flora

22 | she/her a museum of my interests and hyperfixations

[bitchass97]

My Shane is an enabler. He’s gonna roll his eyes and tell ilya to fuck himself, but he loves that shit. He’s icing Ilya injuries after a fight barely hiding the fact that he found it funny. He’s providing information for chirps. He’s joining in on the fun cause he loves his husband. Idk man I just don’t think Shane, who fell in love with the NHLs biggest asshole is gonna be annoyed when he’s being an asshole.

[lavenderprose]

Sometimes when Ilya is having a not so great day he sends Shane a dick pic because he knows it will give him a boost of serotonin to see those three dots bounce for an obnoxious amount of time only to get some fuckass response like "Ok" or "You can't send me that without warning" and then Ilya will say "You like?" and Shane will say "Yeah." WITHOUT FAIL. It's their little fucked up version of a kiss on the cheek.

[grabmyboner]

ilya rozanov type shit

[janehollandeer]

hollanov text history is like. short domestic conversation. nude. nude. comment about a game/player. nude. game pigeon. nude. instagram reel. sweet exchange. the filthiest sext ever written in history. hockey something. nude

[darlingofdots]

they don't really use pet names when they're around other people but their teammates learn very quickly that there is ilya (positive) and ilya (negative) and rozanov (fuck yeah that was fucking gorgeous) and rozanov (if you do not shut the fuck up immediately i swear to fucking good) and shane (adoring) and shane (sad) and hollander (that's how you fucking do it!) and hollander (sit your fucking ass down or we will have a problem) and these distinctions are way more important to keep track of than the five times a month hollander calls cap "baby" and cap's face goes all sappy

[probablily]

thing is i dont think the heated rivalry fandom is uniquely bad its just Big. there's more bad apples bc theres More apples

[pookieshane]

love is stored in the forehead touch

[argillaforma]

a day with at the beach for hollanov looks like this

- shane packs all the sunscreen and towels ilya packs snacks

- shane lathers ilya in sunscreen part 1

- ilya goes in the water immediately after which means he is no longer lathered in sunscreen

- shane lathers ilya in sunscreen part 2

- “let me put sunscreen on you too solnyshko” “i already put sunscreen on” “yes but i want to touch you now turn around”

- they make a big fucking sand castle to one up the kids making a sand castle

- ilya buys a popsicle and not so subtly deepthroats it in front of shane who rolls his eyes

- they both get in the water and compete in who can swim the fastest

- ilya pretends to be a shark and tackles shane

- shane lathers ilya in sunscreen part 3 and ilya may or may not get a boner about it

- shane complains about sand the entire day because it is a sensory nightmare

[februarytrash]

being sad and horny is a privilege

[ilyapasta]

So I think the way you know you suck at hockey (at the professional level, I know no one in the NHL actually sucks) is if you’re playing poorly and Shane Hollander is still nice to you. “You you did good out there, man. No sweat.” He’s mean to the players who have potential (“What the FUCK were you thinking Haas?”), or the really good players fucking up on bad nights. He doesn’t even talk to his husband out at Monks after Rozanov missed his pass on the power play (“I set it up perfectly for you, Ilya, if you’d just admit it then maybe I could help you fix it for next time—“) but he’s asking you about the kids and where you go for Christmas. You’re never getting off the fourth line bud. Actually, Hollander just bought you a beer, which means you’ll be back in the minors next week.

[regainingparadise]

OP you read my mind. I’ve been thinking all week that Shane is like that meme of Gordon Ramsey with kids vs Gordon Ramsey with adults

I mean, Shane is going to express himself wildly differently from Ramsey lol. But if you’re someone who Should Know Better and you play hockey badly, he’s going to murder you with his brain. If you suck but are a cocky shit, he’s gonna put you in your place. But if you are Doing Your Actual Best, he’ll privately think you should be sent down to the AHL and he definitely doesn’t want you on his line, and he might forget you exist sometimes, but he’s not gonna be cruel to you about it.

(He’s very polite and supportive about Rose’s brothers who never achieved hockey success. Wow✨ he almost got into the AHL✨ that’s great!✨ he tells Rose magnanimously)

[ilyapasta]

@nyxlyx okay NOW i’m adding your brilliant tags to the CORRECT post jfc. Time to get off tumblr. But what I was saying is that it’s sending me that Luca is essentially like “if you like Tanner Dillon So Much Then Why Don’t You Marry Him!”

[sheerqueer]

George Thomas Georgiadis - Young Man on the Sofa in a Moment of Relaxation

Oil on canvas

[oneheadtoanother]

[maybe-flora]

to finish off my mild We Could Be So Good hyperfixation, i made Nick and Andy's apartment cuz the vibes i pictured based off the description were just too precise and perfect. sorry this is filmed like it's 2007, this was originally just meant to send to a friend but then i figured why not put it here too

[maybe-flora]

btw this is the mental image I have of andy and nick from we could be so good

(nick's haircut would probably be a little more conventional but you get the gist lol)

[mutinsfromthemoon]

shane and ilya are genuinely best friends and they act like it. so on their honeymoon, they’re at the beach playing some beach tennis and then betting who could reach the ocean first, and they competing who’s the fastest swimmer, and playing around, and throwing each other in the water, and chasing each other, having an absolute blast. then going back to their recliners to chill and drink some water and a group of girls comes up to them “we’re watching you guys from afar. you guys are so athletic, do you work out a lot?” and shane replies “we professional athletes so we need to keep up our form” and the group let out a oooh “are you both single?” one of them asks and ilya chuckle “no, we aren’t single, it’s our honeymoon actually” and the girls were like “oh my god, of course a beautiful pair is together” “we’re not going to disrupt you guys anymore” as they’re walking away one of them says “there’s not straight hot guys anymore” and ilya and shane look at each other and lose it laughing. but now they’re acting like an annoying couple at the beach so there’s no doubt about the nature of their relationship

[shaneposting]

ilya is absolutely a ‘would u still love me if i was a worm’ boyfriend but unfortunately he’s also a ‘how long would i have to be in a coma for before you stopped visiting me every day’ boyfriend. every night just as shane is about to get to sleep he will be Asked A Question. it might be silly. it might be miserable. the only guarantee is that it will not be the kind of thing he wants to answer when he’s this close 🤏 to being asleep

[assiraphales]

anyways (I say this as someone who is deeply critical of the united states government, military, unchecked capitalism, police, etc) I am SICK of people treating america as if it has no cultural value or positives so….. I love u 85 million acres (bigger than italy) of national parks. I love u harlem renaissance. I love u groundhogs day. I love u sweet tea and fried chicken and jambalaya. I love u apple cider donuts and maizes on crisp autumn days. I love u 95k miles of coastlines and new england fisherman and hand knitted sweaters. I love u halloween where millions of people dress up and give candy to strangers and carve jack o’lanterns. I love u small talk and small towns and potlucks and bringing over casseroles to your struggling neighbors. I love u cowboys and ranch hands and arizonian cactus. I love u appalachian trail and dirtbikes and divebars. I love u sparklers and fireflies. I love u mark twain and toni morrison and emily dickinson and henry david thoreau. I love u rock n roll i love u bluegrass and hippies i love u jimi hendrix and nirvana and CCR and janis joplin. I love u victorian houses and jonny appleseed and john henry and mothman and bigfoot. I love u foggy days in the pacific northwest and neon signs and roadside attractions. I love u baseball and 1950s diners and soft serve. I love u native american art and pop art and poptarts. I love u blue jeans and barbecues and jazz musicians 

[assiraphales]

I would genuinely love to hear what a resident of china or russia loves about their home bc I’m not a fucking bigot and I know a government doesn’t define a culture but thanks for ur exposing yourself babe xoxo