Brian: Well now I just feel like an asshole. Justin: When do you not? Brian: Almost always. I really like me.
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@incorrectqafquotes
Brian: Well now I just feel like an asshole. Justin: When do you not? Brian: Almost always. I really like me.
Emmett: Are you gay? Drew: No, I'm not gay! Emmett: But you just kissed me! Drew: ...Okay, I'm gay.
Emmett (trying to be straight): I'm done with men. Emmett: This year is all about women. Emmett. Who walk like men. Emmett: Men are hot. Emmett: I miss men. Emmett: I'm back on men.
Emmett(trying to be straight): Well, a big hetero hello to all of you. Emmett: You buying this? Anybody? Yes? No? (source: orange is the new black)
Brian: Not to worry, I have a permit. Carl: This just says "I can do what I want."
Carl: You're sentenced to death, Brian. You'll be hung. Justin: (from the back of the room) He's already hung! Brian: Uncuff me so I can high five my boyfriend
Brian: Yeah, I did some drugs, though probably not as many as you think. How many drugs do you think I did? Carl: A lot. Brian: Wow! Right on the nose!
[In the diner] Justin: [Whispering] Brian kissed me. Debbie: [Gasps] Okay, so...was he holding you? Or were his hands, like, on your back? Justin: No, actually, first they were...they started on my waist, and then they slid up, and then they were in my hair. Debbie: Oh, my God! [At Babylon] Brian: I kissed Justin Ted: Tongue? Brian: [Smirk] Yeah. Ted: Cool.
Brian: (mumbles) I really want to kiss you.
Justin: What?
Brian: I said, if you die I won't miss you.
Brian: What are you doing?
Justin: Smelling a rose.
Brian: Weird. (whispering) I wish I was that rose.
Justin: What?
Brian: I SAID YOU'RE GROSS
Ted: Don't say a word!
Emmett: ...fergalicious.
Ted: I said no words!
Emmett: Oh, I see how it is. Two weeks ago, playing scrabble, it wasn't a word, but now it is. How convenient for you.
Employee: How'd you like your coffee?
Melanie: I like my coffee how I like my men.
Employee: ...Hot? Sweet?
Melanie: I don't like coffee I want some cake.
Justin: I'm going to a party
Brian: Will you be drinking?
Justin: No.
Brian: Will you be having sex?
Justin: NO!
Brian: Then why the hell are you going!?
Hunter: Girls are so hot.
Hunter: Guys are so hot too oh man.
Hunter: Why is everyone so hot?
Ben: Global warming.
Justin: Could you please pay a little attention here?
Brian: I am paying as little attention as I possibly can.
Ted: I'm a joke.
Brian: You're not a joke. You have to be funny to be a joke.
Brian: Have you ever been with a man?
Melanie: The only thing I've been with a man is annoyed.