yiké

Mickey's mental health blog! This is a space to process complicated or negative feelings about truama (recovery oriented), mental illness, and different nuerotyoes. I post about ADD, AVPD, C-PTSD, autism, and anything else I'm exploring/identify with! also I'm a cocsa, abuse (emotional and to a lesser degree physical), and rape survivor so I'll be tagging any posts about that with their respective tags! I also tag for negative posts that are something you might not want on your dash--I use 'neg' for that tag

[dorothylarouge]

[recomvery]

One of the most dangerous things in the world is not being able to say no to people because you don't want to upset them or dissapoint them. This will completely ruin your life in every way possible, at work, in your private life, your sex life and your friendships. It's a way of removing your own consent in your own decisions and go against your wishes, it is always a crime against yourself. Let yourself have a say. Upsetting people is better than traumatizing yourself.

[carnivoroustomatoes]

You might not want to hear this but people with anger issues and/or violent impulses need social accommodations. And no by accommodation I don't mean walking on eggshells around them, actual accommodations for people with these issues comes down to giving them a space away from what's triggering them to process their emotions and calm themselves down same as what kind of accommodations people who get sensory overload or just any kind of overwhelmed. There is no moral value to having anger issues or violent impulses, people with them are deserving of accommodation the same as everyone else.

[psychoticallytrans]

I had severe anger issues growing up, and the only way I was ever taught to deal with them was deep breathing. For some reason, deep breathing just triggers me to get angrier. But it's the only coping skill I ever got taught for it. Here's a few better ones.

Go and exercise. Get all of that energy out and away from the people you love.

Get a hang of when you're winding up to a rage and learn to tell people that you need to step away. I will warn you that the first time that someone refuses to let you go once you learn this skill will spook the hell out of you if you don't have a backup skill, so figure out ahead of time what you're gonna do if they won't let you leave.

Learn to set boundaries. One of the best things I ever did for my anger issues was tell people that I can't deal with people stealing food off my plate. Second best was when I'm mad, telling people not to touch me. I spook easily when I'm already angry.

Get a pack of pencils and if nothing is working, break one. Sometimes you really do need to break something in order to feel better, and pencils are cheap.

Don't cook with a knife when you're mad. If you get too much adrenaline, the knife can slip and hurt you.

If you have anger issues that pop up without any seeming reason and frighten you, I would strongly recommend going over the situation and over your mental health. If there's anything consistent with a mental health condition or with something particular happening to trigger it, seek to eliminate the trigger or treat the issue. Depression, anxiety, trauma, you name it, it can probably present as anger issues under the right circumstances.

Some quick notes for people without anger issues that want to help someone who has anger issues:

Fear transmutes into anger really, really well if someone's fear response is "fight". One of my guesses for why so many men have anger issues is that we're told we're not men if we have any other response to fear. However, this issue is far from exclusive to men.

Don't box people in when you're arguing with them or soothing them. If someone is backed up against a wall and upset, then getting closer to them without permission is a bad call for your safety and for their soothing, because that removes the ability to get away from you. Ask before getting close. This goes double if someone is injured or otherwise vulnerable.

Teaching angry people that are distressed about being angry the pencil trick on the spot is really easy and works more often than you can think.

Respect people's requests and boundaries. A lot of people think that some of the boundaries I set up are silly or that once we're pals, they can ignore them. No, because a lot of my boundaries are related to trauma, and crossing them will trigger me and bring up my anger.

All of this goes for children with anger issues as well. I was a child with anger issues, and a lot of disrespect for my boundaries and needs was because my anger was dismissed because I was a child. Respect children's anger.

Walking on eggshells is not and will never be a good way to treat anger issues. Recognizing that people with anger issues deserve to have their boundaries respected and to be treated like human beings is.

An end note: Anger issues are not the same thing as being abusive, because emotions are not abusive. Someone with anger issues can become abusive if they take them out on people, but so can someone with suicidal thoughts who takes them out on people. The issue is targeting another person in order to feel better, not having a mental health issue.

An end note for people with anger issues: It really can get better. You can find coping skills and perhaps meds that help cool you down and settle you. You can find people that will accept that doing that one weird thing spooks the fuck out of you, and will let you leave if you're scaring yourself. You can gain control of yourself without shutting down emotionally. It's achievable.

[valentineish]

Additionally, anger is neither exempt from nor the sole experience of emotional dysregulation. And a lot of conditions can cause that dysregulation – PTSD (/ongoing trauma and stress, like mentioned above), dementia, ADHD, even boring old sleep deprivation are just a few examples. The list goes on, because this is an extremely common feature to many neurodivergent experiences.

Emotions do not have intrinsic morality, and they are not frivolous set-dressing. Anger is no more inherently toxic than guilt is fundamentally manipulative. These are not behaviors. They are part of your internal experience, and serve as barometers for your mental well-being.

Some people will feel things more intensely or frequently. Punishing them (or yourself) for that is cruel and counterproductive. Have patience, and make the space that's needed. The world is certainly big enough for accomodations and self-growth.

[toastyglow]

I have a thing to get to but had to get this out real quick

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

This is what "your emotions are valid" means.

It doesn't mean that any random shit you do is fine so long as you're angry or sad. It means that the anger and sadness is fine, attacking the emotion is pointless, and it's your behaviour in response to it that can help or harm.

[catchymemes]

[ineedagun2001]

end of january affirmations

im not doing anything wrong and no one is mad at me

there must be a place for me in this world because here i am

my art doesnt suck

instagram is nothing to me

[theperksofneurodivergency]

“Emotional abuse works like this: You are screamed at, and then, not knowing any better, you stand up for yourself. You think this is a way of being strong. You think this is a defense tactic.But this only provokes more screaming. Going silent provokes more screaming too, but usually it keeps the threats to the minimum. It keeps it just at screaming and not: a shove down the stairs, or order to pack your stuff and get out. So you learn how to go silent. How to play dead. How to cry without making a noise. How to swallow noise. How to wipe your cheeks, get out of the car, and go about your day. You learn. And when the screaming has stopped, when the two of you are in the car or out to dinner and they’re all smiles, all asking for favors, all questions, you are still hurt and annoyed and want to ask them, how? How can you speak to me like that? How can you pretend you did not say those things? How can you have forgotten? But you’ve learned. So you listen to, “Can I borrow your key”s and “how was your day”s and you play dead. You swallow the noise. And sometimes it doesn’t matter who is speaking to you, it doesn’t matter if they’re a friend, it doesn’t matter if their criticism is constructive, it doesn’t matter. You’ve learned. Any sort of speaking, any raising of the voice, any insult and you play dead.”

— Good Girl, Lora Mathis (via lora-mathis)

[my-random--thoughts-deactivated]

[bpdohwhatajoy]

[twilightofadead]

[chrysocomae]

Some individuals with AD/HD, especially without hyperactivity, have an activation problem as described by Thomas Brown, Ph.D. in his article AD/HD without Hyperactivity (1993). Rather than a deficit of attention, this means that individuals can’t deploy attention, direct it, or put it in the right place at the right time. He explains that adults who do not have hyperactivity often have severe difficulty activating enough to start a task and sustaining the energy to complete it. This is especially true for low-interest activities. Often it means that they can’t think of what to do so they might not be able to act at all, or, as Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo say in You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!, they might experience a “paralysis of will” (pg. 65). “The clothes from my trip—a month ago—are just still lying in a heap in the suitcase.” “I spend a lot of time in bed watching TV but my mind isn’t watching TV. I’m thinking about what I should be doing, but I don’t have the energy to do it.”

- Sari Solden, Women With Attention-Deficit Disorder

[papayajuan2019]

hope i die in my sleep tonight. or have a nice day tomorrow at work

[cannibalchicken]

[corpus--incorporated]

you don’t have to match my freak you just have to think whatever’s wrong with me is fascinating and perhaps even sexual

[junkworldusa]

[heavenhillgirl]

[nivolumab000q-deactivated202506]

me after begging and over explaining

[honeylavendermilktea]

the fact that we need 8 hours of sleep is ridiculous we should only need 4 and the other 4 should be used to be cozy in your bed and rub your legs together like a cricket and listen to music and think about your little scenarios