Ruminations of a Roamer

[shrylia]

Study of a photo by Robert Doisneau of Juliette Greco & Miles Davis

[ingramcapa]

[formlab]

Shifting Tides, Anton Elfilter

[utopians]

Glassblowers and hat makers are so funny bc they're so obviously insanely skilled in these difficult crafts and 9 times out of 10 they're using that skill to make the tackiest shit you've ever seen

[rumwik]

Strange haunted photo where Winifred looks like she's a painting

[needs-more-hugs]

I have placed her in a more fitting setting

[bisexual-engineer-girl]

For the first time in my tenure on tumblr, it's "THAT'S A PHOTOGRAPH?" and not "THAT'S AN OIL PAINTING?"

[death-420]

does anyone have that gif of a penis growth ad thats a guinea pig that stretches out rly long and a girl says “hot!” and the guinea pig spins around pls i need it

[raeuberkotzenrotz]

I gotchu

[death-420]

YES!!! YES!! YES!!!!!

[doomstar]

You literally cannot find this type of community interaction on twitter or instagram or any other app. Look at the support, the gratitude, the absolutely incomprehensible shared knowledge of this most cursed, most rare gif. 

Truly this is beauty.

[bluebellhairpin]

Something about Christopher Nolan shooting The Odyssey in only IMAX film sits kinda weird with me. Like what do you mean everyone else who doesnt have access to the 41 big IMAX screens (34 of which are in the North American continent (there's only 1 screen that size in Australia (where I live), 6 in the continent of Europe, and NONE in African/Asian countries)) will not be able to see the full frames of the movie? Will not be able to see the whole movie as intended?? Feels... I don't know. Elitist?? Classist? Definitely giving me something and it's both feeling weird and icky.

[arretoskore]

Ok this is it, I have to get something of my chest. Because of this goddamned Odyssey film I keep reading everywhere that Emily Wilson is the first woman to translate the Odyssey and because of this she has a unique take on the text.... NO NO NO THIS IS NOT TRUE she's the first ENGLISH woman to translate the Odyssey but women have been translating and publishing their translation since the 1700s !!!! In French and Italian and I'm sure other languages too!!

I'm so mad because students in Italy have been studying on Rosa Calzecchi Onesti's translation for decades!! Her translation is so well regarded it keeps being used in academia to this day and it's from the 60s!!! There have been dozens of other translations since then but we keep using that one !!!

(and also many other women published their translations both before and after her)

The irresistible urge of english/american ppl to make universal statements out of their experience

[transjudas]

never take for granted the moments when you’re not nauseous

[cuppydogshane]

all the rights that come with marriage you should be able to have without marriage btw. you should be able to designate a person who can visit you in the hospital regardless of your relationship to that person.

[asha-dasha]

Nolan’s Odyssey thoughts. I brought in a notebook and filled 9.5 pages of scribbled thoughts throughout the three hours I was suffering. I hated this movie and I really tried to go into it with an open mind as much as possible and damn it really sucks. This movie really put the no in nostos.

(obviously spoilers ahead)

Random big thoughts

This movie felt like it was made for high school English teachers to show but then 95% of the way through making it, they were like actually nevermind and added in some f-bombs and a few (like 2-3 nonsexual nudity) shots of asses to solve the problem. 

Odysseus hates the gods and at times barely believes in them, but also refuses to push back against anything that could be seen as a prophecy. It’s so fucking weird because it’s equivalent to a modern atheist being like “Christianity is dumb and probably a crock of bullshit, also don’t lie because it’s a sin and God will be mad”.

I wrote this down verbatim, “An Odysseus that hesitates about returning to Ithaca is like the sun hesitating to rise” and I do believe I cooked with that. Same is true with a Penelope that doubts Odysseus and a Telemachus that doesn’t need a father, which this movie has.

Here’s the thing, up until Odysseus lands in Ithaca, the movie is fine. It isn’t good, it isn’t horrific, it’s a little cringe and a little irritating for me as an enjoyer of the Odyssey, but it wasn’t bad. If I turned off my brain from know-it-all Greek mythology enjoyer Asha to action movie enjoyer Asha, I think I could have had a decent time. However, it all falls apart when Odysseus returns home, any ounce of characterization is crushed to bits and it just sucks and makes no sense. Reminder, I honestly enjoyed the Troy: Fall of a City miniseries so accuracy is not always my hill to die on but god, I would like the hill to at least be in eyesight.

Random little thoughts (in no order)

UGLYYYYYYY ass costumes like I knew they were bad but it’s such an eyesore. There was not a single outfit that I was like “that looks nice”.

This is one of the first movies I’ve ever seen where I wanted MORE gore and MORE things that made me sick to my stomach. Like, show me Odysseus’s men starving, show me blood spraying down when men are taken by Scylla, show me more soldiers drowning. 

They massacred the characterization of every woman (fork found in kitchen, Nolan can’t write women, but still)

There’s a lot of things in this film that changing from poem to movie was pointless. My most memorable example of this being that Eumaeus is visually impaired, Eumaeus also at one point says Odysseus was like a son to him. These aren’t huge deals and don’t affect the plot but to those amongst us who enjoy the Odyssey, it’s just annoying.

Iphigenia is sacrificed by Agamemnon before Odysseus leaves Ithaca?????????

There’s a lot of time and plot spent centered on Argos (yeah the dog).

Odysseus only has 3 ships the whole film, holyyyyy budget cuts. 

On Calypso’s island, Odysseus forgets everything because she keeps drugging him with lotus flowers. He doesn’t remember how he got to her island, doesn’t remember his family or Ithaca until she like… weans him off and he starts to remember that. He basically feels none of the time pass.

Half of Helen’s face is physically scarred from the Trojan War, it’s implied that Menelaus mutilated her. There’s a disgusting line where Menelaus says, “this is the face that launched a thousand ships, although now it would maybe be five-hundred.” GROSS

The Laestrygonians look like cybermen and no I will not elaborate.

There is a scene where Athena’s temple is destroyed in Troy and it’s implied that whatever happens to the temple, happens to the god. (like a soldier wacks off Athena’s statue’s head, it switches to a scene of Athena being held down and nearly decapitated) It’s a neat idea but in a movie where the gods are ridiculed by the main character, it just doesn’t work.

No Achilles or Anticleia in the underworld SIGHHH

No Nestor or Peisistratus SIGGGGGHHHHHH they hate to see yappers represented.

Telemachus and Odysseus’s reunion is so ass, like there’s no bout of emotional resonance at all, they’re two worlds apart.

Telemachus sucks as a character Tom Holland you are British how did you make Telemachus so fucking American. No one talk to me about Telemachus he sucked so fucking bad in this movie.

No wedding bed anything insane and might I add fucking crazy. Again, this is classic Odyssey stuff.

At the end of the movie, Odysseus and Penelope travel west(?) and leave Telemachus as king of Ithaca, to honor the fallen soldiers. This is the Greek mythology equivalent of retired American couples moving to Florida I think.

The Cyclops

The cyclops doesn’t speak to Odysseus (the men don’t even know it’s a sentient being until after they stab it in the eye) which means we get no “Nobody” scene which is already a travesty because I fear that’s classic Odysseus. And I do feel like the cyclops being more of a monster ruins the whole point of it being about breaking xenia. If Polyphemus is just an unnamed monster, what makes him any different from Scylla or Charybdis???  

Small thing to be pissy about but to get past the cyclops they tied hay to their back instead of hanging from the bellies of the sheep.

We also get no scene of hubris from Odysseus, again this is classic Odysseus.

The Suitors

Antinous called beggar Odysseus a “platelicker” and then after a few times I swear on my life he said “platelicka” it was insane and I wish I was joking 

This movie creates a lot of Antinous lore that I think is fairly unnecessary since Antinous already had lore (Eupiethes’s pirate background) but let me explain the Antinous lore to the best of my memory.

So Odysseus holds a lottery for his army. A young Antinous and a younger Sinon draw lots and Antinous draws the lot that indicates he will fight. Sinon, maybe 13 years old, swaps their lots because he wants to go to war with Odysseus. Antinous (probably 16-18 years old) tries to protest but Odysseus won’t let them change back. Antinous interprets this as “Odysseus knew he might not come back and wanted me to be in charge of Ithaca”. 

Penelope is in the hall right before Odysseus starts killing, inaccurate but why I mention this here is because she doesn’t let Melantho come with the women to safety. She leaves her in the hall to die in the slaughter. Now if you know me you know I am an Melantho ENJOYER and so I hate to see my girl done badly (maybe the Melantho shit will be it’s own rant).

Antinous x Melantho I CALLED THAT THEY WOULD DO THAT A YEAR AGO

In the end, Odysseus doesn’t kill all the suitors (although he does kill Antinous). Insane because to make things right in Ithaca Odysseus HAS to kill the suitors. It’s the reason that he kills the 12 disloyal maids in the poem because if they live, they represent his own failures blah blah blah whatever I hate it here.

The gods (or lack of)

Athena is the only god with form we see and I’m going to be real honest with you, I didn’t have the brain power to try to figure out what was going on with her. 

Zeus does destroy the ship after the sun god’s cows thing and let me just say if you can’t handle flashing lights this is not ur film because the lightning goes CRAZY and not in a good interesting way but in a “my retinas are burned out” way.

No Hermes and no Aeolus sorry my plot scaffolding kings.

“Asha, did you like anything in this movie?”

Probably surprising but yes. When Odysseus’s men are turned to pigs by Circe, she has to physically mold them from man to pigs so she like… rips their hair out and pulls their ears and pushes up their noses until they turn to pigs which was so fucking fascinating to me. I hated the Circe scenes with her and Odysseus but goddamn Nolan you cooked with that body horror. Like, if the ending of this movie wasn’t hot garbage I would recommend it for that scene alone.

I also thought the scenes pre-Trojan war in Ithaca were cute, newlywed OdyPen and Odysseus being like a father figure to the younger men of Ithaca (maybe 2 mins of screen time altogether, not much to write home about but I enjoyed the scraps we got).

Soundtrack was good occasionally

That’s all I wanna write about for now. Who wants to start a GoFundMe for Homer to get a gun and a time machine to kill Nolan?

[sharkthinker]

Lawrence of Arabia + blond men slander

[a-stray-thief]

After playing in LA, Rose takes the Cens out to party. The rookies are besides themselves, Wyatt geeks out so hard that he gets to meet more actors who play superheroes, Luca gets hit on by three different models and takes at least one of them up on it, and Ilya let's out his inner club rat and is just enjoying being in a good club. Shane goes along to spend time with Rose and make sure no one pukes in front of a camera again (looking at you, Holmberg!). Ilya, Shane and Rose end up leaving together. They’re all a little tipsy—the club had good Russian vodka, so Ilya had a lot and Rose joined him to “bond” and Shane indulged in a few beers which he still doesn’t do a lot during the season even though he’s more relaxed about his diet now, so they’re all not entirely sober. Outside of the club, they’re a little loud which draws enough attention that people recognize them—well, let’s be real, they mostly recognize Rose although someone says “isn’t that the gay baseball player from that Calvin Klein ad?” when they see Shane—and several people start filming. Which is of course when Rose’s heel breaks and she lands ass over teakettle on the sidewalk.

Shane and Ilya are immediately concerned and Rose tries to wave them off, “my heel just broke, guys,” and Shane says, “you broke your foot?” and Rose laughs and says “no, my heel” and waves her broken shoe around, the red sole glinting in the light. “Why are you wearing fucking low quality shoes?” Shane asks, honestly confused, and Rose gasps, “Shane, they’re Louboutins!” And Shane very seriously says, “well, then Louboutins are fucking bad quality,” which has Ilya cackling because he definitely knows Louboutins, probably even owns a pair, and knows that they’re not low quality at all. But now there’s a video out there of Shane Hollander calling Louboutins low quality and that’s going to be a fun time on the internet. Then Shane helps Rose up and she wrinkles her nose and says, “ugh I hate walking barefoot in downtown LA,” and Ilya says, “don’t be ridiculous, we carry you,” and Rose is all, “oh piggy back ride,” and Shane says, scandalized, “you’re wearing like a miniskirt, everyone will see your ass if you do that,” and scoops her up bridal style. And then he carries her down two blocks to the sushi restaurant they chose for a late night snack and the video of that goes even more viral than Shane’s Louboutin critique.

[computer-voiced-by-majel-barrett]

Shoutout to my favorite genre of TOS episode:

[dduane]

…I can’t think how it took me so long to run across this. I feel privileged to have been found by it. 😄

[its-funnytwittertweets]

[dragonpyre]

[sevastiel]

[eadgstrad]

Reflecting on the post-tuna meltdown meal scene with Shane and his parents:

This is such an important moment for Shane's character. He is suddenly, painfully aware that he has feelings for Ilya and that Ilya has feelings for him. And what we see in this moment with his parents is that he is chafing against his former, obedient, ("straight") self while desperately trying to stuff himself back in that box. And when Yuna says, "That's not who you are," Shane has this epiphany: "yes, it IS who I am. I am a liar. I lie all the time, to you, to everyone, to Ilya, and most of all, to myself." And the saddest part of that scene to me is the end, when Shane feels the need to placate his parents by telling them they should indeed go to Wimbledon. In this moment, he decides to squeeze himself back into the expected narrative, and this provokes what happens next with Rose.

This scene devastates me.

[pixlerelish]

My toxic trait is that no matter what I need three hours to myself at the end of the day to do absolutely nothing.

[jimmysownworld]

yuna getting really lovely, thoughtful, sometimes extravagant mothers day and birthday gifts from ilya never really understanding why hes going through all this effort even if she does appreciate it and thinks hes so so sweet for it all, even after the boys tell her and david about ilyas mother and the irina foundation it doesnt fully click for a while. it only comes together on some random day, ilya has a game later that night and he’s had lunch with yuna and david planned for a while and he shows up with the good vodka david likes and this small package of candies that ilya hands to her very shyly for the first time probably in his life, definitely since shes known him, and he explains with shaking hands that they were his mama’s favorite, and it was her birthday today.

yuna feels her heart break a little bit when he tells her that she would have been younger than her, maybe too young for how old her children are considering he had an older brother, but he thought about his mama when he was happy in the hollander home, and wanted to share his mamas favorite candy with the woman who was mama to his favorite person in the world. like they got to meet, in a way. and yuna realizes very suddenly that he does the birthdays and mothers days for both her and irina because she is the closest thing he has to a mother, and she looks at him and realizes with it that he is in some ways still 12, finding his mother, and she has never met a little boy so tall and tired when she pulls him into a hug and doesnt let go till david suggests they get inside for lunch.