How well does Kal'tsit go in Disco Elysium? In the Mercenary Tribunal? Does she bother doing the Political Vision and Church Club sidequests?
I don't know, but I do have an idea of what a DE skill system in her day to day life would look like.
OPERATING THEATRE — It has been almost 54 hours, and yet the scalpel in your hand moves as swiftly as a Sarkaz's witchblade, carefully excising rock, shrapnel, and necrotic flesh from the body on your operating table, which now breathes in slow, gentle steps. The patient is stable despite having lost their tail, a leg, a ribcage, and part of their face. There is no doubt in your mind: this patient would surely have flatlined if it had been anyone but you in the Operating Room, and perhaps even still had you been late by a single second.
OPERATING THEATRE — Operator Suzuran pads the sweat from your face with a little cloth, while Operator Folinic leans back, teetering dangerously close to losing her composure. The smaller girl is slightly too short to pat your brow, you notice her standing on her tiptoes to reach you.
FOLINIC — "I-I can't believe it. She's alive! Doctor Kal'tsit, how did you..." Your student's hands flail at chest level, grasping for the words tumbling from her lips. "I mean, she wasn't even breathing. Gavial was sure we had found a corpse!"
ESPRIT DE CORPS [Trivial: Success] — Something deep beneath your skin glows with the praise of the medical staff. If you believed people had souls, you'd say yours was singing.
INTERFACING [Easy: Success ] — This was but a simple testament to skill honed over literal eons. The Reaper has been your nemesis since the world was young, you would be remiss to lose a match you could fight blindfolded and with Mon3tr tied behind your back.
PERCEPTION [Formidable: Success ] — Although, something's slightly different. Something's slightly wrong. Your fingers that had embodied the very meaning of precision until now tremble ever-so-slightly. Your mind has lost its laser focus. A stinging sensation echoes through the crystals in your shoulders and into your torso. Now that this arduous task is over, you are searching for something else.
YOU — "What is it?"
ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Challenging: Success] — I'll tell you what it is. What you are feeling is pain, and what you're looking for is relief. Fortunately, relief's right there on the table, just a little swipe away. Dihydrohydroxycodeinone, AKA, Oxycodone.
YOU — "Stay professional."
FOLINIC — A blush creeps across your student's face, the picture of an innocent schoolgirl caught doing something embarrassing; though this one happens to be a young adult, and a licensed medical professional at that. "You're right. I'm sorry, Doctor Kal'tsit. Suzuran, call the other assistants, we need to move her to the recovery room."
OPERATING THEATRE — The child hurries out of the theatre with a squeak, and soon after four more medics enter through the doorway, preparing to move the patient. You shuffle past them in a daze and exit into one of the landships many corridors, the dozens of hours in the theatre finally weighing on you all at once.
FOLINIC — "Doctor Kal'tsit, perhaps we should end our shift early and get some rest? I'm sure Warfarin would be more than willing to cover for us. "
ELECTROCHEMISTRY — Don't ignore me, Doc. You're a patient too, are you not? And all the patients on this landship deserve nothing less than the finest treatment and relief available. Go back there and grab it. Go on. Or if not the drugs, why not stop by the canteen for a drink? The Gods know that you could really get buzzed right about now.
VOLITION [Easy: Failure] — You're barely holding yourself together. You do need something right about now.
YOU — "Absolutely not while we're still on the job ."
FOLINIC — "You're right! You're right. Sorry again, Doctor Kal'tsit. I'll go make my rounds in the East Wing then." Your student hobbles off, her body so mired in exhaustion that her gait reminds you of Operator Whislash returning from an open bar. You stop to call after her and explain you have simply been talking to yourself and of course she can rest, but something urgent demands your attention instead.
CORRIDOR — Your nemesis stands before you, shoulders folded in and mask pointed towards the floor. It appears as if the Doctor has something to say to you.
SUGGESTION [Trivial: Success ] — They're making themselves look small. Looks like somebody fucked up somewhere.
COMPOSURE [Medium: Success ] — Okay, I know it looks bad, but no matter what they say, if you lose it here you're going to look like the bad guy again. Inhale. Exhale. Loosen up those shoulders. Whatever happens, everything will be alright.
ELECTROCHEMISTRY — Actually, scratch what I said about drugs or alcohol. I know exactly what you need right now and whatever this clown is about to say is not going to matter anyway.
THE DOCTOR — "Hey Kal'tsit. So um, we may have lost two, no three, no, four cars? Like not lost-lost, I mean they caught fire. More like exploded really. From attacks. Oh and you'll probably see us in the evening news tonight, I kind of told the Bureau of Tobacco, Alcohol, Firearms, and Originium that Rhodes Island was smuggling drugs into Columbia and that donut chain Mama John's backstabbed us by stealing our supply. I had a good reason for this, honest."
1. Scold them.
2. [Authority - Heroic 15] Threaten to bring this up with Amiya in your next job performance review
3. [Composure - Godly 16] "It is alright. I am sure you had your reasons. The important thing was that you made it back to the landship safely."
4. [Electrochemistry - Impossible 19] Demand a quickie. Right here, right now.
ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Impossible: Failure] — You understand what it is you need. That agitation in your thoughts, that twitching in your arms, that won't be calmed by drugs! The itch you feel is one you recognize best soothed not by substance, but by skin. You'd rather it be anyone else, but at the same time there really is nobody else it could be but them. Steeling yourself, you swallow your pride and push the magic words out of your mouth.
YOU — "Fuck off."
THE DOCTOR — "Yeah, I expected as much."
COMPOSURE — Mayday! Mayday! We're losing them!
YOU — "Shit! No! Fuck, I mean, fuck you!"
THE DOCTOR — "Alright, alright I get it! I'll leave you alone now."
PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT — Now is not the time for words, seeing as you're saying none of the right ones. Now is the time for action.
SAVOIR FAIRE [Challenging: Failure] — Your body moves on its own. The plan? Yank The Doctor in close by the arm then use one of Mon3tr's limbs to sweep them off their feet while you pull them into some utility closet. The slick moves will smoothen over your earlier blunders, and the biometallic tendril coming out of your spine will be weirdly hot. To your great misfortune however, you find yourself willing Mon3tr to emerge a little too forcefully, and your aim happens to be a little too inaccurate. The force of Mon3tr's tendril slamming across The Doctor's chest sends them flying, through the fiberglass, out the window, and down one hundred and fifty meters of landship into the ground below.
PERCEPTION [Challenging: Success ] — You can hear their screaming grow fainter as they continue to fall. Another scream, however, grows louder as it rings, and appears to be actually moving toward you. Despite your dazed state, you notice the shadow of a small, screeching rabbit swiftly move past you and dive out the window as well after the Doctor, exhibiting all the grace of a high diver competing in a Minoan sporting event. I'm telling you, absolutely perfect form.
ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Success ] — Seeing as our current coordinates happen to be in the middle of the Sargonian wastelands, I strongly suggest following after Doctor and Amiya as the wildlife here is known to include walking originium-infested corpses, as well as metal arthropods that can grow to the size of your apparently quite flammable cars.
DRAMA — Still six hours left to end of shift.
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