I mean, I do like spiders
what?
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$LAYYYTER

ellievsbear
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@hp-sauce
I mean, I do like spiders
what?
Companies in the 2000s: You wouldn't download a car! Digital copies are still stealing, even if the original copy remains with us.
Companies in the 2020s: That digital copy, which you have paid for, doesn't really belong to you. We're removing it from your library now.
Companies deleting media you've literally purchased is 1000x more realistically "stealing" than digital piracy, you cannot change my mind
Yes I know you mistrust the banks, milord, and I don't blame you, but their Vault Wizards are specially trained to prevent dragons from detecting large amounts of gold. I cannot emphasize enough that it's a full-time job employing multiple specialists, I'm not trying to be humble here but it's not something that just the court magician and I can set up a couple wards for on the weekends and call it good.
It's, it's just that dragons are the primordial embodiment of avarice wrought into fire and flesh. They are truly, supernaturally good at finding large amounts of valuables, that's why the big mines hire those Dragon Scouts to go sniff out their lairs and mark them on the maps as potential mining ventures. You know, in case someone slays the relevant dragon. Which doesn't happen often because, milord, they are simply not that easily slain.
No I know you've hired many knights, blooded warriors and true. Yes, I was there when you gave the ten most impressive ones their special sashes. Very grand, very high honors, of course. Ehm. It's just, none of them have ever actually faced a dragon. Yes no I know Sir Edbert says he did but Sir Edbert is rather notoriously prone to exaggerated and tragically unverifiable tales---
Well no milord of course I would not doubt the word of a sworn knight. Perhaps his sobriety, but not his word, as such.
The point is that the grand treasury, while surely grand and a very special notion, is just... it is mayhaps not the ideal way of handling the realm's finances? Perhaps a series of smaller vaults, capped well below the dangerous wealth threshold at which gold is known to whet the appetite of colossal winged harbingers of death, in different corners of the realms or...?
No, I, yes well I do realize that will impede anyone's interests in coming into the vault to hurl around the gold coins and go "whee, I'm so rich!" I am aware of its deficiencies as a plan in that regard. No, I see I've misjudged a few things.
Actually, thinking on it, milord, I truly believe what you need is a fresh set of skilled wizards on this job. The court magician and I, we cannot keep up with your visionary thinking. We're too old-fashioned. But the wizards revolutionizing the eldritch academies seem to be more on this sort of level. I hear they've made some truly remarkable choices in terms of outsourcing all of their spellwork to the Ever-Whispering Void, such that it takes mere minutes for them to set up an entire defensive array. That's just the sort of innovative thinking you require.
Though it will grieve the court magician and I to leave your service, perhaps this is a sign that retirement is overdue. So I'll just... be moving further away from the big pile of gold... in the opulent, dome-shaped building with the crystal skylight... best wishes.
Translator? Why not trans now?
My parents just read this post aloud to me and asked me if I’d seen it. I don’t know how to react.
The core conceit of Lord of the Rings is pretty funny. You are a twenty three year old in a suburb of Maine. The little bracelet in your grandpa’s attic has an inscription on it that is the password to the world’s entire nuclear arsenal. It is up to you to walk to the only hydraulic press in the world, located in Arizona, before the FBI finds the bracelet, kills you, and enslaves the suburb of Maine you currently live in
Also the 90-year old hobo that your grandpa beat in a rap battle for possession of the bracelet while hiding from the Romanian secret police really loved the bracelet because it was coated in small amounts of LSD and tried to hunt and kill your grandpa to get it back. He was then apprehended by the FBI and instantly gave them your grandpa’s address. Seal Team Six is about to break down your door and shoot you, says your local congressman who can also do cool magic tricks
There's a guy in NY who MIGHT be capable of destroying the codes but won't coz he simply wants to spend time with his wife. So it's up to your grandpa's old friend in rural Ohio to get you the friends capable of finishing the task.
And we must not, at any point, remember the existence of aircraft and ask aloud why we can't just fly to Arizona
We can't use aircraft because the fbi has access to all the flight data how many times do we need to go over this
the fact that helen of troy is a mother is soooo crazy to me bc no one ever ever ever looks at her like that. they will give her every other title except mother. what if she’s not the face that launched a thousand ships or menelaus’ wife or paris’ lover or aphrodite’s pawn or the traitor or the downfall or the most beautiful woman in the world what if she is just a girl’s mom sometimes. does anyone remember??? she has a little girl. she used to rock her to sleep
two-part poll incoming. i was thinking today about whether i have a least favorite month and, if so, if it would align with others' least favorite month. in other words, do we all share a particular dislike for the same months?
which month do you think is the least popular/most disliked? (NOT your personal least favorite*)
january
february
march
april
may
june
july
august
september
october
november
december
*that poll comes next
part two:
which month is your personal least favorite?
january
february
march
april
may
june
july
august
september
october
november
december
usually when you have a stomach bug your body is like yes sir we'll get this punk out of here, 48 hours tops. then you get a cold and your body is like I dunno ... between a few hours and eleven months ... maybe a week minimum .... you gotta understand we're short staffed
tbf to the body, stomach bugs are easier to flush out since they are already in The System That Flushes Things Out From The Body, and that includes BOTH ends.
with a cold you gotta wait for the macrophages in your blood to start Eating Everything, and they are. not big. it takes them a while. please be more considerate of your macrophages in the future, theyre doing their best
usually when you have a stomach bug your body is like yes sir we'll get this punk out of here, 48 hours tops. then you get a cold and your body is like I dunno ... between a few hours and eleven months ... maybe a week minimum .... you gotta understand we're short staffed
tbf to the body, stomach bugs are easier to flush out since they are already in The System That Flushes Things Out From The Body, and that includes BOTH ends.
with a cold you gotta wait for the macrophages in your blood to start Eating Everything, and they are. not big. it takes them a while. please be more considerate of your macrophages in the future, theyre doing their best
EVERYONE get in the tags rn and tell me your favorite cheese
THE GOOD PLACE (2016—2020) cr. Michael Schur
Well, well, well. If it isn't the consequences of someone else's actions that I am directly impacted and severely affected by
My toxic trait is that if I find a product I like I want to keep using the same product forever. It's not even brand loyalty. It's called stop changing and discontinuing everything.
Emily Wilson has inadvertently created a fascinating new way to categorize basically any visual media ever made
does anyone wanna go to wednesday together
Will irgendjemand mit mir mittwochen
fuck unique experiences I love discovering that thousands of people did the exact same weird shit I did. we are all so much more similar than we are different and that’s part of the beauty of humanity.
No way out
idiot jail for ignorant beasts
Sisyphus
one must imagine sisyphus ouppy