i'm a righteous mess

misha. atlanta. film.

[im-misha]

stuuuuuuff

gosh im just so lucky to have the friends I have. if I was a hugger I’d come through all of your screens and hug you or give you a loving pat on the head lmao. anyway. I’m tired and gotta get up early to drive again but I love my friends they all make me feel so lucky to be alive and give me motivation to just keep trying even on my bad days when I got the suckass vibes they still make me feel good about being alive and continuing to try. Fuuuuuuuuck. I love my friends lol. ok that’s all just hadda get that out there. one day when im so successful and can buy groceries multiple times a week and even get pizza for take out im going to just pay off entire gofundmes and anything else I can and then I’ll send my friends money for things they love and we will have such a fun time being frivolous and weird in our day to days and it’ll be nice. idk that just seems like a fun adventure to try and live out. And shit if we’re poor forever then that’s fine too lol we will be disgustingly rich in love for one another and start community gardens and idk whatever else. but yeah. im happy and I love my friends and I will continue to try and get healthy in all of this short little time I have here.

[lazy30]

Commission for @im-misha ! :D

[im-misha]

cool stuuuuuff under the cut lol

AAAAAAHHH

I have gotten so so so many cute commissions in the last few months and I love them all. The artists have all just been so fucking nice and calming because I get so anxious asking for art and they’re always so patient and kind and just aaaahhh I love it all!!!

I just got my most recent comm and it’s the greatest I feel like a real cowboy lmao I am in love with it! Getting art and comms of myself and my friends makes me so happy I love it so much!!!

if anyone is reading this and hasn’t ever gotten art drawn of themselves or their friends or their muses then you totally have to because it’s so crazy fun and I love it!!!! I’ll post them soon I think!!!

[im-misha]

stuff.

a tornado practically leveled the neighborhood I grew up in yesterday. I feel this weird sort of grief over it all. It feels like this huge chunk of my past was just tornado’d away and I can’t even explain it.

I went home to visit 7 years ago and I drove by my house and took a picture because it felt idk, poignant to maybe, I felt like I needed to.

And part of me feels wrong to be so sad over this all because I don’t even live there anymore. I haven’t lived in that house since I was young. And it’s just gone. The neighborhood is gone and I feel like part of me is now gone forever too.

I don’t know why it feels selfish of me to grieve a storm like this- I wasn’t even there. But for years I’ve been telling myself im going to go back one day and buy that house. And now it is no more and I don’t know how to process that.

My friends are all safe. But I can’t help but wonder about where all this grief is pouring in from. I don’t really know who to talk about it with either. Nature happens, I survived my first big tornado in that house, I remember so many more passing over, I remember collecting giant hail balls and waking up hearing the ominous wailing of the sirens— I biked through tornado weather with my childhood best friend emilee and we hid in her towel closet when the sirens went off in second grade.

I think maybe I feel so sad because I just never expected to see this history of my life be so easily erased. but im sad over it. I’m sad that so many people lost so much. And I am sad that it feels like a big part of what kept me tethered to my past is simply gone. It is just no more.

I hope this pain I feel will ease. and I hope that there will be some sort of silver lining to the future of my hometown. well. that’s all.

[not-mary-sue]

What a lovely little shop. Shame about the horrors.

[autistook]

[kennymap]

Fan art of Luna Dél Rosá, a Moon Goddess, who belongs to @/corruptedjaguar on Instagram.

[striders]

opening a tab to google something and immediately entering a state of tranquility and utter bliss as i forget every thought ive ever fucking had

[finchwingart]

ratties in the rain

a dtyis for thebeanbaguette on instagram !

[im-misha]

just some mindless babble under the cut

im happy and I am happy that I have friends who can love me despite my limitations, flaws, and past iterations of me.

I feel grateful that they don’t hold my suicidal ideation and tendencies against me

and im grateful that even though they knew an old version of me that really struggled to want to get better and had a hard time wanting to choose life over death; they still had margin to sit with me in my grief and uncertainties and bad decisions and love me regardless of it all.

I feel happy and special to have such genuine, kind, big hearted friends who kept me from drowning and have never held the versions of me living in active trauma against me. im just so happy to have the friends I have, they’re all such good people and i feel so lucky. I love them all so much 🩵🤍🤎

I feel like this has all been stirred up, oddly enough, because of avatar. Just like the love that team avatar all have for each other makes me think of my friends and idk i just needed to share how I’ve been feeling lately because even though i know I’ve failed and have hurt people in the past i still have a chance at redemption just like everyone else does. Yeee idk ok lol that’s all.

[thestrangeforest]

Nyctophilia

[thelatestkate]

[glowcowboy]

holding my own face in my own hands and screaming “there is no connection without an open heart! you must be brave! you must be honest! you must be true!” in the mirror

[yourgothmom]

Ok but hear me out...

What if I'm scared?

[glowcowboy]

do it scared

[im-misha]

just stuff I wanna keep under the cut nothing important lol

I had another seizure today. this was the first time it happened in public and actually hurt but like not in the way hitting your funny bone or scraping a knee hurts. It’s a hard thing to describe. I know that it hurt like… inside my mind but in my lungs too.

I’m really exhausted but also frustrated that I can’t explain how it felt even though I know how it felt. But it’s a messy conglomeration of ways that it felt. Like being seasick and motion sick from a merry go round but floating in an ocean of space water??? it felt like idk kinda like suffocating and going deaf. im upset I can’t explain it.

realistically I know I should’ve gone to the hospital or whatever to make sure I’d be ok but I didn’t wanna be an inconvenience but damn I’ve felt so off all day since it happened. It’s like going on a spinning ride at a fair and throwing up from it but the sickness lurches from your stomach up into your throat and just lingers behind the eyes. I know screen time isn’t a great thing to be doing rn either but idk I needed to ramble about this a bit.

I know I’ll feel better in the morning tho so that’s nice. Or I mean idk lol it’s something to be hopeful about but man I feel yuck tonight. well I’ll probs delete or private this later but yeee that’s all lol.

[goyangiiart]

[divineexpression]

What you become out of the experiences you had with others is on you. What others become out of the experiences they had with you is up to them.

[xofemeraldstars]

— happy valentine's day @pinkdean 💕

( in collaboration with @destielvalentineexchange2024 )