Here there be 18+ content (with more to come). You have been warned
A filthy-mouthed Brit with a filthy, goofy brain
20-something goose rolling in the mud
In an alternate universe [2012 Tmnt] where everything is the same EXCEPT Donatello and April get together at some point near the end of the show...
Raph doesn't pull his verbal punches towards Donnie, and it's more likely than not that he still has some teasing remarks to pit against him even after the two establish and make their relationship known to everyone else.
But it's a different story when he and April find themselves alone together for the first time since, and he has some choice words to say. Something along the lines of:
"He’s a good guy, smart and everything, but he can be naive. I’ll know if you’re taking advantage of him."
"I've seen his heart break before. Just be careful with it."
"If you think you're what Donnie deserves, you're gonna have to prove it. Every day."
[Insert more Raph-isms because I could probably go on forever]
It's not like April wasn't already a part of the family, and he does care about her, but he's seen how the redhead has taken Donnie's heart for a joyride in the past. Unintentional or not, it's not something he can ignore. Despite how Raphael gives him a hard time, at his core, he's a protective big brother, and he won't accept or allow anything less than what his family deserves: to be happy.
I'll start off with the bad so that we can end on a chipper note. So, I'm gonna be needing me a new laptop, despite only having had this one for over a year, but that's what happens when you spill pickle juice on it...
Everything about it is fine, really, but the keyboard functionality is deteriorating more and more every day 🫠
Don't worry my chickens, I've still been scribbling notes here and there when I've had the chance
Now, onto the good news [imagine there's an exclamation point here. This is what I mean, the entire top row of numbers has completely stopped working.]
But, anyway, the good news❗
I'VE GOT A NEW JOB❗❗❗
And I tell you what, I've only just done my first week, but bloody hell, I have a much deeper understanding and appreciation for anyone in care work. It is not easy, I knew it wouldn't be, but finally seeing the inner workings has been an eye-opener, and I'm loving it so far 🥰
In short, there'll be an adjustment period, especially with these twelve-hour shifts, but after I get comfy, cosy and sort out a new laptop, we're gonna take this shit by the horns ;]
And it's about as awful as I remember, but GOD, am I realising just how nostalgic I am for it
Weirdly, it's brought to my attention that this is one of those shows which has more than one intro song. Now, I'm not about to advocate for this series (if you haven't watched it, there are many issues trust), but I will say that anyone who grew up with the version they seem to have on Prime has been missing out
Gross
And below is the one my small child self rocked out to every time I popped in that vhs
Never in my years did I think I'd be spreading this intro like gospel, but after hearing the other version, I had to make it known for those unfortunate souls
Before you ask, yes, they do indeed say "hero" rather than "ninja". This was back when the UK broadcasting stuff had a ban on using the word "ninja" since they deemed it, and the association of ninja weapons, too violent for young audiences. They did the same thing with the 87 series, too, fucking hell
Oh, censorship committees, you never cease to surprise me 🙂↔️🫴
I hope you all had a grand time! Whether you partied hardy, or just had a nice quiet one in, here's to starting off a fresh one with a positive attitude ;)
this is. like completely unrelated to anything recent you’ve posted i just wanted to pop by and say i get it now
like i get it so hard
im so unnormal about him now
thought i only really liked 2 raphs but him….. him too.. and ur pregnancy fic w him worrying abt being a dad made me MELTT AAAAAA your writing of the raphs is so fucking good i salute you forever and ever
AAHHH YES YES YES!! ALL THE YES TO THE RAPH APPRECIATION!!!! ESPECIALLY MY OG BOY!!! With unashamed pride, I say welcome to the deep end! 🤪 Come scream with me in joint unison for this man
AND THANK YOU SO MUCH!! It's the same as it is with any iteration of him, rough around the edges badass with a heart of gold under all that tough exterior, and that doesn't even skim the surface of why I love him so much. I could honestly write an essay on all that HA
Considering the 2003 version of Raph was my first love, though, I'm disappointed I haven't written more for him, but I think that's also why I haven't. He needs special treatment <3
But I hope to change that! (along with writing in general LOL) And if it brings you more joy for your newfound love of him, I know I'll definitely have to 💖💖💖
A tad late to the party, but what's new with me? XD
I've just gotten back from the Emerald Isle, where the Guinness is good, and the food is even better, but that's probably because I didn't have to do a lick of cooking 🤭
Hope everyone has had a holly jolly Christmas!! Not long till we roll out the carpets for 2026...
this is. like completely unrelated to anything recent you’ve posted i just wanted to pop by and say i get it now
like i get it so hard
im so unnormal about him now
thought i only really liked 2 raphs but him….. him too.. and ur pregnancy fic w him worrying abt being a dad made me MELTT AAAAAA your writing of the raphs is so fucking good i salute you forever and ever
AAHHH YES YES YES!! ALL THE YES TO THE RAPH APPRECIATION!!!! ESPECIALLY MY OG BOY!!! With unashamed pride, I say welcome to the deep end! 🤪 Come scream with me in joint unison for this man
AND THANK YOU SO MUCH!! It's the same as it is with any iteration of him, rough around the edges badass with a heart of gold under all that tough exterior, and that doesn't even skim the surface of why I love him so much. I could honestly write an essay on all that HA
Considering the 2003 version of Raph was my first love, though, I'm disappointed I haven't written more for him, but I think that's also why I haven't. He needs special treatment <3
But I hope to change that! (along with writing in general LOL) And if it brings you more joy for your newfound love of him, I know I'll definitely have to 💖💖💖
(Not a request, just brainrotting) imagine the turtles being hugged by their s/o from behind to surprise them and their s/o can't fully hug them because their shells are making them too thick to hug so the s/o's hands are just on their chest, not touching each other, not even the fingertips
I actually don't think you understand just how much this scenario circles my thoughts, like, it makes its rounds regularly 😩
Trying to hug any of them from behind would be tricky, but I imagine it being ESPECIALLY difficult with our Bay baddies and Rise Raph alike
Plus, you know, you just know, that the boys will get their kicks out of it, whether it's because they find the act endearing or hilariously adorable
OR
"Not a request", but a thought that inspired me to write the teeniest tiniest little thing because this is my kinda brainrot 🤌 And I think kicking my rusty gears into action with something small should help, so thank you, Anon
TOC x Reader
Somewhere around here...
Unfortunately not.
Maybe in the next room?
That would be a resounding no.
You were certain his brother said he was still training one-on-one with Splinter, unless they decided to call it early for the day. They must have because there isn’t a single soul in sight concerning the dojo. Any equipment that may have been used is safely stored away, though the room is still warm with the echoes of their sparring, so it mustn't have been long since they finished.
As you tread through the lair, you can't help but become thrilled by your self-amused detective work. This must be what it's like for him and his brothers out on the field; traversing the city scape to unlock the secrets behind a new, twisted mystery. Granted, it's much lower stakes, and it likely won't be much more time until you find him, but you tell yourself as you feel necessary to keep that silly brain of yours entertained.
Whatever makes you happy.
Before long, a scent wafts within the walls of layered brick and combined concrete; a familiar scent and one that could only be made responsible by the object of your search.
Lunch.
More specifically, his favourite lunch, and with this new trail beckoning your strong desire for reunion, you answer the call and follow swiftly. The aroma strengthens the closer you get, guiding you like a deviant little sprite through the familiar labyrinth of the lair. It’s definitely, and obviously, pizza, but in particular, it’s his favourite toppings that have your attention. That’s how you know. The smell grows stronger still as you round the last corner, leading you directly to the dimly lit yet warm and comforting kitchen.
And there he is. Your target.
Huddled over the chipped countertop, completely oblivious to your presence, is him. His broad shoulders are hunched, a slice halfway to his open mouth, eyes closed and completely lost to the reward for his training. He’s so engrossed that he doesn’t even register your silent approach. The perfect opportunity for a strike.
With the stealth of a ninja, or at least, someone trying to be stealthy in worn sneakers, you creep up behind him. Your arms are already extending, ready to wrap around his waist, to catch him off guard with a sudden, tight hug. The element of surprise is key, and you’re about to nail it.
Thud.
Your chest makes solid contact with domed shell, arms attempting to encircle him, but no dice. They don’t cover as much area as you would like them to, at least. It’s like trying to hug a boulder. Your hands stretch around as far as they can, fingers splayed, reaching, aching to connect in front, but finding only empty, frustrating space between them. Differing dimensions hadn’t occurred to you, obviously. Your palms flatten against the cool plastron, resting just above his belly, each appendage a solitary island that can’t quite reach the other. Again. you try with one more mighty squeeze, squishing your face into his shell as much as humanly possible without breaking your jaw. When that still doesn’t work, you lean sluggishly against him, a cheek bashing into the curved obstacle with a dramatic huff.
As if to add insult to injury, the presumably sly attack barely gets a reaction either. No jump, no startled break in his breath. Nothing! You just about see the back of his head dip forward, probably to look at how much distance sits between your hands, and then there’s a cordial laugh, one that rumbles from his body to yours just before you even hear it.
"Huh, look who it is," he says, feigning surprise whilst his voice sits lazily with amusement.
He gently grabs onto your wrists, pulling the futile attempt at a hug away, and promptly pirouettes you into a full 180 as he does the same. Before you can object or think to question the abrupt reposition, his arms snake around you, palms pressing into your waist but oppositionally to their respective left and right.
Another chuckle hums in his throat, and he leans against your ear, whispering, "This is how you do it," before pecking your cheek and turning back to take his meal off into the lounge, rendering you immobile for the coming seconds.
Perhaps, more than a few seconds, actually.
What an ass. It’s not your fault he’s built like tank.
But that doesn’t mean you won’t stop trying.
For clarity, my requests aren't open! Yet. But this was a lovely and unexpected prompt which got my brain going. Thanks for the little inspo, again! 'Preciate it 😘 <3
Hey, so... it's been a hot minute. I don't really know how this much time has managed to pass me by, and whilst I'm not quite ready to jump back on the writing wagon, I did want to lay out some clarity since I've only now realised how four months after my last post may have looked 😅
This is gonna be a long one, and there's probably some sensitive topics, so reader discretion is advised
For starters, I'm still alive! Well, for the most part, anyways :')
What kicked this disappearance off was my fella and me moving house. More specifically, moving in with his mum because it's the only way we're going to be able to save up for an actual place of our own (and for an eventual wedding, good lord, those things are expensive). It's a bit of a bog down when you've gotten used to independence, only to have to move back in with a parental figure, but I don't think I need to tell anyone just how costly living is
PLUS SIDE!! This woman is incredible, and I can't wait for her to officially be my mother-in-law 🙏
Now, the move itself was incredibly stressful, and I wish I could say that was the worst of it, but, unfortunately, it wasn't
I'd gotten ill a couple of times during everything: mouth ulcers from the stress, bladder infection which escalated to kidney problems, blisters on my blisters and recurring knee problems from the strain, if that counts. My medication also had to be tweaked, and an additional diagnosis of PMDD means I have to take a PRN alongside it, yaaaaaay
The real humdinger that took me out of commission, though, was just the bastard cherry on top. Just when I thought I'd finally have a day's rest away from moving stuff, work, everything, my body well and truly turned against me. I broke out in a fever, threw up out of nowhere (anyone who knows me knows it takes a lot for me to be sick), dizzy spells, weakness in the legs - I was actually terrified for my life. Long story short, they reckoned it was gastroenteritis, which is manageable and goes on its own, but the lasting effects have taken their toll
Namely, I lost a lot of weight in a very short amount of time, and even now I'm still trying to get it back. The stress of everything probably didn't help, but it's been the thing that's gotten me out of sorts the most. I used to be severely underweight, by my own hand, I'm sad to say, so seeing all the progress I had made in three years disappear just in three weeks sent me into an unsavoury headspace
Rest assured, we're getting there! Every day is progress ✊
That's enough of the body babble, onto the writing. It's another hurdle I'm currently trying to jump over because I've realised that these meds are doing a lot more for me than I'd thought they would, including my maladaptive daydreaming, which is a tool I was predominantly using up until now. Admittedly, I've been a bit scared to get back into writing. Not just because of how much time it's been, but because I'm worried that it won't be as good without my "superpower"
Well, that's what I thought, anyway. Last night, I made an attempt and... wow. It is... different. Not a bad different! Not by any means. If anything, it's better, but it being different still means that I'm going to have to adjust to writing again, just through a new lens
I think that's about it. Sorry it was a mouthful, but that's on me for waiting so long
There's no promise of when my next fic will be out or anything like that, mainly because finding the time to write in the first place is a pain, but I will say that I'm focusing on something I know many of you have been asking for 😜
And before I finish this long-winded post, let me just say a big, whole-hearted thank you to everyone. It has been so lovely seeing that, despite my absence, my stuff is still receiving attention, so thank you so much!! xoxo
Right, that's my rant over now. Peace and tidings to everyone, I LOVE YOU ALL!!
I'm a little late to the party (as usual), but HAPPY PRIDE MONTH EVERYONE!!! 🏳️🌈❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤🤍🤎🩷🩵🩶
And, in the spirit of LGBTQIA+, my hot take for the evening...
Gay icon
I can't really explain in a, like, scholarly way why he is a gay icon in my eyes, but it's just- it's just the essence of him
The way he holds himself, the occasional sassy remarks, how he moves, and OH don't even get me started on how he points down to the ground when he's fighting those soldiers GAWD 😩
Carry on, Queen, ily 💖🙏
AND AN EXTRA UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE I'M FREAKING FR! I'M ONLY JUST FINDING OUT THAT THIS VERSION OF BISHOP IS VOICED BY NOLAN NORTH???
WHICH MEANS HE ALSO VOICES THE KRAANG BOTS??? AND CHROME DOME?!?!?! DBHJUCFGBQRVFGBADJLVFGBEWS
I can't believe this has evaded my knowing for the last 12 and a half years...
