmyooa )
stranded ( @hmxyongsun )
why i’m so lonely ( @hmjunmyeon )
meme to thread reply ( @hmbaekhyun )
meme to thread reply ( @hmjiho )
meme ( 5 / 18 ) NOT ACCEPTING // hmchaewon, minaxhm, hmxhaley, hmhojun, hmxtaehyung, hmbaekhyun, hmjoo, hmguk, hmsungyeol, hyejinhm, hmdahye, hmwendy, hmyujeong, jaejoongxhm, hmingxia, hmjunmyeon
italics means starters — please message me if you want your meme to be a starter
PLOTTING
( @hmxeric ) ( @hmguk ) ( @hmxtaehyung ) ( @hmxhaein ) ( @hmdaehan ) ( there are other people missing... ) + i still have ims to do but i’m so slow... i also have a lot of ongoing threads at the moment (way more than i can handle) and i don’t think that i can take on any new plots (if we were already plotting that’s fine). UNLESS you wanted to plot for the event, i’m fine with that!! i am going to priortize the event threads!
TO DO
( journal ) unsent letters series:
- guk
- haein ( after some plotting )
- mina
ALSO—i believe i sent everyone a message and welcomed everyone. if you’re plotting with me and want a faster reply, please dm me on twitter here. i’m very slow when it comes to tumblr ims and i don’t even know who i’m talking to most of the time. so please dm me on twitter if you have one, i would prefer it.
“four because that’s the number of second i’ve had before i had my heart torn apart—” she muffled a small giggle before she followed it up with an escape of a hiccup as she pushed away the girl who approached her. or was it a girl? she’s starting to shape into more of a mushroom now and she hasn’t ate anything in months—
“you know my favourite foods were mushrooms—” she giggled before she approached her as she raised both of her legs before tackling her to the ground humming a song from her lips as she tried to much away her hair before she lets more laughters escape from her mouth. “you taste really funny— like disappointment when you tried to eat mushroom but it’s just a cat’s hairball—”
“ah— i’ve ate too much disappointment you might as well be nam ten, you know that guy from the streets who really likes flowers and is really annoying— i really hate him. out of all the people here i hate him the most, i’m not joking. out of everyone, he’s the most annoying one stay away from him at all cost.” she continued with a giggle.
“just kidding— how could you stay away from him when you love him more than your own boyfriend, right?” she lets out a giggle before she sighed as she started to take a deep breath before she laid down on top of her in the middle of the road.
perhaps the sober her would wonder why he’s the one clouding her thoughts at night instead of her first love, and at times she’d wonder why he’s the one she’d come running into instead of her boyfriend but perhaps drunk people said the truth and perhaps she was too confused of her own feelings to even notice it.
“you see, he has the brightest pair of eyes and it twinkles in the sun— have you ever seen him do it? that was the best thing ever i’m sure!” she abruptly stood up as she accidentally strangled her before she let out a laugh. “oops! sorry mushroom! i didn’t meant to hurt you!” she grinned. “though sometimes getting hurt is fine because it meant that you still have a heart!”
“and i wanted to have one but mine is made out of paper—”
the night sky has long past fallen, but here she was --- flat on a cold road with another woman on top of her. oh, what a situation to be in. she laughed and smiled but all the words that muffled out her alcohol painted lips contained nothing but heated anger and unresolved disappointment from her unhealed heart.
anyone walking by the two would probably have questionable thoughts to why a drunk woman was resting on a sober one and the sober one was simply letting her chew on her hair. well, thank god, no one was. but did that really matter when nayeon was in a situation like this?
“ten?” the name was too familiar on her tongue. nam ten was the kind florist she sees every week to get her flowers whenever haein wasn’t around. he was a number of things that nayeon could possibly think about, but disappointing and annoying was far, far from that list. although, arguing with her didn’t seem appropriate in the position they were in. with an addition to that, what was that---love she said? how? what?
her fingers planted on the cooled cement ground, putting all of her strength into sitting herself up with her face lifted, looking up at the other as she giggled some more and began exclaiming and exposing more of her sober thoughts. nayeon could, in a way, relate. not so much to loving another when supposedly in a relationship, but looking into someone’s eyes and seeing nothing but the stars. perhaps, she knew of that feeling too well.
“i haven’t,” nayeon answered her, “maybe i’ll keep an eye out for his star like eyes.” although, there was only one person that she’ll ever notice and acknowledge.
pulling her legs in, she stood up and brushed off any dirt on her clothing and her hands reached out for her. nayeon could only do one thing, she guessed, and it was to drag the other girl back to the inn with her before any bad could happen. “i have more edible mushrooms at my place. i’ll cook you some,” she simply smiled at her, pitying the girl for her complex situation.
maybe some soup would help her sober up and rest easy...
“ No! It’s different for you, you don’t know what it’s like…”
canon? au? i don’t know — ( future ) // NOT ACCEPTING
how bad of a person did it make her for using her current relationship as some sort of shield? so when people looked at her, they wouldn’t be thinking how she was pathetic for letting her youth be wasted loving someone for years just for that person to marry another. so when people hear about her, they wouldn’t hear how she opened her heart for another person just for them to start dating her friend. so when she looks back on herself, she could say that at least she was good enough for one person. was she a good person for pitying herself? or was she the worst for getting herself into a relationship just for self worth?
nayeon was fixing up her bouquet of daffodils she got today as she listened to doyeon talking about her recent episode with her boyfriend. they had a fight, again.
doyeon started calling and hanging out with nayeon more since she got into her relationship with ten. maybe it was because she too was in a relationship and could relate. or maybe because nayeon knew her boyfriend more than just as well as she does. at whatever reason it was, their presence around one another grew exponentially.
“…and then he told me that he had other plans.”
“well, ten does go to school and work, doyeon,” nayeon defended him, because when doesn’t she?
“on a friday? after hours?”
nayeon was very close to opening her mouth to say something else, but she didn’t. she just remembered how she ran into ten around that time and somehow they ended talking about her own relationship problems.
“do you think he’s cheating on me?” doyeon dared asking out of pure insecurities.
“no!” she jumped on her feet, completely opposing such a thought. ten wouldn’t. plus, he was with her and there wasn’t anything between them even if she wanted there to be. the girl pressed her lips together after realizing how dramatic she reacted and took a short breath before rubbing necking in embarrassment. “look, you could be overreacting,” she tried consoling her, “guk does it to me all the time.”
maybe a lot more than all the time.
“no! it’s different for you, you don’t know what it’s like…”
what it’s like to feel cheated? what it’s like to love someone you can’t have? what it’s like to watch the guy you like running off with another girl? what it’s like to have him tell you how you would look good with another guy?
which one is it? because still, nayeon knows what all of them felt like (some more than once). her frustration slowly grew just listening to her speak. doyeon was lucky enough for two guys to be in love (?) with her and nayeon was here in the mess with her, feeling completely dumped, out of place, and unloved, watching one of them kiss her lips while the other confesses the truth out of his drunken lips, but she wasn’t going to say that.
no, she couldn’t. nayeon had to be happy. wait, no, she had to be selfless and let other people be happy in her place.
“yeah, you’re right,” her voice lowered as she lied and shrunk back into her seat, “i don’t.”
canon? au? i don’t know — ( future ) // NOT ACCEPTING.
“guk’s at the bar?” nayeon frowned, “okay, thanks. i’ll go get him now.”
after hanging up the inn’s phone line and just sitting in place, her eyes lingered on the old clock on the wall for a few more moments. it was well over one in the morning. she wasn’t even surprised anymore. getting phone calls from the bar just to pick up her drunk boyfriend became a routine and her restless body would always walk out late just to drag him back to her place because his was too far.
she rubbed her puffed eyes and went back to her bedroom just to get herself changed into warmer clothing. one sleeve in and then the other — nayeon stared at herself dully in the mirror as she watched how she withered her heart away. she grabbed for her rusty keys to the inn and locked both her room and the front door before entering into the cold breezy air. in yongdam, everything was closed by now and all were asleep.
in contrast, marigold was not.
there were still people outside, not a lot, but it was a large difference in comparison to yongdam. most of them weren’t sober though. probably had one too many cups of wine. a lot of them were leaning their bodies against poles as they sleep through the night, completely unable to walk themselves home. on any other day, nayeon would’ve tried helping, but she was too numb to even try.
walking into the bar, taeyeon locked her eyes on her and nudged to her loopy and loud boyfriend at the end of the empty bar. she quickly returned an apologetic look before heading towards guk who was smiling, singing, and cheering in his seat. nayeon forced a smile as she came by his side.
“nayeon?” he giggled out her name, “guess what? i am a starfishhhh!”
her grin still remained as she nodded her head. “you’re silly. now, let’s go to the inn. the bar is closed,” she told him and he only nodded his head, agreeing with her.
upon standing up, she grabbed his arm to wrap around her neck as she helped him up and out. his foot work was messy, trailing one foot over the other. his head rested on hers as he walked. guk was putty with feet.
“i want to rest,” he groaned and frowned, “can’t we rest, doyeon?”
and there he goes again, calling her by the wrong name when he wasn’t sober and sometimes when he was sober. why was she so acquainted with this? always pretending that this never happens, but it always does.
“sure thing, gukkie,” she replied.
they were both already at the bridge that connected marigold and yongdam. there was hardly a sound, other than the water from the stream below them. both of them sat — backs against the bridge. he rested on her shoulder with his eyes fluttering, finding the will to keep it from shutting completely. their fingers were interfaced, but nayeon could only taste bitterness on her tongue.
“doyeon,” he called her name and nayeon always played along.
hearing the familiar voice, her body jumped right out of her seat and checked herself in the mirror to see if she was decent enough to be seen in front of him public. years of knowing this person, you’d think she would stop caring about how she’d look by now, but she didn’t. nayeon always wanted to show her better self to him because she never thought he deserved to see anything less.
quickly fixing her bangs and checking her teeth for any greens, she sucked in a good amount of air before heading towards her bedroom door. just the thought of him around had her heart jumping out of place. man, why did he have to stay at the inn when he’s from marigold? out of all the places. but she’d be lying if she said that she didn’t want to see him more. her affections and desires confused even her. having him away made her want to visit the church everyday, but being around him seemed almost suffocating.
nonetheless, nayeon’s fingers wrapped around her door knob, twisting until it opened. her blood pressure rose seeing a small frame of his pale face and clean cut hair. as soon as she saw him, she wore a smile that came just automatically. her smiles were never fake around him. “junmyeon oppa,” she chewed on her lip slightly before opening her door wider, “su–sure! of course, you can.”
despite of how nervous she sounded, nayeon was screaming inside.
“is there something wrong? or did you want something? or… did you need my help?” she couldn’t help but ramble, “did you want something to eat? i can make you something if you want.”
the two of them were both at the river that separated the two towns, dipping their feet in the cold running water. nayeon would be listening to chaewon’s complaints about her mother and her plans to stay with nayeon for the night. chaewon would be kicking her feet in frustration, probably hoping for some sort of opportunity to come along and sweep her feet into freedom.
somehow their conversation lingered and chaewon began sucking in her cheeks at the water and claiming that she could talk in fish (like it was a language). then, fishes swam their way towards them and kissed their feet. “i can talk to fish!” the younger exclaimed and began making fish faces at her.
nayeon only grinned at and nodded along. they came here every once and a while and fish always came around at some point. “all right, chaewon,” she chuckled at the younger, shaking her head and staring deeply into the waters.
nostalgia ( @hyejinhm )
starter ( @hmnara )
starter ( @hmxjihoon )
slurred ( @hmdoyeon )
i can show you the world ( @hmhyemi )
meme to thread reply ( @hmbaekhyun )
meme ( 2 / 19 ) NOT ACCEPTING // hmchaewon, minaxhm, hmxhaley, hmhojun, hmxtaehyung, hmbaekhyun, hmjoo, hmguk, hmsungyeol, hyejinhm, hmdahye, inhyehm, hmwendy, hmyujeong, jaejoongxhm, hmingxia, hmjunmyeon
italics means starters --- please message me if you want your meme to be a starter
PLOTTING
i have a lot of ims to reply. i swear i’m not ignoring you.
TO DO
( journal ) unsent letters series:
- guk
- hyejin
- haein ( after some plotting )
- mina
ALSO—i believe i sent everyone a message and welcomed everyone. if you’re plotting with me and want a faster reply, please dm me on twitter here. i’m very slow when it comes to tumblr ims and i don’t even know who i’m talking to most of the time. so please dm me on twitter if you have one, i would prefer it.
upon hearing the nickname, she smiles in admiration. hyesoo was beautiful and very respectable in her eyes and nayeon loved these little moments with the elder. “yes, call me little one!” she cheers with eyes twinkling brighter than usual, “i love it!”
With all the years of experience people thought she would be better at it, but expecting things from Youngae was never a good idea.
The girl could be easily spotted riding her bike around Marigold, Yongdam, or the trajectory in between them - yet, whenever someone spotted her, she would eventually fall off her bike and onto the hard ground. Her definition of clumsy had its tweaks but that was definitely one of her traits. Youngae never dropped anything by mistake, or stumbled on unnoticed furniture, but she always made sure to hit the pure air and fall on her face as many times a day as it was possible. Her knees and elbows were constantly bruised, and only a few of those times did she actually take a few minutes to treat them. If she was ever found with a band-aid it was probably someone else who put it on.
After coming home from school there was normally a delivery waiting for her take. That was normally one of her favorite moments of the day, but after hearing where she should be going the girl didn’t even bother rushing. The Yongdam Inn waited for her arrival while standing over thirty minutes away from Youngae. It would have been smart of her to leave as soon as possible, but going to the inn would have been no fun if Nayeon wasn’t there to welcome her. So the younger girl spent some time at her house, avoiding homework and playing with her friendly cat, before slowly going for her bike. The elder had her own classes to attend and Youngae knew it very well after a couple of unplanned deliveries.
The wheels zoomed across towns at such speed only she would be crazy enough to do it. Surprisingly enough the girl was fast and agile, avoiding every single pedestrian or object along the whole long way. While she parked her vehicle in front of the building the girl was impressed with herself and the lack of accidents. It was almost as if she had just cursed herself. Her hands took out the cheese from the inside of the coolbox-basket before heading inside, but Youngae was stopped before even reaching the door. She was completely unsure if there were steps in front of her or if the only thing to blame were her own feet, but soon the being was found on the ground alongside her own pride. One of her hands still held the cheesy package and, as always, it had fallen perfectly flat, making her the only one injured.
Youngae only let out a heavy sigh, the situation being too banal for her to give it attention. Her feet hurried forward and then finally inside the inn. Even if she stood only a few feet away from the front desk it didn’t stop her from cupping her hands around her mouth and shouting out “Delivery!”
with the back of her hand wiping the sweat from her forehead, she huffed a large breath from her lungs. her fingers carefully yet firmly grip onto an onion as she dices it up into small chunks. all of her ingredients were beautifully lined up on the kitchen counter beaming in vibrant and extravagant colors. the oven was heating up to the right temperature just the grand dish she was making while she turns the knob to turn on the stove. all she needed was the cheese that should be arriving soon, although she wasn’t too sure about counting on the timing. youngae had always been a little late.
every time nayeon saw the girl, she was either cut up, bruised up, or had something broken. it almost became a routine for her to baby the girl and have a first aid kit ready the moment she yells out, ‘delivery’ from her cute bicycle and cheese cooler, despite of how much youngae would make a dramatic scene and probably resist her mother-like affections. and... nayeon was too stubborn to let the girl walk away with uncared wounds scarring her skin.
she washed her hands and patted them on her apron before collecting all of her hair to tie it up into a ponytail. a heavy breath escaped her lip; she didn’t think that she’d be this tired from merely cooking up a few lunches, because they weren’t any problem before. maybe it’s because she’s been sleeping a lot later due to an overwhelming schedule. or maybe she’s been lingering on working and pleasing for others that her own health was possibly at risk.
whatever it was, she probably wasn’t going to pay too much attention to it.
‘delivery!’ hearing the oh-so-familiar voice chiming just from outside the kitchen, nayeon rushed out with a smile that soon deflated from the sight of the other. “youngae...” she frowned as she examined her from head to toe, “you fell, didn’t you?” furrowing her brows, she sighed, “i’ll go get the first aid kid in the kitchen. just wait here.”
Nayeon was well known in Yongdam as well as Marigold Town.
Hyemi saw her a lot in her youth while staying over at her grandparents for the holidays, but only at church. She seemed really devoted to church back then, which was and still is a thing Hyemi is not that passionate about. For her it always seemed like a barricade for her to get to know her better since she didn’t know what to talk about with the girl.
But as she grew older the less she cared and got rather curious about the little angle from Yeongdam Town.
That is when they got to know each other better. Hyemi then saw how the younger girl spend most of her time with studying, working or going to church. So she didn’t change over all these years. To her it was not exactly what a 20 year old girl should do all day. She should get out a little and live a little more than sticking her head in either the bible or some other book all day.
So she set herself a mission: To show Nayeon how to spend time beside her usual schedule.
“Hey Nayeon!”, Hyemi was waving, running towards Nayeon who was just exiting the church. “How are you and what are your further plans for today? Wait, don’t answer me. Let’s just say I asked your father if I could borrow you for today so we could spend a fun day together.” Hyemi was grinning widely at her, being a little nervous how her friend will react to that.
piles and pages of assignments, hours of helping out in the inn, and community service --- nayeon’s name and face was probably next to ‘over achiever’ in the dictionary. probably. despite of all that, she still made some time to keep herself sane(?).
sundays are great because they seem to be her most relaxed day of the week --- it was church day. the zealous girl didn’t mind coming to church; in fact, she likes it and the people that she is surrounded with. though others might find coming every week a bore or tedious, nayeon started coming to church on her own will alone at a very young age. these people were like her family and the harvest goddess was her savior.
although, having such a relaxed mind for too long was hardly settling. being a nursing major was damaging her social life and hacking its way to her working schedule, and even though she was on break, that didn’t mean she had a break.
walking out of church with a heavy heart, she spotted hyemi waving at her. “hey!” she grinned at the other, “um---wait, huh?” her eyebrows furrowed together with the sudden news of her newly given off day. “i--uh, okay!” she exclaimed but was sure that she had a hint if question in her words.
you’d expect him to be used to the way his heart would flutter at the sight of her, or the way the world seemed as though to momentarily pause as she walked towards him; but no. the contraction in his chest would always remain foreign, always too strong for him to not ignore but enough for him to pretend as though they didn’t exist on the surface.
he pulls off his gloves, sets them down by the table before he’s making his way towards the counter. “oh,” he says as though sure that she wouldn’t have once looked his way –– as a companion or as a… well, yes.
again he gets a little too nervous but he brushes it off quickly, smiles at her instead and nods. “of course! i don’t have the pink hair but i could also be a haein stand in,” he jokes, grabbing a stool for her.
when he’s finally settled down he purses his lips, a question itching at the back of his mind –– is it him again? he nearly asks but he doesn’t. instead he pretends to busy himself whilst fumbling with his gloves before looking up at her. “are you here to get flowers again?” and he can’t help but ask (momentarily he remembers the phrase curiosity killed the cat but any sign that nayeon’s feelings for ten might be mutual have long been dead). “for a certain… someone?”
fingers dancing on the wooden counter, her body leans closer against platform. throughout the few years ten has been around working at the floral shop, nayeon had yet to have a proper conversation with him. other than his name, the fact that he liked flowers, and maybe a few foods that he liked, what else did she really know about him? she didn’t.
but things happen for a reason, she thought, and coincidences don’t exist. so, meeting ten here shouldn’t be one either --- especially on the one day she had off. though, she has tendencies to over analyze situations that weren’t there to even begin with.
“flowers---?” her cheeks painted pink as she takes the offered seat.
man, she hated herself for even allowing herself to be so easily shaken by simply a word that just related to him. like a middle schooler in love, she shied away from eye contact and extra communication that might expose her --- she wasn’t doing the greatest job, honestly. “n--no,” nayeon choked on her answer with her eyes locked else where, “i was just here to...”
how stupid of her to even lose focus and not know her own answer?
biting back the embarrassment, nayeon felt compelled to bury her cheeks in the palm of her hands. the buoyant girl wore her emotions on her sleeves and she wished she could only help prevent it. “i had a day off, so i wanted to hang out with haein, is all,” she manages to say then out of blue confesses, “b-b-but---i really want to get to know you too!”
twenty years — born and raised in yongdam yet riding on horse and feeling the wind has yet to cross out (or made it) on her bucket list. bicycles were always her favorite, if she were to ever given her opinion, and, you know, there was technically still wind in that. it just wasn’t as refreshing(?). though, how would she know when she hasn’t gotten on a horse to even compare the two?
nonetheless, it was happening. with her feet unconfidently strutting its way to the stables, nayeon’s eyes nervously scouted the area to find seonbin, but running in her head were thoughts of doubt and constant panic. the smell coming from the horses and eyeing at their height had not ease any of it down either. maybe it wasn’t too late escape yet—
shot—! she’s been spotted and he was probably right. not riding a horse for nayeon also meant being absolutely clueless to what she had to wear and for her own safety, she wore homemade kneepads, shoulder pads, and elbow pads — basically anywhere that she thought she could seriously injure herself. her head was too wrapped up about falling that looking ridiculous had completely flew over her had.
with a crooked smile, she gave a friendly shrugged, “i mean, at least i won’t die.”
the skies were darker hues, grayer tones, and painted in hints of blue and purple. she walked through the familiar town plaza with the cool night air kissing her skin. without realizing it, eight plus hours of text on human anatomy and organic chemistry distorted her sense of time and she was walking from the university library way past her usual time.
night life isn’t a concept nayeon was familiar with. how people let their tongues dance in the bitter tastes of alcohol and fight their body clocks for a few more hours of socializing and numbness or escape from emotions and reality --- she had yet to try. although, trying probably wasn’t on the top of her list either, but watching how people could indulge themselves in such a life style fascinated her.
lyrical tones whisked the alleys but only muffled words and the tapping sounds from her feet echoed. the people here in marigold had high interest in alcohol --- especially wine. bottles were consumed each night and from what they say, letting the poisonous liquid burn down their throats does things to you.
unlike most whom lived without experiencing their presence with a drunk, nayeon wouldn’t tumble four steps back and let them find their own way back to their homes. no, she was a little more guilty if she’d ever run in such situation. dangerous was what it was, but her conscious won’t settle --- especially watching a girl stumbling and tripping out of the local bar singing (conversing?) to herself.
“hey---!!” the girl rushed over to the other’s side to grab her arm and waist before letting her fall. “are you all right? um... how many fingers am i holding up?” nayeon held up two fingers, but she honestly had no idea what she was doing or if these were the right questions to even ask.
