Why do we dislike each other so much?
I posted last night but I’m gonna give some context because all this is weighing me down. I feel like I was naïve when I converted to Islam because I expected better of people. I didn’t expect to see this level of racism and prejudice and it leaves me breathless.
Just a couple of weeks ago I saw a Muslim guy on Twitter talking about Sikhs. He said that he doesn’t like them and that the ones he’s been around are “the most dirty people I’ve ever come across”. A couple of people gently pointed out that his posts were, at least, unkind masha’Allah. For example “can’t paint everyone with the same brush bro. There’s good people from every community, if we treat them with respect and characteristics of Islam they could turn to Islam (...)” and “so were many Sahaba before they converted and became the best of us. Hatred ain’t the way”. Someone else (may Allah be pleased with her) reminded him “you have just grouped a whole religion as bad. Sound familiar to you?”. I expected the usual “I was only joke” or “It’s banter, lads”, or possibly a retraction. I didn’t expect someone to defend their comments and carry on speaking like that. I think I can safely say that he did not mean this as a “joke”. I added, “I feel like crying reading this, wallahi” because those before me had already responded so well, and yet I felt uncomfortable saying nothing at all. What can you say? He replied with, “Am I supposed to like people for your tears?” - this is a brother with 2.3k followers on Twitter. He posts over and over about how Asians don’t use deodorant and need to clean themselves, and was recently passing comments back and forth with a guy with 1.5k followers who is of the opinion that “Pashtuns are notorious for their proclivity for adolescent boys”. In a discussion about Pokemon Go, someone said that people will die out because of it, which he quoted and added, “Hopefully Shi’ees”. I don’t care if you’re gonna argue it as “banter”; it’s not okay to make such frequent, repetitive derogatory comments about other people (often other Muslims).
There’s another guy I saw earlier today, which is what prompted me to delete my earlier post and write this one instead. It was just a load of negative comments generalising a particular race/country, but there’s no point in quoting it because it’s one of many. These guys have a large social media following and whether they intended to be or not, they are representatives of Islam and I do not understand how they think this is acceptable. We have enough people hating us and hating each other cannot be the way forward.
What is the future like for this ummah with so much hatred and bitterness towards one another? Why are we speaking like this to our brothers and sisters? We should be speaking with good words, giving gentle advice and treating one another with kindness. This applies to non-Muslims too. The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) promoted peace and tolerance, so why are you not following in his example?
Now I’m going to take it to a different example.
I have many Muslim friends alhamdulillah and I would say that some of them have very accepting parents (may Allah bless them and their children) who would be pleased with them marrying a good Muslim from any ethnic or cultural background. However, I think that most of the friends I have made would take issue with their children marrying outside of their race, class, cultural background, or maybe even the wider geographical location of their family’s place of origin OR marrying someone from a particular race, class or cultural background. Due to my job, studying etc. I have been fortunate enough to meet Muslim families from 19 different countries* - Subhan’Allah - and I do not think I am being unfair in saying this (although I cannot speak for one of the families) and it comes from personal experience with some 50 or more families. I am not talking about preferences because of course it’s only natural to prefer someone with similar life experiences to your family. Of course someone who speaks the same language as your family (especially if you don’t have a language in common) would be more suitable. Of course someone from the same cultural background is going to understand your family better.
I want to make it clear that as an unmarried, childless, white British person, I cannot understand what it is like to move to another country and raise my children in a foreign culture, surrounded by customs and traditions that differ greatly from my own. I don’t know what it’s like to feel the sadness of watching my children grow up in that foreign culture and desperately want them to stay close to the culture that I grew up with and hold so dear. I am specifically talking about situations in which certain barriers are not or should not be an issue, such as race and caste. I am also drawing both from personal experience and the experience of my non-white British friends whose families originate from other countries. I am sorry for any misunderstandings that occur as a result of my writing and ask you to please message me if you feel hurt or would like to give me a different point of few.
Again, as a white British person who’s grown up in England, I don’t understand the caste system as it exists in other countries. I acknowledge that it must be difficult for older generations to break apart from, but when I hear of people who have grown up here - I’m talking 25-year-old men and women - not being allowed to marry a good, high-achieving, practicing Muslim because at some point in their family history, that person’s family are “beneath” them, I feel like screaming.
There are families who don’t want their children to marry a black guy, and there are families who don’t want their children to marry a Pakistani girl. I’ve heard “as long as they’re Arab”, “I don’t know if I could marry a Bengali” and even a parent who “doesn’t like white people”. All of these families live here, in my city, in the same city as one another. They’re not living together they’re just occupying the same space. Look, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but that’s the benefit of being like an outsider looking in. I hear my friends say things about white people all the time, and those things can often be correct and I won’t deny it. However, I also notice things that they don’t and I’ll say actually, you know, I don’t think anyone else is any more united either. I’ve heard friends say they don’t want to pray in a particular mosque because it’s a “Bengali mosque”**. I was having iftar with a group of Arab ladies during Ramadan, and one of them was talking about the Moroccan community organising an Eid event. When she learnt of the plans for an Eid event, she naturally told people about it, including some Iraqi friends of hers. The organisers weren’t happy, as it was an event specifically for Moroccans. I’m not sure how annoyed people were because everyone else was speaking Arabic and I could only roughly follow what they were saying. I, knowing that I was going to be spending Eid alone, just said (in English) “But it’s Eid..” and I had no idea what to say. I’m just always so speechless with hurt and at the same time, as a white person from a country whose history centres around devastating other countries, I’m sat feeling like I have no right to speak up against prejudice or racist attitudes.
As someone who has converted to Islam, I’m usually met with hugs and smiles alhamdulillah. Oh, and lots of food. People usually want to invite me round to their houses and want to know all about me and my journey to Islam. They’re so happy that their children are friends with me and want to invite me into their homes and shower me with affection.. but would they let me marry their sons? This is a question I would love to be able to ask anyone who wants to welcome me into Islam, into their home. I’d love to get an honest answer. Obviously I haven’t asked this question because it implies interest that I do not have, but even so, I do wonder. Unfortunately there are many families who I wouldn’t need to ask this question because I already know the answer. I should be clear that I am talking about English-speaking families who have raised their children here (in England). As I said before, I completely and utterly understand that there are very valid reasons for marrying someone from a similar background e.g. language issues and so on. You cannot imagine the pain of having someone welcome you into their home and know that they would absolutely never welcome you into their family. Do you have any idea how much that hurts?
So now to you, reader, because I’m exhausted.
Please, if you see injustice, speak up against it. Whether it’s on social media or whether you are stood in front of that person looking them in the eye, Allah is watching. It is better for them that you advise them and insha’Allah protect them from wrongdoings and thereby also protect others from prejudice and racism.
O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm in justice, witnesses for Allah, even if it be against yourselves or parents and relatives. Whether one is rich or poor, Allah is more worthy of both. So follow not [personal] inclination, lest you not be just. And if you distort [your testimony] or refuse [to give it], then indeed Allah is ever, with what you do, Acquainted. [4: 135]
Allah loves those who are just. [49: 9]
I often hear that people want to obey their parents and what I want to say to you is that if your parents are saying no to someone because the person is unsuitable (they drink alcohol or they have a very bad or racist attitude, for example), or because there is a language barrier, although maybe you could work to resolve a language barrier (and so on), that’s understandable and regardless of the context, you should always listen to the advice of your parents. However, if they’re saying no because the person is from a different caste, a different race, or a different culture (assuming it will not interfere with your life and happiness), there is a problem. If your parents are being racist, it’s your duty to remind them of what Islam teaches about our racial and cultural differences. Why would you let your parents do something so wrong when they are the people we should be the best to?
The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab, a white has no superiority over a black, nor a black has any superiority over a white except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims constitute one brotherhood."
O mankind, indeed We have created you from male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquanted. [49: 13]
And among His Signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the difference of your languages and colours. Verily, in that are indeed signs for those who know. [30: 22]
If you hear someone casually making a racist remark, why are you sitting there in silence? Calmly and politely remind them that that sort of behaviour is not in keeping with Islamic teachings. So what if you’re with the lads and you don’t want to look “too serious” and they’re going to make fun of you? Being afraid of a rude response from someone on Twitter shouldn’t stop you either (you probably shouldn’t follow people like that, though). Allah has commanded you to be just.
We’re all trying to co-exist whilst simultaneously distancing ourselves from one another, creating cultural bubbles within cultural bubbles and saying that we’re one Ummah.
I’m sorry if any of this doesn’t make sense or it’s full of typing errors or I’ve got something wrong. I just needed to talk to someone.
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*If you’re interested: Bosnia, Turkey, Iraq, Iran, Syria, Kurdistan, Jordan, Palestine, United Arab Emirates, Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Malaysia, Morocco, Libya, Sierra Leone, Sudan and Somalia.
**To clarify: Both the friend and the mosque follow the Hanafi School of Thought, but a mosque is a mosque and nothing should stop you from using it to perform your salaat.
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