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@iamlonamisa
IamLonaMisa turned 4 today! <3
4 am thoughts...
It is understandable if not a given that the barriers placed on a human due to literal restraints like the law and societal demands are worse than those of the mind. For I, subjectively speaking as an individual who is not diagnosed with mental disabilities, have the ability to change my mentality at any moment. The fact that one has hardly any physical restraints, and no medically diagnosed psychological restraints can limit the self from experiencing happiness is unacceptable. But I must confess that I’m aware of this unacceptability, yet there is still a deep seated longing for comfort. Physical comfort, touch, emotional understanding, and reciprocity of communication are cravings for me. It seems to me that I am in a daily pickle, for without these things I experience unhappiness. Yet in remembering the privilege I have to write, eat, sleep in a bed and to bathe, I accept the fate of being born a millennial who has plenty but also receives limited touch and affections at the same time. All that I do every night is fall asleep content but also un-content with these reflections.
When I Interviewed a DREAMER
(Aura has requested her last name be changed for the print of this interview)
It’s University day at Pasadena City College, and students set on transferring crowd the tables that are backed by college representatives. Students desperately collect their brochures and free pens/pencils branded with the names of colleges like Columbia, UC Davis, Cal State LA, and Cal Poly Pomona. It’s a warm early fall afternoon, and PCC student Aura Reyes sits on a bench under a tree eating a bag of chips while observing the crowds at a short distance. She has finished collecting her own set of brochures, and has placed them just beside her while she finishes her afternoon snack.
“I really want to transfer so that’s one of my biggest goals right now” Aura says. And as she crumples up the empty chip bag she explains, “I think about whether or not this is all going to be worth it at the end”.
Aura is 20 years old and only one of the many undocumented PCC students. She was born in Guatemala and moved to the U.S. when she was 10. Aura shares that “As of right now, everything that’s going on with the dream act is affecting me. I don’t know what’s going to happen when my work permit expires”. Thinking about her own academics, Aura struggles with committing to her classes saying “I’m struggling so much and don’t know if I should even be here”.
I ask Aura if there is anything PCC professors/faculty can do to make her feel safe or if there are ways to improve her college experience. Aura shares, “I know I’ve received emails saying that nothing is going to happen to us... But I don’t know if there is anything they can do to make us more comfortable”.
Aura expresses the need to compete with any negative stigmas revolved around the undocumented community saying, “I have a lot of expectations for myself and I want to prove others wrong. I know people who see all these stories and feel that they have to do that too. So yeah, sometimes the expectations are higher”. Despite the high expectations Aura has set for herself, she shares that it hasn’t been an easy path.
I ask Aura what she would say to the students who oppose the presence and voice of the undocumented community, and she says “No matter where I’m from, we are very similar. You have dreams, and I have dreams that we both want to pursue. And this is a country that has so many opportunities compared to where I’m from, and we’re both humans right? Why does it have to matter that I was simply born somewhere else? I’m working just as hard as you”.
If there is anything students can do to remain in solidarity with the undocumented community, Aura says, “I know there’s been a lot of protests going on and if documented students have our backs and protest with us then they can help. Some of us are scared to go and protest, so they can be there to speak up for us”.
Aura expresses her hope in other students saying, “Honestly yeah there is hope that things will get better but I don’t think it’s going to happen overnight. I think it’s going to take time. It’s not going to be easy. I have hope in everyone who speaks up for people who can’t”.
A Critique of the Lean-In Method by A. Lopez
In December of 2010, Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg gave a TED talk titled, “Why we have too few women leaders”. Sandberg not only gave the talk in an effort to analyze why there is a smaller percentage of women than men reaching the top of their professions, but also to offer several words of advice on how to get ahead. There are three points Sandberg teaches the audience, which collectively form her Lean-In method. The points of advice are one, “Sit at the table”; two, “Make your partner a real partner”; and three, “Don’t leave before you leave”. These points have sparked a global conversation, and have also been the inspiration for Sandberg’s books titled Lean-In, and Lean-In for graduates. The talk and method have inspired many women around the world to speak up, and for some women who struggle with anxiety preceding presentations, watching Sandberg speak her thoughts and get her point across, does motivate them to study and learn how to engage an audience as well as she does. We should acknowledge the method’s positive impact, but it is important to critique whether or not Sandberg’s suggestions include women who may not have the same opportunities to “lean in” as do white American upper class working women. In short, the conversation needs to go further. For example, the TEDx talk controversially fails to acknowledge the broader and complicated reasons women are hindered from receiving higher positions, and further distinguishes a privileged group of women as a dominant representation of all women in the workforce. Women of color cannot simply “lean in” and negotiate their pay for a broad number of reasons, and for these women the workforce can be an oppressive space. To further understand how Sandberg’s well-intentioned advice does not extend toward working class women of color, we can examine the characters in Milcha Sanchez-Scott’s play Latina, where the Latina characters spotlight the micro-aggressions, sexisms, judgments, and repressions experienced by marginalized working class women of color.
Sanchez-Scott’s play Latina revolves around a young 23-year-old Chicana woman named Sarita who works at a domestic agency that provides white American female clients with illegal and “cheap” domestic/housekeeping services. Sarita is overworked in the agency and her skills and qualities are overlooked. The main character Felix Sanchez often answers the business’s telephone and takes credit for Sarita’s work, even when it is clear to the audience that Sarita is running the business and investing herself fully into assisting the immigrant Latina employees who work there. To explain and deconstruct Sarita’s experiences and that of the immigrant working class woman, we can use the concept of intersectionality, a theory which states that the overlapping of social identities such as race, gender, and social classes contributes to distinct systematic oppressions and discriminations for an individual.
In July of 1991, American civil rights advocate and leading scholar Kimberle Williams Crenshaw published an essay titled “Mapping the Margins: Intersectionality, Identity Politics, and Violence against Women of Color”. In the essay, Crenshaw asserted, “I used the concept of intersectionality to denote the various ways in which race and gender interact to shape the multiple dimensions of Black women’s employment experiences” (Crenshaw 1244). Latina women too can relate in solidarity to specific employment experiences, and “Because of their intersectional identity as both women and of color within discourses that are shaped to respond to one or the other, women of color are marginalized within both” (Crenshaw 1244). In this sense, Sarita continuously internalizes racism, while Felix simultaneously creates sexist spaces around her and her fellow Latina co-workers. Through Sarita, it is clear that the borders of her different identities affect her experience as a working class woman, and if Sarita were to follow Sandberg’s advice and “sit at the table” in efforts to negotiate her pay, she would have a higher chance of jeopardizing the fate of not only herself, but of the immigrant women with whom she works with. It is difficult for a woman like Sarita to file a lawsuit of gender discrimination against her employer for fear of losing her job. It is also difficult to file a lawsuit of racial discrimination in regards to the pay discrepancy for her immigrant co-workers. Sarita and her fellow undocumented co-workers, must then “suffer in silence for fear that the security of their families will be jeopardized should they seek help or otherwise call attention to themselves” (Crenshaw 1249).
Another message Sandberg sends is that “women systematically underestimate their own abilities”. A study shows that “men attribute their success to themselves, and women attribute it to other external factors”, and knowing this matters because women seem to be limiting their opportunities and not acknowledging their hard work. For a women of color, the internalization goes beyond sexism and includes racism. Sarita’s experience as a working class woman of color is delicate in a sense that she receives the oppressive treatment not only from American culture but from Latina culture. During a conversation with the character named Margarita (La Cubana), Sarita receives criticism for not supporting and assisting the women enough. Margarita tells Sarita, “I know who I am” and “You are pocha. Mexican trying to be gringa” (Sanchez-Scott 120). The conversation asserts that Sarita isn’t succeeding in her career goals because the American workplace is aware of her attempt at assimilation, and prevents her efforts because she is a “dark face, pocha prieta, who don’t tell the truth”, as Margarita says (Sanchez-Scott 120). In the workforce a person like Sarita, an American citizen but also a woman of color, struggles with the consequences of segmented assimilation.
In 1993, prominent Cuban-American sociologist Alejandro Portes, and UCLA sociology professor Min Zhou, theorized the sociological model of Segmented Assimilation to explain how immigrants and/or American citizen children of immigrants adopt aspects of their new culture. Segmented Assimilation asserts that social and economic barriers cause downward or hindered mobility for marginalized groups, and creates oppositional forms of culture. When a person like Sarita attempts to assimilate into the American workforce, she is hindered because of the color of her skin. Sarita expresses these difficulties in pursuing her dream of becoming an actress by saying, “I am too dark and freaky for Eight is Enough. They don’t have stupid Mexicans playing nurses on prime time, you know” (Sanchez-Scott 93). Here, Sarita see herself as not fitting in and systematically hinders herself because of her race and not just because of her gender. Because her access to American society is limited, Sarita remains an employee at the domestic agency where her skills and qualifications are taken advantage of, and where she is overworked. Sarita criticizes American TV for not wanting people like her, but also internalizes this rejection and uses it to reject herself. When Sandberg says that “women systematically underestimate their own abilities”, it involves an inadequacy internalized because of one’s gender, but it isn’t necessarily including an underestimating of the self because one’s race. What is interesting to observe is that oppositional factors come into play, as the immigrant women at the agency criticize Sarita for those same attempts at assimilation. Attempting to assimilate exposes people like Sarita to opposition from their own culture, leaving them stranded between a culture that refuses to accept them and a culture that accuses them of abandoning their roots. During a conversation between Sarita and an undocumented co-worker named Lola, Lola tells Sarita, “Then why don’t you ever stand up for us? All you want to be is a gringa destenia” (Sanchez-Scott 112). It is difficult for Sarita to develop relationships with her undocumented co-workers because of her segmented assimilation. As a result, Sarita works in an unsupportive environment.
As the American workforce and further white upper class working women like Sheryl Sandberg continue to advocate for women to reach for higher positions, there is a failure to recognize intersectional issues that affect women of color. These efforts from American society to politicize the experiences of women in the workforce should be praised for raising the issue of gender discrimination in the workplace, but the efforts have mostly disregarded marginalized experiences. Crenshaw explains that “ignoring difference within groups contributes to tension among groups” and is “another problem of identity politics” (Crenshaw 1242). In recognizing its disregard for marginalized women through language, American mainstream feminism can take the first step towards allowing women of color the opportunity to “lean in” in the workforce. Sheryl Sandberg modestly acknowledges not knowing all the answers when she says, “I want to be very clear that this speech comes with no judgments. I don't have the right answer”. Sandberg’s recognition that “it’s not that simple” opens up the window of opportunity to “lean in” and sit at the table for women who feel excluded from Sandberg’s feminist approach, and allows for those in her privileged group to consider thinking beyond borders.
This research essay was awarded at the annual CSGS department (center for sexualities and gender studies) Student Research and Creative Arts Conference on Genders and Sexualities at Cal State Los Angeles.
A Brutal Election.
This is pretty brutal. Many of us don't even know what to do. Are we supposed to just go about our day like it's any other? For me it feels like it's a twisted day. And reading people on fb say things like "people need to quit whinning", and "get over it" is disappointing. People don't realize this...
In every structure, in our case the "American" structure, there is a center. Right now the "center" is that of the privileged. This center is a point of presence which indicates a very VIOLENT hierarchy. Why? Because this "center" believes it is the absolute truth, and therefore will make decisions that are NOT good for anyone who isn't included in their "center". Overall, it's pretty bad.
I know it sounds like I'm talking crazy, but the thing is that an election like this could have been PREVENTED if people would have got it together. Many thought it was a joke until now. Including myself who actually said, "this is a joke", and now what? What will happen to our womyns health care system? What will happen to our undocumented folxs? What will happen to our LGBT communities? And the list of questions goes on and on....
I think from now us, our millennial generation needs to stand together and CARE. We have so much POWER and we misused it. Please stand in solidarity with each other. Get out there and protest if you can. Work your ass off to get into politics, and be the politician we should have elected today. Do something. Do everything you can from now on to make something of yourself so that we can DECONSTRUCT the fucking "center".
Money, Sex, and Feminism.
I remember hearing once from a professor that there is something wrong with women who enjoy promiscuous sex without expecting affection afterwards. It was explained in the lecture that women produce higher levels of oxytocin than men, causing them to require that extra attention after sex. The point preceded a joke in which the professor pointed her finger out with a smile saying, “Ladies, thats why you should wait for the right one to have sex.”. Noticing a pattern, I took it upon myself to approach the professor after lecture to ask about this magical oxytocin hormone.
“Professor, is it possible for women today to have equal amounts of oxytocin as men?”, I said.
“Why do you ask?” said Professor.
“Well….Because I’m single, and I happen to like having sex.”.
*Shocked*, reacted Professor.
Although at first I’d been frustrated when experiencing this conversation, re-telling it now makes me laugh. And the truth is I tell it in hopes that others might recognize a pattern of gender conditioning. So, to sum things up, our conversation ended with the student (I), informing Professor that many women genuinely enjoy having sex with no attachments, while explaining simultaneously that “daddy issues” aren’t always necessarily involved. What I kept in my private thoughts was that I wished she’d equally acknowledged the non Ladies of the class to wait for the right one.
I’m no expert in scientific evolutions of genders, and it’s best to share that I prefer literature studies. Still, I don’t feel ignorant enough of the sciences to not understand that our genders are usually separated into “men like sex”, and “women not so much” ideologies. The sciences say it’s in our biology.
Considering science in regards to sex, I think back to that specific time in relation to my (convo with Professor) experience. At that time I was single and enjoying sex without attachments, but why? I only remember that I’d been focused on school and making Money. Finding a better job, for a more supportive income was important, therefore bedroom activity was exactly that. An activity. And I was my own bread winner.
Isn’t it funny then or ironic that Science suggests that the male’s need to be the bread winner, stems from a hunter-gatherer instinct. Yet I, a woman, can today be a bread winner. This reflection leaves me completely mind blown but i’ll bite my tongue on further diversions, and leave you with this piece as feminist food for thought.
On Getting In Touch With Yourself
You're only human? No my friends, you have capabilities that exceed farther than your human limits, you just have to get in touch with yourself. When people often say, "I'm only human" they set limits to themselves and put their faith in a greater power right?
Maybe what I'm saying is controversial, but when you pray up there to heavens asking for say, "courage". Those heavens aren't going to give you courage. It's the praying itself that gave you courage. All along its YOU and your own positive self talk. And then you find that it's YOU who wakes up to take action. And you know that you have a divine within you that carries out your path? It's true guys/gals. You just have have to be aware that YOU yourself gives off energies and vibes too. And you also affect change. It's all really within you.
In no way am I disregarding your God, and I'm equally not saying that you are a God lol. I just hope everyone knows that when things get rough, or say they get better, it's likely because of the path that you carved out for yourself. You woke up and decided to change your aura and your OWN #Karma
It's really easy to say, "I'll sit back and let God work things out for me", but it's also a great idea to acknowledge that there's a divine within you that can easily say "I'm NOT going to sit back, I can change things for myself".
Anyway, in many ways I think differently about Christianity, not only because they have a history of imperialism (although my views on that are enough for a diff status), but because in many ways it keeps us a bit irresponsible in telling us that we are only human and he up there is GOD who chooses the road you travel. I just want others and YOU to see that you CAN be responsible. You just have to really practice mindfulness and take some time to get in touch with yourself that's all.
And to end the most radical status I've probably ever written lol, I just want to encourage everyone to read TONS, and learn about other religions and about diff cultures. Not only is it really interesting but you can discover new things about YOU and how you are not just "only human". You're divine.
About Being in Mid-Twenties.
I'm a hypocrite.
Since I was younger, I'd been aware that I was being programmed to want plan A (college BA), plan B (marriage), and plan C (house/kids). The full on American Dream by the time your 30. And I was raised by young parents who'd made sacrifices, so the pressures of completing these steps always lingers in the air. How unfortunate that my unconventional spirit caused me to drop out of the "program" early if not prolong it.
If you're anything like me in your mid-twenties, then sometimes you browse fb photos of your friends in moments of themselves in steps A, B, and/or C. How could it not be impossible to consider whether or not you're falling behind on goals and in #LIFE.
Anyway, I’m a hypocrite because I scold programmed pressures and then behind closed doors I get way too bent out of shape for not having my degree yet. And I share this about myself because I'm pretty certain I'm not the only one in angst over doing TONS all the time and hardly reaping any benefits. Not only is it the struggles of wanting instant gratification, but also the struggles of this damn quarter life fucking crisis lol.
The best thing to do, is to say to all the doubts and fears that come with your age is just BRING IT BITCH. And to remember that the only reason your road is different from others is NOT because its the wrong or failing one, but because it has YOUR name on it. ;)
Get me?
So this was me, stuck on the freeway for about 3 hours. Both lanes were closed. The freeways were always terrible, but they're really getting worse. Yesterday I'd been told someone passed away, but this accident only involved few injuries. Heard there WAS a death last week or so. With my utmost respect I cant assume what happened in that case. But sitting there, and after having seen the whole thing, I was thinking about loved ones and hoping you can all re-consider things like road rage, though I know its not easy. Try not to text and drive anymore, and dont drink and drive. I care tons about you. I know that California is the worst when it comes to traffic, but try and drive as safe as you can.
A small piece on “single” shaming.
I’ve been single for some time now. At first when my loved ones said I needed to start loving myself before I could move on and try to love again, I listened because they were right. At the time, just after a heartbreak I needed to figure out how to be just me again. Today I feel content neither partying it up to singledom, nor drowning in loneliness. I’m just being me, living my life, doing yoga here and there, and taking care of “adult” duties. Gawd forbid I mention one small detail though, which is “I want someone”. If I do say this to someone as a single person, I prepare to receive antidotes for my relationship status. Most of the time I’m keeping quiet knowing I don’t actually need them, but appreciate the good intentions. They come in so many different prescriptions, with my least favorite one having now become, “You have to love yourself, before you love someone else”. Yeah, I get it, but I do already. I already have self-reliance and self-compassion. Soooo when I say yeah I do want someone, I’m not saying it in the midst of misery. And what the hell! Can we truly say all people in relationships actually love themselves anyway? No. So my point is, single shaming is real. Haha, no but yeah not all of us are only focused on irrelevant matters, desperate, immature, lonely, or out of love with ourselves. And in my subjective case, I don’t NEED a partner, but I WANT one. Just being real when I say it, and noooo feminism is not another reason a lot of us are single lol (duuuumb). Most of us are just waiting for that certain someone who connects best with us. That’s ALL.
A love transition.
I think the hardest part of loving you was knowing you were never going to stay. You never actually wanted to stick around and I felt it, but I loved you anyway. I loved you when you blamed me, and loved you when you said you were scared of me. I loved you though you’d leave in the night, and loved you even more when you’d call to come back. I’m not angry that you left for good this time. I’m angry that I knew it all along, and loved you anyway.
And now I’m on my own with not a whole lot of energy to direct toward finding new love. I haven’t decided if it’s a good thing or bad thing, but in the mean time I’m getting by taking care of things. It’s actually feeling pretty nice...
Getting stuff done is nice. Picking up the pieces of me I thought I’d lost, is really nice.
Follow me :)
www.iamlonamisa.com
Instagram: alexzandralo
A little flashback to Monday’s DTLA adventures with this girlie was a damn good monday! It’s important to surround yourself with such vibrant spontaneous creative and positive people. Alex is just that, we’ve bonded over having both been in very shitty past relationships, we talk, we laugh over silly decisions we’ve made in the past…but most importantly we encourage each other to follow our dreams! And root for eachother! This is super important and essential in a friendship. I look forward to more adventures with this gal! -xoxo K
Every one please follow this beautiful and very talented woman :)
Tumblr: angrylittlecandy
How to Choose People
Let’s talk ideas because I have this theory.
There are three reasons why people want to be in a relationship with you or be around you (your friend). These things are, the idea of you, the knowledge that he/she could gain something from you, or they genuinely like/love you for you. Maybe it’s 1/3, 2/3, or all three at the same time that you encounter but based on my personal experience, these are the significant reasons why people have wanted me in their life.
If these reasons are true, then the challenge ISN’T to train yourself to avoid those who only like the idea of you, or want to gain something from you/use you. Sounds crazy right? But it’s not though because you really CAN’T avoid these types of people, because you CANT control other people’s actions. And a lot of times you can't decipher someone's intentions right away. So taking this “avoid certain people” approach will leave you forever paranoid about other people. Plus, even you yourself, is responsible for making or having made decisions to keep people in your life because of one if not all three of these reasons.
So, the wisest thing to do is to focus instead on being aware of why YOU personally want someone in your life. Don't question others, question yourself instead. Think about the people your welcoming into your life right now. Who are you spending time with? Do you want them in your life because you want to gain something from them? Do you like the idea of them? Do you genuinely like/love them? Take control of why you’re choosing people. If you welcome people into your life because you like/love who they are, flaws and all, you’ll feel most fulfilled. Choose friends and lovers who YOU accept completely for who they are, and the boomerang of the universe will start sending you people who want you in their life because they like/love you for who YOU are.
www.iamlonamisa.com
Instagram: alexandralo
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New York!
Photos from top to bottom: Manhattan rooftop, Manhattan, Williamsburg Little Italy, Columbus Circle, and Central Park nighttime walk. And the last two are more rooftop shots.
If you haven't been to New York, plan on going sometime in your lifetime! It truly is beautiful.
www.iamlonamisa.com
Instagram: alexzandralo
Mindlfulness
My mind is always thinking in the midst of these three groups... the past, the future, and what other people are doing/thinking. It's the never ending circles in my brain of worries of the past, of tomorrow, and worries of others thoughts and actions. I really think we all kind of do this even when we tell ourselves to be mindful of the present. Being mindful ALL the time is hard. I mean even some monks spend years of practice to achieve the state of mind. So to the everyday go-getter, you're only human. Just sit down for a min. Take a deep breath and exhale all the weight of the world. And in that moment, know that the universe has you exactly where you need to be. It's one of the easiest ways to have a little mindfulness.
<3
#motivatingmychicas
I so much look up to ladies that work hard. Those who weren’t just handed their successes, but who took their minor and major sufferings and said, “You know what? I’m tired of this bullshit. I have to make something of myself”. People like J.K Rowling, Amy Poehler, Sofia Amoruso and truly many more. (Those are girl crushes for me, but everyone has their own)
It takes so much GUTS to work hard and commit to something, and even MORE guts to do it while tuning out the little bullies in your head telling you you’re going to fail. I just marvel at those who’ve worked hard to be where they are because it reminds me that things aren’t impossible.
Successful women at one point in their life thought the exact same thing as you, guaranteed! Which is, “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life, working at a job I hate, with people I can’t stand, only to go home, sleep and do it all over again”. And then they made damn sure that shit didn’t happen. YOU, reading this right now. Go out there and make sure that shit DOES NOT happen.
-@alexzandralo
You're Not Crazy
I feel like most of the time when men call a woman "crazy", "psycho" and "insecure", 90% of the time there's a deeper seated issue. A lot of guys seem to think it's okay to call a woman crazy, after having stood her up or ignored her and neglected her all while saying "I love you". And they call a woman psycho after having put her through the worst anxiety of her life. They'll say she's insecure cause she asked, "why do you have to walk outside to see your text messages and answer phone calls in another room?". It's all fucked up. Too many good, kind and loving women being labeled and judged for things they're not, by bad men who say these things to deny their own behavior. Support women and give them the benefit of the doubt first before you believe what he's saying about her. Even your close guy friends have their secrets. There are such good men out there, who wouldn't write off women like this. A good guy is understanding and speaks highly of women. And if he's saying these three words or saying "she's a bitch" of ALL his exes or women hes dating there's something up with him for sure.
- @alexzandralo