A question about sex and gender
Hello! I've been trying to figure out my gender and sexuality for the past few years and I simply have been coming up empty handed. For the past two years I have identified as trans (ftm). However I've recently begun to question that. Recently I've enjoyed being feminine in certain situations. I've also enjoyed looking more feminine than I am (I had on a long wig for an unrelated reason and it gave me a lot of joy. There have been many other incidents of this but I figured this was a decent illustration). Despite this, I still wish that I had a male body. I abhor my female genitalia. I generally dislike my breasts. But there are occasional times when I enjoy looking or behaving in a feminine manner. So I guess I'm confused. To put it in the simplest terms, were I to be able to control my fate, I would be a biologically male genderfluid person. I know that doesn't make sense. When I think about it, the closest thing I can conceptualize is "transgender genderfluid" but that's a contradiction in terms, right? I don't feel like I identify with genderfluid because I constantly wish physically to be male. I just occasionally want to appear female externally. However this enjoyment of my femininity makes me feel like I can't fit the term "transgender" anymore. More than anything, I'm at a loss. I guess I'm rambling now. Can anyone help? I know there are a lot of things out there I still don't know about all this. Any answers would be fantastic.









