Hollander, You are having panic attack!

22 // Hollanov Blog // Cliff Marleau Truther // Hayden Pike Anti // I make all my own edits // Header by @Ilyarozanvos // I follow from @Dollarbillkirill

[sunshinehollander24]

IlyaTheBipolar ➡️ SunshineHollander24

[ladystromboli]

Cliff Marleau is like have you seen this terrible movie. Ilya is like I don't watch shit. Cliff puts on The Room and Ilya has never been so confused in his life. Halfway through he texts Shane like please save me from this nightmare. The movie ends and Ilya is in shock that something is so bad. The next day Cliff comes into the locker room "give me my fucking money Denny!" Ilya cracks up and then Cliff scores a hat trick that night. Ilya is now forced to watch the movie every night before a game for like a month with Cliff until he doesn't score in a game. By the end of the month Ilya is just sending Shane vague quotes from The Room. When they finally see each other Ilya just goes "I like your pecs" with a tie around his head and Shane is certain Ilya has a concussion.

[gaynehollander]

If there's one thing Shane is surprisingly knowledgable on it's beef in the rap and hip hop world because Ilya is Invested and takes Hard Sides and will just constantly bring it up at home.

Shane ends up being the one to explain the Drake vs. Kendrick feud to Hayden (who came into it cold when Not Like Us got huge). JJ started explaining it to him but, honestly, he was doing a bad job at it and Shane has heard Ilya rant about this for months now, every time there was a new development, so he takes over and Hayden and JJ both just stare at him in blank shock.

The veterans on the Centaurs ask Shane to explain the Cardi B trial because Ilya got too worked up over it and started speaking Russian when they asked him.

They watched the entire four-part documentary on Diddy that 50 Cent produced and Shane now gleefully tells people that 50 did an in-depth interview on ABC, specifically because that's one of the few channels shown in prisons (yes, Ilya made him watch the interview and cackled beside him the entire time).

During them watching that series, Shane asked Ilya "who's that?" when Biggie Smalls came up on screen for the first time. Shocked and appalled, Ilya played Shane Biggie and Tupac's entire catalogues and showed him several video essays covering the East Coast–West Coast hip hop rivalry.

After that, "I've been in this game for years, it made me an animal It's rules to this shit, I wrote me a manual" from the Ten Crack Commandments becomes almost a stim line for Shane, he'll be saying it under his breath in the locker room, on the ice, or even while cooking dinner.

[vesnuszki]

crucially shane knows very well the telltale signs of ilya entering two pump chump mode (the slight rise of the pitch of his voice, the shaky grip on his hips, that one specific tone of groan) and it activates brat behaviour like a sleeper agent and while shane doesn’t typically talk much shit in bed, the moment he knows ilya is in it, he cannot stop talking ooh yeah baby want you to ruin that hole, want to feel you for days, no one fucks me like you do, you were made to make me cum baby

hard times for quickshot ilya rozanov

[rozanovshane]

some homophobic hockey player: hey hollander! *slur slur slur slur*

shane: yeah i can see why your kids went no contact [skates away]

[pregnanthudsonwilliams]

ilya sending shane a bouquet of lilies on his birthday every year after they first hook up just to get shane's reaction. why the fuck would you think it's okay to send me flowers. knowing how angry kitten shane would look. how it would get under his skin and make him pretend he didn't want to keep seeing ilya but in truth he's jerking off to those flowers. maybe he even saves one from every bouquet. he doesn't know why. they make his skin prickle and flush with the secret. they're not even signed, nobody would know except shane. but what if they found out. it's so hot and it shouldn't be. why is it so hot? and then the tuna meltdown happens and he starts dating rose and his birthday comes around and there are no flowers. no lilies magically appear on his counter where the housekeeper put them when they were delivered. and shane. shane breaks down. opens and closes his texts from lily about a hundred times. even starts typing a couple times. considers sending a picture of his gifts and saying "somethings missing" or maybe a picture of one of the flowers he's saved from years prior. but he can't. he can't. and now he's alone in his room on his birthday crying over flowers he didn't get and he can't even talk to anyone about it

[gloryhollanovjah]

#maybe he gets the old ones out#jerks off looking at them and thinking about one of his favorite times with ilya#and he's just thinking about his big gentle hands and the way his face looked when he pushed in#and he comes and he cries some more#and when they're at the cottage. he tells ilya that he was sad he didn't get flowers that year#not to guilt him just to be like hey. i missed you. i missed that.#and ilya sends him so many lilies the week after he leaves#they just keep coming#maybe once a day for a couple weeks#the rest of the time that he knows shane will be at the cottage#and shane feels so loved and taken care of#and it heals something in him#and he's gonna keep a flower from every one of those bouquets

[vesnuszki]

conversely to that image of ilya being asked what it’s like being married to a faggot (very awesome), shane is asked what it’s like to be married to a manwhore, to which he responds with a picture of ilya he’s taken on their honeymoon, hot pink drink with an umbrella in his hand, sun-kissed skin and fluffy hair, floral shirt unbuttoned, sweaty six pack peeking through, short short shorts riding up his massive thighs, and he’s sprawled on a sunbed not giving a single shit about anything except for the man taking the picture (what do you think? 😍👍)

[lavenderprose]

[Cliff Marleau voice] So your mom named you Connor Connors??

[Connor Connors voice] Nah Connors is my step-dad's name. I was eight when my mom married him and he'd been my dad for as long as I could remember so I wanted to change my last name to his too. She tried to talk me out of it but I was a pretty stubborn kid.

[Ilya Rozanov voice] So you. You did this to yourself, Connie.

[Connor Connors voice] Yeah :)

[c24c24]

Ilya after an Ottawa vs Boston game “Sorry boys, I can’t go out tonight. The old ball and chain wants me home.”

“…You mean Hollzy?”

“First of all, Shane would never chain me down, he picks me up he is the wind beneath my wings. He is the light of my life my moon and my stars. He doesn’t bring me down, he raises me up. Don’t you dare ever fucking suggest that again. I meant Cliff Marlow. We’re cooking him dinner.”

[gayhockeyshow]

Actually Mr. and Mrs. Hollander I know you think I am the slutty one but your son regularly begs me to fuck him so hard that he cries so. Thank you for pasta

[deletiaclementine]

For Shane, there’s no one on earth who could be good enough for him except Ilya. It’s a forgone conclusion. It’s obvious

For Ilya, he’s willing to spend the rest of his life proving to Shane he can approach good enough for him if he tries, tries, tries

[hardlyhinged]

Listen. I think in a far off distant world where Hollanov does switch, the dynamics are still very much the same if not even more prominent.

Like Shane “hole of all time” Hollander is Not Happy. Not only is he being left entirely empty but now he’s also having to think and use his dick with any level of skill (a dick Ilya has called “useless” multiple times so what the hell is this nonsense). But Ilya has this cocky look on his face and is feeling him up while still pushing Shane around any way he wants him, and Shane’s never done this before, at least not well, so of course he has to go along and listen to everything Ilya tells him to do.

And yes, Ilya is physically on the bottom but he’s never held so much control over Shane. His sweet little slut who needs him to tell him what to do, how to move and hold himself, where to put his big “useless” cock. It’s a whole new dynamic for Ilya to break Shane down, degrade him and send him reeling, hanging on every word until Ilya builds him back up exactly how he wants him. Needy and desperate, still falling into that same foggy obedience all for Ilya.

It would honestly look like Shane was the one being fucked, with how he’s whimpering and crying into every thrust, if not for the filthy reminders Ilya is giving to keep moving his hips, sink in right to the base, hit that spot inside like a good boy. And even still Ilya is grabbing Shane’s hair, forcing eye contact and kissing Shane dizzy, caged in by squeezing thighs and pressing arms. The way Shane is looking up, grasping Ilya’s waist with trembling hands, it’s so obvious who’s really being used.

[allesfresser]

Snuggle bugs 🐞

[cliff-marleaus-left-toe]

[itskurwanumber5]

Oh no Ilya doesn't find Shane folding his clothes hot. He thinks it's adorable. He's giddy. Because this dumb fuck has a fucking crush.

He has a crush and he's not even aware for fuck's sake.

[academicblorbo]

Everyone: omg Hollander leash your dog, Ilya is barking at opponent hockey players again

Shane Enabler Hollander: ok so Ilyusha this player has had zero assists in the entire season, he got drafted last, and finally - and this is crucial - he once scored a goal in his own team's net

Ilya Heart Eyes Rozanov: thank you my ShaneWiki this is valuable data, off I go

[sweet-potatoes05]

DIABOLICAL