So...I got shit to say...bear with me. đ
So, here's my thesis: Straight men don't understand the sex in Ilya and Shane's relationship nor the important role that it plays in that relationship, and they also like Scott and Kip better because their relationship is the closest the show comes to the traditional rom com archetypes of "male" and "female" dynamics.
A few disclaimers immediately:
1. Of course, this does not apply to ALL straight men.
2. I've seen a few straight women have similar reactions.
3. I love Scott and Kip. I loved episode 3 and wept unabashedly when Scott calls Kip down to the ice in episode 5. Likewise, I am in NO WAY trying to imply that *I* believe that Kip is the "female" and Scott is the "male" in that relationship. They are both cis gendered men, who identify (or seem to) as cis gendered men.
Straight men, particularly ones for whom mlm romance is brand new, who are watching the show simply because EVERYONE is watching the show, find it much easier to "get behind" Kip and Scott because their story more closely resembles the traditional male/female dynamic of most romance.
For example, Scott is physically larger than Kip, Scott makes a lot more money than Kip, Scott is more broody than Kip, Kip is more nurturing than Scott, Kip is "waiting at home" when Scott gets back from work, there are just little things like this in their relationship which makes it easier for straight men to digest. They can understand it easier.
Also, the sex between Scott and Kip is straight forward from the start, relatively vanilla (no dom/sub kink even hinted at) and very romantic, making it much more digestible for straight men. *Again, please don't think I'm bothered by this - I love Skip's story, and I love the ease and openness of their feelings for each other.*
I'm simply using Skip as the counter to Hollonov. Many of the straight male reactors and reactions I've seen, despite their best efforts sometimes, are uncomfortable at the sex between Shane and Ilya.
The sex between Ilya and Shane is intricate, detailed, deep, complicated, communicative, and changes drastically over the course of S1, for those who are paying attention. Unfortunately a lot of straight men don't pay very close attention to the gay sex because it makes them uncomfortable. I understand that to a certain extent - this is sex that they almost NEVER see portrayed in media. And no matter how accepting or open-minded they WANT to be, a lot of these grown men have been subtly and not-so-subtly told their whole lives that sex between men is taboo - that sex between men in and of itself is kinky. So, it makes them uncomfortable even if they try hard not to feel that way.
(I actually saw two straight male reactors say that HR is "SO much worse than GoT even." when in reality, GoT is full of violent sex, r*pe, inc*st, female degradation, and so many other very questionable sexual scenarios. But...you know, it isn't loving, intimate, consensual sex between two men, so whatever, they're good with it. đ)
It's much easier for these men to accept and sort of tune out the sex between Scott and Kip. Their sex scenes are sweet and sexy, but they don't inform the couple the way sex between Shane and Ilya does. So, the straight men watching don't need to pay close attention...it's just sex within a relationship, something they've seen lots before in heterosexual romance stories.
When you don't pay attention to the sex between Shane and Ilya, however, you miss a LOT of story telling, you miss a LOT of characterization, you miss a LOT of their love story. This leads many straight men to, by episode 4, brush off Ilya and Shane's relationship as shallow and merely physical.
It's also why so many of them seem shocked by the feelings that are expressed by the boys in episode 5. I've seen many of them claim that it felt like their confessions just "came out of nowhere".
After Shane and Ilya's sex on the couch ended in episode 4, another straight male reactor said that, "as a viewer, I'm so done with this failure to connect", COMPLETELY missing the whole point of the scene - the fact that they connected so deeply and let their guards down so completely that it scared the shit out of Shane and made him run. (most of these same people, also don't notice that Shane and Ilya say their first names for the first time here too - again because they weren't paying attention, they were trying to disassociate from the gay sex.)
A lot of these same people (though I've seen a few straight women and one queer women not get this part either) never seem to understand the gentle dom/sub dynamics within Shane and Ilya's relationship. One straight female reactor said that Ilya was "barking orders at Shane" and "threatening him" during the Vegas scene in episode 2. Um...ma'am...does it LOOK like Shane feels threatened? đ€Šââïž I think he's good.
Anyway, all this rambling is just to say that I'm so grateful and happy that this amazing show has broadened people's views, taught some people more about taboo subjects, and opened the door to more mainstream acceptance of gay love and gay sex.
But there's still a long way to go and I wish people, (and straight men in particular) would open their minds a bit further and try to better understand sex and love that appears in a form they may not have seen before.
Lastly, not all media is meant for all people. If sex scenes *truly* make you uncomfortable, for one reason or another, either don't watch the show, or skip those scenes, but try to find an analysis of the scenes that will explain the point of what happens in them, otherwise you won't be able to understand the story.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.