bitch idk

old and horny

[iwrotemrtambourineman]

you just have to laugh at troy’s dedication to being a miserable fuck

[troy-barrett-love]

I finished my reread of Role Model.

The story begins with Troy unable to smile for his new profile photo and then the story ends with Troy smiling at Harris.

It's making me more emotional than it has any right to.

[deedala]

green as in envy // green as in growth

[isisisak]

at one point ilya plays with anya at yunas and davids house and they accidentally throw over some empty pots that have been standing near their shed since he was in their garden the first time and he rushes over bc fuckfuckfuck hes still irrationally scared theyd suddenly turn on him and hate him but thankfully nothings broken but-

theres a pack of cigarettes

and hes just staring at it for a few seconds and then goes "huh" and mentally wiggles his finger at his boyfriends mom bc yuna yuna yuna after all these comments about him smoking tsk

he puts them back and tries to hint here or there that he knows over the next few weeks. it never seems to land.

(those were davids)

(this not once crossed ilyas mind)

(plus yuna now thinks he found the cigarettes in her glove compartment for when the speedo ppl call bc theyre impossible to handle otherwise)

(after yuna simply Not Getting It ilya goes back and puts a note in there that says "hah, found them")

(so david assumes that was yuna and starts hinting at it)

(which makes yuna think ilya ratted her out)

(shane doesnt register any of this going on)

[ilya-sweetheart]

scott introduces kip to shane at an nhl event and kip dies a little as a gay non-hockey fan

“wait; shane hollander is the guy from the fucking calvin klein ads?! i used to have his half naked body as my phone background for years…jeesus, kyle is gonna die when he hears about this”

“he’s just man kip, no need to freak out”

“oh i don’t believe that for a second — look me in the eyes and tell me you didn’t jerk off to those ads, scott hunter”

“…of course i did, but i totally got over that tiny crush years ago”

“i don’t understand how anyone could get over a crush on a man like shane fucking holl — Hollander hello, nice to meet you :D”

“uh, hello! i’m shane…hollander:)”

[tomorrowisyesterday119]

Heated Rivalry is a closed door hockey romance in the sense that they fade to black on the hockey. The sex is explicit, but the hockey is implied.

[ilyannarozanova]

Marleau: Dude you're like unhealthily obsessed with Hollander.

Ilya: No I'm not

Marleau: You're literally drawing your wedding invitations right now

Ilya: Actually this is our joint tombstone

Marleau: Oh my mistake

[jewelcoatfish]

ilya being all jittery and nervous before yuna and david coming to visit the cottage for the first time because he wants their approval plays out very interesting to me. he’s vacuuming all the nooks and crevices, he’s organising and reorganising the shelves and shane just going “baby it’s okay they’ve been here when i was behind cleaning before” and ilya’s just no no shane you don’t get it it has to be perfect and so shane sighs and pushes ilya on the couch and just

lies on top of him until yuna and david comes

[mutinsfromthemoon]

yuna is rearranging the living room and picking up shane’s childhood pictures to put them in a new order. she notices that one is missing and she knows exactly which one because it’s one of her favorite pictures of shane, him smiling brightly at the camera with a missing tooth. she sighs and picks up her phone to call ilya and he picks up on the third ring greeting her “hello, yuna” and she says “ilya, dear, i’m afraid you have something mine” and ilya goes “what is it?” and she replies “one of shane’s childhood picture” and ilya goes “yuna, you know i love you like a mother, yes?” and she’s like “yes, dear, i know” and ilya keeps going “i’m not returning this photo” and yuna snorts “ilya, this one is my favorite” and ilya’s like “it’s mine too” and she says “if you return it to me, i promise i’ll make a copy of every single one you like” and ilya goes “you promise?” and yuna says “i promise”. weeks later ilya is sitting there with a copy of the entire photo album.

[lierdumoa]

I’ve discovered I totally lose interest in any fic where Shane’s top professional priority is being the most respected and responsible leader/captain/face of the franchise/legacy holder at the top of the hierarchy.

#notmyShane

Edits by @imgonnaeditstuff [source]

The Shane I want to read fic about is the guy whose top professional priority is playing the best, most thrilling, most fun hockey and doing the most beautiful, most epic plays with the most drift compatible teammates.

Free him from the model minority torment nexus.

[antisocial-burrito]

Y’all know the brief psychosis that some people went through regarding Shane’s thoughts on Troy? Why did y’all pick Shane to not love Troy and maybe hold a bit of a grudge when Ryan is right there? We see Troy bully Ryan in canon, while the stuff with Shane is a headcanon, just theory. While I want everyone to love Troy bc I love him, that’s not realistic, and I feel like it’s more like Troy and Ryan would have a slightly difficult relationship rather than Troy and Shane. Just a thought

[okoyestrainee]

Shane signs autographs as S. Hollander. He signs legal documents as Shane R. Hollander. The Centaurs get to watch him sign contracts on his first official day with the team and realize that nobody knew he had a middle name. Guessing what it is becomes the team’s favorite pastime.

Chaos, of course, ensues.

“Really Good At Hockey,” Wyatt theorizes jokingly. “Because Mama and Papa Hollander knew the power they created.”

“I’m going with Ridiculously Talented,” Luca pipes up. “Because he’s good at pretty much everything.”

“Down, fanboy,” Bood teases, grinning when the rookie squawks indignantly. “I’d put money on Robin. Shane seems like a Robin.”

Shane crosses his arms and sighs—amused, but just a little frustrated.

“Guys,” he grouses over the arguing. “I can just tell you. It’s R—“

“NO!”

Shane goes wide-eyed and holds his hands up in mock surrender. “Okay then. Guessing’s more fun, got it. But you only have until Ilya comes back.”

Ilya chooses that moment to return to the locker room, dressed for a pre-planned date night and holding a bouquet of flowers almost as big as he is.

“Shane, our reservation is in 45 minutes,” he sing-songs behind a sea of red and white roses. “And we will need at least 10 minutes to strap your flowers into the back seat. If a single one is ruined before we take pictures tonight, I will light things on fire. Sexily, but still.”

The team’s arguing over Shane’s middle name briefly turns into oooh’s and awww’s. Shane absolutely does not go all gooey-eyed at the flowers. Ilya absolutely does not blush in response.

“Nope,” Troy calls out over the rest of the guys. “Nobody leaves until we figure this shit out.”

Wyatt nods along. “Matters of great importance, Cap. You understand.”

Ilya’s expression goes from lovesick to thunderous in milliseconds.

“I planned this date for weeks,” he hisses. “Weeks, you fucking—“

“Cap,” Luca interjects, tone serious. “We need to figure out Shane’s middle name.”

Ilya takes a beat and then, much to Shane’s chagrin, takes a seat on the bench next to him.

“You put me in a difficult position, boys, but I can give you 5 minutes. Work quickly.”

Shane rolls his eyes and silently accepts the flowers as his husband passes them (more like heaves them; Jesus, this is a shitload of flowers) his way.

“Can I at least give a hint? Otherwise, we’ll be here forever.”

“NO!”

Dykstra throws out Robert. LaPointe thinks it’s Randall. Harris, who promised he wouldn’t get involved, picks Rick.

Ilya chuckles as Shane rolls his eyes again. In the middle of his eye-roll, though, he notices that Ilya’s got 4 fingers up. Then 3. Then 2. And just as he counts down to 1, Ilya winks, grabs Shane’s hand, and shouts over the debate.

“It’s Ren! It’s Japanese for ‘love’!”

The couple cackle uncontrollably as they make a run for it, pointedly ignoring the socks, balled up papers, and boo’s thrown their way.

“Oh my god,” Bood groans. “His name literally means ‘love’ and he’s playing on the same team as his husband. He spends his workdays with Cap making heart eyes at him. This is the greed they talk about in the Bible!”

[vesnuszki]

i just looove the image of ilya sliding into shane’s hole and then immediately stopping all movement when he bottoms out. he closes his eyes and takes a couple of deeps breaths and shane is looking back at him like 😠 why’d you stop??? come on baby i neeeeed you (whiny) meanwhile ilya is fighting for his life & also to not blow his load right there and then like please….just give me a second….

this happens at least once a week years into their marriage btw

[lavenderprose]

Ilya, every time before they leave the house for the airport without fail, will sit himself on the couch and pat the cushion next to him and say, "Shane, come sit."

And Shane will groan and sigh because they're running late (Takeoff is in three hours) and he'll sometimes even say Baby please can we skip it this one time but Ilya just sternly pats the cushion until Shane finally sits.

Then Ilya takes his hand and they just sit. In silence. For like five minutes. Occasionally Ilya will say, "Did you pack toothpaste" and Shane will say, "Yes, of course," and Ilya will say, "How many pairs of your contact lenses did you pack" and Shane will sigh because he can't remember and then he gets up to rifle through the toiletry bag and when he returns to the couch the sitting continues.

Then eventually Ilya will FINALLY brush a kiss over Shane's knuckles and break quorum and say, "Come on, Hollander, we're running late," and Shane will groan and pinch him as he follows.

[melobluelights]

Reading Troy’s inner monologue in Role Model feels like reading the inner thoughts of a feral cat who is trying to be domesticated. He doesn’t know how to socialize, he has to remind himself not to be an asshole, he prefers to be on his own, and he fucking loves salmon.

[kaaaaaaarf]

PARDON ME?????? And I said HEY, D.W.!!!

[katesgottareadthebooks]

Shane accidentally starts a Centaurs movie club. It starts when Shane is watching an x-squad movie while Ilya is asleep on the plane and Wyatt is sitting across the aisle. When the movie ends Wyatt asks Shane if he has ever read the comic which he hasn’t. So Wyatt starts talking about the comics and what is different in the movies. Shane isn’t a comic book kind of guy, but he does like listening to Wyatt and talking about some of the filming process that he knows from Rose. So Wyatt and Shane start watching movies, mostly superhero ones, together on road trips or on the plane if Ilya is sleeping. Then Shane catches a bit of a horror film Luca is watching in the bus in front of him so Shane asks him what the name of it was. Luca, Shane and Wyatt end up watching it together the next night and start rotating who gets to pick the movie. Eventually Evan joins when Shane invites him to watch an action film he knows Evan will like. And it slowly expands beyond hotel rooms and plane rides. The four of them go to the movie theater together or meet up at one of their houses. Some times their partners join because Lisa is never going to pass up the opportunity to watch a superhero movie if it fits in her schedule and Caitlin loves horror films as does Luca’s boyfriend, but Ilya joins the most. Mostly because he is actually on the road trips, but also because he will join no matter what movie they are watching. He prefers it to be a movie he won’t be interested in because then he will lay with his head in Shane’s lap and let Shane play with his hair half asleep. He always pays just enough attention so that Shane doesn’t catch on. (Shane knows what he is doing).