[natalieironside]

Due to my weird childhood and my weird brain, I have this very unhelpful compulsion to conceal Everything I do from Everyone. I Cannot be observed performing any action, no matter how mundane. My nervous system is convinced I'm gonna, like, Get In Trouble for eating food at dinnertime or sleeping in my bed at bedtime.

I've taken to asking myself, "Okay does this task actually require subterfuge or am I stealing a balloon on Free Balloon Day"

[erarg]

wheres the gif of the guy on fire but then he eats a watermelon and hes fine

[selkiecide]

[skelecola]

this is what summertime is like

[wordfather]

[nerdjpg]

Ok sir have you tried jacking it off and on again

[galaxywarp]

[ceruleanheaven]

religion is so fucking funny the world is just too beautiful there must be a higher entity behind all this. lets oppress women

[pukicho]

Can you ask my doctor to remove my ovaries please?

I just don’t understand why you think I have authority over your doctor. What do you see me as.

[andrevalias]

there was that time you paid lip service to doctors over furries.

[pukicho]

I saw some crazy images online and now I prefer furries

[the-haiku-bot]

I saw some crazy

images online and now

I prefer furries

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[sluttynurse]

[depsidase]

[quasi-normalcy]

It works great for the capitalists.

[artyphex]

“There are no female aliens in our game because we don’t know how to make a female version of this alien” You know that alien you just designed? That male alien? Give it a female voice actor and have characters refer to it as she. That’s it. That’s literally all you have to do 

Make her shorter if you must

Make her BIGGER if you aren’t a coward 

[moonwatcher13]

Take your male alien bodytype, make her like 4 feet taller, give her an extra set of arms and sharper teeth, and as muscular as shit.

Boom.

[skywalkerchick1138]

[lemonsharks]

Give her natural camouflage and make the man like this

Make them exactly the same size and shape but different colors

Give him a huge flock of babies following him around to show off what a great lay he is

Surprise mPreganté

Exactly the same but one of them has a cool hat (you decide which)

Give her a sensible haircut for successful hunting while he has a big dumb mullet so big and dumb the food can see him coming and book it

Please just for the love of pie do not begin and end with boobs

[thememedaddy]

[valtsv]

forget age gaps or differences in rank or whatever the most potently dangerous power dynamic in any relationship is "people like you more than me"

[valtsv]

genuinely nothing is more corrosive to love, respect, or trust than the insecurity of forever being second and last in line. of always being the plus one but never invited; always tolerated on their behalf but never wanted on your own. of knowing that nobody's jealousy or admiration is about you at all, only your place at their side. you tell them that you feel like you only exist when you're with them, and they laugh, charmed, but it isn't a figure of speech. it's not enough that they love you best if everyone else loves them better.

[valtsv]

okay some people are misinterpreting this as talking about people who treat you like a pity project and like they're doing you a favour by choosing you. this isn't necessarily about relationships made toxic by people who don't value you enough. this is about knowing that you're socially disposable and being unable to accept the love that you're offered because you resent how much your life depends on it.

[wherelibertydwells]

[knitmeapony]

Florida Man Finds Easy Way to Stop Flock Cameras From Working Right

A Flock of issues. The post Florida Man Finds Easy Way to Stop Flock Cameras From Working Right appeared first on Mandatory.

[parkchanwoohoo]

Killed this ant that came in the kitchen and the next day it came right back but it was holding a needle. Killed it again and it came back the next day wearing a cape and then I noticed I had a giant HP bar labeled KITCHEN BEHEMOTH and I was like man cmon dont call me that

[psych-is-the-name]

Your undodgeable bug-spray move is making it really hard to memorize your attack patern

[parkchanwoohoo]

I swear to god the other day I saw it parry a single drop of insecticide. It still died but that single drop hit my finger and I'm worried it's getting better

[xiaq]

I’m fifty papers in to this round of grading. Please enjoy a selection of out-of-context comments I’ve left on students’ papers so far:

Further updates as warranted.

[xiaq]

Important update as we hit paper 70. 

Memo to all college writers. If you’re going to write a paper on country music for a born-and-raised Texan professor, make sure you’ve got your facts straight. 

[xiaq]

And with this, I conclude my first round of freshman grading. Hallelujah. In general, I’m quite proud of the work they turned in. Importantly: not a single person failed.

[thememedaddy]

[racketghost]

every time i start to feel cringe for being too deep in the hyperfixation i remember the intense depression i have waded through and have to remind myself that enjoyment is fleeting (so grab it with both hands), and life is for loving (so hold that love close), and if anyone thinks i’m cringe they must not be having a very good time (and i hope they can find a good time soon).

[racketghost]

[tags via : @heavenly-havoc]