It's heating absolute rivalry

Ruby. 28. this is a sideblog for @sorgenfalter to throw the heated rivalry overflow

[cuppydogshane]

after the cottage Ilya cold DMs rose on instagram w this image and just says You

[aslongasitsblack]

shane hobbies:

- investment portfolio

- asking the coffee shop if the tea bags are plastic free

- unclenching his jaw

- curating an evening instacart order

- sucking cock

- tile shopping

- observing husbands fashion haul

- saying “yes, baby”

- collecting air miles

- 9 year old iphone note ranking hotel towels

- sudoko app

[hollanderthoughts]

I get so gay of that whatever I’m allowed to have. Whatever small parts of you you’re willing to give me.

[themoonandmyman]

Shane Hollander and his sexy minimum wage job roleplay kink.

He’s just a bellboy. And a mailman. And a masseuse. And a valet who scratched Ilya’s car. And a maid who’s been stealing. maybe even an Uber Driver who watches Ilya jerk off in the back seat.

[ilyasleatherbackpack]

i'm rewatching Ted Lasso and specifically i'm on S2 ep8 Man City. Slapping roof of Ilya Rozanov this bad boy can fit so much Jamie Tartt traits inside of him

[kieranculkn]

this is the funniest thing ive seen inmy entire life

[discooccasionally]

#mythem

[cuppydogshane]

im so sorry mr arnaud youre so handsome. im not fucking scott

[cuppydogshane]

actually kind of impressive that Scott is offputting enough to override the François of it all

[twirlingfreckles]

I think Scott being The Killer was a brilliant character choice by Francois. he could have played Scott as a cardboard cutout of Chris Evans but no he knew what he had to do and he did it for all of us on tumblr dot com

[themauvesoul]

Frankly I don’t think Rachel is very good at setting up romance. A master of the meetcute she is not. Anyways if I was rewriting skip I would have them meet when Scott is on vacation and kip is tagging along to elena’s yay we graduated college trip to Cabo and naturally they meet at a club and have one wild night together and then. Like four months later. Scott is on a run and wanders into Kip’s smoothie shop and he’s like 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨 What Is The Hot Cabo Man Doing Here I Thought He Was A Local 🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨 but unfortunately the allure of gay sex more than once a year is so strong that he flirts back anyways. And when Kip pulls a kind of sleazy move and writes his phone number on Scott’s smoothie cup, what is Scott gonna do?? NOT call him?????? And thus starts an epic cycle where they break up and make up every six months like clockwork until scott makes out with him sloppy style at center ice immediately after winning the Stanley cup

[themauvesoul]

Relatedly. If I am setting up Ryan and Fabian. I am changing their backstories so that yes Ryan billeted with them for a year, but crucially they DID kiss. And it was both of their first kisses. And it was a beautiful moment that Ryan and Fabian both cherished very much. But it was tragically cut short because less than a week later ryan found out his juniors team was trading him, because they can do that. In canada. That’s how it works. And they try to keep in contact but this is like. Late nineties. Ryan doesn’t have a cell phone yet, and they try to write letters, but eventually that fizzles out and they move on with their lives.

Ryan goes to the MLH. Fabian’s parents I am changing so that his father is a hockey coach and his mother is an heiress for some sort of business. Maybe a textile empire or something. So when Fabian’s sister clearly goes into hockey, it’s expected that Fabian will go to business school and take up the mantle of his mother’s business. Instead, Fabian gets to school, switches from business major to music major, and when his parents threaten to cut his tuition he drops out and bartends on nights and weekends to afford his tuition.

Eventually Fabian winds up in Toronto. He’s got a music degree. He can play like six instruments. He has a voice like an angel. He’s playing violin at weddings to support himself, but his real passion is underground gay folk and his SKA band, which is going to take off any day now. Aaaaaaany day now. Meanwhile Ryan has bounced around the MLH for his entire career, same as canon. When he gets to Toronto, he’s invited to a teammate’s wedding out of courtesy. And then, when he’s sitting in the corner, trying to mind his business and avoid everyone bc he has social anxiety and he’s just starting to try meds but these are the Bad First Round Meds That You Discover Do Not Work For You The Hard Way. So currently Ryan is still anxious AND his dick doesn’t work AND he feels a little sick AND he has a headache. And then. Who should appear next to him at the open bar. But Fabian salah. His first kiss and the only person he might’ve ever described as his best friend. And he looks so fucking good. And then Fabian looks at him and says oh my god, Ryan??!? So naturally they get to talking. Eventually Fabian asks if Ryan is single. Ryan says yes. And then they’re hooking up in the bathroom.

The arc in the rest of the book is going to be Ryan slowly exploring gendery things. Fabian is gonna put makeup on him. Get Ryan wearing pretty things. Doing Ryan’s hair. Etc. and their third act breakup is not going to be about Fabian being soooooo sad that a hockey player gets hurt sometimes. It’s gonna be Ryan admitting to Fabian that she only feels good when she’s all dolled up and it’s Fabian’s fault why the fuck did Fabian do this to her. And Fabian is like okay well why can’t you just wear makeup and stuff all the time. And Ryan is like because theyll fucking KILL ME in that locker room, are you fucking kidding me?? And Fabian says so quit. Who says you need to be in that locker room? You’ve got plenty of money, you wouldn’t ever need to work again, and if you weren’t a hockey player you could do whatever you wanted. Hell, you could get on estrogen if that’s what would make you happy! And Ryan says get the fuck out of my house.

Book ends with Ryan quitting the team and showing up at a drag show Fabian is doing with his queer SKA band that is going to take off literally any day now he swears. And Ryan says idk what I want. All I know is I wanna figure it out with you. And Fabian says okay. Yeah. That sounds good. One year later ryan is retired and on e and they are terrorizing the gayborhoods of Toronto together and that queer SKA band is actively imploding

[schreienfeuer]

I need sunshine

[cuppydogshane]

steampunk ilya collects incredibly souped up and dangerous Marvelous Flying Machines

[ticklefighthockey]

i love that shane's whole emotional experience of heated rivalry is just him being like why is he mean to me then nice to me then mean to me then nice to me then really nice to me then really mean to me then nice to me in a way that bewilders & disconcerts me so much it briefly turns me heterosexual. and then he's mean to me again. oh it's because he's scared. yay! i can work with scared. i intend to marry him

[snail-mail-33]

remember when Ilya grabbed his own ass to hate-wank in the shower? he was so real for that

[plumeriyaaa]

The tiniest ilya

[mina-logan]

I too watched the commercial and lost my mind.

[allesfresser]

Snuggle bugs 🐞

[hollanderthoughts]

I have the perverts mind and the perverts heart. My soul? that is also quite perverted.